CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE: TOUCH

There's a love between us still
But something's changed and I don't know why
And all I want to do is go home with you
But I know I'm out of my mind

I want to touch you but I'm too late
I want to touch you but there's history
I can't believe that it's been three years
Now when I see you, it's so bittersweet

You want to touch me but you're too late
You want to touch me but there's too much history
Starting to live the lies we tell ourselves
I only need you to be friends with me

I've never felt so close
But now I know it's over
And all I want to do is go home with you
But I know I'm out of my mind

He'd calculated the risks of telling Diggle about his nighttime activities, but it'd been a risk nonetheless. When the police hadn't shown up at his doorstep after he'd let the man go home with nothing but a stitched up bullet-wound, Oliver was sure that his secret was safe, but the question remained if Diggle was going to join his crusade or not.

Life went on, names were crossed of the list and things were quiet until about a week after the shooting at the exchange building.

"Just to be clear, I'm not signing on to be a sidekick." Diggle said, arms crossed over his chest. Oliver nodded.

They were in the main living area of the Queen Mansion. Diggle had come to him early that morning, knowing that the house would be empty.

"But you're right." He said, looking around the room for a moment before his gaze found Oliver again. "Fighting for this city needs to be done, and you're gonna do this with or without me."

"Yeah." Oliver shrugged, quirking up an eyebrow.

Diggle rolled his eyes and… was that a smile he saw tugging at his lips? "But with me, there'll be fewer casualties, including you."

Eyebrows knitting together, Oliver shook his head. "Diggle, I'm not looking for anybody to save me."

"Maybe not, but you need someone just the same. You are fighting a war, Queen, except you have no idea what war does to you, how it scrapes off little pieces of your soul." Diggle shook his head a little and held out his hand for Oliver to take it.

"You need someone to remind you of who you are, not this thing you're becoming."

With that, Oliver took Diggle's outstretched hand and nodded. He was right. He needed back-up, someone to help him when things got tight. He'd always hated asking for help but he couldn't deny that it was for the best. His head shot up as he could hear the faint sounds of sirens in the distance, getting closer and thus louder by the second.

"You hear those sirens?" He asked.

Diggle frowned in confusion, answer enough. The sirens were getting louder and as the look on Diggle's face changed, Oliver knew that he could hear them now too.

"They're here for me." He said calmly, the expression Diggle was sporting only intensifying.

"The vigilante popped up right after I came home. It wasn't gonna take long before someone was going to put one and one together. I sped up the process."

"What did you do?" Diggle asked, eyebrows knit together.

Oliver shook his head. "Doesn't matter. I have a plan."

They were interrupted by the sound of banging rather than knocking on the front door. "Oliver Queen! SCPD, open the door."

Oliver shrugged at Diggle and walked towards the foyer. Raisa had gotten to the door before he could, ending up being pushed out of the way roughly. She yelped as she stumbled against the side-table, almost knocking over a priceless vase.

"What is this? You can't just barge in here." She said with her thick Russian accent.

"Yeah? Well, I got a badge and a gun that say different." Detective Lance sneered at her, unnecessarily harsh. Police officers rushed inside, walking up to where Oliver stood, pretending to be surprised.

"Hey, what the hell's going on?! Detective Lance—" His words were cut off as his arms were painfully yanked behind his back, the handcuffs closed too tight around his wrist for good measure judging by the satisfied smirking on detective Lance's face.

"Oliver Queen, you're under arrest on suspicion of obstruction of justice, aggravated assault, trespassing, acting as a vigilante and murder."

She knew he had seen her coming through the glass wall separating his office from the hallway, but she still found herself knocking twice before stepping inside Walter Steele's office. She hadn't exactly been surprised when Walter had called her up to his office, it happened a lot with her being the head of the IT-department, almost family and quite possibly the smartest person in the company.

"You wanted to see me, Walter?" She asked, closing the door behind her.

Walter looked up, seemingly surprised at her arrival, pulled from his thoughts abruptly. The crease between his eyebrows "Felicity. Ah, yes, have a seat please?"

"Is everything okay?" She asked as she sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. "I'm not getting fired am I? I don't think I need to make a case about how I am the single most valuable member of your IT-department but I will."

"No, no, you're not getting fired. I called you up here because I wanted you to look into something for me."

Felicity raised an eyebrow.

"A variance of two million dollars."

He handed her a file. Once she opened it, she found a bunch of numbers, one standing out in particular because of the bright neon yellow used to mark it.

"Six million on a failed investment from 3 years ago." Felicity muttered as she looked over the transactions.

"It was authorized by my wife." Walter said. "I was hoping you could find out some of the details of the transaction for me."

"Find out?" Felicity asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Dig up discreetly." Walter said. The reality and urgency of the situation started to dawn on her. Walter was asking her to spy on Moira. The woman who had practically raised her. She knew enough about the Queens that there had always been things that had been kept hidden from her and Oliver, things she knew she should question, but never did. She had trusted Robert and Moira to keep their family safe, and they almost always did. That didn't mean that now that even Walter was having doubts, she wasn't going to help him, even if it was to prove him wrong.

"I'm your girl." She said. "I mean, I'm not your girl, I wasn't making a pass at you."

Walter chuckled and smiled softly. "Thank you, Felicity."

She nodded shortly before closing the file. "Thank you for not firing me."

With a nod from Walter, Felicity turned to leave and she got halfway to the door when Walter's phone rang. With her mind already going five hundred miles an hour over the missing two million, Walter called her name.

"Felicity! Hold on a second please."

With a confused frown, Felicity turned on her heel to see an expression on Walter's face that she had never, ever seen there before. Quite frankly she didn't know how to describe it but a mixture of shock, disbelief, horror and worry. Felicity looked at him curiously, taking a few steps back towards his desk as he finished up on the call, nodding and agreeing and saying he would be there, wherever that was, as soon as possible. He hung up, tossed the phone on his desk haphazardly and sighed.

"Oliver got arrested."

His words didn't quite register, but she could hear her lips pop as her mouth fell open. Her mind went blank, and that was rare. She didn't even realize she'd asked a question until she heard Walter's answer.

"They think he's the vigilante."

She was out the door in a matter of seconds, hurrying back to her office to get her coat and bag and go to the station demanding answers. At the last second, she changed her mind. Instead of going straight to the station, she bee-lined her way to CNRI.

"Oliver got arrested and I need you to take his case." Was the first thing she blurted out the moment Laurel was within hearing range. Laurel's greeting smile was quickly replaced with a confused frown.

"Wow, wow, wow. Slow down!" Laurel said, putting her hands on Felicity's upper arms. Felicity took a deep, wavering breath. Her hands were itching to hit something.

"Oliver was arrested this morning." She whispered.

"For what?"

Felicity pursed her lips. "Suspicion of vigilantism."

Laurel's mouth fell open as the words began to dawn on her. "You've got to be kidding me. Oliver? The Vigilante that's been terrorizing the one percenters?"

"I know, right? I need you to take his case and prove he's innocent."

Laurel nodded. "I'll do it. But why me? Don't the Queens have like super important and expensive lawyers for this kind of thing?"

"Yeah, they do. But you're the only one I trust with this." Felicity sighed. "Ever since he came back… I just…" Felicity looked down at her hands, twisting her fingers nervously. Ever since Oliver came back, things have been different. Oliver had told her about some of the things he went through and that made her even more worried about him. She knew he hadn't told her everything. Not yet, but she just didn't trust the Queen family lawyers to handle this case with the care it deserved. They worked for the money, not because they cared for the family's wellbeing. If she was quite honest she thought they won most their cases by playing dirty. This wouldn't be like that. She wouldn't allow it and she would fight the Queen matriarch for it herself.

"Shh. It's okay." Laurel whispered, pulling her friend in for a hug. "I'll take care of this, I promise."

"Thank you." She replied with a weak smile, blinking away the tears in her eyes. "I can't lose him again."

Desperate to prove his innocence, Oliver agreed to do a polygraph, much to Laurel's displeasure. She'd taken on the case as a favor to Felicity and a stubborn client wasn't exactly what she thought she'd agreed to. Oliver couldn't blame her for getting mad at him for that decision especially because he hadn't listened to her objections. It surprised him that she'd stayed, helping him through the questioning despite her annoyance.

"Is your name Oliver Queen?" Detective Lance began. Oliver nodded. "Yes."

"Were you born in Starling City May 16th, 1985?" "Yes."

"Is your hair blue?" The detective asked sarcastically. "No." Oliver replied, sighing softly.

"Have you ever been to Iron Heights prison?" Oliver shook his head. "No."

Detective Lance held up the police sketch that had first been made after Oliver's initial report after the kidnapping attempt on him and Felicity. "Are you the man in this picture?"

He shook his head again. "No."

Lance squinted, pursing his lips. "You steal 40 million dollars off Adam Hunt?"

"No, I didn't." Oliver sighed.

"Were you marooned on an island called Lian Yu for 5 years?" "Yes."

"How is that even relevant?" Laurel asked in her attorney voice.

Detective Lance harrumphed at his daughter, squinting his eyes again. "I don't need to show relevance, but since you asked, whatever happened to your… client" He spat out the word with venom on his tongue. "…on that island turned him into a cold blooded killer."

"The physician that examined you reported that you're covered in scar tissue."

Oliver glared at the man, his jaw tightening at the memories of exactly how he got those scars. "The machine won't work unless you ask a question." He muttered.

"Did that happen to you there?" "Yes."

"When you came back, you told everyone that you were alone on that island. Are you claiming that your scars were Self-inflicted?" "No."

"I wasn't alone." The room fell silent except for the humming of the polygraph machine. Laurel stopped breathing while the detective's eyebrows knit together.

Oliver looked down at his hands. "I didn't want to talk about what happened to me on the island."

"Why not?" Lance pressured.

The air got stuck in his throat and Oliver had to take a deep breath to stay calm at the awful memories assaulting his brain. "Because the people that were there tortured me." He said, quieter than before.

"Have you killed anyone?"

Oliver took a labored breath and nodded. "Yes. In self-defense."

Lance glanced at the technician operating the machine. "I'd have to study the data, but just eyeballing it, he's telling the truth."

"Hmm."

Laurel closed the file she had lying on the table and crossed her arms over her chest. "Can I assume that you'll be recommending Ms. Spencer to drop all charges against my client?" She asked her father.

"No." Lance shook his head. "I know a guilty man when I see one. He is guilty, whether you can see it or not." He spat out.

Oliver got bailed out for five million dollars and an ankle bracelet with a GPS tracker.

"Mueller's car has been parked in the warehouse district of the Glades for 45 minutes." He said as Diggle entered his room that night. Just because he couldn't leave his home didn't mean his mission could be put on hold. He'd been tracking Leo Mueller for a while now. He was German arms dealer, suspected in the theft of a hundred M249 Squad Automatic Weapons and the night before he had arrived in Starling City to sell the guns.

"Yeah, that's a good place for an arms deal." Diggle said nonchalantly

"Ok, since this is going down tonight, what do we do, drop a dime on Mueller with the cops?"

Oliver shook his head, leaning back in his chair. "No, the man in the Hood. He's going to stop them."

Diggle frowned. "Oliver, you can't leave the house."

Oliver quirked an eyebrow at the older man. "It doesn't have to be me in the hood."

His implication seemed to dawn on him then. Diggle's frown made place for a look of surprise and back to an even more serious frown. "That's why you got yourself arrested? So you'd have the stupid ankle bracelet placing you here at the house while I'm supposed to be across town dressed as a vigilante?"

Oliver shrugged. "I thought that it was going to be good enough just for you to be seen in the hood."

He sat up straight in his chair, gesturing at his computer screen. "I didn't count on Mueller showing up and I didn't count on the possibility that the Glades could be flooded with machine guns."

Dig averted his gaze, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Look…I promise, it was never my intention to put you in harm's way." Oliver said.

"Oliver, I didn't think joining your crusade was ever going to be risk-free." He ran a hand over his face and sighed. "I just don't like being played."

Diggle scoffed and shook his head. "Now you might have gotten used to lying to everyone else in your life, but I'm the one guy you don't lie to."

"You're right. I'm sorry."

The older man nodded slowly in acceptance.

"So am I going to jail?" Oliver asked.

"No, man." Diggle shook his head again, looking down at his hands. "I got to stop an arms deal."

Felicity was about to knock on Oliver's bedroom door when Diggle opened it from the other side. She yelped, putting her hand over her mouth, a fist raised in the air as she almost bumped into him.

"Oh! Sorry, I didn't know you were here. Did I interrupt something?" She apologized quickly.

His lips twitched in a tiny smile like she'd noticed they always did and shook his head. "No problem, Miss Merlyn, he's all yours."

Diggle stepped out of the doorway, gesturing that she could go inside. Taking a deep breath, Felicity watched him walk down the corridor before stepping inside the room. She looked around, the place was still the same except for the signs that someone had been living here for the first time in five years. The towel on the bed. the leather jacket thrown over the back of the couch.

"Hey." Oliver said, casually leaning back in his desk chair. His smile faltered when he saw the serious look on her face.

"Hi" She replied, closing the door behind her.

"Everything okay?" Oliver asked, his eyebrows knitting together.

Felicity walked further into the room, running her fingers across the back of the couch. She hadn't been in this room for months. She liked to come here to think, mostly about Oliver, but for a while now, she hadn't had the time. Moira had never changed anything inside, which kept his memory alive, however painful it was. The room was cleaned just like the others, but never used except for Felicity's sporadic visits. She kept quiet for as long as she could, mentally preparing herself for the conversation she was about to have with him.

She nodded slowly. "Yeah, It's just... we need to talk."

Frowning, Oliver stood up, pushing himself out of the chair and walked over to where she was standing.

"Laurel told me about the polygraph." She said. His frown intensified.

"Don't worry. She didn't give any details, client confidentiality and all, but she suggested I talk to you."

Oliver didn't say anything but averted his gaze to the floor. Felicity tipped her head to the side just a little to look at him before she continued.

"So, naturally, I started thinking about everything you've told me, and I realized something."

"What's that?" Oliver asked.

Felicity took a deep breath and looked him in the eye for a long moment. "Your mother told me that there were scars. Can I see them?"

"Are you sure?" Oliver asked quietly.

Felicity nodded, breath hitching in her throat. They were so close, standing about a foot apart and she could feel the heat radiating off of him. Oliver slowly unbuttoned his shirt, his fingers almost trembling, jaw tensing up and she could swear she saw him swallow before revealing his torso littered with puckered flesh and dark ink. Slowly, Felicity reached out, pulling the blue fabric to the side as she looked at him. The star tattoo on the right, the angry scratched just below it. The burn on his left, the Chinese words down his abs. The bite-like mark on the opposite side. With a ragged breath and shaky fingers, Felicity traced the long diagonal scar just below his pecs.

"That was the first one." He muttered.

When she looked up again, he was a lot closer than she expected. His eyes bore into hers, her breath catching in her throat and she was unable to move. She was trying to find some clue hidden in his eyes telling her that she was imagining things, that her assumptions had been incorrect. She found none.

"You're him, aren't you? You're the vigilante." She muttered after a long moment, barely above a whisper. Oliver's expression of mock-surprise didn't fool her. She sighed.

"I'm not an idiot, Oliver." She said, clutching his shirt a little tighter in her fist without even realizing she was doing it.

She averted her gaze, eyes lingering on the messy black ink embedded into his skin, a finger absentmindedly trailing along marred flesh and pursed her lips for a moment. "You've dropped some fairly ridiculous lies on me, and still I decided to trust you, but I can't deny the facts that keep piling up."

Felicity looked up at him again, their faces mere inches apart. She could see the defeat in his eyes. She knew it was true.

"That knife throw was pretty impressive." He whispered, hand coming up to cup her elbow.

A nervous laugh escaped from her lips. She ducked her head, forehead leaning against his chest. All her nerves seemed to drain out of her body, leaving nothing but pride and hope and trust and love. Oliver's arms tightened around her, a hand moving to the nape of her neck

For a moment, Felicity thought maybe he would be angry or upset and would distance himself from her again, but he wasn't. He just held her and pressed a kiss to her hair. Felicity looked up, meeting his gaze in curiosity. She couldn't figure out what was going on inside his head and it was making her crazy. He used to be an open book to her. She thought she saw his eyes darken but it may have just been the dim lighting combined with their closeness. Involuntarily, her tongue darted out to wet her lips at the sight.

"Felicity…" He murmured. "I wanted to tell you, I promise you. I was scared. I don't want you to get hurt in the crossfire."

Felicity shook her head a little, reaching up to cup his cheek. "I get it. You don't need to apologize."

He smiled weakly at her, moving his hand to brush some hair out of her face, thumb softly stroking her cheekbone. Felicity let her hand fall back to his chest, right over his heart. It was beating hard and fast, his skin hot against the palm of her hand.

"I love you, Felicity." He whispered.

Her eyes went wide, lips falling open of their own accordance. She was eager to reciprocate the sentiment but something was holding her back. Maybe it was the sheer intensity of their closeness or that he had had taken her completely by surprise, she wasn't sure. Unintentionally, she reached up, hand coming up to the nape of his neck.

Before she could think about what was happening, he leaned down to meet her halfway, closing the remaining inches of distance between them and covered her mouth with his in a soft, slow kiss. Her eyes fell shut and she responded immediately, surprising herself. His mouth was so warm and familiar, the caress of his lips softer than she could have imagined. His hands were in her hair, holding her close as she gripped his biceps. He tasted tentatively with his tongue, and Felicity opened her mouth with a soft moan.

He'd been the one that saved her on multiple occasions, he'd been the one taking down criminals, going out in the dead of night to protect the city, risking his life for others.

Felicity's fingers ran through the short hair on the back of his head, nails scratching lightly across his scalp. She hummed against his lips as she let the kiss take her over completely, his warmth encompassing her entirely. His arm tightened around her waist, pulling her closer against him.

Pride welled up deep inside her at the thought of Oliver watching over the city like a guardian. It disappeared as soon as it bubbled up. She realized the man she loved had blood on his hands. The man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with had killed people. Her breath hitched, eyes popping open and pulling away quickly.

She put a hand over her lips, still tingling from the intimate touch they'd shared.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have." Oliver started, voice a little scratchy.

Felicity started backing away, shaking her head. "No, it's not your fault…"

She slipped from his fingers, hand dropping from her lips, meeting his gaze again. The crease between his eyebrows and the hurt look on his face almost had her change her mind.

"I should…" She gestured to the door.

Oliver tilted his head to the side in defeat and sighed. "Felicity…"

She shook her head again and turned on her heel, hurrying out of the room. The whispered "You don't have to go." Barely registered with her before she shut the door behind her again.

Felicity rushed out of the mansion. She ran into Thea on the stairs, ignoring her cheery greeting completely, leaving the teen behind with a confused look on her face.

It wasn't until she was in the safe and familiar surrounding silence of her car that she broke down to tears. She couldn't do this. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. The man she thought she knew better than anyone had been lying to her face. And that stung. Putting her arms on the steering wheel, she cried until there was no more eye make-up left to mess up.