Chapter Twelve~

The rain slammed against the windows, making the adrenaline in Regina's blood cause her already-shaking hands to shake even harder. She was packing her bags, leaving Storybrooke for good. Everything inside her ached, and she felt like she was bleeding internally.

Was she making the right decision?

She zipped her bag closed tight, making her way down the huge stairs of the mansion.

With one last lingering look, she drew in a shaky breath, opening the door and entering the storm awaiting her outside.

It did cross her mind once as she drove down the raging river the street had turned into if she should tell Emma yes. It would be simple. A lot simpler than what she was about to do. And perhaps, a tiny part of her selfish heart told her, it would in fact hurt a lot less than the pain she was about to inflict upon both of them.

She pulled the car over, parking it near the bench she knew Emma was waiting under. The rain obscured her visioin, and for a few wonderful moments Regina thought that perhaps the weather had kept Emma away. She could leave town now and Emma would never even have to know about it…. But then the headlights of a certain yellow bug caught her attention, and that joyous feeling faded, replaced by the guilt and regret of what Regina was about to do.

A drenched, blonde figure was running towards the yellow car. Regina glanced at the clock. She was ten minutes late…. Emma was probably leaving now, thinking that Regina had stood her up. If she didn't move, Emma would go home, and Regina could still sneak away without having to give Emma an answer.

It was a very tempting prospect, and for a moment Regina thought she might in fact go through with it.

And then suddenly she was opening her car door, running out into the mop of wet grass, and shouting her once-lover's name over a roar of thunder. "Emma!"

The blonde turned around, and there were those swimming eyes and raging smile that always greeted her. A long spear of guilt was suddenly lodged in Regina's lungs and she coulnd't breathe.

"I didn't think you'd make it!" said the blonde, and she seemed too happy. Regina hesitated, staying silent, her mind raging with thoughts… how was she supposed to do this? What had she planned on saying? How could she make herself break that gorgeous smile? Her mind was suddenly blank.

Emma read Regina's worried face, her own expression suddenly changing from warm to frozen.

"It's no," she said sadly, simply, so quietely Regina could barely hear her through the rain. "Your answer is no."

Regina chewed on her bright red lips for fear of what they might blurt out if she didn't control them. She wanted so terribly to change her mind and say yes. The single word roared through Regina's mind wth a desperation she had never known.

But instead, Regina nodded gently, establishing the fact that she was rejecting the poor blonde woman that stood in front of her.

There was a deadly silence which lasted eternities. Each second was death to her ears, raking its long fingers through her heart….

And then finally, Emma read Regina's mind. "Please, Reggie," she said, her voice begging and tearing at Regina's last shreds of self-control. "I know you're trying to protect me. But trust me, you can't. Please don't leave me Reggie. I need you."

"I can't," Regina said, her voice breaking, and in that instant she realized what was really going on. She was being a coward. This wasn't for Emma. She was leaving for herself. She was terrified of love, and now that it had found her she was running away from it.

"Give me a reason, Regina." Emma's voice had turned cold, bitter. "A real reason."

Regina took a shaking breath at the same moment that the earth was preparing for a deafening roar of thunder. She prepared herself to say the only words that she knew could stop this painful moment.

"Because," she said, "I don't love you."

The words were like poison. As soon as they left Regina's lips, they left a bitter, retched taste in her mouth. Her stomach burned as if she had just swallowed acid and as for her heart, it wasn't racing or beating or anything at all and Regina wasn't sure if she still had a heart left in her empty chest.

She looked into Emma's face. The hurt that she saw there was unimaginable.

Thunder screamed through the heavens, the skies being ripped apart by lightning.

For a moment, she thought she might reach out to her. She thought she might tell her she was sorry. She thought she might tell her she did in fact loved her.

But the hurt she had just caused Emma was terrifying. It ripped Regina's very soul in half.

She turned around, running back to her car, leaving Emma there breaking. She slammed the door, wrapping herself in her arms, shaking uncontrollably as she broke down into sobs.

As she cried out everything that she had left in her soul, she asked herself:

What had she just done?