A/N: Once again, I am in Italics, pupofstuff is in bold, each new paragraph is a new text, and the line breaks means a sudden change in the general subject.
So where can she fit in that?
(I'm thinking Rachel's still in her emotional upheaval, too.)
Well Dani loves Santana, more than she may care to admit at times. But Dani is terrified of her growing attachment to the group, since she can't tell if they feel the same. Dani starts to become a little more protective of Santana. She won't even accept the others being concerned about her eventually. Won't talk about the help Santana needs, that all the girls need.
Dani starts to also revert a little bit, to her old self that could be considered a bit of a player. She had grown from that long before she met Santana, but she deals with all this by barely flirting with others (including Rachel).
Okay, so Santana's struggling with thinking she's good enough and should stay, Dani's going overboard with her attention AND flirting because she wants to feel wanted and worth staying with, and Rachel's drowning in guilt because of what she's caused and how she can see everyone crumbling, and somehow, in some sick way, she's falling harder for both girls (she's finally acknowledging how she's feeling). She wants to think she can fix them, you know?
Rachel eventually decides that the best thing to do right now is to fix Santana and Dani, and ignore her own feelings.
It's Dani and Rachel who end up kissing first. In the supply closet for the diner, Dani set with the task of bringing out some supplies, Rachel tagging along, and Dani's just overcome with how flirty and supporting she's being with Rachel. So, in a moment of weakness, Rachel having leaned in or over her, allowing the scent of her shampoo to reach Dani's nose, she kisses her, arms settling on either side of her shoulders, bodies barely touching but Rachel's back is to the wall with her hands barely pressed against Dani's waist.
They stand like that for a few minutes, unmoving feeling that special spark that they aren't sure if they should feel. Dani tentatively tries to push for more, still caught up in the feeling of Rachel, but Rachel freezes and then back off. Hand covering her mouth, eyes wide with shock, Rachel runs out of the closet back to the floor.
She's a professional, so she schools her expression, brushing off Kurt's words. Inside, her mind is racing, but only allowing herself to glance at Dani and/or Santana over her shoulder, she just knows she doesn't want to be there when the truth comes out - but if Dani doesn't tell Santana by that evening, she will
That night, when everyone is at the apartment, Rachel pulls Dani aside and asks if she had told Santana yet. A look of guilt crosses Dani's face, and she admits that she doesn't know how to tell her. Rachel insists that they have to tell her, before things get out of hand. They agree to sit Santana down and tell her together.
Going back to drinking night, it eventually turns into one of those crying emotional no you can stay here PLEASE stay here we need - no, we WANT you to stay here, but it's not until, in the morning, a very bleary-eyed Kurt who's dying even before he gets to work, tells her she's going to owe them dinner for how much pain he's in because it's all her fault that she really gets it. The rest of that night had been very awkward until everyone was drunk enough to pull out the karaoke and call for a surplus of takeout, and they had all crashed on the floor, Kurt as their pillow, and Rachel falling asleep holding Santana's hand, Santana's other arm slung over Dani's waist.
Things still weren't perfect, though. There was a cloud hanging over everyone, and it seemed like everyone was walking on eggshells. Santana was still in fight or flight, Dani was flirting more and more, and Rachel herself even more into the play. And then Dani kissed her, and here we are.
Santana knows something's up, but she's not sure she could care. Things have been up for a while, and barely anything has gotten solved (even if she is seeing that therapist twice a week under the guise of 'tanning'). Kurt's bowed off to bed, Dani's about to take her leave, but Rachel's cornered her at the door, and it looks like they're quarreling softly. Concerned, but also wanting just to crawl into her bed so she can cry herself to sleep again, Santana halfheartedly asks the two what's up.
Rachel cuts Dani off, who was going to try and duck out again, and pushes the blonde back into the living space. Rachel asks Santana to please sit down on the couch, they had something to discuss with her. And of course Santana's anxiety makes her jump to the worst conclusion. After calming her down though, the three sit down, and after a minute or two of silence, Rachel is about to tell, but it's actually Dani that ends up blurting out that she kissed Rachel.
Santana flinches, then demands that Dani's CHEATING on her? No, no, Dani shakes her head, already crying, it was just a kiss, and it ended quickly. Rachel decides that her part is done, and she escapes into her partition, deciding it wouldn't help anything if she points out that Dani had tried to deepen it. She's doing her best not to listen in, putting in her earphones, and many minutes pass until suddenly, eyes red and practically vibrating with energy, Santana storms into her part.
Santana starts yelling, her words practically incomprehensible, and Rachel is frozen on her bed. What could she say to calm Santana down? Rachel gets up from her bed, slowly, and goes to put a hand on Santana's shoulder.
Rearing around, Santana's hands cut into Rachel's shoulders. "It's not fair," she's trembling, and Rachel realizes, somewhat in relief, that Santana's not blaming her - no, she's more like begging, railing that it had happened between her and Dani, and Rachel's heart is pounding, and she can't look away from Santana, and even though her brain is screaming at her, she doesn't move away when Santana kisses her.
Rachel is even more confused than when Dani kissed her, though she likes it just as much. When Santana pulls away, Rachel sees Dani over Santana's shoulder. It's confusing because when she looks at Dani, it's not anger on her face, but a mix of desire and confusion.
And… Resignation. But then guilt swirls up, and Rachel pushes Santana back. "Stop it!" she screams, "I'm not - I can't do this to you! I'm not going to be responsible for breaking you guys up, okay? I'm not!"
Dani and Santana look at Rachel in shock, because thinking about it now, breaking up had never crossed their minds. At most, they worried about a big fight. The two attempt to placate Rachel, but she isn't hearing them.
I have to disagree. Santana had been thinking about breaking up for a while, remember? And I don't see either her or Dani being calm about this at all. They'd just been fighting, all their insecurities getting snapped back and forth - Dani's flirting, Santana's keeping herself emotionally away from Dani, etc. And now, even if Santana had kissed Rachel to make it "equal" between her and Dani, it doesn't make it right, and Rachel starts to think that maybe Santana kissed her just in spite. Used her to get back and Dani, and she doesn't like that. Not at all.
I also don't think Dani would find Rachel and Santana kissing arousing at all. Especially not now. It's a slap in the face, even if it's hypocritical to think that. Santana knows how to hurt her, and this hurt her, and it's not okay. Hypocritically, it's not okay.
This night is not going to end well for these three. The idea of "three" and not just their own feelings for the other two as two separate things would come easily, especially with all the hurt flowing between them.
Basically, the way I feel is that they're just deconstructing each other and feeding, spreading their unrest among each other.
So how would they deal with it? Would this erupt into a fight? Would the three separate from each other for a while?
That's what I was trying to figure out. I mean, I can't see them baring everything now, rather, more likely, putting it off and off because getting up the nerve to talk to two instead of one one-on-one would be a tough thing to do. No, got it. Dani should go home alone and then call in sick for a week at the diner, when Rachel and Santana decide they need to go over and make sure she's all right. Pezberry should talk the next day, after they have a sleepless night (the day after the kisses).
Dani's heartbroken, jealous, and freaking out that Rachel and Santana are now together and won't want anything to do with her. Basically, she's a wreck. Mikayla will have camped out at her apartment, and answers the door when Rachel and Santana show up.
Mikayla loves all three girls, but Dani is her priority. When Santana and Rachel show up, she steps out of the doorway so Dani doesn't notice who is at the door. She questions them, needing to know why there are here. If they've come to break up with Dani, they can turn around right now, and never come back. They both insist that's not why they're there; they just need to make sure she's okay. Mikayla stares them down, and while one side of wants to keep them all separate to avoid any more pain, she also knows nothing is going to get better until someone finally talks. So she lets them in, but makes sure to point out that if they hurt Dani anymore than they already have, they will pay for it.
At this point, what have Santana and Rachel decided? That they're just going to forget the kiss ever happened, that they're still friends, or something else? I can see Dani being a priority, and Rachel would NEVER take Santana from her. Wait, I'm not even sure Rachel would admit she's attracted to Santana yet.
I don't think so either. Rachel would never want to split them up, and would much rather just forget any of this ever happened.
She can do it. There's nobility in being self sacrificing (and she doesn't REALLY feel like she has proprietary over Santana [at least not romantically], so it's different than when she'd gone after Finn when he was with Quinn), and if there's one thing about Rachel, it's that she'll be noble about love. Dantana love each other, and that's all there is to it. (The fact that she and Santana are now having random "weird" moments and shivering when they accidentally touch each other and she's not paying more attention to Santana's mouth - it really doesn't mean anything. It doesn't. [When it starts happening with Dani, too, she only doubles up on her denial. She shouldn't feel these things, so she doesn't. End of discussion.])
Dani accepts it, because she too wants to end this. Rachel leaves them alone so the two can make up. But when those things happen to the others as well, Santana and Dani sink into denial as well.
Rachel goes out for coffee with Mikayla, but she only makes it half an hour before she breaks down in front of her. Mikayla's just so non-judgmental and calm, sweet, and she'd easily switched to talking about the play. But Rachel's overwhelmed, and she only makes it five minutes into her explanation of how her rehearsals are going that she's suddenly crying. It's mortifying. They're in the coffee shop, tucked away in the corner near the fireplace (because cafés with fireplaces are cool), and she's crying.
(I'm pretty sure they're warm. ;p) Mikayla is kinda lost, but she tries to comfort Rachel and find out what is wrong, what is causing this breakdown.
(Hush you. XD) I'm not sure how much Rachel would admit. She's just heartbroken and devastated and no matter that she tells herself she's doing the right thing, it still hurts.
She may tell Mikayla that she's lonely, and a little lost with her feelings, but definitely not everything. And then Mikayla would inadvertently give her the perfect advice.
Which would be…?
Telling her that she can't hold back, that she needs to be completely honest with herself and others, because otherwise nothing will ever happen. If it's good or bad, at least it's moving forward.
I like that. I think she should still wait a week, for herself and for wanting to see how the girls are doing.
Yeah, Rachel is still hesitant to talk to them, but eventually decides to just go for it. She asks the girls to come over/be there for dinner, and orders dinner for them all.
She's flitting around the loft, even going so far as to tell each girl where they should sit, basically barely managing to keep herself calm enough as it is. Santana, of course, can barely go so long without cracking, finally snapping at Rachel to calm the fuck down and tells them what's going on when Rachel barely allows them to speak while they're waiting for the food to arrive.
Rachel stops moving, and is silent, when a knock at the door spooks them. Rachel pays for the food, and then the three sit down in an awkward circle. They divide up the food, and after another minute of silence, Santana gets frustrated enough to yell at Rachel to just say what is on her mind already.
Drawing in a deep breath, closing her eyes, and slowly, purposefully setting her utensils down, Rachel's voice trembles as she asks for them to allow her to talk without interrupting, as she really needs to get this out.
Santana is about to protest, but Dani silences her with a look and agrees to let Rachel speak. Rachel speaks, in the quietest voice either girl has ever heard her use, and says, "I know this will probably sound odd, to both of you, and I will completely understand if you feel the need to leave after this. I… I have just come to the conclusion that if I don't say this now, it will never be said, and then things will only get worse. But well… I, I have feelings. Towards both of you. I like both of you, emotionally and physically. Neither one is greater than the other, I just feel this… Attraction to both of you, and I don't know what to do with it."
"I don't want to infringe on your relationship, and this doesn't mean I'm expecting you to just… Understand and feel the same way back. If you need me to go away, I've already arranged to stay somewhere else if - if needed. I didn't mean for this to happen. It just did, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't think I've intentionally been ingratiating myself into your life, because I haven't. I swear."
After Rachel finishes, Dani and Santana are silent. They have no clue how to react. Eventually, Rachel takes their silence as a sign of disgust, and with a sigh, says, "Let me just grab my bag. I'll be out in just a minute."
Rachel heads into her room, quickly picking up a bag that she already had packed just in case something like this happened. She takes one more look at the girls, and leaves the loft. It takes a few more minutes for the two girls to become aware again. By the time they do, Rachel is long gone.
No, I don't like that. Letting Santana storm off earlier was one thing, but I can't see Dani or Santana letting Rachel get away with doing so. It's finally time to just TALK. I think Dani would exclaim, just as Rachel's standing up, "WHAT?", which makes Rachel flinch and drop back down.
(Besides, I think it's time to give them and the readers a break and pause from all the running away.)
That's probably true… Hehe. I kinda want Dani to start ranting in another language, just cause, but that's irrelevant lol
I'm not really sure where to go from here to be honest lol
Me neither. I'm thinking we should get to writing it first and we'll know. XD
That sounds like a plan. XD