"MXC: Monster High vs. Ever After High"
Rated T for Mild Language
Disclaimer: I do not own either Monster High or Ever After High, nor do I own MXC a.k.a. Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. Both Monster High and Ever After High are owned by Mattel, and MXC is owned by Spike. If you don't know what MXC is, I'll give you a short run-down. 'MXC' is short for Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, which lasted a good run on Spike TV from 2003 to 2007. Most of the footage was taken from a Japanese game show called "Takeshi's Castle" which ran from 1986 to 1990. I suggest checking out some episodes on YouTube. It's that awesome.
Disclaimer: The words in black and italic are coming from the announcer of the show. Just so we're on the dot.
Chapter 5: Log Drop
MXC is back for the final battle between Spooky Ghouls and Royal Rules. Not what I had in mind, but I'll take it.
After the announcer brought them back to break, the scene transitioned to Kenny and Vic, who was still in the MXC Laboratory. The two men were standing next to a table, where a body was being covered by a white sheet.
"Welcome back!" Vic exclaimed, "And after hours of construction and pot-smoking, we're finally seconds away to reveal our very own monster. Ken, are you sure you wanna do this?"
"Yep!" Kenny exclaimed.
"Are you sure you don't wanna check over your work?" Vic raised an eyebrow, "Because it's very important to check ov-"
"Yeah yeah, whatever." Kenny said, hesitating quickly, "Let's do this."
"All right..." Vic muttered.
By then, Vic and Kenny uncovered their monster.
To no surprise, it was just like Kenny's drawing. But to be truthful, the model was actually Godzilla with a major boner. Of course, the boner was blurred out and censored since they wanted the show to keep it's family friendly image.
"And here it is, the dangerous, yet sexually-inhabited Gonzilla!" Vic exclaimed.
"Yeah, you're gonna love this, Vic." Ken nodded, "I even added a few adjustments at the last second. Instead of that lizard goo, he erupts fire coming from his erect sword."
"That oughtta be interesting," Vic said with intrigue, "Let's try it."
"Okay, here's the remote." Ken muttered.
Kenny then took control of the monster with a remote control. As he pressed the button, a stream of firey goo erupted from the huge terrifying lizard and let a skidmark of oily flames. The entire stream was measured by an entire mile, which stretched out the rest of the entire laboratory itself.
"Well, that's not bad," Vic replied, "A bit weak, but nevertheless, impressive!"
But then suddenly, Gonzilla suddenly going crazy and started splurting firey goo everywhere, nearly getting it all over the interns. Because of this, the interns started running for their lives.
"Oh crap, that's not supposed to happen!" Kenny exclaimed.
"Uh, hurry Ken," Vic said, hesitating a bit, "Hide behind the table!"
Doing what Vic said, Kenny and his partner hid under the table while watching Gonzilla still go crazy and apecrap flinging his fire goo from his erect sword.
"Okay, you were right, Vic. I really needed extra work." Kenny nodded
"The only thing that needs working is your brain!" Vic growled, hitting Kenny with the fan.
Meanwhile, the scene switched over to footage of the last event, which was Log Drop.
"And now, it's time for some Log Drop!" Vic exclaimed, "The rules are simple: Each contestant does their best to scamper across the spinning timbers without getting dumped!"
"Stay dry good, get wet bad." Kenny replied.
"Right you are, Ken." Vic nodded, "Captain, if you will...?"
The scene finally switched over to Captain Tenneal, who was standing on a white platform. Next to him were seven huge rolling logs. When he got Vic's signal, the Captain blew on the whistle and swung his sword.
"Get it on!" The Captain shouted.
As the event began, a Monster High contestant appeared before the captain first.
"Save Mother Nature and breasts!" Venus shouted out.
"And first up for Monster High, it's Venus McFlyTrap!" Vic exclaimed, "Venus is the daughter of the plant monster!"
"She's totally diseased." Kenny snickered.
"She can't help it if she's like that, Ken." Vic informed him.
As the commentary went on, Venus managed to hop on five logs before experiencing trouble on the fifth log. He tried to hung on to the sixth log, but her feet slipped back, which got her poured into the fluid.
"And she's gonna get used to our safety fluid, Ken." Vic replied.
Before Kenny could explain what the safety fluid was, a replay of her run was shown, mostly showing her fall into the fluid.
"Our safety fluid today comes from Nana Blankenship's home-made anti-freeze made with Windex, bourbon and plant eradicator!" Kenny exclaimed, "But right there, she's totally exterminated."
"Indeed," Vic nodded, "Next up for Ever After High..."
After Venus's departure, another Ever After High student appeared before the Captain.
"I'm related to Applejack!" Apple White shouted out.
"It's Apple White, daughter of Snow White." Vic replied.
"Those girls of Ever After High sure has some big butts..." Kenny snickered.
"That's because of their wide dresses, Ken." Vic corrected him.
Meanwhile, Apple White ended up slipping off the fourth log, which forced her to crash land onto the log, and roll back into the drink!
"Yeah, wide dresses mean wide butts!" Kenny chuckled again.
"Well, thanks to you Ken, we missed her entire run!" Vic snapped at him.
"Yeah, I know..." Kenny chuckled yet again.
As Apple White stepped out of the course in defeat, there came yet another Monster High student.
"I'm too sexy for dress!" Abbey shouted out.
"And up next for Monster High, Abbey Bominable!" Vic exclaimed, "Earlier on, she spoke to the Captain about her thoughts and strategy going into his event."
"She sure dresses slutty." Kenny pointed out.
"Right you are, Ken." Vic nodded.
*Abbey's Interview*
"My strategy is stay low and aim high." Abbey replied.
And then, there came a long pause between Captain Tenneal and Abbey.
"Aaaaaaand...?" Captain replied.
"That's it." Abbey spoke back, "Stay low and aim high. It is like pot."
"Way to waste my time..." Captain muttered.
After the interview was over, Abbey wasted no time on skipping the logs one by one.
"My nads are frozen," Kenny replied, "Even when she's a mile away, you can still feel her closer to you."
"Well, it's not surprising being the daughter of the yeti." Vic responded from Ken's statement, "You have to embrace being in the cold at all times."
After Abbey stepped on the sixth log, he stepped foot on the seventh log, leaping up to the white platform for victory!
"She's done it, Vic!" Kenny exclaimed.
"Easy work for Abbey Bominable, she now gives Monster High the lead 3-2!" Vic exclaimed.
After she stepped off the course, Abbey flipped off the middle finger to the camera.
"In your grills!" Abbey shouted out.
"Right you are." Vic nodded.
Meanwhile, another Ever After High student appeared before the Captain.
"ASHLYNN, I LOVE YOU!" Hunter screamed out before ripping off his shirt to reveal his abs.
"Oh, in a dedicated battle cry fitting for the son of the Huntsman, it's Hunter Huntsman!" Vic replied.
"My eyes are blinding from his abs right now, Vic..." Kenny replied.
Hunter managed to hop across four logs before having trouble keeping his balance on the fifth log.
"Uh-oh, he's stumbling Ken!" Vic exclaimed.
Because of that, Hunter's face crashed down on the sixth log and forced his legs to split on the fifth log, therefore falling into the MXC liquid antifreeze.
"And he's down!" Vic exclaimed.
"And gets a little taste of our boozy anti-freeze." Ken nodded.
As Hunter spat the rest of the fluid out, a replay was shown of his run.
"Here's another look at that on replay," Vic said, pointing out Hunter's fall, "He started off strong for his team, but right here, his little Huntsman gets split in half on that log."
"Somebody put an X on him, because he's totally marked off." Kenny smirked.
"Right you are, Ken!" Vic exclaimed.
After the replay was over, another Monster High student appeared. By his firey hair, he looked ready to go and ready to rock.
"I don't want any funny stuff, dragon breath!" Captain exclaimed.
"Oh, kiss my firey ass, Captain!" Heath spoke back.
"And here's Heath Burns from Monster High," Vic replied, "He of course, is the son of a fire elemental!"
Heath wasted no time skipping on the logs in a faster pace.
"That dude's like a human lighter!" Kenny exclaimed, "I wonder if I could light my hair on fire?"
"If it means getting yourself nine-degree burns..." Vic rolled his eyes.
After stepping his feet on the seventh log, Heath managed to show off by front-flipping to the white platform, therefore making it for the Monster High team!
"Oh, in a front-flip, Heath Burns has made it!" Vic exclaimed.
"I swear I could smell penicillin from here." Kenny pointed out.
"Chalk another one for Monster High!" Vic exclaimed again.
Meanwhile, the last Ever After High student appeared on the course. However, she was drinking tea from her little tea-cup just to prep herself up.
"Hey, you can't drink tea in the middle of the competition!" Captain spoke right to Maddie.
"And rats will never get into a lady's underpants!" Maddie replied.
What she said never made sense to the Captain. Anyway, as Madeline finished her cup of tea, she threw it away and started attacking the course head-on.
"And up next from Ever After High, it's Madeline Hatter," Vic spoke out, "And believe it or not, she's the last chance for the Ever After High team! She could tie this for an extra 2 points!"
"Her mommybags are huge!" Kenny exclaimed.
"KENNY!" Vic said, smacking Kenny in the head.
As soon as Madeline was about to skip the sixth log, she ended up slamming her chest on the seventh log, knocking her back in the drink. In the background, the rest of her teammates all groaned in agony in defeat as the Monster High team all celebrated their victory.
"OH!" Vic cried out, "She was so close, but she gets broken on impact!"
"Yeah, she broke her boobs." Kenny snickered.
As Madeline emerged from the fluid, she snapped.
"Auuuugh! Donkey-butts on rye!" She cried out in anger.
"What a shame for her, let's take a look on that on our MXC Impact Replay!" Vic exclaimed.
Suddenly, a replay of Maddie's painful run was played over and over again.
"Yeah, she's a little teapot, short and spout." Kenny pointed out, "Her handle gets broken and so is her spout. She could've been all steamed up, so now I shout: 'Kill her now and pour her out'!"
"Ken, only you can make a kid's song a lot more painful," Vic smiled to him, "Unfortunately for Madeline Hatter, the Ever After High team will not be getting an happy ending or a happily ever after, because thanks to the duo of Abbey Bominable and Heath Burns, the Monster High team puts the nail in Ever After High's coffin with a score of 4-2!"
After the score was displayed, the scene transitioned to Kenny and Vic standing outside of a now-burnt up laboratory.
"Well, those team of Royals and Rebels fought hard with all their might, but the Monster High team showed everyone why ghouls always rule!" Vic exclaimed.
"Yeah, never mention anything monster or fairy tale related to me ever again," Kenny replied, "Having to come up with fairy tales or monsters suck. That's why I'm sticking to nothing but chicks and beer."
"Oh, and while we ponder to that Ken," Vic pointed out, "Let's have an happy ending of our own..."
And then, the scene transitioned into a clip montage of painful hits shown in today's program.
It's time for Kenny Blankenship's Painful Eliminations of the Day!
And coming to #10, it's deadman, Slo-Moe! He drives a nail in his own coffin and ends up six feet under the drink!
Crashing into #9 belongs to Manny Taur. This minotaur gets a piece of his own medicine and ends up getting his brains gored to death!
Fitting her way to #8, belongs to glass shoe saleswoman, Ashlynn Ella, who ends up Doc Martened and Sketchered in our MXC's stinky shoe fluid!
Shocking her way to #7 goes to the voltageous Frankie Stein, who may need to get her chest restitched after this... and maybe a breathing tube while she's at it!
Shooting right at #6 goes to the son of the Huntsman, Hunter Huntsman! His nads and Mother Nature have one thing in common when it comes to logs... it totally bites!
Howling to #5 belongs to the big and strong Clawd Wolf, who sits, begs, rolls over and plays dead on that wall. Somebody put him to sleep!
Speaking of sleep, #4 goes to narcoleptic princess Briar Beauty, who ends up taking one hard dirtnap on that rock! Sleep long and tight, princess!
Clawing her way to #3 belongs to werecat Torelei Stripe, in which thanks to lovable Skanky himself, gets totally turned into bite-size Kibbles and Bits!
And the #2 spot belongs to the crazy and insane Madeline Hatter, who loses her mommybags just like her mind! That's not the fourth wall she's breaking, that's her whole frickin' chest!
And my #1 Most Painful Elimination of the Day goes to...
Daring Charming, whose beautiful face ends up being a monsterous disasterpiece in the end! Hey Daring, care to use some horse glue and deadbolts for your broken teeth? HA!
After the montage was over, Kenny and Vic was now shown with their interns.
"Well, that's an happily ever after I can get behind, huh Ken?" Vic responded
"Yeah," Kenny nodded, "I'm gonna see if that ice chick's available. She could lick my popsicle anytime."
Vic then decided to close out the show politely, "Well, all sex puns aside, what do we always say...?"
All together, Kenny and Vic (alongside the rest of the interns) all raised their hands and shouted out three final words in victory:
"DON'T GET ELIMINATED!"
Just so you know, 'Mommybags' is another word for breasts. Of course, Kenny thinks so himself.
Remember to catch the full episodes of MXC on YouTube if you get the chance. Make sure you send some feedback on this story while you can as well.
Until then, just like Vic and Kenny said, "Don't get eliminated!"