The nightmares started the next time the boys left.

Every night, without fail, they returned.

I often thought about what a good thing it was that I didn't need much sleep.

It was the same every night. A voice taunting me, sometimes Crowley, sometimes someone else, most often a chorus of the voices of the damned.

It was always dark, always so, so dark... The things that they whispered...

They taunted me, teasing about angels, repeating the names that could be my father. Or just any angel, for that matter. Over and over again, searing into my mind, an unstoppable mantra behind my eyes whenever I rested.

Raziel, Uriel, Ezekiel, Raphael, Michael, Gabriel, Joshua, Daniel... So many names. Too many names.

They whispered things that I didn't want to hear, things about Lucifer, the fallen angel, and the power that would come with being his child. Power that I prayed wasn't mine.

They, at first, were hard to hear. I only noticed them when I was most deeply asleep, but as a few weeks went by, they became more insistent, beginning from the moment my head hit the pillow. The only respite was when Sam and Dean were around. The day or so before they got home, the day before the voices left for awhile, the chanting would change, become much worse, almost painful in my skull.

Whispering that if I told Sam and Dean, if I just said one word, that they would confront Cas, and that he would tell me. Just one word, they whispered.

Tell them, tell them, tell them, tell them...

But they were home now, for maybe the third time since my birthday, and the nightmares were gone.

I had been dropping (probably not very) subtle hints whenever I talked to them about how much I wanted to go on the road with them, or how Cas had approved me for hunting, or how I was getting better all the time.

I knew that I could help them on the job, and that I was getting bored here. Even Bobby would go on hunts sometimes, leaving me with Cas as a babysitter, or trusting me to hold down the fort for a few days and not light the house on fire.

Meanwhile, I had escaped the nights by learning how to drive, taking my new (old) Mustang out into the dirt road for practice. In two weeks, I was a pro, and Bobby gave me my own license, forged because I had no real birth certificate.

It was the perfect time to prove that I had what it took to be a hunter, to finally get away from the voices in my dreams.

So then, when Sam and Dean came home, on their third afternoon back, I decided to finally make my move.

Dean was talking about the vamp nest that they had just taken out.

"Sounds like a successful trip," I said, trying to prepare an argument in my head.

"It was," he agreed. Sam walked in and sat down in a nearby armchair.

"I'd like to come along sometime and help out," I added, as casually as I could.

Dean immediately turned towards me to start arguing, but I cut him off.

"Dean, come on. Before you say no, at least spar with me. If I can kick your ass, I'm sure I'd be fine out in the field. You don't have to say yes, just give me a chance to show you what I can do," I argued, speaking quickly so that he couldn't interrupt.

He seemed to mull it over. He didn't want me fighting, that much was for sure, but he liked that I hadn't forced him to take me along if I won.

"Yeah. Okay. No harm in a little practice." He said standing and stretching, making Sam raise his eyebrows from his seat.

"Sammy, you wanna come watch?"

Sam stood quickly and put down his laptop.

"Sure."

My plan was simple. I would win by a landslide, amazing Dean with my skill, then he would take me with them on their next hunt, and the nightmares would stop, and I wouldn't have to tell anyone about them. Cas wouldn't be busted for knowing my parents, and eventually, we could hunt down Crowley and force him to tell us.

Easy.

Step one went exactly as planned.

It was the last nice day at the end of October, the sun still shining, and no breeze on the air, just barely warm enough for shorts, although both Sam and Dean wore jeans already.

We went to the usual clearing that I practiced in.

The sun was just beginning its daily descent, and the light shone into he clearing, as Dean took off his jacket and hung it on a low tree limb, taking the pistol out of his belt, and handing it to Sam to hold.

Sparring with Dean was different than anyone else that I had fought before.

For a minute, we circled each other, sizing up, looking for weak spots. Dean was right handed, he would hit with that one first, I knew. I wanted to wait for him to take the first punch.

"You sure about this?" He asked. He didn't want to have to hit me. Weakness number two. Sam had been the same way, until he had realized that I could hold my own.

"Yeah, it'll be fun," I responded, trying not to smile too much.

Dean finally threw the first punch, and the game began.

He was solid muscle, and every hit that I landed felt hopelessly like I was hitting nothing but a punching bag.

Moving to strike faster than Sam could, he was quick as well as strong. He could see what I was about to do, and block it better than Cas could. Any hits that he took came without complaint, and it was awhile before he actually seemed to be concerned that he wouldn't win. The duel began to accelerate.

What scared me most, then, were his eyes. I figured that it must be a default expression when he was fighting, especially when things got particularly rough, but his eyes turned dark and fierce, his expression angry as he fought. It showed what he was fighting for, fighting because of, the life of anguish and pain, and sorrow. Whether it was cold, hard determination, or pure badassery, I didn't know. It was what every monster that Dean killed must have seen the moment before its death, and it was terrifying.

He swung a blow to my left, and I easily stepped past it, moving to the outside of his arm, and quickly jabbing him hard in the ribs, where he fell back.

If he got hurt, I could easily heal him when I finished proving my point.

He stood facing me, keeping his guard up, and bouncing on his toes a little, like a boxer.

"You're getting pretty good, kid," he said, sweating and breathing deeply, not quite bleeding, but sporting a fat lip. "But there's one thing you didn't count on."

"What's that?" I asked, not at all sarcastically, concerned about the plot twist that must be coming.

"Winchesters come in pairs," he said, smiling a little bit.

I felt Sam behind me the minute before he struck, stepping forward at the last minute to evade, then backtracking to grab his arm, while Dean charged towards me.

Time didn't slow down, but I sped up, flipping Sam over my shoulder, and throwing him into the approaching Dean, who was stopped in his tracks and completely bowled over by his younger (but taller) brother.

They landed in a pile.

"Is there another pair of Winchester brothers, or have I just beaten the only two?" I asked, walking over to help them up, healing them easily, as I offered a hand to each of them to use to stand.

"That was pretty impressive, Lil," Dean said, dusting himself off.

"Thanks," I replied. "Told you I can hold my own."

"You certainly did." Dean seemed almost...Proud?

"I've been working really hard." I said. "I wanna feel safe when you're not here. When I have to be alone." I chose my words just a little bit to guilt trip him, but that didn't mean it wasn't true.

He knew that I wanted to know if I could go hunting with them. He totally could tell that I was waiting for the words to come. Yes. Come with us. Let's hunt.

"Then keep working hard. Soon, you'll be good enough to come with."

Damn.

Saying that I was crushed didn't cover the half of it.

I took a deep breath and bit back the not-so-nice reply that was coming.

It was, after all, Dean's call. I had to follow his orders. He was in charge, and It was my job to listen to him. I couldn't force him to bring me. Arguing wouldn't help me right now.

I nodded that I understood what he meant, and we stared back to the house.

Plan A failed. No plan B.

HEY GUYS HOWS IT GOING? I'm really sick rn and I feel like crap, and I should probably be doing school work, but here's this bit. Hopefully that makes up for something. Thanks for reading and for all of the positive reviews! Ta! xx