With Stef's diagnosis Callie realizes that history may repeat itself if she doesn't put a stop to it now.
(A really short one-shot of Callie's reaction to Stef's cancer as she realizes the value of a mother.)
"Everything alright honey?" Lena asked as Callie stood in their bedroom doorway at six thirty in the morning.
"Um... where's mom?" Callie asked, glancing around the room.
"In the shower." Lena answered. They had had a long, sleepless night and neither had bothered to shower after their midnight swim, but instead just jumped into bed for a night of lovemaking. "She should be out any minute."
"Okay, I'll come back." Callie said though she looked less than pleased at the thought of having to wait.
"Hey Lena, we're meeting with the lawy..." Stef began as she exited the bathroom in her robe, her hair still dripping wet. "Oh, well good morning sweets." Stef said, surprised to see her daughter up so early on a Saturday. "Why are you up so early?" She asked.
"I, um... I couldn't sleep and..." She trailed off, unsure of how to start what she'd come to say.
"Come sit." Stef said, sensing that Callie wasn't entirely comfortable.
Callie walked over and sat down beside Stef on the bed. Lena stood, running a wide-tooth comb through her wet curls but her attention was completely on her wife and daughter.
"Scared?" Stef asked, studying Callie closely. They hadn't really talked with each kid, knowing that they all needed some time to process. Both women were surprised, however, that Callie was the first one to come to them.
"Yeah." Callie answered before she quickly changed her answer. "No." She corrected. "I mean, I guess?" She asked as a question instead of giving a response.
Stef watched Callie closely and realized that she was afraid to voice her true opinion, probably because she wasn't sure what Stef would want her to feel.
"It's okay to be scared." Stef assured her as she took her hand and held it gently. "I'm scared too and so is mama." She added, glancing up at Lena for a brief moment.
Callie took a deep breath, reading herself for what she was about to say.
"I guess I am scared but this surgery is supposed to increase your chances by like, a lot right?" She clarified.
"Yes." Stef answered. "I don't have cancer yet and this will hopefully get rid of the risk of ever getting it."
"Okay, good." Callie said, satisfied though it was clear that that wasn't what she'd come for.
Stef waited patiently, Callie's hand still clasped in her own, as she watched the wheels turn in Callie's head. Whatever was on her daughter's mind was weighing heavily on her and Stef knew she wouldn't let the girl go until she helped ease at least some of the tension.
"I'm sorry for what I said to you earlier." Callie finally blurted out. "I was wrong and I shouldn't have said it." She was staring blankly at the carpet though her mind was back on the day before when she'd yelled at her mother.
"Honey, what are you talking about?" Stef asked in worry.
"AJ." Callie answered. "I know you did what you had to do and I was wrong to yell at you for it."
"Oh sweetheart, don't worry about it." Stef brushed her off. "It's not a big deal. I know you were upset that you lost a good friend and you were just angry."
"Yeah, but you've done so much for me and I know that things can't always go my way." Callie answered, seemingly unsatisfied by Stef's forgiveness.
"Oh baby don't beat yourself up over this." Stef said, pulling her daughter in for a hug. "It really wasn't a big deal. I'd honestly forgotten what you even said." She answered honestly. Between the upcoming surgery, planning for every possible outcome and the regular trials of motherhood, Callie's little attack was way down on Stef's list of things to worry about.
"But I still need you to know I'm sorry." Callie said, an unnerving desperation in her voice.
Stef glanced worriedly at Lena, wondering if her wife had caught the same tone in their daughter's voice.
"Sweetheart, moms not mad at you." Lena said, hoping that if she also said it then Callie wouldn't have such a hard time believing it. "Neither of us are." She added for good measure.
"Okay, good." Callie said, relaxing slightly but not all the way. "Because I am. I really am." She clarified one more time, looking between Stef and Lena, hoping they knew just how sincere she was being.
"Honey, what's going on?" Stef asked, knowing that something wasn't quite right. This was more than just about apologizing and Stef was beginning to wonder if Callie even knew the real reason or not.
"Nothing." Callie answered. "I just wanted to make sure you knew that I didn't mean it and that I'm so grateful for everything you've done for me. I don't think I've ever said it and I wanted you to know it now just in case..." She quickly trailed off for the words she had meant to say were just in case I don't get another chance.
"Just in case I die." Stef finished for her, finally putting the pieces together.
Stef and Lena studied Callie closely and watched as an unimaginable about of pain filled her face. It was then that Stef realized just what Callie was trying to do. She wondered why she hadn't figured it out sooner for she knew that Callie's last interaction with her biological mother was eating the girl alive.
"Baby, I love you and I know that you love me." Stef said firmly, taking both of Callie's hands in hers and turning her to face her directly. "Just because we argue and just because you say or do something doesn't change that fact."
Callie looked up at Stef with so much hope in her eyes that Stef wanted nothing more than to promise that nothing would ever hurt the girl again. But sadly, such a promise could never be kept and Stef knew she'd be doing much more damage if she made it.
"Honey, your mom knew you loved her." Stef said, wishing more than ever that Callie would believe her. "I know for a fact that she wasn't upset with you when she died. She loved you just the same and the fact that you fought with her didn't change it and it won't change it for me either."
"I just didn't want that to be the last thing I said to you." Callie admitted, wondering how she'd gotten so upset with Stef in the first place for bringing justice to Jesus and Mariana.
"It won't be." Stef replied. "You'll be here when I leave for the hospital and you'll give me a hug and kiss and you'll wish me well and then after the surgery you'll come visit me in the hospital and give me another hug and kiss." She winked slightly, hoping to ease Callie's mind.
Callie smiled and nodded. She realized that this was different and Callie would have her chance to give her mother a kiss this time.
Stef relaxed a little as she saw the tension leave the teen and her shoulders finally relaxed a little. Stef brought her hand up to Callie's chin and gently lifted it until the girl was looking at her once again.
"Callie you know as well as I that accidents can happen at anytime." Stef began. "There are no guarantees but what I can tell you is that even if you did fight with me and even if I do die, I still love you and I know that you still love me and I don't want you to ever, ever wonder about it. Honey, everyone fights and it doesn't change a thing."
"But it hurt so bad." Callie answered, remembering how much her heart ached after her mother's passing.
"It hurts no matter what." Stef answered. "It hurt like hell when my dad died and I didn't get a change to apologize but it hurt just as much when my grandmother died and I visited her every weekend and told her I loved her." Stef said. "And in both cases they knew I loved them. Even my dad knew it and I know that he loved me."
Again Stef paused and waited for her words to sink in. Callie looked so tired suddenly and Stef knew it was from a sleepless night, worrying about a few words said in anger.
"And I know that you love me too and I know you loved me even as you yelled at me." Stef said. "And I know that I hurt you when I didn't tell you the whole truth but I did what had to be done and unfortunately it wasn't what you wanted."
"I should have known that AJ would go to juvie." Callie answered honestly. "I ran away and I went to juvie and you wanted to adopt me."
"We are not giving up on AJ." Stef said firmly, making sure that Callie knew they weren't just going to let him rot in there. "He ran away and he's got to learn not to do that, just like you had to, but we're all still there for him."
Callie nodded. She knew that was true. She herself was sitting at the correctional facility every day during visiting hours waiting for AJ to see her and she knew that Mike was doing the same thing. Stef and even Brandon had tried as well.
"Feel better?" Stef asked as Callie's face continued to relax.
"Yeah." Callie smiled genuinely this time. "I do." She said for emphasis.
"Good." Stef smiled back as she twirled a lock of Callie's hair around her finger. "Go back to bed." She kissed the girl on the forehead she gently shoved her off the bed and towards the door.
Callie looked hesitant for just a second before she said what was on her mind. "I know you know it and I know it doesn't change anything but I'm sorry and I love you." Callie said.
"I love you too." Stef smiled. She never tired of hearing her kids say it and she didn't have any problems with it just so long as it wasn't said in fear.
Author's Note:
Does it bother anyone else that the first time we see Callie refer to Stef as 'mom' directly, she was yelling at her? I really wish this show wouldn't skip important parts so much.
Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you liked it.
Love,
Junebug