Day three. Day five is the first Puckabrina.
Disclaimer: no.
The first time Charming and Snow have sex, it's awful.
Really, really awful.
It's been a long time for either of them (centuries), and it is not like riding a bike.
They've just gotten married, and they're in Charming's recently rebuilt mirror because none of the houses are back up yet. There are candles and roses and silk sheets and everything should be perfect.
But Charming is just pressing himself into her awkwardly and he knows she's not enjoying any of it. To be honest, he's not really having the time of his life, either. He can do a better job with his hands.
So he rolls off his new bride, the woman he's doomed to love for eternity but probably couldn't help loving anyway, and says with chagrin, "This isn't working."
"Billy," Snow says, putting a hand on his back.
He gives her a mournful look. "I'm horrible, and you're just lying there like a dead fish."
Snow giggles. When he shoots her an offended glare, she says, "Sorry. It's just... the idea of you having sex with a fish... I mean, fish don't even have sex. The males just ejaculate on the eggs after the females lay them."
If it was anyone else, Charming would be offended. But this is Snow, so he gives her a reluctant smile and asks, "Are you having more fun than a fish?"
Snow kisses him. "Much more fun."
Charming can take comfort in the fact that he's at least better than a trout.
He lies back on the bed with a sigh, wondering how, exactly, to make this better. Having Snow, the most beautiful woman in the word, naked right next to him, makes it kind of hard to think. Especially when she takes those long slender fingers and slides them up his thighs and then wraps her hand around the condom he's wearing and starts rubbing-
And that's so much better than the sex that he lets out a moan and rolls onto his side, mashing his lips into hers and pressing their bodies together and everything is wonderful until his erection is shoved into a bony pelvis and it hurts.
He backs up, hissing, and Snow shoots into a sitting position, saying, "Sorry! Sorry sorry sorry- are you okay?"
He gives her a tight smile and says, "Maybe you should gain a little weight."
Snow laughs. "That's the first time anyone's ever told me that."
Charming, still cradling himself around his throbbing penis, says, "You're perfect no matter how much you weigh. It's just- ow."
"Do you want me to-"
Charming puts up a hand. "Don't touch it," he says. "It... I've never done this before."
They both lie down next to each other, staring at the ceiling, while Charming waits for the pain to stop, or at least ease.
"I used to be really good at this," he offers after about fifteen uncomfortable, silent minutes. It's true, too. Back when he was married to Cindy, he got really good at making a woman feel good. And then with Rapunzel-
Well.
Rapunzel was adventurous. He'll leave it at that.
Snow puts a hand on his chest and says, "I'm not exactly doing the best job, either."
He smiles at her. The pain is fading, now. "Maybe we need practice," he suggests.
Snow rolls on top of him, holding her boniest parts a safe distance above him, and says, "Lots of practice."
"Mmm," Charming agrees, and presses his lips against his wife's.
Acknowledgements: thanks to my boyfriend, who explained how long a dick punch hurts for.