Every saturday Emma's parents go to the farmer's market and today is no exception. Emma wakes up around ten and her parents are gone. Killian is still out cold next to her. She slips on her moccasins and throws her hair into a messy bun. She goes down stairs and once again makes breakfast while she waits for Killian to awake. Emma places her head in her hands. She begins to sob. Will this madness end? Or will I always be scrambling to get back to normal. He promised me he wouldn't do this again. I don't want to keep dragging his drunk ass out of trouble.
"Emma?" Killian's voice brings her out of her train of thought. She wipes away her tears and flips the pancakes.
"Emma, please. I am so sorry," his hands wrap around her waist and he gently brings her into him. She pushes him away and faces him.
"Killian, I can't keep doing this. You promised me it would stop. You promised. Did that mean anything to you? Did you know how scared I was for you last night? Killian, I can't do this," Emma sobs.
"I am sorry I broke that promise. Emma, I was still so mad about Graham I just wanted to lose myself. I didn't think it would go that far," he says sorrowful.
"Killian, you can't do that. When are you going to realize that you are an alcoholic?" she spits out. As soon as she says it she slaps a hand over her mouth.
"I am sorry. I am sorry. I-I" Emma tries to recover. He just stands there and blinks at her. He collects himself.
"Don't apologize you're right. I need to face this. No one has ever had enough balls to say it to me. I needed that. I've hurt you too much haven't I?" He leans over and turns the stove off. He moves the pancakes off the heat.
"Maybe, I am not sure," she sighs. Killian goes to embrace her, but she steps away from him. He looks so shattered, so broken by this small movement.
"Emma… I need you," he pleads. She crosses her arms.
"I know, but don't you ever think this is too much? Killian, normal relationships don't have this much drama. Maybe its a sign we aren't supposed to be together,"
"No, everyone has their shit they have to deal with. Ours just tends to be on the worse side of the spectrum. Emma, I've never loved someone as much as I loved you," he says as he moves closer to her. A tear escapes from the corner of her eye. He reaches in a wipes it away for her.
"I just can't handle something else happening. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop now. That's no way for anyone to live. Killian, I can't do this…" she trails off. He shakes his head.
"No, no. Emma, you've given me back everything I thought I lost. Please. I'll never drink again. I'll go to AA. I'll do whatever you want me to do," he pleads. She can't given in now. She knows that she can't picking up the pieces of her messy life. She needs normal and simple. Nothing in this relationship has been easy or simple.
"Killian you're not hearing me. I can't do this. In fact I think we need some time apart," she states.
"What like a break?" he ask bewildered.
"Yes." He looks taken aback. Killian was joking. He can't imagine life without Emma. She brought hope and happiness back to him. After Milah he could hardly look at another girl. Then this beautiful girl with the golden hair and glasses was asking him questions and he couldn't stop thinking of her. He never stopped thinking of her ever. Now here he stood and she wanted to take a "break." The girl he loved.
"Its all or nothing with me, love." he says. He can feel his heartbreaking with every passing moment. Emma looks so lost and confused. He knows she loves him, but is being in a relationship with him so hard? He loves her so much, maybe its better to let her go.
"I can already see in our eyes what your decision is… just know I'll always love you," he steps forward and places a kiss on her forehead.
"Goodbye, my love," he says as he walks out the door. She thought he would put up more of a fight. Thank God he didn't it would've made this harder. She cleans up the kitchen and goes back to bed.
Emma manages to go to school and do her work, but all she can think about is him. How much she misses him. She can't say his name or she bursts out in tears. No one is allowed to say his name to her. She thought this would be easier. She broke up with him. She feels this dull ache in her chest all day everyday. She needs to be rid of it.
In the middle of the week Graham approaches their table at lunch and slams down his tray next to Emma's.
"I kept my distance to let you not be angry anymore, but this is ridiculous. You are miserable and you look like a zombie. I am sure I don't know everything about your relationship, but if anything this proves that you need to either get back with him or suck it up and move on. What I did was stupid and idiotic. I am so sorry and I am sure I will never make up for what I did. As one of your best friends I want you to be happy. You're happy with Killian," she cringes at the name and holds the tears back.
"I can't go back to him. I fucked it up too much. We are better off apart," she sighs.
"No, you're not. I've seen him everyday since and he is so miserable. Emma, the way he looks at you. You're everything to him," James says. Ruby smiles at him.
"Emma, just talk to him. I know you still love each other. Why are you doing this?" she asks.
"Because we were never normal. We were always scrambling to pick up piece of some mess. I was sick of it. I'm better of alone. He is too. He got shot for me. His life is better without me. He can go play football in college and have a normal life," she spits out, "Now, can we please talk about something else?" she asks.
"No we can't he loves you and you love him. Now get your man back, before someone else does. You do love him?" she questions.
"Of course I love him. I miss him every goddamn day, but I know I'm no good for him. Finals start tomorrow and I'm not ready for history. Who wants to study?" she changes the subject and her friends move on.
Their first final is on friday and they finish at noon. Tomorrow is the championship game. That night at Granny's Ruby waits on James, Graham, and Emma until her shift is done. Finally Ruby gets to sit down and chat with them. James and her become all couply and cute. Emma cringes, but tries to smile because her best friend is happy. Graham places a hand on her shoulder. She turns to him.
"Can we talk?" she nods. Emma feels like that a talk is long over due. They get up and walk to the back.
"Look, I just want to make sure we are alright. I know what I did was awful and a shitty thing to do. Could you ever forgive me?" he asks.
"Yeah, no I could. Only if you promise it will never happen again," she says.
"It won't. I get it. You just don't have those feelings about me. Anyway, you belong to him," she says nonchalantly. Her eyes widen and she places her hands on her hips.
"Excuse me? I don't belong to any man," she states.
"No, not like that. You only had eyes for him. Killian would do anything to protect you. He watched you like you were the center of his world. Your smile was widest around him," as Graham says this a tear trickles down her cheek. She wipes it away.
"Excuse me," She ducks into the ladies room. Graham always had a way with words. Sometimes he didn't know when to shut up though. She always joked that he needed an off button. Everything he said was so goddamn true. When they said the truth hurts they didn't say it hit you like a brick wall. The tears are streaming down her face. There is a knock at the door.
"Just a minute," Emma calls.
"Its Ruby," she says. Emma yanks open the door and Ruby pulls her into a hug.
"Hey, it will be okay," she rubs Emma's back. Emma keeps sobbing into Ruby's shoulder.
"I miss him so much. God, Ruby what have I done?" she sobs. Ruby pets her head.
"I don't know," Ruby says with a sigh, "For now we are just going to get you home." Emma just follows her best friends lead.
ah don't hate me! I promise I like happy endings. Hang in there with this story.