A/N: This chapter is more of Clarisse remembering.

Joe watched as Clarisse struggled to get her shoes on. "Here, Darling, let me. After all, it is my fault you're having trouble." He knelt down in front of her and lifted her foot. Looking at the shoe and then at her foot, he looked back up at her. "Sweetheart, this beautiful foot isn't going to go in this pointed shoe, not to mention you shouldn't be wearing heels now anyway. Why don't you let me go out and buy you a pair of comfortable shoes?"

Clarisse leaned back and sighed, "I can't believe they're already this swelled. I didn't swell this badly with the boys until I was nine months."

"That's because we're having a girl." Joe winked at her as he sat down next to her and pulled her close. "Clarisse?"

"Yes?"

"Marry me," he whispered.

Clarisse looked up at him with a shocked expression. "What?"

"Marry me. I know it hasn't been a year since Rupert died, but I don't want our baby girl being born illegitimate."

"But Joseph…we…I…" she paused to catch her breath and get her thoughts in order. "How can I marry you without someone finding out?"

"I have a friend who is a priest. He's already consented to marrying us in secret. No one will ever have to know. It's just for our baby." He rested his hand on her stomach. She was still small enough that she could hide the fact that her stomach was growing, but he knew how it slightly pooched out under all that material. "Please, Clarisse, don't say no. I never ask anything of you, but I am now."

Clarisse rested her hand over Joe's. "I," she started then bit her lip.

Joe sighed, knowing that he couldn't force her. "Shh, it's alright. Just please promise me you'll think about it."

Cupping his cheek with her hand, she looked into his love filled green eyes. "I promise."

He hugged her. "Now, I'm going to go and get you those shoes."

Clarisse laughed., "Oh Joseph. You're crazy."

CnJ

Clarisse sighed. She was tired of being tired. Tired of being huge as a house, tired of not being able to do anything but sit around all day, and she had another month left. The only good thing was that Joe was spoiling her. From the moment he'd went out and bought her several new pairs of comfortable shoes three months ago, he hadn't stopped. It was wonderful to be fussed over, but she was ready for it all to be over. She wanted to be able to finally see and hold their baby.

"Baby girl you're wearing your mother out. I'm too old for this." And she was. The doctors she'd been seeing while in Spain had all told her in the beginning to terminate, but she had vehemently refused. She wasn't going to do that. Even if her religion allowed it, she couldn't get rid of the child she and Joe had created together, no matter how accidental it might have been.

"Hey, stop talking like that about yourself." Joe gently scolded as he walked into the room and sat down on the side of the sofa.

"But it's the truth. I'm bigger than I ever was. Are we sure I'm not having twins?"

Joe chuckled and leaned over giving her a gentle kiss. "Oh, Darling. It won't be long now. Just a month, and then we'll be holding our beautiful baby girl."

"You're excited about being a father." She cupped his cheek, a tear slipping from the corner of her eye. "I'm so sorry."

Joe wiped the tear from her cheek only to have it replaced by more. "Rissee, I've told you to stop apologizing. You didn't do this by yourself."

Clarisse gave him a watery smile. "You haven't called me that in years."

"I know." His voice was quiet. "I mean it, though, stop blaming yourself."

"I can't. It is my fault. I'm the one that used your love for me that night, and it's because of who I am that you have to…" she closed her eyes, trying to fight her tears. "You don't have to leave her."

Joe swallowed several times trying to rid himself of the lump suddenly forming in his throat. "Rissee, what are you saying?"

Clarisse pulled away and struggled to pull herself up off the sofa. Finally up, she moved to the windows and stared out at the beautiful garden Joe had created just for her. "I'm saying," her voice cracked. "I'm saying that you should stay here. I don't want you to miss all the little things that will happen in her first years. I don't want you to ever have to know how I felt. I love you too much to take all of those precious moments away."

Joe sat frozen in his seat, his eyes watching her shoulders shake as she cried. Had she just told him she loved him? Finally able to move again, he got up and stood behind Clarisse. Slipping his arms around her, he rested his hands on her stomach. "Clarisse," he whispered against her hair. "Did you mean what you said? Do you really love me?"

Clarisse turned in his arms, tilting her head up so she could look into his wonderful face. "You have to know that I do. All these years…"

"I wasn't sure. You've never said it out loud before." Joe's voice faltered. He pulled her as close as he could. "Oh Rissee…I've loved you for so long." Gently he touched her lips with his. The kiss wasn't a passionate one, but one full of tenderness and love.

Clarisse closed her eyes and relaxed in Joe's arms. The kiss was so different from any kiss they had ever shared. There was so much more to the kiss than merely showing affection. Opening her eyes, her tears returned as she saw the look in Joe's eyes.

"Rissee," he breathed as his finger traced her soft lips, his other hand rested on her stomach. "I can't leave her mommy."

"But you don't have to stay with me. She'll need you."

"She'll need us both, but it just can't be. Aunt Maria will take care of her as if she were her own. She took care of me after my parents died. I know that she'll make sure that our baby knows that we love her."

"I hate this. I hate what I've done to you," she cried in frustration, leaving the room as quickly as her cumbersome body would allow.

Joe watched Clarisse, his heart aching for the pain she was in. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make her see that she wasn't at fault, that she wasn't hurting him like Rupert had hurt her. "What can I do?" he pleaded to the empty silence of the room.