A/N: I will place an additional warning at the beginning of this chapter for m/m sexual relations of the lemon variety… just in case anyone didn't figure we'd get there eventually ;)

Song is the Thaw by Biffy Clyro

Chapter Five

The Thaw

The night was getting colder but despite that I was sitting on the balcony of the hotel room as I didn't know where else to go. I shoulda put more clothes on but that involved going back inside so instead I sat freezing my ass off in boxers and a hoodie, the pack of smokes damn near finished as well as some of the contents of the mini-bar and the remains of the room service sandwich and fries that I had remembered to order even caught up in my whole angry/emotional shit storm.

I thought if I stayed in the room I'd probably fall asleep which is likely what I should've been doing – not sitting here getting more and more pissed and building it all up until I could explode at Heero. I figured he was really gonna regret coming back to the room when he arrived. And I really wondered if I was doing the right thing – maybe I should just bail. Maybe a break from whatever the fuck this relationship was would be for the best, you know. Maybe we needed some damn space – we'd been living and working together and just there all the damn time for so long that sometimes I figured we were so fucked because we had to spend nearly every minute of every day in close proximity. Suppose neither of us were used to that. Yeah, I knew I was the more sociable one – that I'd lived my life in gangs and aboard Sweepers' ships and shit but there was always somewhere to go – somewhere to be alone and just think. I think neither of us had that in what was meant to be our home. It had just become damn claustrophobic.

I guess I'd actually fallen asleep outside at some point as I heard the noise of the sliding glass door and my eyes flicked open and I instinctively reached for a gun or knife that wasn't there. I didn't have that shit with me. Civilian and all. Though I guess I could've with us travelling by private jet – no awkward bag checks or issues about carrying weapons.

It took a second for my brain to catch up with why the hell I was cold and had stiff muscles in the back of my neck and shoulders as I'd fallen asleep on a hard metal chair and hadn't thought about the consequences of that. Really didn't figure I would've fallen asleep. I stretched, felt something pop gently back into place and looked up to see that Heero was examining the evidence of how I'd spent my evening. His eyes narrowed and I felt like shrugging and not giving a shit.

"Don't even fucking start," I said in warning. And he didn't. Instead, he walked back into the room, which was probably the worst thing he could do when I was spoiling to fight and wanting to kick his ass.

I followed, sliding the glass door closed behind me and watched as he removed his jacket and seemed intent on ignoring me. He was probably tired. I was damned tired so this really was not the time to be having a big argument but hell, we needed it.

"You took a fucking job."

"She needs a new head of security," he replied without any trace of emotion in his voice, his back turned to me as he walked over to the bathroom.

"For fucks sake, Heero. Do you not get this? We've been living together for over a fucking year, we've been screwing since we were fifteen and we've built a goddamn life together in our shitty home and you take a job here without even thinking about me! Jesus Christ, Heero, are you even fucking listening to me, you selfish asshole?"

I kinda figured he was just letting me go. It was like he felt that I might just tire myself out and then I'd be calm and he could just sleep or something. That at times like this, he would just close down and not bother trying to speak to me but right now, that tactic was so not gonna work as I stalked him to the bathroom where he was gonna brush his teeth or something equally mundane.

"I am listening," he said, turning round to meet my eyes.

"Then answer me, damn it! Do you not understand that you are supposed to ask me when you do this shit?"

"And you had a go bag, Duo," he countered. "Were you going to ask me before you walked out?"

"I was not walking out, 'Ro! I told you… I just…I just…" I felt like I couldn't end that fucking sentence in any meaningful way. Jesus fuck. This fight would go 'round like a motherfucker. "I love you, you ass! You are meant to tell me this motherfucking stuff – I'm not supposed to hear it from 'Fei."

It seemed like he'd been pretty calm during my whole rant up until the point I mentioned Wufei's name. It was imperceptible – a small flicker but one I damn knew. I saw his hands were in fists and that I had done the wrong thing to make my argument. Shit and fuck.

"Wufei?" he asked, voice damn cold.

"I met him in the bar. Asked me to re-join the Preventers as his partner since you were now taking a job as the Princess' head of security."

"And you said?"

"Yeah. I said yes, Heero. I just found out you'd fucking given up on any chance of us working so yeah, I said yes. No point me goin' back home without you, you dick."

With that, he just walked past me, his shoulder brushing mine as he did and it was a childish fucking move as it knocked me back a little and he was grabbing his jacket and the card key and looked like he was gonna just walk out.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"You're not the only one who can walk out."

Oh yeah, I'd been pissed before but right now all I could see was red. You know those glasses that they leave in the bathroom and those stupid little shampoos and shit? Well, they got thrown in his general vicinity. Glass smashed. It was a fucking bitch move but it was one I kinda liked. Throwing stuff kinda gets out some of the angry energy.

"Where are you damn going? It's two in the morning."

"I don't know."

He stalled at his answer – halfway across the room, looking at his duffle on the bed and me standing in the doorway of the bathroom. I wondered how loud our voices were. I wondered how well the rooms were sound proofed. Figured that they would be done pretty damn well – Sanc and all – but I guessed we really shouldn't be shouting at this time of night. Didn't need our asses getting kicked outta this place. Though it would be kinda funny. The thought made me chuckle and hell, I didn't know why but one second I'm flaming pissed, the next I'm trying not to laugh at the whole situation. I guessed I'd gone beyond tired and I was maybe delirious or something.

We were fucking stubborn assholes. And we had too much ammo against each other so we could fight for days and days. Shit. It was not good but then he was the only one who could probably handle the whole bucket of crazy that was my psyche so fuck, I was not gonna let him walk out. And shit, I was never gonna walk out on him.

Heero turned, dropping his jacket back down and just looked at me. He seemed less angry. Good. Progress or something. Or maybe he'd figured we'd go round in circles forever too.

"Do you ever think how totally fucked we are?"

"Yeah," he answered.

The tension had gone outta his body so I approached – carefully avoiding the glass shards I'd created. And the lotion bottles that had smashed. Damn. We had to be in such a fancy ass place that the shampoo and lotions were not in those little plastic things. Great move, Duo. He was still in shoes so it didn't matter to him but I was bare foot. I'm always an ass – do shit, think later.

"You don't want me to take the job?"

"You nearly died twice on L2."

"You so can't use that one on me, 'Ro – how many times have you nearly died?"

He shrugged. "A few. I lose count."

The hint of humour there – see, it had damn rubbed off on him after all these years – broke the last of my defences. "Maybe it'll be better, you know? We go back to making a difference and shit. Back to who we used to be." I took a step closer so that we were only divided by a few inches. "Just promise me, no jumping in fronta bullets, you ain't actually superman."

"Only if you promise no stupid stunts."

"Hey, it's me, babe," I said, cocking my head and going for a little grin that I hoped was kinda endearing. "I can only try not to be damn stupid."

Heero raised one eyebrow.

"Okay, okay, I promise. Happy?"

"Better."

With that, he leaned forward, taking the initiative and I kinda just went with it as his lips met mine tentatively at first until I opened my mouth, wrapped my hand around the back of his head and pulled him close. The fact we'd not fucked for a few days – I was not sure how long as technically we'd gone through time zones and forward in time or whatever – and that meant I felt like I wanted to climb into his skin at the first sexual contact in days between us and he seemed to get that I felt impatient. Maybe he was as impatient. We'd got into the habit of regular sex whether it was fucking or just a quick game of mutual masturbation or sucking each other off so that a few days off had made me feel really damn horny right now and pretty fucking hard.

Getting me out of my clothes was not a difficult task as I wasn't wearing much. He slid the zipper down on the sweatshirt, the sound of the teeth unlocking seemed damn loud as he did so and I looked up at the level of focus he was putting into that task. I shrugged it off my shoulders as a hand went to touch the ink at the top of my arm, those angel wings that spread to my shoulder and I let my hands return the favour, aiding in the removal of t-shirt, his touch leaving my skin as he moved his arms to help – thrown to the floor without any real thought. Maybe we were no longer pissed at each other but then there was the damn pressing need to do this now and cement something – that I wasn't leaving and we weren't fucked over because we'd both taken jobs away from each other.

Hey, we'd spent a war screwing and it didn't matter. It was three fucking years that we were apart from each other after that. Three years of shitty under covers for both of us and even after all that damn time we were back here. Back together. Back to kissing each other hard on the lips and dragging fingers over skin, the light scratch of finger nails, that hint of force that lurked every time we fucked.

Always came back to this. Been the same since we were fifteen and I offered to blow him for the first time. Huh. Seemed a million years ago as we collided into the bed a little ungracefully. I ended up underneath his body and didn't protest. Sometimes I would but it was message received. Heero wanted to top tonight so I figured I could let that happen as I slipped my fingers down to his jeans, undoing them, lowering the zipper carefully and he left the bed to remove them along with his shoes and boxers. I threw off mine and they landed somewhere and then backed myself up the bed, pushing the bags onto the floor, so that I was actually on it rather than having half my body off it.

Heero's body came back to mine and I asked the awkward question that needed asking.

"Lube?"

The question was kinda muffled against his lips but I sure as hell didn't have lube. I figured it was not something that was required in my go bag as that would mean I was thinking of getting laid which seemed kinda crass or fucked up. And I hadn't picked any up in the house after finding him waiting on the porch to come to the damn Sanc Kingdom. It seemed a pretty asshole move to assume that we would fuck considering how pissed he was at me. But now I regretted that. Yeah, there had been some lotionin this fancy ass suite but I'd thrown that to the floor. See, total dumbass move. And I also figured we'd failed some kinda gay couple travel code. Always travel with lube. Never know when it will be needed.

"I have some."

I could only look at him with my head cocked to the side as he moved off me to find his duffle that had ended up on the floor. I admired for a moment the view, him bent over looking through his bag and I felt it was the perfect moment for some sarcasm. Something about him being optimistic and thinking he'd get lucky but I figured that it wasn't the right time to be making some joke as he crawled back over me, his body aligning with mine ever so fucking perfectly, our hard dicks meeting each other in a slow grind, the friction and heat between us starting to become too much as I pulled him down to kiss him, flicking and probing my tongue into his mouth, mixing his taste of stale coffee with mine of stale booze. I tried to indicate that this was a fucking 'nuff, that we could skip whatever foreplay we were going for and I pushed him up off me which earned me a look of surprise in those deep blue eyes.

"Like this," I said, dictating what I wanted through my body rather than through more words.

He understood as I rolled over and raised myself onto all fours and I felt him move to behind me, a hand wandering down the expanse of my back, feeling the bump of my spine creating this tingling along my nerves that was not helping the ache in my groin and the need to cum. His hand finally reached my ass and I shuddered at the first experimental touches. I barely noticed the sound of a cap or anything as I felt one hand reach underneath me, a few tugs on my cock making me breathless as the first finger probed. It was not that long since we'd had sex but still with this… with this Heero was always damn careful. That we could start off violent and pissed and angry but he wouldn't hurt me and I would never hurt him.

I knew I was damn in a bitch position but to me it was one that proved the complete and utter trust and faith I had him. That I turned my back to him – that I could do that without fearing for a damn knife or gun. Fuck, for me it proved more about the level of intimacy I had with Heero than if we looked each other in the eye and I didn't know if he knew that but then I figured it didn't matter if he did as I felt another finger join the first and then lips at the base of my back. The open mouthed kisses, the hint of tongue and the two digits scissoring were enough to drive me crazy without fingertips running along my dick and my arms were already struggling to keep my body in the damn position I was in. When I felt the addition of another finger, distracted this time by his hand leaving my cock and instead reaching for my braid, I thought about protesting as he pulled my head to the side to meet him for a sloppy and awkward kiss, his fingers still moving within me and hitting my prostate, making me gasp into his kiss.

"Heero…"

The way I said his name was fucking pleading, that I was being damn teased, that the fact my hands were supporting me meant I was kinda at his mercy and he was using the opportunity to tease all my available skin. My braid dropped from his hand to the bed and his lips travelled downwards from my shoulder until I looked back and I realised he'd taken the hint about my pleading – he was resting back on his heels behind me, his eyes obscured by his hair, his lubed cock in his hand and I turned my face back towards the headboard and the wall as I felt the first intense moment of pressure, the slow slide and that weird pain/pleasure mix that came from the first moments of fucking.

His hands were hard at my hips, nails digging in a little and not allowing me any movement but right now, I didn't want to, I just panted, closed my eyes, my head dangling downwards toward the bed and took in the feeling of him, hot and hard inside me, hands on me – feeling connected. More connected than we'd felt for a long time. Yeah, we were always fucking but most of the time it didn't have a whole lot of meaning to it apart from striving for release but this felt different. Jesus. Did not know the fuck why.

Any coherent thoughts got lost as I felt a slight pull out and then the same small movement in. It rippled through me and one of his hands left my hip, running across my side, reaching to touch my rib cage and nipples, building up a rhythm and pace, each thrust more confident, more assured and deeper and I rocked back into him, helping speed up the pace and I was rewarded with a noise from Heero that indicated he enjoyed it – a half growl, groan thing that was kinda sexy as I surrendered completely to my body's desire. Eyes closed, sweaty, hard cock leaking and Heero. It felt like all I ever needed or wanted in my damn life as I pushed back into him, the position and the depth making him hit the spot inside me that made me see fucking sparks and I was getting damn close from just prostate stimulation, never mind a hand on my cock.

I guess he realised I was close. The pants, the moans and the occasional "fucks" that flew from my mouth were a pretty easy give away but he tended to have more stamina – guess all that damn experimentation had to have some advantages – and I suddenly felt a firm arm around my chest and he'd stopped moving. His breathing was heavy, that I could hear, and I guess he wasn't that far from shooting his load either but he'd stopped. I was about to speak when the pressure of that arm made me figure out what he wanted me to do – I spread my legs wider around his thighs and he supported me to the position of sitting in his lap, my back to his chest, his tongue now flicking at my ear lobe, my braid pinned between our sweaty bodies. My eyes fluttered open at the change, as he was now deeper inside me without even moving and he was restraining me pretty damn effectively.

If we were in our normal fucking routine, sex every other day or whatever the hell it worked out as, this would be a normal thing. That some nights we'd bring one another to the peak and stop and slow and try and make it damn last. Tonight I didn't need it to damn last. Just needed to come hard and feel him come hard and know we weren't fucked as we had this. But he wasn't playing that game, instead, he'd stopped totally and I tried to move a little, to create some friction but I couldn't against him. Always gonna be stronger than me.

"Move, damn it," I said.

Not really the most romantic shit or even remotely loving but it was frustrating. I could feel him inside me, every inch and I just wanted movement. I didn't mind the attention he paid to my neck or my shoulders – those feather light kisses, brushes of lips – as they felt kinda nice but I didn't want to feel nice. I wanted to be fucked. And he wasn't doing that.

His lips were at my ear and I felt his breath with each word. "You said you loved me."

My eyes now flew open to try and look at him despite the awkwardness of the position and I turned my head to see his expression at least a little. I couldn't really see being unable to turn my head entirely but I could feel his breath, feel the expression on his face and the kisses against my neck, nudging my hair away with his nose.

I had said it. Okay. I hadn't figured it at the time but I had. I'd said those three words in anger but I'd said them. The last time I'd said anything similar was when I was talking to my damn wrist in that cell. There was a slight flex of his hips, something I wasn't sure if even he could control and my head fell back onto his shoulder at the sensations rippling through my every nerve. I felt this really was not the appropriate time for the big damn conversation. Love and future and shit.

"Did you mean it?"

Did I mean it? Hell, I say a lot of shit but I would never say something like that unless I meant it but right now I was not entirely coherent. If we'd not been in this position, if his arm was not holding me tight to his body, his lips on my neck, him hard inside me, I might have deflected, joked, evaded and high tailed it outta that difficult situation. But you know, I'd really run outta ammo when we were like this and maybe this was the only way to get me to admit feelings and then I'd never have to admit them again. So I figured I'd just go with the whole truth, nothing but the truth and all that jazz.

"Yeah," I panted, "now move, damn it, 'Ro."

I heard this thing that was as near as he would get to a chuckle against my skin and the words that I'd never thought I'd hear in a million years – words that I thought I was incapable of never mind Mr Emotionally Stunted – and one hand moved down to my hip in an attempt to steady me as his grip loosened and I raised myself up, aided by him to come back crashing down, sending shockwaves through both of us.

"Love you."

Love you. Little words. Tiny words but as we moved together, me wrapping a hand around the back of his head, my body twisted in a way that was in no way comfortable but sure as hell did not matter as he thrust up to each of my downward motions and we fucked harder, faster, deeper than I ever felt we had. The position, the words and the feel of his chest slick against my back was bringing me close to the point of no damn return but as he jerked in a less steady rhythm I knew he was far too close and his hand reached for my cock, assured slick strokes bringing me to my pinnacle until I felt him thrust as deep as he could one time, the soft "yes" that signalled his climax like it always did against my shoulder. His hand had stilled on me as he shuddered against me and I was about to take matters into my own hands when he figured that I hadn't come yet and rectified that with a few more strokes, teasing the slit and I hunched forward, almost falling and if his arm wasn't damn supporting me I would've as I felt my own release, hot and sticky against his hand, the sheets, my stomach.

Our bodies didn't separate straight away, figured we both needed a few moments to come down, feeling him softening inside me and our breathing return to normal.

"I need to move," I said as I felt my thighs start to tense from the position. His hands left my skin and I crawled forward a little before just falling to the bed on my stomach, not really caring. It took a second for him to join me, an arm thrown across my back, and I turned my head to look at his face.

I think I was grinning goofily. It must have been because he smiled back – that small subtle quirk of lips that only I got. My body still thrummed, each nerve like something electric under my skin and I had no words. Least not yet.

"We're okay?"

"Yeah, babe, we're okay," I replied, leaning to kiss him, the tiny movement creating an ache in my muscles. "I think after that we're kinda fucking awesome."

"The jobs –"

"We'll work it out."

And we would. But right now, all I needed was some fucking sleep.