A/N: Okay, thanks for the reviews and I'm glad people are with me for the twice weekly updates. For me, I've nearly been working on this universe on and off for a year and a half and there's a part of me that just wants to mark it complete. And due to the angsty nature of this chapter, I have posted a happy 1x2 one-shot as I felt mean. As cliffhangers... yes... a lot of them coming up...

Song for this chapter is Monster by Paramore

Chapter Fifteen

Monster

If there's a point to just go "fuck it" to doing anything legally, it was now. And Wufei may have always been the one I'd thought of as respectable and all – rules and conduct and shit – he soon gave into my way of thinking, watching out as I jacked a car, picking something boring, grey, dull as shit. Nothing fancy. Never draw attention to ourselves and all. Learnt that in a life of undercover.

"Done that a lot?" he asked as he got in, his eyebrow raised.

"More than you want to know."

It wasn't that we couldn't damn afford to get a rental, as hell yeah we could, I had the relevant currency and all – my go bag was well equipped – but it was an attempt to avoid our moves being too obvious. Even if we were walking into a trap. Quat had got in touch and his damn techs had only a vague location for Roth – his signals being pinged off too many fucking towers and satellites. I'd not understood it all, shit, I knew enough about tech to survive but I was a hands on dude, not like 'Ro, but I got it. We knew they were in Europe. Or Northern Africa. So shit, at least we weren't too far away.

But hell if it mattered us being sneaky if it was a trap. It was now night as I drove. Wufei gave me directions, the tablet in his hand as I drove a little too fast but not too fast to draw attention. Even as I drove, I felt my heart rate increase a little. I tried to imagine the best scenario here. Heero was in a shipping container being tortured. We'd have to sneak to get to him, take out Roth's men as we went and try to drag him out in his injured state. The other scenarios included him not being there – this being all a set up for me to be captured and tortured too. And then there was the worst damn option – Heero dead. Which I was not gonna believe. I'd never believed he was all those years that I'd been undercover as I figured I'd know – some stupid as shit belief that if he was dead, I'd fucking know, so I was going with that now as I made my way around the streets of Berlin, listening to 'Fei's calm instructions of "left" and "right".

The Westhafen port was a damn large place. Even now, supplies and shit still got delivered by boat and damn, the yards were full of large carrier barges and rows and rows of stacked shipping containers.

We parked up in a lot, the normality of that situation making me wanna laugh, and then I was grabbing what supplies we'd need. Trowa's bag of weapons remained in the back seat along with the tablet and laptop. We programmed the signal into my phone so we could track the little red dot that pin-pointed the co-ordinates and I checked the barrel of the handgun, paranoia gripping me, as a part of me damn knew this was a stupid as fuck idea. A part of me figured this was some kinda trap – that there was no way 'Ro would be here but then… shit, I had to confirm.

"I'll take point," I said and Wufei just gave a brief nod in response. There was something about working with him that meant I didn't have to explain my intentions too damn much and it felt good. Felt good to be backed up. Felt like the war. And for once, I wasn't being a stupid ass and I was accepting the help.

I walked between the containers, my phone telling us we were getting closer and my eyes scanned every direction, looking up as that's where I'd damn be. I'd be waiting, armed with a machine gun, ready to fire the people underneath me but I didn't know what the plan was here and fuck, I didn't think Roth had ever been as straightforward as me.

We walked carefully, slowly, my boots making a noise on the hard concrete under foot and I felt the drizzle of the night and I guessed it all seemed damn appropriate for what was about to happen. My anxiety level was high as I stepped forward and I was just fucking waiting for something – anything, damn it.

And it didn't help my heart. I'd not felt this for a damn long time. The way my heart felt too large for my chest, the way each beat seemed to reverberate around my rib cage. Ba dum. Ba dum. Fuck, stress was obviously not good for the ticker but fuck, I was not gonna turn and tell Wufei. Not going to walk away as this was too important.

The map on my phone indicated we'd got to the correct container and I glanced up expecting something but all I saw was the damn sky and no snipers, no nothing. Wufei looked just as unsure as I did at the silence, the quiet, and there being no one damn around was more unsettling than if Roth's men had been out in force. If guns had been firing at us, if we'd been ducking between the shadows of shipping containers. It all felt damn near wrong and I scooted around to the doors of the container, hugging the metal sides as though still waiting for the ambush I expected, holding my breath to see men with guns pointed at my head but all I saw was another line of containers. No one else around.

Wufei followed, his footfalls silent and as I drew closer to the door, I heard a noise that made my heart hammer in my chest way too fucking hard. Ba dum. For a second, I got flashbacks, to the pain I'd felt in my chest, to the feelings of my heart sputtering and giving up, but I took a breath and listened. Okay, the grunts, the moans of pain could not be Heero and it was too damn obvious for him to be here – to be led here but then my brain was not thinking of logic and practicality. It was thinking of how the fuck do I open this door and get to Heero? How could I do it as quickly as I damn could?

As the sounds – fuck, I knew all his sounds. I knew the sound of his chuckle, deep, throaty, I knew how he sounded when we fucked, the grunts and the moans, and I knew his satisfied sigh that would escape his lips when he didn't think I noticed, when we were just relaxed and curled up around each other. And it was him.

I grabbed at the padlock and felt Wufei's hand stop me.

"Quietly," he cautioned and I nodded.

There were instincts that had come alight when I heard the sounds coming from that container and shit, I was not thinking straight. Maybe Zechsy baby had been right. Shit, personal feelings got in the way. As my personal safety, my life, hell, I'd sacrifice that for Heero to live any damn day of the week. He never deserved to die just because I fucking loved him.

Instead, I used the lock picks I still carried around like some kinda security blanket, using them quickly and letting the simple lock fall to the ground. It seemed a woeful lack of security and if I was thinking clearly, which I wasn't, I'd know that Heero wasn't going to be inside. There was no fucking way. And as I nodded to Wufei, as I raised my weapon, I opened the door, the metal creaking, damn rusty and we entered into a dully lit metal box.

It was then I figured a few fucking things. The noises, those moans of pain, that damn awful sound were not here as the noise was wrong and I figured it out. It was too echoey. A damn recording. And as my eyes met the single person in the room, his head covered, I was sure it wasn't Heero and this was all some trick, all some diversion. All some way for us to lose fucking time. But I still had to know.

I still checked, still walked across the metal floor, my boots making a loud din with each step, and I approached the chair, the man in it, bound, a black hood hiding his face. I knew it wasn't 'Ro but I had to confirm, had to see it as clear as I damn well could with my own blue eyes so I grabbed the hood, pulling it off to see a man who had an almost… approximation of Heero's looks. Skin tone, blue eyes, dark hair but it wasn't him.

"Where is he?" I said, my hands on the guys shoulders, shaking him.

The chair underneath him was one like 'Ro had been strapped to, his hands pinned behind his back and the guy had suffered a beating though nothing like the torture I'd seen Heero endure. Nothing like the nail gun in his abdomen. Nothing like the drugs that I guessed had been used to subdue him, make him drowsy and confused. And fuck the guy looked wide eyed and scared as I shook him, as I grabbed at his bare shoulders.

"Tell me what you fuckin' know!"

The guy only looked at me, wide-eyed, his mouth open and I brought out my gun, pressing the barrel to his temple. "Tell me what the fuck you know or your goddamn brains will end up staining this little box, you hear me?"

"Maxwell!" Wufei grabbed at me and I turned, my fist raised and I connected, the rage and anger I felt finally bursting through and fuck, it was a harder punch than I intended, Wufei's head snapped to the side and he didn't retaliate, only stepped back.

"You want me to ask nicely?" I asked, my voice strained as I turned to him, the gun still pointed at the man's head.

"I think threatening to kill someone makes them less willing to talk."

I glared at him. "You said you agreed, 'Fei, you damn well knew we'd have to do things that weren't legit."

"You don't have to become like Roth to get information." He returned my glare with one of his own. Impassive, unmoving, his dark eyes shining in the limited light. "I want no part of it," he said and he started to walk out, "not like this."

"Fine!" I shouted, my voice echoing around the container, over the sounds of Heero's fucking torture and I heard my tone. Desperate. Strained. Fuck, not even me, you know? "I'll get Heero back by my own damn self!"

It sounded childish and damn petulant as I watched him leave, turning my attention back towards the man.

"Now you and me… we're gonna have a little chat."

He flinched as I turned towards him, the look on his face suggesting he knew that I was not a nice person and fuck, I smiled my old Shinigami smile, the one I'd not done since L2 and brought out one of the nice shiny new blades Trowa had brought for me. One thing I hadda say about Trowa even though we'd never truly seen eye to eye. The guy knew his weapons. Fuck did he. The blade was a thing of beauty.

"I don't know…" he began and his English was good but accented so I figured one of Roth's men.

"You don't know what?"

I brought the blade out in front of his face, showing him the sharpness in the low light, and I wondered what Heero had been threatened with. Whether they'd even tried intimidation or just gone straight for damn well beating him. Hey, I was being nicer – a few threats, verbally or physically as the guy was shaken enough. I dragged the blade across his face, not cutting but his eyes widened, his throat bobbed, and I figured he was either a damn fine actor or he was innocent.

"…anything…"

I dragged the knife to his throat, where his Adam's apple bobbed, and I got real damn close, our eyes level. His blue were not as bright as 'Ro's but the fact that Roth had left someone that had the vague look of him… well that was just damn creepy.

"Where is Heero Yuy?"

"I… don't know," he said, slowly, clearly. "I don't even know who he is!"

"Seriously? Then let me ask you another question… where's Roth?"

His eyes flickered then and it gave something away and I pressed the blade in deeper, not quite breaking the skin but it was a close call.

"You work for Roth, right?"

He exhaled out a short "yes" and I moved the blade back, flicking it in my hand in some show of intimidation as I walked around him to where his hands were bound.

"So tell me why the fuck he wanted me here? This a trap?"

"I don't know!" he shouted and his voice echoed around as I came behind him, grabbing for a finger, and I pushed back on it, bending it in a way that it was not meant to be bent.

"The man that Roth has is the man I damn love. And right now, he is being fucking tortured and so I will do what is happening to him to you."

He whimpered pathetically as finally, I'd bent too far and the soft "pop" of the finger breaking was heard, and fuck, I could do a lot worse. Maybe it was better Wufei left. Maybe I didn't want anyone to see me like this – what I would become for the ones I loved. As shit, right now Duo had left the building and the guy was left with Shinigami. Fuck if anyone wanted to be left with him.

"I don't know anything! I was told to set this place up… set the recording going… I was with someone else…"

"Someone else was here?" I interrupted and suddenly my mouth went dry as I walked back around to his front, pointing the blade in his direction.

"There was! We'd set everything up… and then I had a hand around my mouth and then I woke up like… like you found me."

I listened, saw the flickering of his eyes, saw the fear and confusion, the pain he damn well felt and I threw the knife – not the most sensible thing – and it made a loud clatter as it hit the sides and I felt a frustration as this was all just a waste of damn time. This guy… this guy had nothing. I could torture him for hours, do all the shit they'd done to 'Ro, nail gun and all, but he was just some patsy and fuck, I was not going to get anything outta him but the whimpering. I walked over to where the tape played, the sound of Heero's voice and grabbed the memory card from the player, sliding it in the back of my jeans and then I grabbed for my knife, looking back once to the guy in the chair before I made my exit.

"Hey! You need to untie me!"

"One of Roth's guys can do that… not me, buddy."

He rocked the chair impatiently as I left and for one moment I thought about doing the decent thing as he'd been tricked by Roth just as I had. But instead, I saw the fear in his wide eyes as I closed the door back on him.

I took a deep breath, looked up at the night sky and for one moment I let myself feel damn hopeless but then the cloud covering the moon had kinda disappeared and I could see it. And fuck, I wondered where he was, where Heero was as I'd done all those years ago and I had to believe. Yeah, Roth had tricked us, Roth had used us and damn wasted our time but I was not giving up. I was a stubborn motherfucker and I would win.

Now I just had to find 'Fei, tell him I hadn't done the damn worst thing, hope that he'd not abandoned me and hope that he realised I wasn't completely lost. That I wasn't a damn monster. As shit, he'd seen so damn much and stood by me. I needed his help. I needed… fuck I needed something.

So I walked back through the containers, the caution I'd used to get to the damn dead end not used as fuck, if there was someone gonna try and get me, they could try. My mood was pretty murderous and if anyone attacked me, one of Roth's men, I'd kill them with my bare hands.

It was then I heard something, quiet, someone who walked like me and I expected 'Fei, his soft footfalls, the way his strides were controlled, measured. But then I felt it. The small pinprick on my neck and I turned quickly behind me to see a shadow, something I barely saw in a flash and I lifted my hand to the point where pain radiated out and the first thing I thought was a list of long swear words that I couldn't articulate as I fell to my knees.

This was what I expected, Roth had always been an asshole and this was him all over as I felt a weird sensation in my body, as I felt a shortness of breath and yeah, this was a goddamn trap and I wondered as I felt my body fall to the hard concrete, if this was what had taken down Heero. It was as I was starting to lost consciousness that I sensed someone above me and I was kicked, hard onto my back. My eyes flickered open to see a guy in shadows and I ignored him in favour of looking one more time at the moon bright in the night sky.

And fuck, I thought about Heero, about where he was and how we were both damn doomed now as my eyes closed and I found myself drifting into weightlessness thinking of how I wished I could get my hands on Roth and how I never would.