Disclaimer: I do not own The 100 or the characters in it. They are owned by Kass Morgan
Summery: Clarke was always good at keeping secrets. In fact, she's been keeping one since she was six years old and it's about to come out in the open.
Couples: Bellarke eventually
Rating: T probably because of swearing mostly but also because of mature content.
Thank you all who reviewed! .1297 Wright, Vampir3.S3duction , Guest, EmLouD, ptl4ever419 ,Dog and Ghost Whisperer, and of course Sey77 it means the world to me!
XOXOXO
Bellamy didn't sleep all night. He knew he should since tomorrow he was leading a hunting party, and being sleep deprived was a vulnerability him and his camp couldn't afford but...he just couldn't close his eyes.
He couldn't close his eyes without thinking about Clarke.
Last night, couple hours after she cried finally herself to sleep, Bellamy carries her to his tent for her to sleep in peace without his sister asking what happened. He lies her down and looks at her sleeping form in wonder.
How could he have not known her for so long?
He sat in front of the bonfire thinking about life on The Ark. Of course he knew about her. She was Clarke Griffin; child of the second most powerful family. Her and Wells were considered the untouchables to any young adult. No one wanted to speak to them, in fear that they were just like Jaha and the council that ruled and threw punishment without hesitation. Everyone was silent to the pair, not kind nor cruel and assumed they would one day rule The Ark. He always thought she was just another spoiled Phoenix stationed brat that got everything handed to her.
Boy, how wrong he was. Clarke was the bravest, strongest person he has ever known. She loved with her whole heart and would do anything, no matter how insane, for the people she loved. She is a fighter and a survivor but most of all, she was a selfless and loyal to a fault.
He couldn't comprehend how someone as selfless as Clarke continued to protect him even after he was such a dick to her. Especially after he got accepted into the training program.
(Flashback)
It's been a week since Clarke took Aurora's place, and she was slowly trying trying to stay strong. She knows she did what she had to do for people she considered family but to be honest...she was falling apart at the seams. She couldn't sleep at night, Dashnaw's smirking face haunted her every time she closed her eyes. No matter how many times she tried to scrub his touch off her, she would never be clean again. She can rub her skin till it bled, but she would forever be tainted and that was something she had to get used to.
She knows she did what she had to do for her family, but she can't help but be a little resentful to Aurora. Didn't she know how this whole thing would affect her?! Did she even care? Clarke knows she purposely seduced Dashnaw into not wanting the older woman but she was surprised her mother figure didn't even fight for her innocence. Aurora was the adult and she was suppose to protect her too! She always told her that she loved her like her third child...was all that just a ruse so she would continue to help her?!
She shook her head as she made her way to the seamstress' home. No matter what she wouldn't abandon Octavia or Bellamy. Octavia is the first person, EVER, to care about Clarke and not judge her in anyway and Clarke was desperate to keep her. Octavia was her sister, just as much as she was Bellamy's and she would never leave her.
"Miss Griffin, what a pleasure." A voice says from behind her and she freezes in her steps. It was the very familiar voice she hoped she would never have to hear again.
She turns and sees him standing a foot away from her with that disgusting smirk on his face. There are no words to describe how much she wanted to punch him until his face had so much damage he'd never be able to smirk again.
"Mr. Dashnaw." She acknowledges coldly wanting him to get as far away from her as possible. She won't run away though, she was stronger than that. She stares at him straight in the eyes; she was no victim.
"Oh please darling, call me Joe." He says holding up a hand in protest. Her eyes harden and he holds his second hand up in a mock surrender.
"Whatever you prefer." He jokes before stepping back.
"Just know if you ever need another favor...my door is always open for you." He taunts her as he walks past her, purposely getting into her personal space as he walks away.
Clarke watches him go and she can feel her legs getting shaky and her hands start to shake. Before she can even think about it, she collapses on the floor and a river of tears run down her pale face. She kept repeating in her mind that she was stronger than this, that she was not nor would she ever be a victim.
Yes, she made the decision to take Aurora's place and she would have to live with her choice forever, but if there was thing Clarke was; it was a survivor. She would make it through this. It just won't be easy but in the end it'd be worth it and it would make her stronger.
She doesn't know how long she sits outside the Blake's door, but she just couldn't make herself to knock on the door. She couldn't face her best friend. She was dirty and it was her own fault. Octavia didn't need her anymore. She needed Bellamy, he was still pure in all this; he can protect O better than she ever can. Maybe she should get out while she still had some sanity left. Who cares if she was alone from now on, no one needed her anymore. She wasn't anyone special; Octavia would survive without her.
"What are you doing out here?" A harsh voice interrupts her thoughts and she looks up and sees Bellamy's hard face staring down at her with such anger. He was staring at her like she was vermin, something so disgusting he can barley look at. It broke her heart. All she wanted to do was run into his arms and tell him everything, but she knew she couldn't
Clarke quickly wipes her eyes and stands up with shaky legs.
"I'm sorry." She whispers not wanting to look at him.
"Well get moving back to your own section." He orders wanting her as far away from his door as possible. His baby sister didn't need to hear some brat crying outside their door when Octavia was suffering in ways this bitch couldn't even imagine.
Clarke slowly starts walking away and Bellamy shakes his head in anger that the second most privileged kid on the Ark had the audacity to cry outside his door.
"Princess bitch needs to go back to where she belongs. Won't get any sympathy from me or my family." He mutters and sees Clarke freeze in her steps. He knows she heard him and wonders if she will say anything to him or even report him. He may lose his spot in training before he even becomes a guard. To most she was untouchable, but to him, she was just another Phoenix queen who had everything while him and his family had so little.
He wouldn't put it past the princess to report him. Bitch probably never had anyone have the balls to insult her, when in reality no one liked her. No one wanted her to parade her privilege in front of them.
Unseen to Bellamy, Clarke closes her eyes and tries to stop the tears flowing. A part of her wanted to scream at him, tell him what an asshole he is and how much she has given up for him of all people. But instead she takes a deep breath and just continues walking.
She was not a victim, she was The Ark's Princess Bitch and it was time for her to start acting like it.
(End Flashback)
By first light, Bellamy practically runs to Clarke's tent where he knows his sister slept last night. He may be mad at her and vice versa but he had questions and they couldn't wait. When he enters the camp, he isn't surprised to see Octavia already awake. She was always an early riser. She was sitting on Clarke's bed, tying up the laces on her boots so she can gather some food for her and Clarke.
"What do you want?" Octavia asks rudely. She knows she said some things last night that were uncalled for, but what her own brother did to her was almost unforgivable.
"Why didn't you tell me it was Clarke that got me the job as the guard?" He asks his sister bluntly and Octavia's eyes widen as she stands up.
"I'm surprised Clarke even told you; she said she never wanted you to know." She answers, knowing what they were fighting about would have to be put on hold for this conversation. If Bellamy knew, she knows he must be freaking out and guilty about everything and Octavia wasn't heartless enough to turn him away. She also knows Clarke won't answer any of his questions.
Bellamy ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He knew she didn't want him to know but he should have been told! The second they stopped fighting he should have been told so he can do something to redeem himself!
"But why!? Clarke and I were getting along! I had a right to know!" Bellamy practically yelled at her.
"You don't get it Bell! Clarke did what she did to protect mom; to spare her the pain. Clarke's relationship with mom was complicated. Mom loved Clarke like she loved us, but she also confided in her in ways she never confided in us. She would tell Clarke everything she hid from us. All the work she had to do to make sure the three of us had enough to eat; the worry I would be caught at any moment, wishing dad didn't bail so she wouldn't feel so alone, everything." She confessed to her brother as he sits on Clarke's make shift bed and she sits beside him.
She knows this is a lot of information for him, but he needs to know it.
"But after what happened...Clarke felt like mom should have protected her instead of letting her take her place. Clarke always told me she wouldn't take back her decision because she did it for you too but she admitted she was surprised mom didn't step up and be the adult in the situation. Their relationship was strained for a long time...up until Dashnaw was finally arrested and floated." She says softly remembering the happy look on her mother's face when she told her Dashnaw was finally no longer a problem. She also remembers the months before that Clarke would only come over once every two weeks. It broke her heart to see her best friend was dealing with something so traumatic alone. She could barely look at her mother she was so angry.
Bellamy looks at Octavia will a pained look on his face. He just couldn't wrap his mind around this.
"I still wish I knew about Clarke this whole time. If I knew about her when we were growing up, I would never have let her do that." He says softly and Octavia put her hand over his in comfort.
"After that day, I would wish that too. Clarke needed someone and I couldn't be there for her outside out house. I even wished something else would bring the two of you together. She was always protecting you and you basically fought her every second of it; claiming she was this privileged brat. I almost punched you when you complained about her." She pointed out and he cracked a sad smile at the thought.
"You should have, I deserved it." He says and she gives him a small smile.
"You didn't know Bell. Clarke never blamed you for what she did." She says and he stares at her.
"She should." He says seriously.
XOXOX
Hours later, when his hunting party comes back with a panther, deer, and a couple rabbits, Bellamy hands his game to Sterling who was on skinning duty with a nod.
He spots Clarke in the drop ship, tending to Miller who got a small gash on his arm when he was trying to catch a rabbit. She was smiling at him softly as he probably told her how the hunting went in a more comical sense. Miller was quiet to most, but he would open up to few and Miller was very protective of Clarke.
He can't help but watch her in amazement. His co leader was strong. He knew he had to do something to thank her for all she did for him since they came down here but he also wanted to apologize for what she had to do. If he knew about her, he would have protected her in ways she protected him.
He walks to the drop ship and her smile doesn't even falter. How can she even look at him after what he indirectly did? He hurt her in every possible way and she's been nothing but amazing to him since before they came down here. She believed in him, hell she even got Jaha to pardon his crimes!
"I was just telling Clarke here how I caught most of the meat tonight." Miller jokes when he reaches them and Bellamy rolls his eyes at his friend. Miller might be the strongest guard, but he was no Bellamy when it came to hunting.
"Yeah keep telling her that. We both know who really caught the panther and three rabbits." He says and points to himself making Miller shake his head at him.
"So modest both of you." Clarke jokes as she finishes Miller up with a smile and sends him on his way.
"So, what's up?" Clarke asks looking at him for a second before she cleans up.
"Nothing, just wanted to check on you." He says softly as if he was talking to a child and Clarke stops and looks at him harshly.
"Don't do that." She warns him and he just looks at her confused.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
"Don't you dare pity me Blake! If I knew you would act this way I would have kept you in the dark!" She exclaims and he looks at her shocked before backing away.
"Clarke I wasn't..."He tries to deny but she holds up her hand to stop him.
"You are and I won't listen to it for another second! I did what I did and even though you were an asshole to me, I never regretted it. Your cruelty...thinking of me as the 'Princess Bitch' helped me more than you know. I got through what happened on The Ark; it's time you get through it too, because we need you, I need you, here on Earth not up on in space." She says before walking out of the drop ship and back to her tent.
Bellamy watches her go thoughtfully, before quickly running after her. He storms into her tent after her and she looks surprised.
"What?" She asks looking at him like she wanted to punch him.
"It was you wasn't it? Dashnaw...he got floated three months after I got accepted into the program. It was you that reported him." He says, not even making it into a question. He knows Clarke well enough now to know she would get her revenge on the man that took her innocence. She was cunning like that.
Clarke stares at him for a couple seconds before nodding.
"That bastard deserved to float long before I ever reported him. The only reason my name was never mentioned was because my mother begged Jaha to keep that information confidential." She says unemotionally.
"How?" He had to ask and Clarke gave a tiny smirk. It was emotionless and dark but Bellamy felt a swell of pride for her.
"Well that day you found me outside your door? The day you called me the Ark's Princess Bitch? Well I knew I didn't want yours or anyone's pity and decided to do something about him once and for all. I knew I had to do something to make sure Dashnaw never abused his power or touch anyone again." She says.
"I started planning on ways to frame him. I was going to talk to a woman in the black market and get something, anything illegal to plant in his office but I knew he would just get away with it. I had to do something that the council couldn't cover up or brush aside. So I decided to tell her the truth...somewhat." She explained and his eyes go wide.
"You told you're mom?" He asks shocked and she quickly shook her head.
"No. A couple months after...he came into the Med Bay, which you know have cameras, and when I was giving him his exam, he was flirting and I may have flirted back to him and he grabbed my ass. So when he left I told my mom, giving my best performance and he got arrested for sexual assault. Dashnaw even tried convincing Jaha I wanted it, wanted him, but no one would listen to him." She tells him and he shakes his head.
She looks him dead in the eyes and Bellamy gulps in nervousness.
"So I refuse to receive your bull shit pity. I'm a survivor and no one, not you, not Aurora, not my mother, not even Joe fucking Dashnaw can break me."
Bellamy nods in understanding not wanting to upset her.
"I just wish I knew about you to stop you from having to do any of it in the first place. Is that so wrong?" He asks her softly and her expression softens.
"You have no idea how long I wished Aurora would let me tell you everything. How many times I wanted to just say 'screw it' and just run and tell you anyway. But in the end, you being so cruel to me? Always giving me dirty looks, talking shit about me to your friends, talking shit about me to your sister? You made me stronger and I needed that." She admits
He says nothing but wraps his arms around her in a tight embrace. She was frozen in shock but after a couple seconds, she returns the hug and holds him just as tight as he's holding her.
She had to admit, it felt nice to be held this way. After what happened, she never let any male get close to her physically. The only one allowed to touch her was her father who she trusted more than life, but this was nice. She felt like she's known Bellamy her whole life and for him to finally see her, after being in the shadows for so long as too nice for words.
When they finally break away, they both have small smiles on their faces.
"Let's put the past behind us and just focus on what's going on now. Agreed?" Bellamy asks her softly brushing a stray piece of hair away from her face in a platonic way.
Clarke nods.
"Agreed."
TBC
In case anyone is wondering, I'm still slow burning Bellarke romance. I can't just drop a bomb shell like I did and then BAM have them kissing it up. It just wouldn't seem realistic. Hope everyone enjoyed.