Ed Edd n Eddy Belong to Danny A. I own nothing, not even this laptop.
The children of the Cul-De-Sac played in the early clear summer air. Rolf, Kevin, and the Ed's were picking teams for a game of pick up football. Nazz, Jimmy and Sara decided to play at being cheerleaders for the respective teams. Kevin winning the coin toss against Eddy got to pick his first teammate.
"Rolf Dude, you're up."
"Throwing the pig carcass instead of justly devouring it is the point of the game yes?" Rolf inquired as he went to stand next to Kevin holding the one football that they had managed to find that day. "Uh yeah man...Totally." Kevin responded not entirely certain he had just confirmed the fundamentals of football or just gave Rolf the permission to eat it for lunch.
"Fine then I'll pick..." Eddy went back and forth between his two friends squinting his eyes and measuring out distance, this went on for nearly a full minute, Ed stood there with a happy go lucky grin upon his face and Double D tapped his foot impatiently, arms crossed waiting for Eddy to make the logical decision so that they could continue on with the silly game.
"Ed! Get over here Lumpy!" Laughing happily Ed ran over and got a pat on the head by Eddy, now confident that they could win Shovel chin wouldn't know what hit him. Now hopefully Kevin would choose Johnny and Eddy would get his strategist. That's when the reality of the situation struck him.
"Hey!" Eddy cried in outrage pointing between the two teams as Double D went over to timidly stand next to Kevin and Rolf. "What gives Benedict Traitor!?"
"Well Eddy it is simple were only the five of us, Kevin chose first so in the natural transgression of events that would cause...me..to..."
Double D trailed off as Eddy's face slowly grew more and more furious. The Ed's stuck together! On any team! Eddy couldn't do this with only Ed they would get creamed! Ed was starring up at the clouds reminiscing on the horror movie that he watched last night, man if only he had someone to bounce the movie's off of! Eddy and Double D could only stand so much cheesy Hollywood acting, Sara had threatened him with telling Mom and acts of physical violence if he ever had her sit down and watch one with him again, and he was not sure if the other kids even liked the same genre of movies that he did. Eddy's loudmouth and abrasive attitude brought him rudely out of his recap of where the blond heroine slayed the vampire space ninja from delta nine to rescue the hero from it's clutches.
"Well pick one of them then!" Eddy shouted in Kevin's face gesturing towards where Nazz, Jimmy and Sara sat cross-legged on the grass watching the spectacle.
"They said they didn't want ta play garbage can!" Kevin shouted back breathing heavily. Rolf looked on in quiet bemusement and Ed walked over to Double D who had one hand over his mouth propped up on his elbow and was shaking his head forlornly.
"Shameful, an absolutely shameful spectacle and to think that they consider each other friends."
"Romelus and Remeus were too once brothers Double D." Ed said, he remembered the quote from a movie that they watched in history class. If Ed could remember one thing it was fairly useless quotes from miscellaneous sources. Double D raised his eyebrows as he turned to face Ed shock evident on his face.
"That is completely correct Ed, how did you think to apply that to this situation?" Ed stared at him blankly, clearly he just felt that it was appropriate with all the yelling and whatnot. "Never mind Ed." Double D said the spell of Ed's intellect gone for the moment at least. Kevin and Eddy were currently harassing Jimmy to get up and play with the real men! Sara scared them off by growling at them and shaking her fist.
"This simply must stop." Double D said walking over to the now bickering trio and sitting down next to Nazz.
"What are you doing?" Eddy asked in confusion once sighting Double D.
"I am merely going to sit this little game out until Johnny and Plank arrive or we agree on something else." Kevin and Eddy looked at each other before Kevin just shrugged, as long as they played he was happy.
"Fine." Eddy muttered before threatening Johnny with obscure threats of revenge if he saw him again.
"Where is the to-large-gourd-for-natural-growth headed Johnny boy anyway?" Rolf asked Ed as they both walked to Kevin and Eddy.
"I don't know Rolf but Johnny and Plank are sure running fast towards us huh?" Ed remarked pointing down the street at a sprinting Johnny with Plank held over his shoulder, an excited smile across his face, that Ed simply had to copy. He liked seeing people smile.
"Guys! Hey Guys!" Johnny shouted skidding to a halt into Eddy, causing Eddy to fly into Kevin and Johnny and Plank to topple over onto the ground and gasp heavily. Eddy jumped up face red and seething, steam rising off of him in waves. The other kids crowded around Nazz assisted Kevin to his feet with a tiny grin.
"What!?" Eddy shouted ready to rip Johnny and Plank into firewood in moments, Kevin was close behind muttering about 'never being able to play his stupid game if all the dorks didn't show up'
"What's up dude?" Nazz asked with a raised eyebrow bending over a deep breathing Johnny. Johnny attempted to speak out, drawing in a deep breath of air as everyone strained to listen, merely to be disappointed as he let the air out in a grand whoosh of escaping carbon dioxide.
"Johnny perhaps it would be far more time contentious of us if we tried to guess what it was you need to tell us?" Double D ventured in the hopes that Johnny would not strain himself from the pretty clear sprint that he had undertaken.
Johnny nodded gratefully still breathing heavily Plank lying across his chest rising up and down in rhythm to his breathing, Ed could nearly see Plank give out identical gusts of air. 'Jelly Belly, by the seashore.' he thought to himself almost a rhyme he just needed some more time to finish it out.
"Very well I shall begin, did you learn something new Johnny?" Double D began, Johnny gave a thumbs up, on the right track! He next pointed to Sara taking everyone a tad by surprise unaware that they were taking turns.
"Is it stupid?" Sara asked snidely her lip curled in distaste. Johnny shook his head no.
"Are your ungainly limbs growing into your pumpkin-like sphere bald headed child?" Rolf asked, Everyone merely looked confused before all eyes turned to Jimmy.
"Uh...could it be?..." Kevin rudely interrupted before he could begin. "Could we please hurry this thing up already!" Sara glared at him before grabbing what little hair stuck out of his cap and bringing his face close to hers.
"IT's Jimmy's turn. Vomit breath." She hissed out protectively. Jimmy smiled at his protector in gratitude before asking.
"Does it concern us?" Johnny nodded before sitting up most of his breath back. "Yeah and I gotta show you guy's before it stops! "
"BUUUT" He said smiling mischievously "It's a surprise."
Everyone looked around to decide their new course of action. Eddy and Double D exchanged shrugs, Kevin sighed in exasperation now knowing that he would literally never get to play football that day, Nazz and Sara exchanged mutual looks wondering how long this would take. Finally someone spoke.
"Well lead on Johnny we should be able to see this oh so enigmatic 'thing' if we hurry." Johnny leaped up and began to bound around as if moments ago he was not gasping for air shouting over his shoulder for them all to come on as he hurried off.
The children of the Cul-De-Sac followed quickly behind in a clump as Johnny lead them first through the decrypted junk yard, past the construction site that for all these years still had not been completed due to the worker's strike. And on into the forest. The group of kids stopped nervous for fairly understandable reason, normally only misery followed them into the woods or onto the stream, of course it didn't happen just in there but still caution was needed.
"How far did you say you were taking us into the woods Johnny?" Double D asked nervously edging closer to Eddy causing the height difference to become more and more apparent.
"I didn't Double D!" Johnny shouted happily and did not answer the question. Soon the group hit a wall of sounds and smells that was the dividing line between their territory and the more dangerous one.
"Park and Flush trailer park." Eddy whispered in fear and loathing, he had attempted to avoid the Kanker Sister's home stomping grounds as often as possible, hell he didn't even know the place existed until they moved in! Now Johnny was taking them into enemy territory.
"Man this place smells rancid." Nazz muttered as they passed assorted multicolored trailers, inching closer to Kevin in hope of some form of masculine protection.
"What were you doing in this pit anyway?" Eddy asked crossly edging away from a trembling frightened Double D, both paranoid that their tormentors would pop out at any moment to sexually assault them, it had been a few weeks.
"Me and Plank here were playing army men! We had fallen into enemy territory when we heard foreign chatter and we found this!" He exclaimed proudly leading them around the side of a certain familiar blue double decker trailer parked squarely in the center of the Park and Flush. Jumping back he ushered the kids to stick their heads out around the side and low to the ground. Following Johnny, Rolf's and Ed's lead the other children hunkered down in the dirt and stared upon a sight that they had never seen with such ferocity.
May Kanker, curled in a ball. Her side leaning against the small wooden set of steps that passed for her family's front stoop. Crying, more then that sobbing, bawling her eyes out. Her hands thrust against them as though to keep the tears from washing them away.
The first one to snicker was Eddy, he flung himself around the side of the trailer and began to snicker uncontrollably. Double D turned to him shushing him so that the other Kanker sister's wouldn't hear him.
"Priceless man absolutely priceless!" Eddy cackled in a low voice as he pulled out a camera and began to snap photographs of the scene in front of him. Kevin smiled when he observed the act.
"Totally choice man, I'll buy some offa you for a jawbreaker." Eddy smiled and quickly agreed. Nazz looked offended giving Kevin a disappointed slightly hostile look.
"What I mean check out the dork! And she keeps harassing us! Hah! Dor-" Nazz grabbed Kevin by the ear and began to lead him away.
"You and I are going to have a nice long talk." Rolf grinned and followed along, these foreign children certainly knew how t keep the son of a shepherd entertained!
"Hmph, hope that she's crying for a long time. Come on Jimmy let's go." Sara said grabbing Jimmy's hand and pulling him quietly along. Johnny held Plank up to his ear before glancing off into the distance. "You said it buddy! She does look like a pufferfish!" He shouted before running off.
"And then there were merely three." Double D said.
"Oh man what do you bet she's crying about? Lost retainer to cure the overbite? Or maybe a..." Double D administered a withering glare upon Eddy's form that was nearly shaking from exuberance.
"Eddy! Need I remind you that no matter how difficult it is to believe May Kanker is too a human being, and as such is born with the need for comfort, respect and human sympathy as are we all?"
"Fine then Sock-head you go see what's wrong with her then." Double D stopped at that he pulled at his collar uncomfortably before glancing back at May's shivering form. He was terrified of the Kanker sisters but that did not change the fact that he could not look like a hypocrite in front of his friends. He was Eddy's and Ed's role model for goodness sake. Taking a deep breath Double D took the chance and strode out with his chest slowly deflating with every step.
Eddy glanced over at Ed a huge grin splitting his face before it disappeared at Ed's somber look.
"I do not think that it is funny." Ed looked at one of his best friends approaching the girl that scared the living daylights out of Ed, but still, she harassed him and he took the abuse, she was his responsibility just like how Lee Kanker and Marie Kanker were Eddy's and Double D's. That is how Ed viewed the bizarre painful terrifying relationship and he did not like the feeling of Double D approaching May, it was almost like his Father sleeping in Ed's chair or his mother picking up his room, it just went against the universal order of things.
Double D had by this point reached May, slowly he pulled out a handkerchief and began to hold it out towards her. "Um...pardon me May...I...ah."
"Go away!" May shouted out, bringing her head out but keeping her eyes closed tightly. Yelping Eddward jumped back, dropped his nice clean handkerchief upon the unsightly dirty ground and quickly jogged his way back to where his friends stood. He went past them and continued on his way back towards the Cul-De-Sac.
"Well clearly she is not in the mood to discuss things in a reasonable manner so I suggest that we depart for the moment." Eddy grinned and started after him. Ed stood his ground. The other two stopped and turned around in confusion.
"I'll catch up don't worry." Ed said giving a little grin and a wave. Edd was very confused but trusted Ed enough that he could find his way back."Jeez and you call me a pervert for what I have in my room." Eddy said turning and sauntering back towards home Double D in hot pursuit. As soon as the two of them were gone Ed faced May once again. His heart pounding he made his way out of his hiding spot and towards her crying form.
His heart thumping and fight or flight instinct on high alert Ed came to where May sat her tears still going strong. Ed picked up Double D's fancy tissue napkin and walked up to May.
"Are you alright May?" He asked in his blunt to the point manner.
"I thought I told you to scram!" May said as she whipped her head up to observe Ed, her big Ed standing over her. As she sat crying and ridiculous amounts of snot streaming from her nose, her eyes red from crying and hair a tangled disgusting mess.
"Ed?"She whispered in fear, he couldn't see her like this, no one could, especially not him! Ed sat himself down next to May and offered her the initialized handkerchief to her. She quietly excepted and began to clean off the slowly crusting liquids on her face.
"Why are you crying?" he asked. She sighed before her expression hardened and she turned her icy stare at him.
"You want to know?" Ed simply nodded, he could help her if she wanted to ask but he certainly wasn't going to extend the offer!She held up her sneaker for him to look at the sole, slowly flopping off like a tongue from all the holes.
"I never have nice things!Ever! And Lee and Marie make me work all the time and they insult my weight and...and...I'm not pretty...And." Her voice cracked and she began to bawl into the hanky again. Ed looked down before looking away his mind racing. He hadn't been in this situation before! He doubted any man had been in this situation before! If they had they should add it to a rule book for being a guy!
Ed decided to wing it he took a deep breath and card to touch May Kanker's face for one of the few times so far in his life that he willingly did so. Forcing her eyes to meet his he said the words firmly into her tear filled eyes. "Don't say that." She began to protest before he cut her off.
"You are pretty. You're sisters are being...themselves. Sara once bit me when we were babies but that didn't change anything!" He left out the point that she had bitten him numerous times after that and May left out the point that Sara was a cruel controlling brat for his sake. Then the thing he said before clicked home with her, she could stand her sisters. She had lived with them thus far without smothering them in their sleep she could last a little while longer, but Ed her Ed called her... "Pretty?" She asked eyes growing wide and star filled.
Ed did not like the way she was looking at him or the fact that the pink from crying was turning into an entirely new shade. He nodded nevertheless. May looked down at her fingers before speaking quietly.
"Thank you Ed." And then again louder as she tackled him around the waist "Thank You Ed!" she began to press her lips all over his face and neck as he squirmed at the unwanted affection, but strangely enough as he began their old motion of escaping her womanly grasp and beginning to run away, the kisses and lipstick stains did not burn his skin so much as ... they did...tickle...
He then did the next bravest thing of his life. Turning around he waved with a big happy grin on his face and called to her on her hands and knees smiling in bliss.
"I'll see you around!" before sprinting off to find his two musket bearing french friends!
May sighed sprawled out on the ground. She was ahead of Marie and Lee! Her Ed thought she aaas actually pretty! And he admitted it with no show of force! The screen door slammed and an obnoxious heavily accented voice called out.
"MAY! You out her.. oh there you are!" Marie said as she glanced down at her little sister "Come inside it's time for grub and.." Marie stopped and began to sniff the air she smelt something very familiar. She got the scent. "Suburb. Were the cattle here or something?" May quickly hid her hands with the hanky behind her back, she wanted to keep this to herself for now. An actual moment that her Ed gave to her!
"No...no why?"
"Hold on." Marie interrupted inspecting her sisters red face and tear stained grey T-shirt. "Have you been crying? Did they make you cry!?"Marie shouted in anger, no one picked on a Kanker except for other Kankers!
"Lee! Get the baseball bats! Those brats were picking on May!" Marie shouted back into the trailer, it was time for revenge served Kanker style!
"No! Marie!" May cried out in horror, somehow Ed had sensed her distress and came to comfort her! She can't let her sister's attack the entire neighborhood, her mind raced to come up with an appropriate excuse.
"I...I feel off the steps and that made me ah..." Marie raised an eyebrow before relenting as Lee came out of the trailer with two metal bats wrapped in barb wire.
"What is it? What's going on? If that creepshow has been hanging around here again.."
"Nah, forget it." Marie said turning to Lee "Miss Baby pants fell off the steps again, false alarm." Lee blew some air out of her nostrils.
"Don't scare me like that again. Now come on inside it's Meatloaf monday tonight." Marie grinned before sprinting in Lee following close behind. May smiled and entered her cozy little trailer, her sisters cared about her, Ed cared about her, she was having meatloaf. Yes this was a good night overall.
Ed eventually got back to his house after getting lost twice and getting directions from a raccoon. He spent the next two hours scrubbing off May's lipstick and saliva that felt tattooed into his skin.
Again I own nothing, Take this as you will preferably after BPS.