Hey, guys! I am back for another chapter~! (Second to the last chap, huhu)
And, just for a recap, we remember that the last two chapters were flashbacks (yes, guys, they were flashbacks, in case you didn't realize -.-) of how Blue came to be, and how exactly are the other characters (and by other characters, I mean mostly Red) connected to this story. Hopefully, shits have been cleared out because I plan to make this the "sorta" final chapter (the next one would be some sort of epilogue), and why am I explaining myself here? It's coz I realized that the course of this story has suddenly turned weird -.- I mean, not really near my usual standards, but hey~ If this is a bit dissatisfying, I can assure you guys that there are more to come~
But anywho, here it is~ My Sixth Ingredient~
Sixth Ingredient – Cream
After a number of rounds of tossing and turning, I finally found the energy to stand up and head for the kitchen, where I knew she was waiting.
This madness has gone far enough. I needed to end it now, once and for all.
The kitchen was brightly-lit, making my eyes wince, having been only accustomed to darkness for quite a while.
The room began smelling of leaves again.
"Green?" a voice called out. I stopped blinking my eyes long enough to acknowledge the owner of the voice.
"Hey."
She looked worried.
"Are you okay?" she asked, making a point of backing her chair to show that she's ready to pounce on I wasn't. "You look a little..." I saw her struggle to find the right words to say.
"...more horrible than you usually do."
"Thank you," I slurred, landing myself on an empty chair across where she sat, the almost empty table—save for the lone cup of tea in front of the girl—as our only border. "You don't know how much shit I have to go through to maintain this look..."
She sneaked a giggle before going back to her solemn expression.
"What's wrong?"
I sighed, folding my arms on the table. "I'm in a bad dream..."
"You had a bad dream?"
"I'm in a bad dream," I pressed, clenching my knuckles, focusing my gaze at the cup in front of her, trying to keep my voice from raising and me from exploding. "And you're in it. You're always in it. You never left. Not even when I tried so hard to make you leave me and let me be in peace, you never left. It's been so long—too long—and yet..." I couldn't bear to look anymore, still seeing that painstaking image of her at the corner of my eyes. I closed them shut.
"And yet, you're still here..."
Blue drifted her gaze back to the untouched tea, and tried to give a rueful smile.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't really mean to prolong your suffering..."
I opened my eyes at that statement, and began staring her down, not that it bothered her in anyway.
"Then, why are you still here?"
She didn't reply.
"You remember everything, don't you?" I asked. "From that... dreadful night and whatever came after it... All the things you said, and all the things I told you. Everything. You remember, don't you?"
Blue hesitated, but nevertheless she nodded.
"If you remember everything, then so should I..." She tried to keep her smile intact even though her whole body was beginning to tremble.
"I am, after all, just a figment of your imagination... I know everything you know. Everything..."
And with that she began crying. I remained unfazed.
"You're right," I mumbled, looking down, not sure of whether or what I should feel. Not sure isf ever the things that were coming out of my mouth was something that I should be saying. They just come out, and I just let them. "You are just a figment of my imagination—the concrete embodiment of all the guilt and regret that accumulated in me for so long. You're not supposed to be real... You're not supposed to be sensed in anyway, and yet..."
She stopped crying and landed her throbbing blue eyes at me.
"And yet I am hurt. I can see you everywhere, and I feel you, and it hurts. So much..." I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat.
"Why won't you disappear?"
"Do you want me to disappear, Green? Is that what you always wanted? For me to be gone?" She sniffed. "You could have told me that from the start so I—"
"Would it matter if I said otherwise, even if it's all I ever wanted to have in this world?!" I blurted out. "Will it make any difference now when I say that I regret everything that I've told you, and I hated myself from backing away?! Does it even mean anything if I say what I truly felt about you right now?! That I'm happy that you're here but knowing that you're not real just breaks my heart... I want you to be with me forever; I want you to be mine... But, now that you're gone, does it really matter?" I took a deep breath.
"Tell me, Blue, would it even matter?"
"Green..." was all she could say, though her eyes—much as I know how heavy they were—stayed on me, as if watching me, waiting for whatever it was I was to say next.
And I had a lot to say next.
"I want to say I love you, Blue... You don't how much I want to say just that, but I can't, because I know you can never love me back. I know that your love belonged to someone else, and I have long accepted that. I should've long accepted that..."
I buried my face with my hands and heaved yet another heavy sigh.
"If I did, then maybe none of this should have happened..."
Blue bit her lips and looked down
"But, what about you?" she whispered. I had to suppress the urge to scream.
"I'll manage; if I waited long enough, then maybe, at some point, I would've learned how to forget you..."
I felt a cold hand touch mine, making me flinch. I looked up and saw her in front of me, looking down with a miserable look in her eyes.
"Even until now, you're still selfish, Green," she whined. I watched her with mild disbelief as she lowered herself in front me.
"Do you really think you're the only one with so much left unsaid? Is that what you think? Because, you're wrong..." She took my hand and let it touch her cold, wet face.
"I, too, have lots of important things to tell everyone—most especially you—but I was never given a chance to do so. There's still so much left in here..." She gestured to where her heart is supposed to be. "And it's making me feel so heavy inside. It hurts, too, Green... So much..."
She rested her head on my knees and continued weeping, mumbling, "Don't think it's just you," every now and then.
I watched her be like that for a few moments before gently moving my chair back and lowering myself, making my face in level with hers. My hand remained on her face as she continued weeping.
"Then, maybe it's about time we free each other from this," I murmured, placing my other hand on her face as well, and landing a small peck on her hair. She didn't react.
"I love you, Blue," I mouthed carefully, resting my face on her head. "Loved the both of you..."
She's like cold coffee in the morning...
That was when she broke away, looking at me with wide, shocked eyes.
"Green, you..." she breathed. "You..."
I smiled contritely.
"Did you really think I didn't know?"
And I'm drunk off last night's whiskey and coke...
Several expressions went through her eyes as I stared deeply into them. She could've had the same eyes as her. Jasmine could've...
"Green," she choked, more tears pouring out of her eyes. "Oh, Green... I'm so sorry..."
"I never blamed you," I reassured her. "I knew the ending would've been the same, but if ever I was given the chance, I would've loved her so deeply... I could've..." Her expression changed for a moment, her hand reaching up to wipe a tear off of my face. It was then that I realized I was crying.
"I'm so sorry too, Blue..."
She'll make me shiver without warning...
And before I knew what was going to happen, we were both crying already, my arms wrapping around her shaking body. She buried her damp face into my shoulder, and I could feel her smile as she did.
Somehow, all this made me feel better...
And make me laugh as if I'm in on the joke...
"Wait," she suddenly cried, slightly breaking away from my hold. She looked at me deep in the eyes, and, somehow, I knew what she was going to say.
"Red..." she mouthed, regret and pain refilling her eyes. She looked down, stood up, and began pacing around. "I-I never got to tell him... He's still hurting because of all this... How do I tell him now?"
I just watched her.
"And if I was able to, how's he even going to take it?" She stopped, and buried her face in her hands again.
"Oh, Red... And he was such a gentle soul, too... Green, I—" She turned to look at me, and I just stared back. I shifted my gaze away before slowly standing up and walking away.
"Green..."
I didn't respond, and just kept walking. The clock above me stroke three, and from my peripheral vision I saw a nearby uncovered window framing the dark early morning outside.
He might still be asleep.
"Green?"
I went into my room and found my phone lying innocently by my desk. She scuttled after me.
"Green, please, don't act like this..."
I stared at its soft, glowing screen for a few moments before dialing a few numbers. There came a few incessant ringing from the other line.
But it wasn't long before it was replaced by his voice.
"Hello?"
Blue just stood there, watching me with worried eyes. I stole a short glance at her before returning my gaze at the empty wall.
"Hey, Red..."
You can stay with me forever...
"Green?" Red asked. Rustlings, and then he spoke again. "It's three in the morning, what..."
"I remembered," I said, cutting him off. "There's something else that I have not yet told you—something you have all the rights to know..."
Again, I tried to steal a glance of her, and found her smiling at me but still with tears coming out of her eyes.
Red's voice grew darker. "I thought you said it doesn't matter anymore...?"
"To me, it doesn't," I told him. "But, obviously, it still does to you, and if it matters to you, then..." I stared at Blue again.
"Then might as well give it some thought..."
"Why all of a sudden?" he asked.
I bit my lip and reached for my desk, running my fingers against its surface. Blue walked towards me, an eager look on her face tinged with a little bit of doubt. I shifted my gaze to her eyes, and tried to smile.
"Because I know I owe you that much..." A pause. "The both of you that much..."
He didn't reply.
"You deserve freedom from all these shits that's been happening to you, Red, and I know you know that. But you're not going to get it if you wallow too much in the past and seal yourself knowing only the things you were able to know and being left ignorant of the others... You can't live like that, Red..." I bit my lip and sighed.
"Believe me, I tried..."
Still no reply.
"Red?"
"Do you think this is what she wanted, Green?" he suddenly blurted out. It caught me off guard.
"What...?
"Blue... Do you think this is what she wanted all along?" I could hear him choke again. "For us to settle things on our own—without her, unlike how were always accustomed to. Do you think it's the reason why she left too soon, Green?"
I stared at her, and she just stared back.
"Maybe," I replied. "Although, I'm pretty sure that seeing us now, she probably regrets leaving us 'silly boys' to our own demise... I wonder if she's trying to charm her way with the Reaper just to be allowed to come back..."
He laughed softly.
"So, how about it?" I asked again. "Are you still willing to hear what I have to say? Or are you fine with all this?"
"I don't know if I still want to hear more," he sighed." "But I do want to try. I mean, what's left for me to lose, right?"
"Whatever's left of your sanity, that's for sure..."
"I'll take the risk..."
"Guess I'll see you later then? Same place..."
I heard him nod before whispering "good night" and putting down his phone. I waited for a few minutes before doing the same. As soon as I put the phone down, I felt two cold arms snake their way around my waist, and I felt her rest her head on my back.
It made me shiver.
"Thank you, Green, thank you..."
"I'm not doing this just for you," I replied, still looking ahead of me. "I also want to free him. I want all this done. I want everybody to be at peace..."
She didn't reply, but just nodded.
"Even you..."
"If only I could stay just a little while longer..." she whimpered, tightening her hold.
"You've stayed long enough," I whispered. "I need to let you go, once and for all..."
"I'm going to miss you so much, Green... I'm sorry it didn't go out so well for us. But, I want you to know that aside from hiding things from you, I never regretted anything..."
"Of course..."
I tried to reach behind me, and she adjusted so I could return her embrace as much as possible.
"I hope I can be with you again... All of you..."
"Maybe one day..." I choked.
I could feel it. I could feel her fading slowly in my arm.
"Aw, you're crying again, Green..." she cooed, moving a little so she could be by my side. I immediately covered my face with my other hand.
"Shut up," I said, and then added, "Pesky Girl..."
She laughed, and then rested her head to my chest. I turned my head, and landed a quick peck on her head before I could no longer feel her. She gave me one last smile as I let go.
And soon, she was gone. Forever.
Or you can stay with me for now...
-m16-
"You're early..." I drawled as soon as I was close enough for him to hear. His head shot up from the book he was reading and ventured his dark red—and obviously sleepless—pair of eyes around before landing them on me.
"Good morning," he managed to say despite his hoarse voice. He forced a smile, and, to my surprise, it looked genuine enough.
Red was getting particularly good at hiding his feelings lately.
"I kept you waiting?" I asked, joining him on his spot on the grass in front of the Viridian Gym.
"Nah, not really," he replied, closing the book and putting it down beside him. "I needed some air. Home's been very suffocating lately. The humidity of the last days of summer isn't really helping, either."
"I can see what you mean," I replied, unconsciously fiddling with the almost wilting grass just beneath me. The small talk was beginning to get to me. I was never the greatest at it anyway.
"So, uhm..."
"The days pass by too fast," he suddenly let out, looking up in the sky wistfully. "To think that autumn's fast approaching. It seems like only yesterday when the first few days of summer came..."
"You're really going to go there," I asked, hiding a small chuckle, afraid that he might be dead serious with his sudden monologue.
To my surprise, he chuckled. A lighthearted one, like the ones he used to make before. It suddenly brought me back to the old days.
"Sorry," he said. "Mornings by the forest do that me everytime… Besides, I just thought you needed some prodding, and what better way to inspire you than to go back..." His face slightly turned grim.
"...to where it all started."
I chuckled at his answer.
"To be honest, I don't really need you to bring me back." I let out a soft sigh. "I'm still trapped in that particular past, after all..."
"Well, then that makes two of us." I felt his stare bore unto me as I mindlessly looked around.
"So, let's hear what you have to say..."
I sighed.
"Well, where should I start?"
"How about to where you think you should? Something tells me this went from a time where I wasn't even in the picture..."
I watched him, trying to read something from his expressionless eyes. It's been a long time since I succeeded in doing so. He just watched me back, probably trying to look kind enough for me to proceed without hesitation.
And I did.
I tried explaining everything in a way that wouldn't make either of us seem like the enemy, but somehow, the more I bore into the past, the more it seemed to me that everything was my fault. And Red's fault. And Blue's fault. It made me acknowledge Daisy's words; how everything is never done on purpose but in the end we are all to be blamed.
Throughout the story, I made it a point to occasionally look at Red and watch his expression, and surprisingly, it never changed. Not even once. He stayed quiet the whole time save for asking an infrequent question, and when I was about to reach that part, I was taken aback when he told me to stop. But I did. What followed was silence.
And then he laughed. I watched him with disbelief.
"What's so funny?" I asked him carefully, ready to back away in case he really has gone dangerously crazy from all these senselessness.
"Sorry," he said, wiping away a tear. "I was just taking chances. Who knows? Maybe all this was just some sort of weird stunt Blue's trying to pull just for the heck of a laugh, like always..."
"Red..."
"But of course," he continued, heaving out a heavy sigh, though the smile still evident in his lips. "That's highly unlikely. I've long accepted that fact... Just thought: hey, why not?"
"What are you talking about?" I asked again.
He tried to stifle another laugh as he pulled out the book he was reading. My eyes widened. I figured that little thing looked familiar and that I have seen it somewhere before; now I realize what it was.
It was Blue's diary.
"T-That's..."
"She left this at my bedside table that night when she had to leave," he said, running his fingers against its plain cover. "I was asleep at that time, and was awoken by her incessant whisperings. She was on the phone then, talking with someone. I remember her crying, and even though I wanted to get up and comfort her, something inside me told me that she didn't want me to hear that conversation, so I pretended to be asleep the whole time..."
"Wait," I said. "She was with you that night?"
He nodded. "If I recall correctly, she said she wanted to spend the night with me before the wedding. She said she wanted us to tell each other everything that we weren't able to before, but we just ended up talking about me and fell asleep halfway through."
"Then, she must've..."
"Felt guilty?" Red suggested. "Yeah, that's probably the case... I mean, if she wasn't, then she wouldn't leave this with me with a letter at the most latter part..."
"Letter?" I queried. He nodded.
"I only found the courage to finish everything last night," he choked.
I watched him try to wipe another set of tears, and bit my lips. Somehow, everything was pulling themselves back together and creating one big picture.
"So, I bet she told you about..." I trailed off. But I knew that he understood what I meant.
"I know everything, Green," he whispered.
Now I understand. His voice was hoarse this morning because he was probably crying his heart out last night, and I couldn't blame him. How could I? Red was always the victim in this whole crap between Blue and I, and even though I know we all suffered our own shares of mishaps, Red obviously has received the biggest piece.
Poor guy. All he ever wanted was to love and be loved.
Along with Blue and I.
But somehow, the pieces wouldn't fit that way, and because we forced them to anyway, this is what we get.
"Say, Green?" Red suddenly chirped, leaning against the Gym's walls. "Do you think Blue ever did love me?"
"I'm pretty sure she did," I replied. "I mean, she did agree to marry you, remember?"
He shrugged. "Who's to say she didn't do it in an attempt to aide her in forgetting you?"
"Oh, come on, Red, Blue can never do anything as conniving and cruel as that..."
We both looked at each momentarily, and then we laughed.
"She can," we chorused.
"But she won't," I quickly added.
"Yeah," he agreed, and then went back to resting his head against the wall. "There might be something else that we can use as an explanation for this peculiar way of hers in loving..."
"Well, she did mention one thing to me before," I told him, permitting myself, for the first time ever, to go back to that day. "She told me that she wasn't good with emotions, contrary to popular belief... She just pretended that she did, because what good will life be if she didn't?"
"This actually coming from you?" he teased. We both laughed weakly.
"But you have to admit, she did a good job pretending..."
"I know right?" he agreed, and then smiled again. "Remember that day when we all met for the first time, back at the entrance of Saffron City?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Nothing." He chuckled, and then looked down. "I just remember what she said back then..."
"You mean the one about how she can fool more than just silly boys?"
He nodded. "Looking at how she was able to fool herself long enough, I have to say: she was right..."
"Yeah," I sighed again. Another round of silence passed by us, but this time, it was welcomed. Personally, I longed for the old days, when I can just sit next to him and Blue without having to say anything, and I'd still feel comfortable. It's amazing how easily it can all change, and how hard it will be to bring it all back again.
"I have to admit, though," Red suddenly broke the silence again. He faced me, his face looking slightly cold, though there was still enough warmth in his eyes to tell me that he wasn't as mad as before.
"It'll be hard to forgive you—the both of you—at this point. Especially considering how long you two have hidden everything from me..."
"I-I understand..."
Then he lit up.
"But that doesn't mean, I won't," he smiled. I smiled, too.
"Just give me some time, man."
"Take all the time you need," I replied, before lightly punching his arm. He still stumbled to his side despite its lightness, so I guess he still needed sleep.
I certainly did.
Unceremoniously, I stood up, and for the first time, my body felt light as air. It was as if all the heaviness inside that has been kept for so long is now gone. I turned to Red who struggled to recover from my punch, and held out a hand. He unhesitatingly took it.
"Coffee?" I asked.
"You know I don't drink coffee," he chortled.
"Of course, you don't, you big baby..."
We both laughed our way back to the nearest coffee shop. Around us, autumn was beginning to settle in, and the whole place began to be filled with the scent of fresh leaves.
Summer was finally ending, once and for all.
-FIN-
Why do I get the feeling that I've made Red cry too much? Hehe, sorry. I have this crazy thing about me where I feed off the tears of both my favorite characters and my readers (not that I enjoy you guys crying, of course, but it just kinda inspires me, you know :P).
Anyway, thank you very much for the wait. Hope this chapter was worth the wait (I still think my writing is crap, but hey. I am my biggest bully after all)~ I sure do hope you guys bear with me. Just one more chapter, although it will be a (hopefully) short one; sort of like an epilogue? Yeah.
Thank you too, for reading this~ Will appreciate it very much if you guys review! Please review~
Maggie is out~ Peace~