Chapter Three
The labor is terrible. It hurts but I feel like I deserve it because our baby is coming too early.
"Finnick." I whimper.
"How are you Ann?" He asks and kisses my forehead.
"Terrible." I whimper.
"Do you want drugs? They said there was still time." Finnick says.
I shake my head.
"I deserve this." I say softly.
"Deserve being in pain?" Finnick asks. He keeps stroking my hair. I put it up awhile ago. Although my I can feel my bangs starting to stick to my forehead.
"Yes because our baby is coming too early."
"Annie. They already said you did nothing wrong. You don't need to be in pain."
I sniffle. How can Finnick think that? I clearly did something wrong. Maybe I ate something bad or didn't take the right amount of vitamins. Maybe Finnick and I shouldn't have had sex the first few months of my pregnancy. Maybe I-
I feel a tear roll down my cheek.
"Don't cry sweetie." Finnick says and kisses it away. "We'll be okay. All three of us."
"How can I not cry?" I whisper.
"Annie nothing bad has happened yet." He says.
I sniffle.
"But Finnick statistically-" Finnick looks around me.
"Give me your phone." He says and reaches for it.
"But Finnick-"
"Annie webmd or whatever you're looking at isn't always right. You thought you had appendicitis when you just had food poisoning once.
"The symptoms were similar." I mumble.
"Annie, you're just making this worse for you by looking at that."
"But this isn't the same. I know what is wrong with me." I say.
"Just give it to me." Finnick says not as gentle.
I give it to him slowly. I don't let him take it so easily. My grasp is tight. It makes me feel better and worse for reading what webmd was saying. I sort of know what to expect.
"Annie you can ask the doctor not go snooping on the Internet." He says and kisses my cheek.
"They don't know what will exactly-"
"Exactly, they don't know. I'm not naive enough to think everything will be okay but I'm not going to go on the Internet to look up all the bad things that might happen." Finnick says gently.
I hug him.
"I just love them so much." I whisper. It might sound strange to Finnick because we haven't even met our baby yet but I can tell I love them already. When I feel then move and see them grow. I feel something. Finnick might not feel the same way or, if he does it's probably not the same. But I do love them. So much.
"I love them too." Finnick whispers and rubs my stomach.
"I just don't want anything-"
"You're going to drive yourself crazy thinking about all the possibilities. Besides, in a couple hours you'll know. We'll both know." He says.
"I guess that's better but if they're dead already?" I whisper.
"Annie, you can still feel them moving around." Finnick reminds me.
I nod.
He kisses my forehead.
"Here." He says and gives me some ice chips the only thing you can eat while you're in labor. "Just sit back and try to relax." He says and rubs my forearm.
It doesn't really help because the labor is staring to pick up. The contractions are coming and going faster.
I breathe in and out deeply and hold onto Finnick's hand tightly. Finnick doesn't have to ask he knows I'm having another contraction.
I sigh when it's over.
"Get the drugs Annie." He says.
I sigh.
"This will be the only time I encourage the use of taking drugs."
I smile.
I reluctantly get drugs. I can still feel the pain just duller which makes me feel better. I feel like I need to punish myself somehow.
Although when it gets further and further into labor it starts to feel terrible. I don't think I'll ever complain about period cramps again. It's similar but so much worse because it never goes away.
"Finnick." I whimper.
"You're okay." Finnick says and strokes my hair until a contraction is over. "I love you."
A couple hours later the doctor comes into the room.
"Let's see how you're doing." She smiles.
Terrible I think to myself.
She smiles after examining me.
"You're at nine cementers. It's almost time to try pushing ." The doctor says and smiles.
I guess an hour to the doctor is almost.
The doctor goes to the nurse and whispers something.
The nurse nods and leaves. So does the doctor maybe to get something. I don't know. I'm starting to feel scared.
I look at Finnick.
"Almost there." He smiles but it soon fades. "What's wrong?" He asks and rubs my shoulders.
"I'm so scared." I whisper and sniffle.
"Don't be Annie. You can do it." He says.
I nod and he kisses the top of my head.
"I know you can." He says and kisses my cheek again.
I sniffle and nod again. We sit and silence and I voice my other fear.
"But what happens after-" I start.
"Don't worry about it now. Just focus on giving birth to our child." He says.
"Finnick." I whimper.
"Don't cry sweetie." He says and kisses my cheek. A nurse comes in and I back away from Finnick.
She looks at me and smiles. I wonder what she is thinking.
Probably nothing special, she probably goes to birth babies all the time.
"It's time to try pushing." She says and leaves. The doctor comes and a few more nurses. I guess this is the 'team' to take care of our baby.
"10…9…8...7…6…5…4…3…2…1" They count down until I can stop pushing.
Finnick rubs my shoulders. Even though I have been pushing forty five minutes nothing really has happened. Apparently this is not uncommon for a first time Mom. I can feel myself wanting to push but they tell me to wait until the next contraction.
I breathe in and out deeply again when I feel a contraction about to start.
I groan and push.
"Probably just a few more pushes Annie." The doctor encourages. I nod weakly.
"Finnick." I say and reach for his hand.
He takes it happily.
"You're doing great." He says and puts my hand to his lips.
"10…9…8..."
I groan loudly.
After a few more contractions. I feel relief.
"It's a girl!" Someone shouts.
"A girl." I whisper and lean back.
However after a few minutes
I realize she isn't crying. I look around the room trying to see her but can't. There are too many people moving around her.
"Why isn't she crying?" I finally ask.
Too much chaos is going on around the room that I don't know if anyone heard me.
"Why isn't she crying?" I say louder and more hysterical this time. I still don't get an answer but, they put her in a clear box and start to take her away. They are also hooking things up to her.
"She's so small." I whisper. Finnick kisses my forehead. "Where are they taking her?" I ask.
I don't get an answer.
"You just need to deliver the placenta now." The nurse says instead.
"Where are they taking my daughter?" I ask.
"To the NICU. That is where most premature babies go when there are complications."
"What kind of complications?" I ask worried.
"I'm not entirely sure at the moment but her lungs are underdeveloped."
"That's why she wasn't crying?" I ask. The nurse nods.
"Annie." Finnick says and kisses my forehead.
"Let's deliver your placenta and then you can find out more information."
"But-"
"Or Your husband can find out." She says.
"Go." I say to Finnick. He kisses the top of my head and leaves the room quickly.
I deliver the placenta and get a gross feeling. It looks disgusting it has blood and mucus.
"Why do some woman want to eat that? It looks disgusting." I ask.
"It has nice protein." The nurse says and gets rid of it.
"Right." I say unamused. "When can I see her?" I ask.
"I don't have that information but it will be soon."
"Can I hold her then?" I ask.
"I don't have that information." She says. Her tone of voice says no.
I sigh.
"I'll be right back." She says.
She needs to fix some stuff up down there. I didn't need stitches just some bandages. Guys really are luckier in this department.
I wonder how much harder the labor would've been if our daughter was full term. I feel spent just from giving birth to a three pound baby.
I start to feel tired. I almost fall asleep when I realize Finnick still isn't back.
I won't fall asleep until he returns, which seems to be forever. It's definitely been over an hour since I've given birth.
Finnick comes back within thirty minutes after my worrying.
"Is she okay?" I whimper.
Finnick nods.
"She's okay. They have her hooked up to a couple machines but she's stable right now." He says in a strange tone. That doesn't sound like she's okay.
"What's wrong with her?" I ask.
"Her lungs are underdeveloped and
they said something about an infection."
"What kind of infection?" I ask.
"I don't remember the name. They said it was easily treatable."
"What about the lung thing?" I ask.
"They can treat that. It's very common apparently." He says.
"She's really small Finnick." I say.
"They can feed her with a tube. When she gains enough weight and everything else is okay we can take her home." Finnick says and kisses my cheek.
"So the chance of taking her home is a good one?" I ask.
"For now." He says.
"That doesn't sound good." I whisper.
Finnick kisses my forehead.
"She looks okay now."
"What does she look like?" I ask because I really didn't get to see. I saw her covered in mucus and some blood but other than that
"She's beautiful just like you." Finnick says and kisses my forehead.
"What aren't you telling me?" I ask because he seems different.
"She might be in the hospital for awhile because of how tiny she is and because of the lung development."
I breathe in and out deeply.
"We're going to be able to take her home, right? I mean she isn't going to-"
Finnick kisses me.
"Right now she's fine." He says. "She's in the best place for her. These people can take care of her."
Finnick puts down the bed railing so I can hug him better.
"It's okay." Finnick says and rocks me back and forth gently. "You're okay."
I bury my face in his shoulder and sniffle.
I'm trying not to cry but it is just messing up my heart rate and breathing that the nurses are alarmed.
When they leave Finnick cups my face.
"You can cry if you want to." Finnick says as his thumb runs over my cheek bones.
I motion for Finnick to come closer so I can hug him.
I bury my face in his shoulder. I make a whimpering noise and then start crying.
"You're okay. We're okay." Finnick whispers and runs his hands up and down my back. "You're okay." He whispers.
I hear the curtain open but it soon closes.
I don't know how long I hold onto Finnick but when I let go of Finnick he smiles.
"I love you." He whispers.
"I love you too." I say.
"You should try and sleep. I know you're probably tired."
"I am but I don't know if I can fall asleep."
Finnick kisses my forehead.
"At least try." He kisses me