The next morning, it was still dark out, so Rimmer didn't quite register that it was morning. But he wasn't tired anymore, so he figured it was close enough. It was chilly, but it wasn't as cold as you'd expect a rundown old clock tower to feel. He rolled over in bed and kicked off the blanket, shivering a bit, but it wasn't unbearable. He pulled his boots over and slipped them on, and then he pulled his blue jacket off the chair and buckled it back up.

Content that he looked presentable enough, he decided it was time to get some answers. He'd given up important information to the Doctor, now it was time for him to do the same. He left his room and made his way downstairs until he found the basement, and he was greeted by the ethereal crack in the wall. It was still creeping him out, as if he could feel some sort of strange energy coming from it. He started to walk closer to it, but his natural cowardice stopped him.

Remembering why he'd come here, he looked around. "Doctor…?"

"The Doctor is not present at this time."

Rimmer jumped and turned to see something very disturbing in the old wooden chair. It was a silver robot head with empty black eyes, a slit for a mouth, no nose and weird handles on top. "What the hell?"

"The Doctor is not present at this time," the head repeated.

"What the hell are you supposed to be?!"

"I am the dismembered head of a Cyberman. My organics have rotted away, but my databanks remain intact. The Doctor purchased me from the Maldovarium market and has utilized me for many tasks."

Rimmer just stared blankly. He hadn't followed a word of that.

"My codename is 'Handles'."

"Your codename? Why do you need a codename?"

"The Doctor said it would be more fun."

"… Is he an idiot?"

"Correction. The Doctor prefers the term 'madman'."

"Of course…"

"He awaits your company in town."

"Right. Fine. 'Handles'," Rimmer sighed, taking the time to roll his eyes dismissively. He didn't bother to ask where in town the Doctor was. The further he got away from the talking head, the better.

He made it upstairs and exited through the large double doors, where he was immediately hit by the cold outside. Rubbing his arms for a moment, he scanned the square, not seeing anyone immediately around.

"Might as well take a walk," he grumbled to himself. He set off into the town and took in the scenery.

The place was a lot bigger than he'd expected. It was a bunch of standard Victorian-styled buildings, with continuous fairy lights and oil street lamps. There were also some large fields that stretched out around the town. He tried to see if anything was growing, but it looked mostly like snow. Then, he saw a few farmers come out in their wintry best with farming equipment. They noticed and waved in a friendly manner before setting to work.

Rimmer couldn't believe what he was seeing. Were they actually farming the snow?

Deciding this was a little too silly for him, he continued walking through town until he noticed something in the sky. It looked like a pod was coming down. He saw it was landing just past some buildings. Curious, he ran over to see what it was. Peeking around the corner, he saw it had settled in a wide open area.

And there was the Doctor, walking up to it, feeling it over and listening to the sides of it.

Relieved to have found him, Rimmer walked up. "Okay," he snapped. "What the hell is this?"

The Doctor turned around with a bright expression. "Ah, Arnold – was wondering when you were going to wake up! Come on! We're going in!"

"Going in where?"

The Doctor tapped the side of the pod, and with a hiss of steam, it slid open, revealing to leather seats inside and some controls.

"What's this?"

"A pod – sanctioned by the Church of the Papel Mainframe."

"The Church of what?"

"Big floaty church in the air. Come on. She wants to see us."

"What? Who?"

"Tasha Lem. Come on. Can't keep her waiting. You know how nuns are…"

The Doctor sat down in one of the seats, and he patted the other one eagerly. Rimmer could only stare at him incredulously before sighing in resignation. This idiot was the one in charge. He wasn't going to get anywhere not following orders. He climbed into the pod and sat down, and a moment later, the door slid shut, and they were bathed in mint green light. The pod rumbled as it took off once again.

"Can't we use this thing to fly me back through the wormhole?"

"Not a wormhole. Hole in reality. And no, we can't. It's preprogrammed my Tasha's clergy to take us directly to the Mainframe."

"Oh, great…"

"Not a big church goer?"

"Never. Don't believe in God."

"Well, don't worry. This is a pretty normal church. And don't worry – given the circumstances, we don't have to be naked."

"… Oh, good…"

They sat in silence of the rest of the journey. The Doctor checked over a few readouts, making sure their trip went well. Rimmer just crossed his arms and crammed himself further into the seat. He still couldn't lie, so he wasn't going to talk anytime soon.

Half an hour later, they finally felt the pod powering down, and a few moments later, there was a jolt of movement that indicated they'd docked with the Mainframe. There was a brief whirring noise as the hatch unlocked, and it hissed open with another cloud of steam.

They were greeted by two women, both of whom were wearing dark clothes with matching eye makeup that took up all their eyes.

"Welcome to the Papal Mainframe," they both said. "The Mother Superious will see you now."

The Doctor and Rimmer climbed out of the pod and into the space port. The Doctor didn't seem all that interested in their surroundings, but Rimmer cuoldn't help but marvel at the place. It was like a giant airplane hangar that was dimly lit in menacing colors.

"Smegging hell," he murmured.

"Arnold, please. We're in church," the Doctor lightly admonished.

They were led up a long and winding corridor until they came to a large room that was just a long strip of floor leading up to what looked like a throne room. If this was a church, it was the weirdest one Rimmer had ever seen. There were more people with similar outfits to the ones who had greeted them, plus soldiers wearing camouflage and fatigues, standing to attention. What really unnerved Rimmer, however, was the presence of a few bulbous headed creatures with empty eyes, slits for noses, and no mouths, wearing black suits. One of the held out a large misshapen hand to him and hissed a word to him.

"Confess…"

"What the hell is that?" Rimmer whispered.

The Doctor followed his gaze. "That's a Silent… Or, it will be a Silent… You don't feel an urge to kill it on sight, do you?"

"Er… not particularly."

"Hmmm… Interesting…"

Rimmer turned to say something, but then he immediately forgot what it was. "What's interesting?" he asked.

The Doctor just nodded knowingly. "Come on. Tasha's waiting."

They made it to the end of their long walk to the steps, at the top of which, a woman was standing. Same eye makeup, same clothes – which for all Rimmer knew were another uniform – and she was flanked by two soldiers – one male and one female.

"Doctor…," she said firmly.

"Mother Superious," he replied breezily.

"It's been four days. You still maintain your silence?"

"I do."

She regarded Rimmer critically. "Is this the owner of the pod?"

"It is. Well, sort of. He stole it, technically."

Rimmer winced.

Tasha looked pointedly at him. "Come forward, hologram."

Rimmer looked uncertainly at the Doctor, who just nodded at him, before approaching the woman. He had no idea what to do, so he curtseyed, then felt that wasn't enough and bowed a bit. He was too frightened to look her in the eye.

Probably for the best, because she leaned in close and glared at him. "How did you get through the force field?"

Rimmer blinked, looking up at her in confusion. "What force field?"

"The one surrounding the planet. The one preventing all hostile life forms from entering. We've held back Daleks, Cybermen, Draconians, Ice Warriors, Raxacoricofallapatorians, and then along comes this tiny little pod that just slips past and crashes into the planet without so much as a shot fired. How. Did. You. Get. In?" she finished with a hiss.

Rimmer could only shrug helplessly. "Er… I… don't know."

The Doctor cleared his throat. "If I may…?"

They both looked at him, which he took as his cue to speak.

"You put the force field up against hostile life forms. Hostile. Arnold's a non-hostile lifeform. Had no idea about the transmission through the crack. Just needed a place to kip until his crewmates rescue him in six hundred years."

Tasha considered this before nodding in acceptance. "I see… What will you do with him?" she asked, much to Rimmer's alarm.

The Doctor shrugged. "He's just a frightened hologram. Give him some time to settle in. Let him get comfortable. Then he can do what he wishes."

"Very well. Now then, Doctor – I don't suppose you'd be willing to listen to reason."

"I was hoping you would, too. Even if you torch the planet, the crack will still be there – it'll just be suspended in space."

"Torch the planet?!" Rimmer yelped.

"Yes, they want to roast the planet and everyone on it for the sake of preventing my people from getting through."

"You understand why, Doctor."

"Yes, you don't want another Time War erupting. I understand that."

"And if we don't destroy the planet, then all the creatures orbiting the planet will. At least our way, the people will die instantly as opposed to being tortured for decades."

"There will be no torture. No bloodshed. Not a single drop. Not while I'm on that planet."

She glared down at him. "Then I would advise you to get back down there," she replied shortly.

The Doctor nodded. "Come along, Arnold," he said, turning and leaving.

Rimmer was still reeling from the revelation that the planet he was stuck on was at risk of being completely destroyed at any moment. With a quick and hasty bow to Tasha, he turned and legged it up the walkway after the Doctor.

"They're going to flame the planet?!" he whispered furiously.

"Not if I can help it."

"That's not helping! Anyone can tell you don't know what you're doing! Young little twerp like you – you probably only got the training wheels off your bike last week!"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Come on. Back to the pod."

"The pod? You mean we're actually going to go back down there?!"

"Where else?"

"Anywhere! I'd even take a trip to Doncaster over this! At least they're not at threat to be set on fire!"

"Arnold, I'm not going to let them flame the planet. I just told her that. Now come on."

The ride back down to Christmas had been an awkward one. Rimmer's right leg was constantly jiggling with anxiety. Now that he had some idea as to what was happening, he was scared stiff. He could feel his heart rate increasing already. He patted down his pockets and pulled out the Chinese worry balls and proceeded to discreetly grind them. He had to get himself under control. This was not relaxing in the slightest!

The pod touched down in the same field they'd departed in. Once they climbed out, Rimmer looked around and, as soon as he saw it, immediately started marching towards the woods.

"Arnold?" the Doctor called after him. "Where are you going?"

"Back to the escape pod. I don't know how, but I'm going to get it going again!"

"Arnold, the pod's been sitting in the snow for the last three or four days. It's probably too frozen to even putter around a golf course."

"I don't care! This is insane! I'm not staying in the middle of a smegging warzone! I'm getting the hell out of here!"

The Doctor could only watch in bewilderment as he continuing his forward march for the woods. Regaining his wits, he started chasing after him. "Arnold, wait a minute! It's not safe in there!"

Hearing the hurried footsteps behind, Rimmer decided to hurry up himself. He was experienced in running. Especially if he was running away from something. It was difficult to run away from a planet, but running away from some git in a purple coat and a bowtie was a bit more up his alley. He pounded his boots through the snow and made it to the trees, running around the maze. He stumbled across a few roots and ducked and weaved around them, trying to lose the Doctor. If he could just keep going for a few more…

Wait… a few more what?

He realized something a little important. He didn't remember where the escape pod was. He wasn't even sure which direction he'd been going in when he first arrived. Was this even the entrance to the woods he'd been taken through? He looked around. There was a flurry going on, so everything looked about the same as it had before. Cursing under his breath, he kept moving. He was going to find that damn pod.

"Arnold…?" The Doctor's voice reverberated in the distance behind him. He sounded far away. Good – that meant he wouldn't be interfering. Hopefully, he'd lose him, and then he'd be able to escape in peace.

Unfortunately, the deeper into the woods Rimmer went, the more uncertain he was about where he was going, and he began to have doubts about his grand plan. How was he going to get the pod going again? How was he going to do this? He didn't have any experience in such tasks. If ever there was a problem on Starbug that required the mechanically-inclined, he usually delegated to Lister or Kryten. That's what you do when you're a leader. You make all the plans while the grunts to the footwork.

Except now, he didn't have any grunts. He was a leader without an army. He was his own grunt.

Cursing himself for not having taken a single electrician's course during his life – and that probably wouldn't have helped him anyway – he stumbled deeper into the woods for a few more minutes before leaning against a tree and gathering his thoughts. Nothing looked familiar anymore. He was lost. Again.

Then he remembered – his footprints. He could probably follow them back. The snow wasn't falling hard. He should be able to retrace his steps fairly easily.

But then he'd have to face the Doctor. He'd probably have to deal with the humiliation of having just run away from him only to have to run back. Freezing to death was preferable. Maybe he could avoid confronting him if he just listened carefully and tried to avoid him if he heard him. Just lay low until he'd gone past and escape that way. Nodding in satisfaction at his plan, he turned and began to head back.

Almost instantly, he heard movement to his left, and he almost immediately ducked back behind the tree, startled. He leaned against it and looked around, hoping whatever it had been was on the opposite side.

Peeking around, he waiting a good five minutes to ensure he was safe, and once he was feeling a bit confident, he turned to leave, and almost ran smackdab into the Doctor's grinning face. He let out a yelp and fell against the tree again.

"Lost?" the Doctor asked amiably.

Rimmer gasped for breath as he tried to get over the shock. He grasped the worry balls again and started grinding them determinedly, clutching his chest.

Recognizing the other man's distress, the Doctor went over to him. "What's wrong?"

Rimmer wheezed his answer. "… Don't… do… that!"

The Doctor eyed his hand. "Chinese worry balls? What're those for?"

"For my stress, you maniac! I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown because of you and your stupid smegging gimboidiness!"

The Doctor blinked. "Oh. Okay, sorry." He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and began to scan the hologram up and down.

Rimmer eyed him warily. "What the hell are you doing now?"

"Running a software diagnostic. Just a minute." He finished scanning him and flicked it, causing the little prongs to spring out. He looked at something on the side and looked at him. "Your T-Count is through the roof."

"No kidding!"

"How are you even still operating with a flimsy system like that? You're only a Class One hologram. You don't even have any of the better software."

"I don't know. I don't care. I just want the hell out of here and back to my ship."

"Well, neither of us has a clue where your escape pod is, and it's probably half-buried in snow by now, so you might as well come back."

"And wait for Tasha whatshername to blast out of the sky?"

"She won't. Not while I'm here. You've got to learn to trust me, Arnold."

Rimmer gave him an icy glare. "There's no such thing as 'trust', Doctor. It's just something idealistic idiots like you and Lister believe in because you don't know how to survive. You're just setting yourself up for an early death if you keep relying on other people to do what you deem is the 'right' thing."

The Doctor looked at him for a long tense moment. For a moment, he didn't look like some young idiot with odd fashion tastes. He looked… old. Very old. It was almost as if he'd just aged several hundred years. It was almost enough to make Rimmer shrink back, but he was already up against a tree anyway. He just grinded the balls a little more.

"Come on," the Doctor said at last. "At least let's get out of the cold."

Rimmer glared at him and started to move when he heard something. It was that same noise from earlier. "Did you hear that?"

"Yes, I did. We need to get out of here."

They were just starting to leave when something appeared that made them to turn to look.

"Where the hell did that statue come from?"