He could hardly eat dinner, he couldn't even remember what it had been, as he sat on the couch now. He was vaguely sure dinner had been some sort of noodle stuffed with potato and covered in pasta sauce. And he was vaguely sure Thor was playing on the telly. But it may as well been a blank screen and dinner may as well have been cardboard; Arthur was too far gone in his thoughts, in his worries, to pay much attention. He had told himself many times this evening that he was just being paranoid, that just because Lawrence gave Gwen some lovey-dovey look doesn't mean Arthur looked at Merlin the same way, it didn't mean that Patrick had been right and Arthur did fancy Merlin. It didn't!

Yes, he had tried to convince himself, many times, but the thoughts crept right back in. The worry, fear, and confusion. How could he fancy Merlin? He wasn't gay! He had never thought about another guy in any way that wasn't 'bro.' He had lots of friends, most of his friends were guys, he had never felt anything around them. Was it possible for one person to come along and change everything? Arthur didn't know. He let out a huff.

"You've been really quiet," Merlin was saying, Arthur didn't look over. He kept his eyes on the screen of the TV, but couldn't focus on it still. He had seen Loki for a second; well…he wasn't attracted to Tom Hiddleston. "Are you alright, Arthur?"

"Fine," he muttered, but he was far from fine. He was freaking out, he knew he couldn't talk to anyone about this, if anyone dare found out…but he still wished he did have someone, someone like Merlin. Merlin was easy to talk to and wise, he had gone through this before. But gone through what, exactly? Arthur might not be going through anything, was he? He was so damn confused!

He was sure if he had feelings for Merlin he would have known about it first, they were his feelings after all. He was sure he would feel something when looking at Merlin, when he looked at him he just saw Merlin; Merlin, who looked as if he glowed sometimes, like the light was just drown to him, he remembered when they had gone to Merlin's house, and how the sun had shined around him. Now Arthur's breath was lodged in his throat, he glanced over at Merlin, the colors from the telly shined off his face, the light and then dark, making shadows.

His blue eyes glistened in the lights and then they turned on him. Arthur gasped and turned away. Damn it! He thought, placing a hand on his chest, trying to calm his racing heart. What was happening to him?

He was panicking, what if Patrick was right? What was he supposed to do? He would have to hide it, wouldn't he? He had nothing against gay people, he liked gay people, he just didn't want to be one. What would his father say? He wondered, his mother wanted grandchild one day, she had already told him this several times. They all expected him to marry Pepper. Pepper! Was that why he hasn't been attracted to her? Because he was…no, he wouldn't say it. He stood up then, catching Merlin by surprise.

"I think I'm going to bed," he said, he knew it was still early, but his head hurt, and his eyes wanted to slam shut.

"Okay," Merlin said, looking up at him concerned, Arthur tried not to look back, but it was impossible. He suddenly noticed the way Merlin's lips curved as he smiled. He wanted to yell, not at Merlin, he hadn't done anything wrong. He wanted to yell at himself for allowing this to happen, and he wanted to yell at Patrick, or egg his house…or egg Patrick himself, the great big, talking sausage!

"Goodnight," he mumbled to Merlin, because he thinks Merlin had said it to him, but he couldn't remember, because he was too busy thinking; don't look at him! He couldn't go on like this, distracted by his thoughts or were they feelings? He fell into his bed as soon as he walked into the room, and shoved his face into a pillow. He remembered all the nights Merlin had slept in his bed. "God, go away!"

He hit the pillow next to him with his fist and heard a loud hiss; he looked up quickly to see Mr. Noodles, who was glaring at him as he ran to the end of the bed.

"I'm sorry," he offered the cat, but it was too late, he was already heading to the door, scratching it open with his paw and escaping to Merlin. Arthur sighed, throwing a pillow at the door, and heard it shut. Cat's had it easy, he thought, they didn't have to worry about being gay. But Arthur wasn't gay!

He flipped on to his back and laughed, what had he been thinking? He was being stupid, he knew he was. You don't just start having feelings for someone because someone else said you look at him funny, if Arthur had looked at Merlin funny at all. He turned off the lights then, determined not to think about this anymore, he was a happy, straight man and that was that.

Minutes ticked by as Arthur lay in the dark, but his mind didn't turn off, sleep wouldn't take him. He should have Merlin come in and read to him, that would make him fall asleep. But no, he couldn't do that, now could he?

And there his mind went again. It was impossible to have feelings for Merlin, he told his mind, Merlin was just his friend. That was all, just his friend…

The door creaked open then and he saw the light pour in, along with a tall figure by the door, it walked in and Arthur sat quiet, letting Merlin do whatever it was he was doing. He watched the figure move toward the bathroom, until he froze there and his arms started failing. With an umph the figure fell face forward.

"Who the hell…pillow?" he heard Merlin mumbling. Arthur tried to suppress a laugh but he snorted anyway. "Arthur?"

"No, it's Sherlock."

"Did I wake you?"

"No, I'm fast asleep…" Arthur trailed off, a smirk on his lips. He saw the figure stand up and go into the bathroom. He shook his head and lay back into the bed again. A minute or two later Merlin returned from the bathroom, the figure headed toward the door, until once again, he tripped, and Arthur watched as the shadowy arms went flying and a slight thumb was heard.

"This pillow!" Merlin yelled, standing up, Arthur tried to suppress a laugh again. "Arthur..?"

"Yes, Merlin?"

"Why the hell was this pillow in the middle of your floor?"

"It's a long story," Arthur explained, grinning, even though Merlin couldn't see it.

"Oh…"Merlin mumbled and Arthur couldn't see, but he heard the man walking around in the room, the bed sunk in next to him and he gulped a bit, looking over to see Merlin on the other side of the bed, doing something with the pillow. Arthur was suddenly hit in the face with it and he gasped.

"And that's for laughing at me…twice, clotpole!" Merlin said, before the sunken-ness in the bed went away and Arthur heard Merlin dodging from the room. "Goodnight, you sausage."

"Shut up!" Arthur called after him, as the door shut, he could hear Merlin laughing as he walked away. Arthur smiled then, wishing he could come back and he started thinking that maybe it wasn't so impossible for Arthur to fancy Merlin after all.

He thought about it, how Merlin cheered for him at practice, how Merlin cooked him dinner every night, how Mr. Noodles loved him more, (maybe that annoyed Arthur a little bit,) how he was so easy to talk to. He spent more time with Merlin than anyone else, and it wasn't just because they lived together. Arthur liked taking him to practice, just so he would cheer for him, he liked taking him places, like the mall or the movies or town, because he wanted to spend time with him. He liked watching movies with him and staying in at night and just doing whatever, he liked doing all these things with Merlin, and maybe he hadn't noticed before.

He thought that maybe he had actually fancied him for a long time now, and maybe he just needed to be told by someone to see that, maybe he was just too blinded by being scared to see it. He was still worried, very worried, he hadn't felt this way before, not about a guy. He was still confused and a bit unsure. But Arthur thought, as he closed his eyes once again, it was defiantly possible that he fancied Merlin.

(A/N: This is literally just over 1000 words of Arthur freaking out. And Merlin falling over twice. But that is kind of what I wanted. Now, let's get to business, I want to talk about a few things; The different names thing, like Lawrence is Lancelot. Every one of the important characters (aside from Pepper.) is someone from the past, I wonder if any of you have figured them out and who they are. At the end of the story I will let you know who all of them were. Also, this story is running pretty slow for me too, I didn't realize when I started it that it would be this long, I've added things and I just couldn't help myself, but now...to shorten it, I'm cutting things. It will be about 33 chapters long. (someone shoot me!) Also, I'm sorry I'm not updating as quickly as I normally do, I've been busy and tired and I haven't written anything in a week, I'm more keen on reading fanficition lately, but tonight I am determined to write dammit! And lastly, I don't like Lancelot from the legend either, but from the show I love him. (mostly because of his and Merlin's friendship.) And I think that's all!)

((One last thing, I love Loki/Tom Hiddleston, really a lot!))