"Why won't you let me drive my own car?"
"Because you don't know where we're going."
"You have a mouth, it's called directions!"
"Where we're going is really hard to find."
"Whatever you say, Merlin," Arthur told him, sitting back into the passenger seat, watching the trees pass by. They had been driving for about two hours now and Merlin promised it wouldn't take that much longer to get to where they were going. Even though Arthur had no idea where the hell they were going, Merlin had just ushered Arthur out of his seat and dragged him outside, to the grass, where his car was parked. They drove a bit more, the scenery never changing, just tall, green trees, and woods.
Merlin slowed down suddenly and jerked the car onto a small, dirt road, taking them underneath the trees, Arthur looked over at him, questioning.
"Don't look so terrified!" Merlin grinned at him, stopping the car just as they reached a trunk of a rather big, rather fat tree. Arthur let out slow breaths, his poor car; it must hate him now for letting Merlin drive it. Arthur looked around at the wood as he got out of the car, following Merlin, who was already out, pocketing the keys. Arthur walked over to him, frowning. He wasn't a stranger to the woods, his father had taken him on many camping trips, but the point of all this, why Merlin had dragged him to some woodland area. Not knowing these things, that's why Arthur was frowning. Merlin waved him on and he followed him through some thick trees.
"Where the hell are we going?" he finally asked, after a few minutes of walking. Merlin just smiled at him, walking ahead, he was in too good of a mood to be in the middle of the woods somewhere. "I assume you know where you're going?"
"Oh yes," Merlin nodded, Arthur could hear the smile on his lips. He had no choice but to keep following. After another ten minute walk Merlin stopped them, in the middle of a clearing. Bits of rock formed weird shapes in the ground, Arthur wondered if Merlin had brought him to some kind of alter.
"What is this place?" he asked, once Merlin turned back to him, with hope gleaming in his eyes.
"Camelot," Merlin said, looking around, shrugging. "A bit of it anyway."
"I…what?" Arthur asked, he should have expected something like this from Merlin.
"This used to be where the kingdom was, if you go that way for a few miles it's where the castle used to be, this was the lower town," Merlin explained. "I could probably tell you where everything used to be, I haven't been here in a few years, but I'll never forgot."
Arthur suddenly felt like crying, he didn't though, whatever had been going on with him lately, it didn't change that fact that Arthur was, in fact, a man and would not cry. But the way Merlin looked at him now, with the sad eyes, but still proud, so very proud of where he come from. Thinking that, so long ago a kingdom had been here, and even Arthur himself, might have been here once, even though he still couldn't remember. But all of that was gone now, the people were gone, the kingdom was gone, the only thing left was Merlin, he was the only one who remembered this place for what it once was. While the rest of the world made stories up, only Merlin knew what had truly happened, it was a sobering thought, lonely, and that, that was what made Arthur want to cry the most.
"Arthur?" he was asking, tapping him on the shoulder. Arthur looked up, stopping his musing then, to smile at him. "Come on, I'll show you around. We haven't got very much time though, I want to show you somewhere else before sunset."
"Will that place happen to be a restaurant?"
"No it will not be," Merlin said, glaring at him.
"You dragged me out of the house before I had a proper breakfast!" Arthur explained, Merlin just rolled his eyes then and disappeared behind a tree. Arthur figured he ought to follow him, but lolled back anyway, looking over the rocks, were these rocks just left over bits of a kingdom he had once ruled? He leaned down and picked one up, worms were living underneath. He sighed, if only he could remember, then Merlin wouldn't have to be the only one who remembered this place.
"Arthur!" came Merlin's voice and he set the rock down again, looking up to see Merlin coming back. "I thought you were following me."
"I was, I was just…thinking."
Merlin nodded, grabbing his arm and pulling him along. They didn't go very much further in, Merlin just explained more than anything. Telling Arthur where everything used to be. Arthur couldn't understand how Merlin managed to do this and for so long too. There was no question anymore, Arthur did believe him, every word he said, he hung on them. He had decided, he needed to remember; that's why they were on this trip, actually, so Merlin could try and get Arthur to remember. (Not at all for Arthur to have a break from Footie...not at all.) But the bits of papers and books Merlin had written didn't seem to be sparking any memory for Arthur, it was annoying, he just wanted to make Merlin happy.
These last two months, with Arthur's feeling were all over the place, it had been hard. At first he was confused, did he or didn't he? Well, he definitely did, and once he figured this out, he grew scared. He started distancing himself from Merlin, even spending nights at Pepper's house. But he just couldn't do that to him, every time he had rejected one of Merlin's offers of going to do something with him, to see that hurt look in his eyes. He couldn't do it. He was still scared, very, very scared, but as long as he didn't act on his feelings…then no one would have to know.
"Are you even listening to me?" Merlin asked, as they walked back to the car. Arthur looked guilty at him and Merlin glared again. "Alright….you'll just be surprised."
"Surprised about what?" Arthur asked, but got no answer. As they finally reached the car and Merlin pulled the keys from his pocket, ignoring Arthur still. "Merlin!"
He didn't respond again, as he pulled open the driver side door and got in. Arthur shook his head and got in the passenger side, glancing over at Merlin. Who was smiling, as they started backing up. Surely he was not going to back up this entire road…? Oh, but he did, and as they drove down the paved road once again, Arthur yelled at him.
"Do try not to wreck my car!" he said, and Merlin nodded. But Arthur had the faintest idea that Merlin wasn't even listening to him, pay back. "I'm serious, I will sue you!"
After another few hour drive, (one that made Arthur tired and even more hungry,) they parked on the side of a bridge, over a bit of a lake. Arthur got out, looking back at Merlin for answers.
"Camlann," he said, without needing asked, Arthur turned back to the view then, looking around. "This is where the war between the Saxons and Camelot took place."
"I know," Arthur told him. "Camelot, Camlann, Lake Avalon, why do you come to all these places?" he asked then. "All of these places that make you sad?"
"Because I like to feel close to him," Merlin said, leaning over the bridge and watching the water belong. "At least I used to."
"And you don't anymore?" Arthur asked, leaning over the bridge too, but not looking at the water below, instead, he looked around the high walls of the bank. This used to be a pass; you could walk where the water was now.
"I have you now."
"I'm half the man I once was," Arthur remembered. "You said that to me, the night you showed up at my door."
"You remember that?"
"Of course I do," Arthur shrugged, looking down at the water now, he could see their reflections. "You talked about a dragon and all sorts of things."
"I…I had been waiting for you…for him, for so long."
"I know you have, I'm sorry I can't be him for you" Arthur told him, he could see Merlin moving closer in the reflection in water, until he felt Merlin's heat on his side. He breathed in deeply.
"It's okay, it hurts sometimes, I can't pretend it doesn't," Merlin told him. "But you're different, you're…I don't know. We get along better, we almost never fight, it wouldn't be like that with him." Merlin sighed. " He always worried about what others thought of him, and being proper and kingly, you're not like that, it was only when we were alone he was himself. You're always yourself and you're so kind and thoughtful, so was he, but, different…"Merlin let out another sigh." I can see a lot of him in you, maybe that is all I'll ever get and if it is, I'm happy. Either way, I like spending time with you, if I hadn't tracked you down and we had just met somehow, without me knowing who you are, I'd like to think we would have become friends anyway. "
Arthur felt ashamed in that moment, Merlin thought so highly of him. He didn't know the truth, the way Arthur worried of how others saw him, he supposed he was more like the king than he had ever thought, he didn't want to be like him. He had denied his feelings for Merlin too, King Arthur had died harboring feelings for Merlin, would Arthur really let that happen to him? Would he marry Pepper and hide how he really felt his whole life? It wasn't the middle ages, why the hell should it make any difference? Why had he been so scared? Arthur was Arthur, no matter who he was in love with, right? His eyes widened at the thought, looking over at Merlin now. In love with…?
"Now I'm babbling on," Merlin smiled at him. "I should be telling you about the battle and how I had stopped nearly half the Saxons with my magic!"
"Yeah?" he asked, but his mind was elsewhere, on the man's lips. As they moved, fluffy and full. In love with...hm, he thought.
Would he dare do it? No…Arthur was still confused, he needed time to think and Merlin. Well, Merlin was in love with Arthur, King Arthur of Camelot, not Arthur….Arthur Pennicott, the guy who just thought about snogging a thousand and some year old man, on the side of the road no less. A man who was currently going on about swords taking bathes in dragon fire. That doesn't even make sense, Arthur thought, standing up right.
"…I stabbed Morgana, she didn't see it coming. Of course I didn't want to do it, but I had to," Merlin rambled. Arthur was trying to listen, he was, but his mind was racing toward his belly now, as it grumbled.
"Are you hungry?" he asked, suddenly. Merlin stopped and looked at him, then checked a watch on his wrist.
"Yeah, let's head back and I'll make dinner."
Merlin continued his story in the car, as he drove them back to his house by the lake.
(A/N: This is a pitiful excuse for a chapter. I just don't feel it, ehh...idk. I decided the whole Arthur figuring out his feelings bit would be cut out, I'm not sure it was the best choice at this point, but what can you do? I'm not changing it now. I'm still having trouble finishing up this story, I am currently working on other ff's I wanna post soon. I am still not feeling this chapter, damn, let me know if you see what I mean.)