The pale walls of Jean's room at the MP Headquarters glowed with the light streaming in through the windows, who themselves seemed to simply be blocks of white. Jean sat at the end of his bed, facing the doorway. The dark brown wood stood out as something clear and cutting against all the fuzzy light, however, even then it was clouded up by Jean's bleary eyes. The Military Police member stared but couldn't concern what time it was. It could have been morning, midday or evening for all he knew.
"Are you okay, Jean? About Marco leaving, I mean." Jean arched an eyebrow at Armin. He was blocking the door from view and swaying uncertainly as though he planned to leave.
His face turned and quickly checked on Marco before looking back. "What are you talking about? He's right here. You're blinder than I realised, Arlert. Come on and show him, Marco."
Marco's face was much clearer to Jean than Armin's. All he could make out beyond his blurred sight was a pair of bright blue eyes and a head of straight golden hair. Marco on the other hand was splashed with freckles, his fairly broad build and child-like round face obvious. A hand rose to needlessly brush down his short black hair and his light brown eyes were as wide and full of hope as ever.
Marco laughed good-naturedly at Jean's comment. "Wow, Jean. I didn't realise you were like that."
Jean laughed back, despite not fully understanding the joke. "What d'you mean, Marco?"
The darker-haired MP tilted his head and studied Jean's expression with a smile. "I think you should just admit it."
"Hah!" A cocky edge grew on Jean's face. "Well, I don't think I've got anything to admit, Marco."
He shrugged in response. "Do you really think you're alright?" Marco picked up Armin's question with a regularly concerned expression.
Jean smirked. "Course I am. Why ask?"
"Don't you see it, buddy?" Marco kept smiling; his tone continued to be light, but there was a deep darkness inlaid in his tone.
Jean shifted away from his friend and the creases in his forehead became deeper. He balled up the bed covers in his fists and found that he was shaking. The whole room seemed to hum and fiery blots peeked in and out of his vision at random. "Marco..."
"It's because there's something wrong, Jean – You're crying – and, I'm here, so...you can't be alright."
"Wh-What? I'm not..." He lifted his hand. It fluctuated between being rock-heavy and cloud-light as though he was breaking it out of water. It reached his face and the touch of cold shocked his eyes open.
The intense sunset stared straight into his eyes, lighting his retinas and the horizon on fire. Tears stained his skin and ran over his fingers as he held them there against his cheek.
"No!" The word forced itself from his throat like a gulp of despair, Jean's hands scrambled around the wooden planks, his fingernails clawing at where the mattress had been just a few moments ago.
"No!" he repeated, staring in horror at the wagon around him as if it had consumed the bedroom and left him in a nightmare. "No, no, no, no!"
There was a soft groan to his right. Armin shifted in sleep and his mouth flopped open sleepily. "Jeaaaan?" he yawned quietly with his eyes still closed and content.
This couldn't...No. This was his reality. Marco was gone. Marco was dead! He had been taken away from him. He had been taken away from him!
Jean was physically silent as his mind screamed internally. His throat felt raw along with his eyes from the aftermath of his dream. The tears had stayed. Water pooled over his fingers, dripped down onto his clothes and dark blotches grew and faded over his trouser material.
He hated himself for crying but it was the only thing he could do. When he closed his mouth in an attempt to stay the flood he choked and when he closed his eyes it felt like he was going to explode. Armin stirred again at the noise so Jean had no choice. He felt around in the low light and heaved himself to his feet. He wiped his face on his sleeve yet it hardly did anything to help.
Through the dim light and water blocking his eyes the shapes making up his surroundings twisted and fluctuated around him to a highly dizzying effect. He staggered and stumbled out into the outside, however, he soon found himself kneeling on the grass. Jean felt numb; he hadn't noticed his legs collapsing underneath him and sending him onto his hands and knees.
"Da-ammit!" he spluttered. "Why am I so bloody weak?!" Jean demanded into the air, his voice stifled with emotion. "I didn't care about Marco. I didn't...care about him. S-So...WHY?!" The lies served no protection any longer, coming out as what they truly were immediately.
All too aware of his proximity to other people, Jean needed to get away, but with his legs shaking from grief and being surrounded by the other travellers there was nowhere he could go. He swore and almost bit his tongue as he did so. His eyes were unblinking even as tears made them sting and the morning light gave them nothing to see. His sprawled out hands curled back into fists and he pounded the ground.
CALM DOWN! Jean shouted at himself but it did little. The gates had opened uncontrollably and there was little he could do to stop it. Why had Marco died?! He didn't deserve it, and Jean didn't deserve this. We didn't deserve...this.
The cloud came back. Rearing and lunging at Jean's mind. Give up! it told him. Marco's gone! But his anger drove it away with a surge of obsession. Marco was gone. However, the sheer idea of letting the person who'd murdered him live on without punishment poisoned his blood.
No-one within the Three Walls had an easy life. Jean knew even the nobles lived in the fear of assassination that came with surrounding yourself with highly-trained soldiers looking out for themselves. Well, one life was going to get a whole lot harder. It would be worth it, for Marco.
Whether Jean slept again that night was up for debate. The time seemed to whittle away beyond the regular pace but dreams did not come and he wasn't naive enough to think his brain was that at rest. He didn't move and his eyes eventually managed to glaze over, however, he knew his mind had never turned off. They weren't even thoughts, just raw emotions consuming all shreds of logic housed there. A voice pulled Jean from this daze much later on, once the sun had risen from the edge to above the distant trees.
"Jean? Jean, where are you? Jean?"
Armin's cries struck a spark across Jean's temper like flint of steel. Jean forced some words out of his gritted teeth but didn't waste any effort with including reassurance for the frail civilian.
"Down here, Arlert."
He looked up and saw Armin's large eyes poke out from above in the wagon. "Oh. Why..." He seemed to consider Jean's odd placement. "Why are you down there?"
Jean ripped a fistful of grass out of the dirt and let them fall back down. "Because it's so comfortable."
"Jean?" Armin said, concerned.
"I don't have to explain myself to you every single time I want to do something, Arlert." He got to his feet so he could stare Armin in the eyes rather than being stared down on instead. "What's going on today anyway? When d'you think we'll be at Wall Maria?"
Armin was frowning but he could read Jean's hot-headed mood as clearly as words on paper so he answered as simply as possible. "Around noon, considering the time we crossed Wall Rose yesterday."
Jean nodded curtly and didn't say another word to Armin for as long as he could, something the bright supervisor was quick to notice.
Long after Armin and Renata had sorted out their reports, packed everyone up and got into the wagon themselves Jean did not miss the worried glances Armin kept shooting him. Armin must have been groggy from just waking up and he had fallen asleep soon afterwards yet Jean had no idea how much the blonde had seen. To combat this possible lapse of weakness, Jean made a point to glare at him pointedly whenever the blue met brown. Maybe it was scaring him off but the soldier suspected that the secrecy only provoked his curiosity.
A chatter of small talk prevailed in the vehicle despite the frigid air surrounding Jean whose eyes snapped around in fervent wait for the first glimpses of Wall Maria. This would soon be over. This hell would soon be over. The Scouts were too small to be split up for long. Even if they weren't all there when he arrived, Jean was positive that it wouldn't stay that way for long.
"Mr Arlert. You come from the Shiganshina district, do you not?" said Renata; Jean had only been vaguely listening by that point but the word 'district' had tricked him into thinking the subject was Trost.
Armin and Renata were both craning their necks to get a look outside. Jean leant back in his corner and stuck his head through the thick coarse fabric. His stomach tightened at the sight. Wall Maria lined the horizon, standing tall, unmoveable and strong in the distance. If Armin had grown up in Shiganshina and that was where everyone was going then it appeared that the young man still had his uses. Jean really had struck gold when it came to Armin Arlert.
"Um...J-Jean?" Armin said. "We'll have arrived quite soon. If you don't mind, I think everyone would appreciate your help in getting everyone sorted out. But after that, if you want to, you can go and do whatever you came here to do."
For a short second, Jean saw almost a plead in Armin's expression, as though he was concerned for Jean. He didn't understand why so Jean chose to turn away. If Armin seriously thought he wanted to stay with them beyond the journey then he wasn't as smart as he'd appeared. Jean could never say he wasn't intelligent but he definitely took him time to realise the obvious.
"I'm going to help finish this, Arlert, but after it's all done I'm not coming back. You lot can go on fine without me."
Renata frowned but all that did was dig at Jean's temper. It was like being chased by a pleading dog with these two.
From Jean's first impressions, he knew immediately that Shiganshina was not the type of place you would go on holiday to. As a southern district outside Maria, it didn't surprise Jean at all with its low-quality houses and lack of any decorations whatsoever. Coming from Trost it would have been a stark difference but after the Interior it might as well have been piles of stones rolling over each other. Accommodation for the influx of civilians had been set up all along the Wall in recently-assembled houses, throughout the city in renovated inns and just outside the gate in spaced out hamlets yet they weren't there just for the show.
Lines of stall wreathed in the faded spectrum and laden with whatever anyone could have asked for bulged in the cobblestone streets and swarming with merchants and civilians alike. Despite the date, there were already groups of travellers curling in and out of Jean's view, pursuing the sights. With those from Wall Sina, they did so with an air of quaint amusement, unaware that the shabbiness they saw was actually an improvement. The smell of potential was in the air and anyone who'd heard of the event had followed it to the gate. It would all disappear afterwards, Jean had no doubt about that, but for the time being it must have been exciting for the everyday residents.
As light brown eyes scanned the fairly grey surroundings the number of tourists who'd arrived before them bustled about like amicable sheep, waiting to be shepherded into line mostly by the Garrison with a handful of Military Police and the…
Jean bit his lip as his heart leapt against his ribcage. A rush of blood pounded in his forehead and cursed it with pain. He'd caught a glimpse of a green cloak, that shade of green now synonymous with death in the soldier's eyes. Jean shifted into a crouch so he could see further above and around. Dots of forest specked the rims of the Walls, watching. Waiting. Looming above. Their immovable alliance with blood in Jean's mind had expected to scare him, but the fear didn't come. Instead, Jean couldn't feel anything but rage at the sight. One of them had done it. One. Of. Them.
"Mr Kirschtein? You're scowling," said Renata.
"Yes. So?" Jean growled back through a clenched jaw. Renata thankfully lost her confidence to reply but to his annoyance, Jean knew that she had a point. I am a Garrison member. I am not a member of the Military Police on the lookout for a filthy murderer, he had to tell himself.
The wagon grinded to a halt, rattling Jean and Armin as it did so, and the latter's gazer turned to the former. "From what I can see you have two options at the moment. Renata has to find our manager and hand over our report immediately, but it's my job to gather some opinions for the time being."
There was a slyness to Armin's voice which was surprisingly well hidden, considering he was in the presence of Jean who easily deciphered the supervisor's meaning. Jean folded his arms and stared off at nothing in particular. There was a weight now on his shoulders like a heavy bag or the stress of a ticking clock but he had long since grown fed up of Armin's emotional analysis.
"Fine. I'll come with. Goodness knows you'll need it. It wouldn't surprise me one bit, Arlert, if you fainted, all these soldiers around and all."
Armin tried to smile and nod neutrally but then he realised that implied he agreed. Jean almost smiled at his confusion but definitely didn't feel like doing so under the watch of so many soldiers and Scouts. Jean gripped the hem of his jacket very tightly. With so many different Garrison soldiers it was stupid to think he'd be spotted as an imposter, and even then he could simply tell them he was MP, but a guilty conscious was not an easy thing to juggle when there were so many other things plaguing his mind.
"Goodbye Mr Arlert," said Renata, easily resuming her awkward speech. "I hope that you and Mr Kirschtein do not have any problems in gathering the information."
Armin smiled tightly. "Goodbye, Renata." He waved her farewell and she quickly sped out of their view towards wherever their manager turned out to be, her dusty hair swinging behind her and relieving one of the weights from Jean's chests. It was one less annoyance to deal with at least.
Armin nodded again and looked up to Jean who was arching his eyebrow conspiratorially. "Is you house near here, Arlert?"
"It's not too far away, but that wasn't actually what I wanted to see. My grandfather knows I have work to do so I doubt he'll be waiting for me. No, I arranged to meet my friends; the, er, two I told you about."
Jean rolled his eyes. "Doesn't matter to me if you're skiving off work to see your friends or teddy bear, Arlert. I assume they're up on the Wall?" Armin agreed. "Good. 'Cause that's what I want to get a good look at."
To tell the truth, it had come off far more suspiciously than he'd intended but before Armin even dared to press Jean hard already started towards the Wall. He'd seen Wall Sina during his job and looked after Trost after training before they'd sorted out the jobs for everyone but Wall Maria was different to all of them. It being the closest Wall to the Titan's territory, iron tracks traced the top as people buzzed around the steady line of cannons all trained on the outside. You could see Shiganshina in its entirety from this height. Makeshift rows of houses and shops blended into each other in the grey and the people seemed like dots, the tourists obvious due to them being recognisably brighter specks among the dull. But there were extensions all around the wall, preparations for the show which ranged from the added ways up to the rudimentary seating to even an added rail along the lines. Jean gazed down the side idly to see whether he could spot the Wall-Worshipers' rage from here.
The sun was nearing its peak in the sky so everything on top was bathed in light, forcing Armin to squint as he searched around for his friends.
"I thought they'd be hear already," he mused sadly, having not seen them yet. Jean didn't care. He was using his time to absorb as much information about the area as he could while Armin wandered off in search.
The Scouts were already placing targets on their backs by wearing their green cloaks while the small amount of Military Police members blended into the more plentiful Rose-backed soldiers. While the others tended to the restless crowd below, the green hoods patrolled the Wall while almost ignoring everyone else, their eyes fixated on the horizon beyond any of the Walls. Their base was centred just outside Shiganishina so Jena wondered why they were so focused on something not relevant to the show in a few days until he realised with a flash of embarrassment.
The flash died within the second appeared since no-one outside of Jean's head knew he'd made a mistake but it then kindled into an strange burning equal fear and curiosity. Jean, like the vast majority of humans, had never actually laid eyes on an actual titan before. They'd presented drawings in training and they'd made him fight wooden replicas but an actual titan?
His feet moved and Jean wasn't sure whether it was of his own accord or not. He edged closer and closer to the drop and went to peek over the fence and...
"Hey! What're you doing!?"
Jean snapped up straight and whipped around for the source of the shout, an angry retort already loaded on the tip of his tongue. Then he found the source and swallowed it with a dark triumph, realising he wouldn't have to do much.
"D'you need a hand, or is that about the only thing you haven't lost, Jaeger?" Jean sneered as an all-too-familiar soldier hobbled over to him, glowering with the intimidation of a rabbit tripping over its own ears.
He had seen better days but Jean felt no sympathy since too many of those 'better days' had been spend annoying Jean. From what Jean could immediately tell, Jaeger was only completely missing an ear, which was covered by a stained bandage lining his head, but a gash lined his cheek and his moments betrayed the other injured cloaked by the green and his jacket. To Jean's delight, the cocky, falsely-superior light in Jaeger's eyes was gone, replaced by something more sober but no less loud.
"Jean..." he growled in an oh-so intelligent manner. Jaeger sounded more like a disgruntled dog that anything else, specifically the kind that couldn't do more than nip at your ankles.
"Eren!" came yet another voice.
Here, Miss Teacher, Jean mocked in his head but then even that fell quiet while his eyes and mouth gaped at the sight.
Raven hair flowed through the air like a trail of midnight that was mirrored in her calm eyes that stole Jean's breath from him with hardly a glance. The cream skin was flawless, as was the rest of her. A true beauty. A true goddess...until she reached out for Eren's arm with the forest cloak of a Scout rippling out of its way.
"I'm fine, Mikasa!" Eren snapped, wrenching his arm out of her grip with a minute cry of pain. The anger in Jean continued to bubble as her expression grew concerned for him. Why?
"But..."
"Fine!"
She retracted her hand, which had been drifting back to Eren, and turned slowly to me. "Jean? Why would you be here of all places?"
"Yeah," Eren scoffed. "I thought you were all happy about getting into the Military Police."
Jean scowled, his nose wrinkling in hatred for Eren, but he shifted intentionally to hide his back from the two Scouts. "Well it looks like you managed to notice something, Jaeger." He brandished his hand and held it to his ear. "Considering all you've missed. How did you get that? Were the titans so scared you got cut up in pursuit, or is it the more realistic option that you just got yourself handed to you?"
Eren backed away with a wide glassy look when something drew the two Scouts' attention away from Jean. "There you two are! Thank goodness."
Armin jogged over to his friends, a massive smile overtaking his face which was barely returned. Mikasa was, well, Mikasa and Eren appeared too angry and distracted to properly beam in kind, something Armin noticed immediately.
His eyes skipped from each of the three opposing pairs as he spoke but his tone was still as if he was the introducer. "This is Jean Kirschtein. He helped me and my partner get here safely from Wall Sina. D-Do you...know him?"
"Training," Mikasa explained. "He was the sixth in our class."
Something I was trying to forget! But then Jean shrugged inwardly. It didn't matter in hindsight. At the rate Eren was going, he wasn't going to survive past the next month so Jean would win in the end.
"R-Really?" Armin shot his pseudo-guard an odd look, clearly realising where the sudden tension had manifested.
"Yeah. Jean went off to the Military Police because apparently the Interior," Eren warbled the word, "isn't full enough of enough selfish prats without him clogging it up. Meanwhile, I'm actually trying to do some good out there, defeating the titans!"
Jean couldn't help but laugh mirthlessly at Eren's surety. "The chances of you doing anything to 'defeat the titans' is the same as Armin taking on me bare-handed, or with any weapon."
Armin's eyebrows furrowed together into a line across his fringe-covered forehead. Jean waved him off dismissively. "Don't bother denying it, Arlert. From what I've seen, you're both useless." On bidding goodbye to another soldier, the protocol and polite thing to do was to salute but Jean didn't think they were worth it. He turned his back on them and started off to find where in the world he was supposed to be staying.
Jaeger and Ackermann. Two Scouts he knew. After travelling for three days you couldn't have offered Jean the palace to talk to those idiots for any longer. Although, tomorrow they would serve a greater purpose.