It took Jean too long to come out of his daze. The anger didn't leave, but slowly his focus returned.
He found he was standing almost alone in the boundary of a thick forest. Trees blanketed the surrounding area; the leaves of each tree melded into each other above his head and created a sheet, dulling any incoming sunlight. The ground beneath his boots was long and wild from the absence of humans which was even further shown by the moss enveloping the bark. It was strange for Jean to see after spending the majority of his life between Wall Rose and Maria, not that he could spare much time to think about that.
Because Jean was not by himself. There was a distant roar of people and titans alike in the background, and, more immediately, a body. The fallen blades of Eren's ODM were strewn on the mud some way away from Jean's feet as he strolled away mindlessly. He didn't know what he was doing yet; his mind was too murky to decipher any of his incoherent thoughts. However, the soldier's neck refused to crane down and risk the possibility of acknowledging the red staining his legs and hands.
The anger hadn't faded. It still burnt through him painfully, attacking the knot of pain in his chest without mercy. Why isn't it gone!? Jean demanded of himself. He brought his hand up to his chest and clawed at the shirt material covering his heart, leaving an imprint of his curling fingers in scarlet.
Vaguely, he thought about escaping. The titan's growling and the sounds of battle hadn't faded so he couldn't have forgotten his circumstances if he tried. Jean was outside the Walls, outside protection. Hell could await him back inside but death was sure to follow if he stayed. So he started to trudge.
The thief was dead. That bastard was gone and would never tarnish the world with another step. But Jean couldn't figure out what that meant to him. There...Th-There were too many things to think about, so he forced them aside.
But what am I doing now? questioned the insistent voice in the back of his skull. It refused to hide no matter how many times Jean tried. He didn't want to face the future. Heat welled up behind his face, threatening the stone.
Jean jerked to a stop and he hand shot up to cover his mouth and suppress the emotion bubbling up but then he felt something sticky touch his skin. He threw off his hand in revulsion and gagged, spluttering between sickness and despair at the blood.
His legs shook tremendously. He needed to move but the moment he lifted his leg he knew it wouldn't hold his weight for much longer. Jean froze and tensed his muscles, keeping them rigid to avoid collapsing there and them. His lungs, his heart, his head. They all pounded with such a ferocity it sounded like he was in the middle of his own personal rainstorm. Jean breathed erratically, soon realised he was stuck. He couldn't walk. He couldn't do anything; he was frozen in fear.
No...It wasn't fear. Jean couldn't think of a word. It was more horrible than fear, fuelled with knowledge instead of the unknown.
He shook again, but this wasn't his disobedient body. Another shiver rattled his body. It crawled from the ground, up from his feet and through his spine. Jean's brown eyes shifted as though through sap until they froze on the source of his fear.
A six or seven metre tall titan hobbled over to Jean with its greedy mouth ajar and dripping, its hair like patches of straw atop rolls of spare skin.
Jean's mind screamed at him to activate his ODM gear or at least run, yet the only movement was the minute flapping of his lips as he repeated his mantra repeatedly in a frightful mania. "I'm screwed. I'm screwed. I'm screwed. I'm screwed. I'm screwed..." His body felt incapable of doing anything other than shaking.
"I'm going to die." Jean knew it to be true, but as soon as he physically voiced the thought his fear seemed to disappear. Similarly to how water can be so cold it's warm, it had reached the point where Jean could hardly process it anymore. That bastard was dead; he couldn't hurt anyone else in future...so at least Jean had done something.
Every second or so the ground would jolt, indicating another sure step towards his own death. Jean gazed downwards at the surplus of blades sheathed in his borrowed equipment. With a grimace he reached down for one. He was going to die no matter what he did. If he could evade the titan, it would be the soldiers. If he could evade the soldiers, it would inevitably be the hunger; he couldn't go back to the Military Police. Not after all this.
Jean found himself appraising the different methods. Between being eaten, being stabbed or being shot, the last one sounded the most painless but he knew he would have time to either get a gun or get arrested before the titan got him. Jean shook again but this time it wasn't because of the titan's monstrous strides. H-He did not want to be eaten. The mere thought, combined with the handprint of blood around his mouth, brought him to the brink of throwing up again.
The shade grew blacker and a ball of panic squirmed inside Jean's throat. His hand darted out a fumbled around for the steel, praying his thanks for the Scout's decision to give them many. He grabbed the one of the blades and pulled it into the air. The ashen-haired soldier paused for a single moment but quickly levelled the blade above his stomach just as the titan's shadow engulfed him.
In his last few seconds, Jean turned his mind to his mum. The idea of her living out her normal life in Trost seemed like an almost-impossible for Jean to grasp by this point. He had had that life once, but now it was laughable. So much so that a burst of sick laughter actually escaped Jean's lips. I'm hysterical, said his mind while Jean continued to laugh softly. What a week I've had. Well...See you soon, Marco. I'll blame you when I get there.
A great hand reached down with the low moan of a titan and Jean made his decision, raising the blade...
There was a massive sound of slicing and rain, like a cloud exploding. Jean's head snapped back and the titan collapsed. A burst of adrenaline shot his body out of its path and he leapt just as the titan fell like a sack of meat. It hit the ground with a wet thud and the air around it instantly began to steam with its alien blood. The cloud of mist swirled upwards from under Jean's feet and billowed into his face on its way, sticking down his hair with sudden beads of sweat.
He stared at the dissolving titan incredulously; the blade in his hand came close to dropping out of surprise. Its leathery skin peeled off the scarlet muscles as they in turn crumbled along with the cracking bone. Its destruction was unlike anything of nature. It was returning to air and water as if it had never been material in the first place, but it must have been because they had killed so many people. It was too strange to think about.
"What the hell..?" His question was answered before he had the time to finish his sentence.
There was another sound – a quick, slicing gust – and a sheen of metal appeared under Jean's neck. He didn't risk moving but the blade's wielder was kind enough not make him ask again.
Keeping the sword's edge close to the younger soldier's throat, Commander Erwin Smith stepped into Jean's view. His face was set with frigid inexpression but his bushy eyebrows formed a line of animosity across the Scouting Regiment's leader's face. His blue eyes were unforgiving and just as analytically searching as before. He had the face of someone who Jean could not fool, and when confronted with the blood-drenched young man wearing a uniform not his, there were no signs of mercy tracing the elder's expression.
"Lower the weapon," Smith began in a deep, orderly voice. With a blade pressed to his skin, it didn't even cross Jean's mind to disobey.
"I'll ask a few questions," Smith continued. Jean couldn't even gulp so personally he thought the notion of him responding was pretty idiotic.
"What are you doing here, Mr Kirschtein?" Jean's eyes widened and he automatically went to lie but Smith caught him far too easily. "I know who you are. You are already under suspicion for one murder, so answer me: what are you doing here?"
Jean clenched his fists and refused to speak, choosing to look away instead. He wasn't going to provoke him but there was no point in giving himself away without a need.
"Remaining silent will not do you any favours. I am fully aware of what you've done, young man. I know you are not a member of the Scouting Regiment and I know you infiltrated this event illegally."
"So what?" Jean finally asked, forcing his voice not to betray the storm of thoughts raging on inside his skull. "This event wasn't some important mission. It's just some farce!"
Smith glanced away to catch another glimpse at the Wall in the distance. The corners of his mouth twitched strangely. "That's an interesting theory. Too bad it's untrue."
"What?"
He met Jean's eyes with an abrupt patience, as though Jean was a schoolchild slow on the uptake. "I daresay this is one of the most important missions in recent history." The patience, however, was not pure; there was a conspiratorial edge to it. "The public must know of the danger the titans pose to humanity. Without that fear driving us, we would too easily fall to the wayside and give up hope. Give up on the cause. That cannot happen."
His face hardened again. He hadn't removed the sharp edge from Jean's skin. "Which is why I cannot let any interferences go free. Although a death is unacceptable. A murder is far worse."
Jean clenched his eyes shut. "Then kill me already and get it over with!" he snarled.
The Commander didn't comply. "If it was that simple then I would not have killed that titan just then."
"Then what..?"
"You are very talented with the ODM gear. You were able to manoeuvre across a flat field with apparent ease. That is not something just anyone can do."
To be honest, Jean hadn't thought about it. The only thing he'd cared about was following his target. He had paid little to no mind of his surroundings on the way there. The brunette scowled. "So you want me to, what, join your Scouts? There's no way in hell I'd support you morons. That's a death sentence!"
Erwin's lips stopped twitching and gave in until they had curled into an actual smile. He retracted his hand and his blade along with it. With short movements, each one making a beeline for the next, the blonde sheathed his weapon.
"So you're in agreement."
Jean had to swallow back his fury. He glowered into the Commander's eyes but the Scout's gaze was frighteningly calm.
"Murder is a death sentence, Mr Kirschtein. Your life belongs to me. You could join the Scouts, use your time to fight for humanity and take back territory from the titans, or I could kill you right now." It was probably Jean's imagination, but Smith's eye became regretful for those words. "Which one is it?" he wondered, resting his hand on his box of sheaves.
The overwhelming urge Jean had had to die only minutes ago had dissolved all along with that titan's carcass. The sense of self-preservation he'd kept close throughout his training against the future-Scouts like Eren had returned full force. Jean muttered something inaudible to Erwin. The older man could have easily guessed what he'd said yet he went ahead and asked again.
"Which one is it?"
Jean's fists tightened, his fingernails digging into his palms painfully so he wouldn't lash out at Smith. The words came out with the ease of eating rocks. They grated on his throat as they went. "Fine," he snapped.
Erwin's expression lightened, as though Jean's response hadn't been because of a threat to the younger's life. "Very well." He turned seemingly without caution and prepared to shoot off on his ODM. He cocked his head in the direction of the Wall, indicating for Jean to follow.
The ashen-haired soldier was tempted to stay put. With his panic gone, Jean's faith in his abilities had returned. He might be able to take on a titan if he was life this...
"Do not forget, Kirschtein," Commander Smith piped up without looking back, "your life is always in my hands."
I know this chapter's shorter than the others but I think this was the right place to stop.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you all for reading! :D