Chapter Twenty-Two
It's been two months since we got Nick back and things have not been the easiest. Finnick is in therapy because he is riddled with guilt. I've noticed he's been drinking more than usual. He usually can't go to sleep unless he's had something to drink right before bed. I can always smell the beer. I get it, I do. When you kill someone you generally change even if you're a cop I think it changes you, but I don't think cops have to go to therapy because they've been trained on what to expect.
As if that isn't bad enough Nick won't sleep through the night and cries when Finnick or I aren't in his sight. We've taken him to two different doctors and they all say the same thing. They say he's fine. One of them said the unfamiliar/unsafe atmosphere might have affected him, but it should go away once he's been home for awhile. He was only taken for two days. How can he be so effected?
Linda came to see Nick after she got out of the hospital. He didn't cry when she held him, but when my sister and brother came to see if I was alright Nick cried when they held him.
"Come here baby." I say and pick Nick up. "It's lunch time."
He pulls on my hair which I always find as a good sign. He did this when he was little whenever I would kiss or sooth him.
"There's Daddy." I say and kiss his cheek when I see Finnick in the kitchen.
"Dada." He says and reaches for Finnick.
Finnick smiles at him.
"Let me." He says and holds out his arms to hold Nick. I give him to Finnick and Nick leans into him. "I was thinking we should take him outside for walks and stuff. He needs to get accustomed to the world." I say.
"Finnick I don't know." I say wary.
"We would take him on walks all the time and it's a nice day." Finnick says.
I sigh.
"Okay." I say.
We do go for a walk, we actually walked to the park close to our house. Nick seemed to be enjoying himself which makes me feel better.
"I think he's getting better." Finnick says as we walk inside. Nick fell asleep on the way home.
"I hope so." I whisper and put Nick in his crib so he can nap.
Finnick goes to the fridge and gets a beer. It's four in the afternoon but I will keep count. Finnick is a big drinker so he probably won't get flat out drunk until he's on his fourth one but still it makes me worry.
"Dinner tonight?" He asks.
"Let's just order pizza I'm not in the mood for cooking." I say and he nods.
"There you go baby." I say and place Nick in his crib.
I hear a knock on the door and am confused. Finnick's at therapy. He's been doing better, but he is still drinking more than I would like. I wouldn't say he is abusing it, but I think he's teetering on a fine line right now.
I grab the baby monitor when I hear the knock again.
I go to the front door and am shocked when I open it.
"Annie." He says with a kind smile.
I open and close my mouth multiple times before I'm able to speak.
"What are you doing here Dad?" I ask. The last time I remember seeing my Dad I think was my wedding day and that was almost seven years ago. He sent a card when he found out Olivia passed which surprised me because he stopped sending birthday and Christmas cards years before.
He smiles and is almost studying me.
"Dad?" I say again because now he is just out right staring
"Sorry I just haven't seen you or heard your voice in awhile." He says.
"What are you doing here?" I ask angry and confused.
"I heard what happened to you and Finnick." He says. I'm surprised by this I wouldn't think anyone would tell him, then again Nick's picture was all over the news for the amber alert.
I hear Nick on the baby monitor.
"Mama." I hear softly and my Dad raises his eyebrows.
"And?" I asked.
He reaches his hand out and squeezes my shoulder.
"I want to fix this." He says and motions back and forth. "I want to fix our relationship." He says.
"Mama." I hear again.
"Stay there and don't touch anything. I need to check on my son." I say.
"Can't I see him?" He asks.
"No." I say. He doesn't press so I walk off to get Nick. "Hi sweetie." I say and pick him up and rock him back and forth.
"Mama." He says and plays with my necklace. I kiss his cheek. "Let's get you something to eat." I say because I can tell he's hungry. I kiss the top of his head and carry him downstairs. I see my Dad still standing near the front door.
I sigh. I don't want to just slam the door in his face, especially since he probably flew all the way down here. Besides, something seems different about him… he seems genuine.
"Come on." I say and motion my head so we can go to the kitchen.
I get the high chair and get some applesauce for Nick.
I see my Dad looking around my house. I don't blame him, he's probably curious of where his daughter is living. Finnick and I talked about moving ever since the John thing but I don't think we will, especially since he is dead.
I sit down and start to feed Nick. It makes me look at my Dad at a better angle. He's gained weight probably from age and his hair is more gray than I remember. He isn't looking at me at all, he's just looking at Nick.
"He's the first grandson." He says and gets closer.
I nod. I'm also sure he considers this to be his first grandchild. He probably doesn't count Madeline because she's not 'blood'.
"He doesn't look like you though." He says and I can hear disappointment.
"That's because he looks like his Dad." I say.
"Dada?" Nick looks up at me with a curious smile.
"Daddy's not here cutie." I say and brush my finger on his nose as Nick takes another bite of applesauce.
I notice my Dad is staring at me.
"You're good with him." He says and pulls out the chair across him Nick.
"I'm his Mom." Is all I say. "And I'd never leave him when he needs me." I say softly.
My Dad sighs.
"Annie I know I said and did things in the past but I can't change it so I think we should try and fix this. I want to make amends, but we both need to be willing for it to work."
"Are you going to therapy?" I ask surprised. I can tell by the way he's talking he has been. I remember when I was in college the therapists give you certain talking strategies and goals to help you through the day. I can tell when Finnick talks sometimes it's with help from his therapist.
"Possibly." He says. He sounds ashamed.
"Does it help you?" I ask.
"Yes, which is why I wish I would've just given you that money when you asked for therapy." He says.
I don't say anything I just look at Nick.
"I know the past few years for you haven't been easy and I know I've lost the right to ask or talk about it with you but I do miss you." He says.
"Then why did you never call?" I ask.
"Because I knew you wouldn't want to talk." He says. He's true but if he would've called more, been more annoying we could've had this conversation before. "I did try a few times but you changed your number." He says.
"That was a few years ago." I say. I lost my old phone and they told me for some reason that I couldn't get my old number back. "Why were you calling me?" I ask.
"Ella let it slip that you were pregnant. You were apparently far along from what I could gather." He says. I take Nick out of the high chair and hold him close to me because I wasn't pregnant with Nick then.
"I didn't tell her not to say anything." I say truthfully because I didn't even think about him.
"I wanted to be a part of their life and I wanted to tell you how sorry I was." He says.
If my Dad would've called me and said that I might have been more willing to talk.
"Why not just visit me and say this?" I ask.
"I was going to, but Ella told me not to." He says.
"Why?" I ask. Ella doesn't usually like to get involved with family drama.
"Because she told me what happened to your first child."
"Mama." Nick says and starts playing with my necklace, the one Finnick gave me for Olivia's first birthday. We 'celebrated' her second one too which mostly consisted of buying flowers.
I kiss the top of his head.
"Why are you saying child?" I ask it sounds too awkward.
"I wasn't allowed to know if it was a girl or boy." He says which surprises me. I wasn't the one who told our family about Olivia. I know Mom and Ella did most of it for me, but I wouldn't have expected Ella not to share that we had a daughter.
"It was a girl and she was perfect." I say. I feel like crying. I don't talk about this to anyone except Finnick. People don't really ask to talk about your deceased child.
He nods.
"Why didn't you try and talk to me when I was pregnant with Nick if you wanted to be apart of my child's life?" I ask.
"I don't know." He says.
I nod.
I hear the garage door open and know Finnick is home from therapy.
Nick giggles when he sees Finnick.
"Dada!" Nick exclaims.
"Hey buddy." Finnick says and kisses his cheek. Nick smiles.
"Hello Rick." Finnick says not bothering to look at my Dad.
"Finnick." He says and nods.
"Annie can we talk over here?" Finnick asks.
I nod and we head to the family room. Nick starts struggling in my lap so I set him down in the play pin where he starts to hold and grab his teddy bear.
"Did you call him?" Finnick asks surprised.
"No, he just showed up." I say and Finnick looks towards the kitchen.
"Do you want him to leave?" He asks.
"I don't know. He said he wanted to make up." I say.
"And you believe him?" Finnick asks.
"He sounded genuine Finnick." I say. Finnick has wanted me to talk to my Dad for ages but I never did. I find it odd that Finnick wouldn't like this idea.
He nods.
"Okay." He says.
"Do you not think its a good idea?" I ask.
"It's curious timing." Finnick says and is looking at Nick who is smiling up at him.
"Finnick he won't take Nick." I say softly. "Especially if he wants to build a relationship." I say.
"I know he won't take him away." Finnick says.
"I think he should stay for dinner." I say softly.
"Really?" Finnick says surprised.
"He said he wanted to be apart of our child's life and Nick doesn't really have a Grandpa." I say.
Finnick nods.
"Okay." He says and kisses my cheek. "I'm proud of you for doing this Annie." He says.
"I know." I say and kiss him again.
"Dada." Nick says and makes his hands into fists signaling he wants to be picked up.
"Come here little man." Finnick says and picks Nick up while I walk over to my Father.
"Dad." I say.
"Time to leave?" He says disappointed.
"No. Finnick and I actually want you to stay for dinner." I say and twirl my wedding ring afraid of what he might say. I can tell he still doesn't like Finnick, but he's going to have to work on that if he wants to be in my life.
"That's wonderful." He says and smiles.
My Dad and I talk while Finnick makes dinner. It feels awkward. I haven't seen my Dad in awhile so when he asks me what's new I have loads to tell him. I don't go into everything, but I do tell him about my job and our house. I can tell he doesn't like the color of the kitchen but I don't care.
"Can I get a tour?" He asks.
"Maybe next time. It's messy." I say. Which is true, but the last time I showed someone around our house they stole our son.
He nods. He isn't going to push because he knows he doesn't have that right anymore.
"Can I hold him?" He asks while looking at Nick who is playing with his blocks.
I swallow hard.
"Yes." I say softly.
"Come here baby." I say and pick him up and kiss him. "Here's your grandpa." I say and hand him to my Dad.
He's only in my Dad's arms for a few seconds when I see his face scrunch, then I hear the cries.
"Mama!" He says loudly.
My Dad hands him back and Nick stops crying.
"You're okay baby." I whisper and rock him back and forth. "Mommy's got you." I whisper and kiss his cheek.
I look at my Dad.
"Sorry. He hasn't liked many people holding him since he came home." I say. "When Carter came to visit he cried too." I say which isn't a lie but he lasted longer than a second. I don't know what John did to Nick when he took him but he obviously did something because he hates when anyone but Finnick or myself touch him.
My Dad nods.
"He's handsome." My Dad says anyways. "Even if he doesn't look like you." He says and I nod. I don't know if that is a complement or not but I don't want to get into it with him.
"Do you ever think about having another?" He asks but his face looks like he shouldn't have asked.
"I don't know but after what just happened I don't think so." I say. Finnick and I talked about it when Nick was probably a month old. Finnick said he wanted Nick to have a sibling because Finnick was sometimes lonely when he was growing up. I said I wasn't sure and considering it took us almost a year to conceive Nick we probably should've started trying by now because I would want them to be close in age.
But since Nick was taken I don't see it in the cards anytime soon because I'm also worried about Finnick too.
He nods.
"Do you think Ella will get married soon?" He asks.
Ella has been dating her boyfriend for three years. Finnick and I only dated for two when we got married but the timeline is a little messy because we did break up.
"I think she wants to date longer. I think she wants to feel safe when she gets married." I say.
"Dinners ready." Finnick says.
Dad asks Finnick about his work. I can tell he doesn't approve of Finnick's job by the tone of his voice but he is trying to be polite. I can't tell if Finnick is noticing this or not though.
"Ella's coming to visit me next weekend and I would really like if you did as well." He says.
Finnick and I do have a three day weekend coming up, but we didn't think about leaving. We live eight hours away from my parents house and Nick has never been on a plane before.
"I don't know Dad it's far and I think flying with Nick will be difficult." I say but I would be able to see my Mom and I know she has been wanting to see Nick since he has been kidnapped. She doesn't have the time to drop everything and visit.
"I'll talk it over with Finnick." I say.
He nods.
"This was nice Annie. I hope I see you again soon." He says and I walk him out. I wonder if he flew all the way out here just to talk to me.
"See it wasn't so horrible." Finnick says as I walk back inside.
I nod.
"He wants us to see him next weekend." I say.
"It is a three day weekend and we both only work a half day on Thursday." He says.
"I don't know about flying with Nick." I say.
"Annie it will be two hours tops." He says. "But we don't need to." He says.
"I wanted my Mom to see Nick." I say and Finnick nods.
"He still cries when other people hold him." I say.
"Rick has never held Nick before so it's obvious why he would cry." Finnick says.
I nod.
"So? Do you think we should go down there?" I ask.
"It seemed like your Dad was trying so I think we should." Finnick says.
"Me too." I say with a smile.
I help Finnick clean up from dinner and notice after he goes to the fridge to get another drink that's the fifth one today.