sorry, i was being super lazy and didnt write like i was supposed to.

anyways...

Happy New Year! Well, New Year's Eve. can you believe 2014 is tomorrow, whoa,that's just cray cray. so in case you haven guess, i dont think i will be done by the end of the year. but i will be done before i go back to school so there is not. i think we have about three-four chps left so yep, we almost there.

anyways, enjoy.

Chapter XXXVIII

(Epov)

I gave a loud and an annoyed groan as I flipped in my bed and kicked the covers off me because I was literally getting hot as hell. Ugh, stupid illness.

I gave a whine as I pulled the covers over me again because now I was freezing. Why is this happening to me? I felt like a damn child. I didn't like it. I wasn't use to feel this vulnerable.

I tossed and turned as I tried to find a comfortable spot. I couldn't seem to find one since my stomach threatened to erupt a few hours ago. I heard my door opened. I turned over and faced the wall so whoever it was would think I'm asleep and leave me alone. I was not in the mood to talk. It wasn't because I was upset or anything, I just really wanted to go back to sleep.

"I know you're not sleep, Edward." I heard my sister say.

I turned over and looked at her. "How do you know that?" I asked.

"You weren't snoring." She teased.

I gave her a look telling her I was not very amused by her joke. "I don't snore." I replied. She answered by closing her eyes and letting out a big and obnoxious fake snort. I assume she was saying that's what I did. "Shut the hell up." I said. She opened one eye before laughing. When she did, I couldn't help but to cracked a small smile. It felt good to smile. "What are you doing in here anyways?" I asked as I fully turned to look at her. I haven't seen much of my family since I've been sick. Dad said it was probably best they stay out of my room until I was better so they wouldn't catch whatever the hell I had.

"I have something for you." She answered. My eyes widened in interest. She reached in her book bag and pulled out a folder that was marked "homework". Interest gone. That was the one of a few things that I didn't care about missing school for the past week.

"Do you have the receipt so you can return it?" I joked half-hearty. The folder was kinda thick; like a small children's book. I really didn't feel like doing any of that work.

She gave a smile and shook her head. "Sorry bro." she answered.

I gave a hard and tired sigh. "Okay, put it on my dresser?" I asked. She walked over to my short dresser and placed the folder on top.

"Oh, I almost forgot." she reached in her purse and pulled out an envelope. "This came for you a few days ago. It's from the SAT office. I think it's your scores." She said.

"Why am I just not getting it?" I asked. If it can a few days ago, isn't that when I should've gotten it by now?

"No one wanted to come in here while you were throwing up anything and everything you ate." She answered. Pretty good answer. I don't think I would want to be in contact with someone who was as sick as I was. "Do you want it?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Not now." I didn't feel like looking at it in case it wasn't the score I wanted or needed. I will save that disappointment for later. "Place it with my homework." I told her. She did what I told her.

"Are you going to send them to Norte Dame again?" she asked.

I shook my head. "I need to get a few more things done before I do." I told her. One of them involved Bella. However, I don't know how willing she is to help me after the last time we talked.

"I don't know why you want to go to that stupid school anyways" she mumbled. She kept saying it. I thought it was because it found it silly that I would want to a Catholic when that wasn't even our religion. But I'm starting to wonder if it's something else. She looked at my mirror. I thought she was going to check her reflection, but I noticed she was looking past herself and looking at the pictures I had stuck around the frame. She pulled out the one Bella had her first time over here. It was the one where younger Alice is hugging a younger me. "This one was always my favorite." She said as she looked at it as if she never saw it.

Okay, now I really think she was thinking something different. "Alice, are you okay?" I asked. While she was still staring at the picture in her hand, she nodded. "I mean, if I go away to school, will you be okay?" I reworded.

She looked at me. She didn't answer as she walked over to my bed. I moved back towards the wall. She sat on the space I made and crossed her legs. I don't know how smart it was to sit where I was sick for six days, but I didn't say anything. "Actually, no I don't think I will be." She answered as she placed the picture next to me. She looked at me. "I don't want you to go to Norte Dame." She said.

"But, Alice…"

I stopped when she rolled her eyes. "I know. It's the damn best football college in the stupid country." She repeated the same thing I've been telling her. She said it like she was upset at the fact. "But, Edward, it's all the way in Indiana. That's not even the next state from us. It over the in the mid north part. We don't even know anyone there."

"I know, but it won't hurt me to get out of Washington." I answered.

She looked at me. "What about me? I've been following you since I could remember. I don't think there's been a time where you and I were that far apart." She replied. Now I see what her problem's been. She wasn't ready for me to leave. She was right; we have been together since she's been born. It would be odd not being near her. "Whatever, it's selfish and stupid." She added as she looked away.

"Alice, its fine. I'm your older brother. I understand. I will miss you too. But I will text every day, even call if you need me to. We can even video chat."

She looked at me. "Promise?"

I nodded. "And I will be back for every break. It won't be as bad as you think." I assured her. In all honesty, I think I was trying to convince myself as well as her. I don't think I thought the distance from my family until now. "Besides, I might not even get in." I told her.

She gave a wide smile. "Oh right. I forgot about that."

My caring look turned into a glare. "Now you're being fucking selfish." I told her. She laughed. She moved herself towards the middle of the bed and leaned on my legs that were half covered by the blanket. "How was school?" I asked, changing the topic. I don't think I could take any more of this serious talk about what I might be doing in the fall. Nothing was set in stone so I didn't really want to think about it right now.

She shrugged. "It's school; what the hell do you want me to tell you?" she replied.

I laughed. Okay, good response. Probably the same thing I would have said. On second thought, it might be best if she spend a little time away from me. She's starting to become like me. The last thing I needed was Alice to be a female version of my – well, my old – self. She might become like Tanya; or worst Maria. If I hear someone calling my baby sister the "Man-Maker", I will personally snap their necks.

"Okay. Well, I have I been missing anything with the group?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing too special. Tanya hasn't been sitting at the table. She sits in the corner with her damn lackey and sitting on James' lap." She didn't wait too long, did she? Alice looked at me. "Considering that, I'm assuming you did it already." She assumed. I nodded, knowing what she was talking about. She smiled. "Good. I just hate we have to look at that until the beginning of June." She said. I gave a chuckle. That wasn't the couple I worried about seeing. I didn't really care about them and what they were doing.

"How's Bella?" I asked.

Alice looked at me. "You mean after you guys' little fight last week?" she asked. I nodded. Of course I told her. Damn, I need to stop telling Alice things. She knew way too much about my life and feelings. She turned away from me. "She doesn't seem mad anymore." She asked as she picked at her cut-off jean shorts. They weren't my favorite thing to see her in, but apparently it was way too humid today to wear anything else. "There might be a specific reason for that, but I can't tell you." She said.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I told her I wouldn't."

"Just tell me." I nudged her with my knee.

"Sorry." She said a shrug.

"What the hell, Alice? I'm your brother." I reminded. She wasn't just upset because her brother won't be here in the fall and now she's covering for someone she hasn't even been friends with for a whole year?

She laughed. "Sorry, bro. Girl Code overrules Sibling Code." She answered. I rolled my eyes. "She said she would tell you when she sees you. She asked about you." She said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"She asked where you were. Everyone was wondering why you haven't been in school or at the meet." She said.

"What did you tell them?" I asked.

"I told them you were sick." She said, inferring the duh. "What was supposes to tell them?" she asked. Nothing, I guess. She told them the truth. The first day, I just didn't want to go to school. I didn't want to deal with Bella because I wasn't quite sure what to say. I didn't know if I should apologize or not. I mean, I did tell her what I was thinking, but it might have been a little harsher than it should have been. Then the next day, an hour before I had to get up to get ready, I shot out of bed and threw up anything I ate the night before. When I thought it passed and got dress, I was so fucking hot in my clothes, I almost passed out from the heat. When my mom saw me almost tumble down the staircase, she said I was in no condition to leave the house. Alice looked at me. "Are you sure you're really sick?" she added.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Alice you saw me throw up, more than once, why would I fake that?" I asked her, my turn to infer the "duh".

She gave a shrug. "To avoid Bella." She guessed. Damn it, my sister knew me too fucking well. I gotta stop telling her shit.

"I'm not." I told her. Well, I'm not anymore.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

I sighed hard. "Tired." I answered simply. "I woke up around noon because I thought I was going to puke again. I've been trying to get back to sleep ever since." I told her.

"Well, I guess I'll go do my homework and let you get back to that." she said before getting off my bed. "I'll bring you dinner in a few hours. Get better." she said as she walked to the door.

"Thanks" I mumbled before she walked out the room and closed the door behind her.

After Alice left, I finally found a comfortable spot and fell asleep. I didn't even wake up for dinner, though I doubt my family tried very hard. They must've known how long I've been trying to go to sleep and thought it was best if I stayed asleep. Which I did and all the way until it was time for Alice to get up for school. That must've been all I needed because I got up with her to get ready as well. I gagged one time, but when I stopped and breathe, I was fine. I think I was well enough to go to school.

When I got to my first class, my teacher told me to turn in everything by next week. Hopefully, that would be the same thing for every other teacher. It would give me a chance to make up with Bella and have her help me. But that wasn't the only reason I wanted to make up with her. Besides the fact I didn't want her to be mad at me because I said something stupid, through Alice said she seemed over it, but I had something else I wanted to ask her. As soon as I got in the school, I needed to make a stop before I went to my locker and it involved Bella.

When I was walking to my last class before lunch, I saw Bella walking. "Bella." I called. She turned to me. I was glad she smiled instead of roll her eyes and walk away. I don't know why I thought that she would. She wasn't that petty. I walked over to her.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" she asked when I got to her. I gave a confused look, wondering if she was talking about last Wednesday. "Alice told me you were sick." She answered my look. "She said it's the reason you haven been at school." She added.

"Oh yeah. I'm fine. I wanted to say sorry for going off on you last week. My head wasn't right." I told the only excuse I could think of for snapping at her. Considering what happened before I did, through the two won't really related, it would make sense in her head.

"I kinda figured. But I'm over it. I've actually been over it for a few days. I was going to tell you that, but you weren't at school or answering your phone." She said.

"I didn't get anything from anyone. My mother took my phone because she said I didn't need any distraction from getting better." I told her. It was the first thing Esme took including making me stay in my room the whole time. She was going to take my computer until I told her would be totally bored without anything to do. If I was going in my room the whole time, I needed something to keep from going completely insane. Bella nodded. "Anyways, I got my scores back." I told her

"How did you do?" she asked.

"I don't know, I haven't looked at them yet. I want everything together before I do. So do you mind writing my Recommendation letter?" I asked.

"Sure I can do it tomorrow." She said.

"It might be best if I'm there with you when you do. And the deadline for resubmit is next week and I wanted to send it tomorrow. You think we can do it we can do it today? We can go to the library during lunch." I asked her.

"What about actually eating lunch?" she replied.

I reached in my pocket and showed her the pack of crackers my mom gave me this morning. "These will be my lunch, and dinner, and probably even breakfast for the next few days." I told her.

"Oh…um…" she stopped and thought. she looked at me. "Okay. I actually wanted to talk to you alone about something so that works. I'll meet you there after class." She said before walking away from me. Uh, that went better than I thought. Alice was right. She was over it. I wondered if it hurt her as much as I thought in the first place. Probably not. I stopped thinking about it for the time being as I walked to class.

When I got there, my teacher told me the same thing everyone else was telling me. That he heard I was sick form my sister and said I needed to turned in the work by Monday. It looks like my sister got around when I wasn't here. I guess she figured I was doing so well with my schoolwork that just because I wasn't there didn't mean I should not do the work. It also looks like I will be busy for the weekend. I guess I won't be doing too much going out this weekend again.

As class went on, I realized I missed almost a whole chapter of work, meaning I would have to catch up fast and soon. damn it. if all this work was the price to pay from not being her for a few days, I don't think I ever want to be sick again.

After to class, I told Alice I would be in the library before walking there to meet Bella. When I go there, she was sitting on a table in the corner behind some shelves with her laptop on her lap. "Hi." I greeted when I was in front of her.

She looked at me and smiled. "Hey, I can't remember the last time I was in here for lunch." She joked. I gave a small laugh. I guess she was talking about the times before now when she was just friends with Rosalie and not the rest of us. I don't miss those days because I don't think I picture our little group without Bella now. Jasper was right, she was pretty cool. Uh, who knew? If I did before her transformation, I would've invited her to sit with us a long time ago. I would've done a lot of things a long time ago if I knew then what I knew now. "How was class?" she said.

I shrugged. "I missed a lot. I might need your help to catch up." I answered.

"I figured as much. I can help whenever." She answered. "Sit." She said pushing one of the chairs towards me with her foot.

"Thanks." I said before sitting down. "Uh…why are you on the table?" I asked since there were two perfectly good chairs right in front of her. In fact, she had her feet in one of them.

"I don't know. I didn't feel like sitting in the chair. Anyways, we only have about thirty minutes so we should start if you want this done before the day is over." She said. I could tell she was serious. I forgot how much of a hardass she could be sometimes. "I was looking up some examples of what to write in this kind of things." she said as she looked at her computer.

"You never wrote one before?" I asked.

"Of course not." she said with a chuckle. Right, she was the same age as me. Who the hell was she going to write one for, herself? So I was the first one. Wow, I felt kinda of special. At least I would her first at something, "So it is a good thing you are here." She looked at me. "Anything specific you wish for me to mention?" she asked.

I shrugged. I wasn't really sure what went in one either. She knew more about it than I did because she was looking up. "The only thing I can think of is how hard I work during our study sessions." I told her, not sure if that helped or not.

She nodded. "That's' a start. You should work on some of your homework while I work on this so we won't have a mountain to work with later." She suggested. Even though I was not ready start diving in to all this damn work I had waiting ahead for me, I knew it was a good idea. So I nodded.

The time went on and all I heard from her was the quick tap, tap, tapping she was making as her fingers touched the keys. Every so often she would stop and mumbled to herself, probably reading what she had to see if it made sense. I saw her use the mouse pad to move things around. I kinda wished she was sitting next to me so I could see what she was writing. Maybe that was why she was sitting on the table, so I wouldn't look over her shoulder while she wrote.

I was reading a chapter in my science book when she finally spoke aloud. "Uh…I think I'm done. Do you want me to read it?" she asked. I gave a shrug. I was going to see what it said either way. "Okay." She said before clearing her throat and started to read. "'To whom it may consider, I writing in consideration of Edward Cullen and his recent rejection. I have been tutoring him for the past year. In the time I have spent with Edward, I have seen him change from someone who cared only about himself to one who cares for his schoolwork as well as others. Once he was did not worry about grades, which is why they were as poor as they were. However, he has made the realization that he could do better. Since then, I've seen Edward work hard enough where he has gone from C's and D's to A's and B's. Grade improvements like that do not happen without hard work.
When it comes to his place on the school's team, he is dedicated there as well. He works as he can to win. He can be more confident than one would like, but his confidence is his drive to succeed in everything he does. When he believes he is the best, he does what he can to prove himself correct.
He is not only a hardworking student and a great athlete, but he is also a good friend because he helps other. I know this because I am speaking from experience. Edward helped me get what I desperately wanted even if we through we were not great friends. Edward will make a great addition not just to the football team, but to the rest of the student body as well. With that being said, please reconsider him for your school. However you decided to process, thank you for your time. Sincerely, Isabella M. Swan'." She finished and looked at me.

"M?" I questioned.

She rolled her eyes. "Marie; I know so don't say it." she said, probably knowing what I was thinking. That her middle name was dangerously close to Jasper's ex-girlfriend's, who I assume she wasn't too fond of. "Anyways, what do you think?" she asked.

Some parts, I had to say I was a little insult. Like was it really necessary to say I was "more confident than people would like"? I don't think any college never wanted to know that. At least she didn't flat out say I was arrogant. That was plus. Everything was good, maybe even stretching the truth a bit. "It's good. You make me some like a competent student." I told her.

She laughed. "Just the fact that you use the word 'competent' and used it correctly makes you a 'competent student'." She answered, before turning back to her computer. "Let me save." She mumbled to herself. She pressed something and typed some more before clicking something else and closing her laptop. She turned and smiled at me. "Done." She said.

"Good." I was glad that was out the way. Now I needed to do something else.

"So if you want me to start helping you with your homework…"

"Actually, can we talk about something else?" I interrupted.

She tilted her head in confusion. "Uh…sure. Like what?" she answered.

"Well, I've been thinking about something." I felt the need to wipe my hands on my pants. Crap, I think I'm nervous. When was the last time I was that? It didn't take me long to do think about that because the answer is never. I was never nervous. And to think Bella was making me feel that way. "So, you know how you keep telling me how Jasper hasn't asked you to prom yet? Seeing as I'm no longer going with Tanya, and you're not going with anyone, I figured we can go…together." I finally let out.

When I did, her eyes widened. "Are you serious? You and me, prom?" she replied.

I chuckled when I noticed that was almost the same thing she said months ago when I said I would go the Homecoming dance with her. I wonder if she thought it was the same. Well, to put her mind at ease. "Don't worry, this isn't like when I asked you to Homecoming." I assured her.

She rubbed her stocking covered knees. "That seems so long ago." She replied.

I chuckled again. "Yeah it does." I agreed. I can't believe how much have happened in just those few months. First I just wanted her help for my own personal reasons. I agreed to help her with Jasper, but I didn't care if she might get not get she wanted as long as I got what I thought I needed. But that was before I knew he liked her back. "But to prove this nothing like that." I reached in my back pocket and grabbed what I had to get as soon as I got in the school. I propped my elbow on the table and showed her what I had in my hand.

She stared at them. "You already brought tickets?" she asked as she took them from my hand.

I nodded. "I got them this morning." I told her as she looked at them.

"Oh." She said.

"What do you think, you and me; way too overdressed and probably uncomfortable to even dance in, looking ridiculous in matching colors?" I tried to make it as teasing as I could, but I had to say, I wouldn't mind it. She would probably look like Cinderella in a big ballroom grown. It would be a nice sight, I'm sure. She looked at me. "As friends." I said quickly, wondering if she heard less teasing than I was putting there.

"That sounds fun and thank you so much for asking me, but…" she put the tickets together before handing them back to me. "I can't take these." She told me as I took them.

"You know you weren't have to pay me back, right?" I joked.

She gave a small laugh. "Uh, I think I could've guessed." She sighed hard. "But that's not why I can't go with you. It's because someone else already asked me and I'm going with him." she answered.

Now I was confused. "Really?" okay, this was embarrassing. "So, uh, who asked you?" I wondered.

What she said next might have been in slow motion; as it if word that had sharp edges that was slowly cutting me. "Jasper asked me." she answered.

"H…" I found myself struggling. I shallow back the…whatever I was feeling, jealously? Probably. "He did." I answered . She nodded. I felt the feeling rising back up in my throat. I tried to swallow it back. "When?" I struggled to get out. It was almost like it was stuck in there.

She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "This is in fact, is what I wanted to talk to you about. He took me home last Wednesday. When he did, he told how much he liked me. I told him the same thing. Then he asked me to prom. It was after he asked me to be his girlfriend." She continued.

"Girlfriend?" I choked out louder than I would have like. I heard someone shush me. Yeah, because was what I cared about right now. "You're dating him?" I asked.

She smiled. "I know, it's still a shock to me too."

"But you guys aren't…"

"Publicly showing affection?" she continued my statement with a guess. I nodded; through I'm glad they won't. She gave a laugh. "Yeah, I told him that I wanted to hold off on it until I told people; mainly you and Rosalie."

"Why me?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Because he's your best friend and you and I are good enough friends. I just didn't want you to think we're hiding something from you or make you the last to know." she answered. "Plus, I'm not really into it like he is." She said after a chuckle.

"Even after what I said." I mumbled as I looked away from her.

"We talked about that." she said. I looked at her. What did she mean? "Jasper and I. I told him what you said." she said. She must have been talking about what I said to her back in the diner's bathroom. In all honestly, I kinda forgot what we fought about, until now. I was think more of what I told Jasper. But I don't know why I thought he would listen since he didn't listen to me the first time. "He attempted that he had thoughts like that. That was a part of the truth I could have done without. But then he reminded me that they were just thoughts and that he never acted on them for them to be anything else. He said the only reason he does all the things he does is because he showing how he liked me. I told him I liked him too and then he asked me." when she told me exactly what happened, my mind took every chance it could to twist that into something that I'm sure wasn't even there. But because of my mind and what it might have thought it meant, I couldn't help but to chuckle. "What?" she asked.

I shook my head. "If you can't see it, nothing, I guess." I answered.

"Good, because we just made up." She reminded me. She was right. That was the reason I didn't tell her what I was thinking, considering how pissed she got the first time I did. I mumbled a small whatever. "I think we have about ten minutes later. Want to read over some of your homework?" She asked, changing the subject.

"Sure." I answered, not really caring. She took the page I was working on earlier and started looking at it. As she looked I kept telling myself not to do it. I tried to tell myself not to say what I was thinking. She didn't want to hear it nor was she going to listen to me since she clearly didn't listen the first time. I mean, she kinda did; enough to ask him about it. I just stop making my mind twist and turn the information. It's like when an addict kept telling himself he would stop drink but then ends up taking a shot. That's how I felt right now. "Can I just say something?" I broke the silence.

She slowly looked at me. "Do I really have a choice?" she asked.

"Have you ever thought that of course he would say something like that?" I said, ignoring the question and asking my own.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"That he won't tell you the truth because then he wouldn't get what he wanted." I told her.

She rolled her eyes and sighed hard. "Why are you acting like you don't believe he tell me the truth?" she asked.

I gave a shrug. "I guess because I don't." I told her.

"Why are you doing that?" she asked.

"Doing what?" I answered.

"You know how I am and you know how I feel about him. You know one thing will make me think something else. Why are you trying to make me question everything? Everything we did was for a reason. And it worked. I got what I wanted. Why are you making think I didn't?" she asked.

I knew exactly why. However, if she thought I was shallow and selfish before, she wouldn't think anything different if I told her the real reason. The real reason my mind makes up things. "It was just a thought, Bella, chill; okay? I want make sure you know what you doing." I lied to her.

"I do." She argued.

"You don't. You're too fucking blinded by him." I reminded her.

"Edward can't you just be happy for me?" she asked. No, I can't. "This is all I wanted and you are trying to ruin it. As a friend…" there was that damn word again. Every time it can from her mouth, I hated it more and more.

I wish she would stop saying it. "Who the hell said I even wanted to be your friend?" I snapped.

When I did, he mouth dropped. "Wh-what?" she stuttered out.

"Before today, I don't remember saying that I did." I reminded her.

"Well, I just assumed…"

"Well, you shouldn't have. You were just my tutor, Bella. I just needed you to play. You weren't my friend. That's like calling a teacher my friend." I told her. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I was saying all these things and I heard myself say them. But it was like I was standing on the side on the table, just watching myself. I wanted to tell myself to stop. To remind myself that her friendship was better than nothing. But it was like the part on me just watching on the sideline was just watching because he couldn't talk. Like something was holding his mouth shut.

She turned away from me. "Well, sorry for assuming." She mumbled.

"Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan, if you two don't quiet down, I'm afraid I will have to ask you to leave and not return for the rest of the year." one of the librarians said to us as she reshelf the books.

Bella looked turned to her. "That isn't necessary. We're done." She told her. She turned to me. "Edward." I knew what she wanted. She wanted me to say sorry or say I didn't mean it. I didn't. Damn stubborn me wouldn't let it come out and made me turn away from her. "Right." she said with a hard sigh. "I'll send your letter later tonight." She said. I heard her shuffle around for a second before hoping off the table and walked away from me.

XXX

That night, I tried my best to do my homework so I wouldn't have much to do this weekend. I couldn't focus because I was distracted. I knew I hated the word "friend" when it came out of her mouth. It was because I knew as long as she kept saying that word; she wouldn't see me as anything but. I never been friend zoned. I heard it sucks. Yeah, that Edward guy got stuck in there before he even knew what was happening. What a damn loser.

But even though I hated it, I never said anything. If I hated it that much I would have said something before I was mad again. I knew why I didn't. Because being her friend was better than being that "shallow dumb jock". Hell, I think I would take that before taking nothing at all.

When I opened my email, I saw the email she sent me. It was my letter. I opened it and everything she read to me was the same. Of course it was, why wouldn't it be the same? Again, she wasn't that petty to do something like changing my letter so I wouldn't get in my school. She was a better person than I was which made what I said to her, both times, even harder to fucking swallow. I was going to apologize to her. This time, it would be sooner than a few days and I was going to try not to fight with her again an hour later. I needed to stop trying to fight it. She was right, I did know how she felt. She loved Jasper and there was nothing I could do.

The next day, I looked for Bella to talk to her and apologize, again; and this time, mean it more than the last time. I looked for all day, in between classes. Whenever I could. I couldn't find her. I don't know if it was because it was just one of those days where I didn't see, or if she was avoiding me.

I don't know why, but I decided to go to lunch. My stomach was fine enough where I didn't think I would throw up anymore, but I didn't want to risk it. So I just had fries and ginger ale. I figured if it was salty like the crackers, I should be fine. As I was walking over to the table, I saw Tanya in the far corner. Her blonde hair wasn't hard to miss. She was sitting there on James' lap, just like Alice said. I'm glad she never did that with me. I couldn't help but wonder why James. I mean, she wasn't lying when she said guys were lined up to date her. I don't know how many times guys flirted with her when we were dating. It might have something to do with he was easy to control

Uh, that was interesting. As I watched her flirt with him and making herself more comfortable and kissing him on the neck, pretty much doing everything I wouldn't dare allow her to do with me, I felt…nothing. Not jealously, not angry, not even relief that we were no longer dating. I guess it's true. One must care first to feel anything. And I didn't care, never did.

I walked to the table where everyone else was. When I got there and sat down, I noticed Jasper and Bella were sitting next to each other. They were closer than normal. "Jasper, stop." She demanded as she knocked his hand away from her tray.

"Stop being like that. It's just one fry, Belle." He replied as he reached for tray again.

"No, you should've gotten your own." She answered as she pushed his hand away again.

"Well, I didn't think my girlfriend was so damn stingy when it came to her food." He answered. Girlfriend; I rolled my eyes at the word. They really are dating. She stuck her tongue out at him. He gave a light chuckle before lightly grabbing her chin and kissing her. Is this what I had to deal with now? He gave a disgusted groan as he pulled away. I wanted to laugh. I found satisfaction in the fact he did. "Your lips taste like ketchup." He said in disgust. A stupid reason to stop kissing her, but I will take it if I didn't have to see it.

"So?" she asked.

"I hate ketchup." He answered before he drank from his water bottle.

She laughed before turning back to her plate. "Good to know." she said before dipping a fry in the ketchup she had on the side.

"You guys do realize there other people at the table, right." I said as I opened my can.

Rosalie laughed. "That was nothing. They were literally making out on her locker a few days ago." She said. "But they're still in their honeymoon phase, so I'm letting it slip." I looked at Jasper. he rolled his eyes.

"We're not that bad." He said

"He says as he placed his arm on my chair." Bella said still looking at her tray.

"Do you want me to remove it?" he asked.

She turned to him and smiled. "I didn't say that." she said before leaning towards him.

"Please don't. I don't think I can take that taste." he said turning his head. She chuckled and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"So you guys really are dating." I mumbled. Jasper turned to and nodded.

As lunch went on, everyone was talking. They were talking about how it's been an empty seat since I haven't been there and a lot quieter and a lot more peaceful since Tanya wasn't there. Jasper joked that they missed me during the meet and practice and how the team would've been better if I was there. I could agree with that. But as we talked, Bella never made eye contact with me. She would look at Rosalie or Jasper or Alice or even Emmett, but never me. Was she really that pissed at me? No she wasn't pissed. She did the same thing with Tanya. She didn't make eye contact because she wasn't talking to someone who wasn't her friend.

But just because she wasn't looking at me, didn't mean I wasn't looking at her. And I couldn't look at her without seeing how Jasper was with her. He was playing with her hair or rubbing her shoulder. He kissed her cheek or her shoulder when he could. Damn, he was worst now than when we were at the beach. Were they not that bad or was she not the bad? I noticed it was the same things he did with Maria, expect Bella actually let him and smiled when he did those things. She would lean in when he would kiss her on the cheek or playful take her hair out of his hand when he would touch her face with it. It just made him do those things more.

The point was he did the same thing he was doing with Bella with Maria. I realized something; he was really affectionate. It wasn't like Tanya who did it to prove the person he was with was off limits to everyone else. He did it because it was his way to show he liked her. The deal was when he falls, he kinda fell hard. He was right when he said he didn't play the field. Since coming to high school, he had two girlfriends. Bella was his first girlfriend since Maria. In fact, the only reason he wasn't a virgin because he lost it to some girl before high school because he said someone from his summer camp told him he couldn't go to high school and be one. No one told me that since I didn't do it until I was a freshman.

But he was dedicated to Maria and it looks like he would be the same with Bella. It was because he was a hopeless romantic. Plain and simple.

"Dang, I'm out of juice." Bella said, half way through lunch as she shook her empty container.

"Want to get you another one?" Jasper asked next to her. yep, he will be definitely dedicated to her.

She shook her head. "I think I want water." She answered. He handed her his bottle. She smiled at him and shook her head. "I would like my own bottle in case I want it later."

"I can get it" he told her.

"Jasper…" she started

"The girl is capable of getting a bottle of water bottle, bro." Rosalie interjected. Seriously. you're a boyfriend, I going to have get use to that, not a fucking slave.

Bella chuckled. "I got it. You want anything?" she asked Jasper.

He smiled. "For you to come back." he answered.

She smiled in return before kissing him on the cheek. "I'll be back." she said before getting up and leaving the table.

I thought this was the best time to talk to her since she didn't have Jasper hanging on her. "I think I want another soda. I'll be back too." I told the table. Everyone nodded before I got up and followed Bella. "Hey, great minds think alike huh." I teased as she grabbed a bottle of water from the tub with the half melted ice. She didn't answer as she walked towards the registrar. "Come on Bella. What, you're just not going to talk to me?" I asked.

"No, I just talk to my friends." She answered.

"I'm sorry I said you weren't my friend."

"Nope, I'm just your tutor so I don't think it's appropriate if we talk besides our sessions."

"I didn't know you would take it that damn hard." I answered.

She looked at me. "Why wouldn't I Edward? You basely said I'm still not good enough to be in your group of friends. You're the leader so I guess you're right." she said turning away from me to pay for her water.

"I didn't mean it like that. I was pissed." I told her.

"Why?" she asked looking at me.

"Because…" I was about to tell her, but I stopped myself. I couldn't tell her, not here. It would be like with Tanya. It wouldn't be I just say it and we go back to the table and she breaks up with Jasper, though I wished. No, there would be questions and confusion, from both of us. Now wasn't the right time. "I guess I'm not used to hearing people say no to me." I told her.

"I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, if Jasper didn't ask me; I would've said yes." She said.

"Really?" I questioned.

She smiled and nodded. "I considered you a great friend and thought you would be a great second choice." she said. I knew she was trying to be nice, but there was something about those choice of words I didn't like. I guess I realized what Tanya meant about being someone's "pity date". I don't want to be anyone's plan B.

"I'm sorry for what I said." I said getting back to the point.

"Thanks."

"I want you to be my friend." I told her. She gave a nod and okay. "And for the record, everyone loves you with us." I told her.

"Really?" she asked.

I nodded. "Much better than Tanya. You were best friend with Rosalie, so that one friend. She has Emmett by the balls so that was another one. You let Alice dress you which makes her good in her book and…"

"What about you?" she stopped.

"I think…" I stopped to look for the right word. "You're pretty cool."

"Edward, you're just a flatter." She teased. I gave a small smile.

"And well…then there's Jasper." I stopped, knowing she knew where I was going.

She gave a huge, wide grin and even blushed. "I know. I can't believe I'm dating Jasper Hale. I'm so happy, I could faint. It's a good thing I'm floating on air, right." she joked before walking back to the table. I brought another can of ginger ale before walking back to.

When I got there, Bella was facing Jasper. "I thought you hated the taste of ketchup." She teased.

"I don't care. I'm glad you're back." I just wanted to yell at him. Dude, she was right over there. You could've easily seen her. he was acting like a sad lonely boy. It was a good thing Bella was a sucker for that crap. Then he leaned in and kissed her on the lips.

Okay, I couldn't handle this. If I was going to settle for being Bella's friend and not want to twist Jasper's head off like a screw on top on a bottle, I couldn't be around them. Now that I know how Jasper is with his girlfriends, I knew they would be like this all the time. Meaning I couldn't be near them when they were together. "You guys." I called attention. Everyone looked at me. "I think my stomach is acting up again." I told them.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked.

I looked at her and nodded. "Yeah, but I don't think I'm going to my last class and head home early."

"Feel better." she said.

"Thanks." I said before leaving the café then leaving the school.

XXX

I paused the video I was watching and tried to copy it on my guitar. I heard a knock on my bedroom door. "Come in." I called as I tried again to copy the video. "Damn it." I groaned when I messed at the same place as before.

"When the hell did you get a damn guitar?" my sister asked when she walked in.

I shrugged. "I got it when I left school."

"Okay, next question; Why the hell did you get a guitar?" she said as she walked in.

"I don't know. You say shopping makes you feel better." I told her.

"Yeah, but I'm a girl." She said as she sat down next to my laptop. "Do you even know how to play?" she asked I shook my head. I never picked up a guitar before today. I don't even know why I brought it. I just knew I wanted something to release my feelings, but the drums were too much and too heavy for me to carry to my car and then to my room myself. "How are you playing?" she asked.

"I'm watching videos of Jimi Hendrix and Jimmy Page and any other famous guitarists." I told her. "Tell me what you think." I said before playing a few chords. Then I messed up at the same spot damn it. Why can't I get this?

"Wow."

"I know, that part is screwy." I told her as I tightened the lines. Maybe that was the problem.

"No, you are actually pretty good for someone who never played anything but a keyboard. And that was years ago. I wonder how good with you be is you actually had someone to teach you." She said. I gave a shrug with a small thanks. "Anyways, I came in here because I want to talk to you." She said.

"About what?" I asked as I played the video again.

"Prom." She said.

I paused the video and looked at her. "Uh huh." I said for her to go on.

"Peter Randall asked me." she told me.

"Peter Randall?" I asked her. She nodded. "Isn't he that 11th grade Mathlete nerd?" I asked her.

"He's not a nerd." She replied quickly. Sure, if she wanted believe that. According to Alice, he was the underclass version of me. He's like some "super cute" guy that every girl from freshman to junior wanted. But he was a junior in a senior math class. I knew because I've seen him walking out the same class as Bella. It was a class a lot of seniors couldn't get in and he was in it. He was a math nerd.

"Whatever, I thought you said he liked Charlotte." I answered.

"I thought he did, but it turns out he likes me. And he asked me to prom." She gusted.

"What the hell does this have to do with me?" I asked, wondering why my sister was talking about her underclass romantic. Actually, on second thought yeah, she should so I know whose penis to cut off if he made the wrong move.

"I want to ask you if I can go." She said.

I gave her a confused look. The only reason she was able to go because she would going with a junior and our school let juniors come to senior prom. It was something I never really understood. They will have their own dance next year, why must they come to ours? "In case you forgot, I'm not dad. Shouldn't you ask the parentals?" I asked.

She sighed hard. "I did. They said since it's your prom, I had to ask you. So can I go, please." She begged.

"So I get to choose if you can go on not?" I asked with a smile. she nodded. "Interesting." I gave a thinking look. "Well,…"

"Edward, please. I'll do your chores all summer, I'll wash your car, anything." she begged.

I laughed. I love watching her sweat. "Whoa, you're kinda desperate for a math nerd." I joked.

"He's not a nerd." She said through her teeth as she hit me on the arm.

"Ouch." I said as I grabbed where she hit me. "Chill out, I'm just kidding." I told her; through my car could use a good wash. And she would be cheaper than a damn car wash. "You can go, I'm fine with it."

"Really?" she cheered.

I nodded. "But I want to meet this jerk off before you go anywhere with him." I told her.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine." she said.

"Here, I'll even help pay for it." I reached in my book bag and grabbed the tickets I showed Bella and gave them to my sister. "Two free tickets." I said.

"Where did you get these?" she asked as she took them.

"I brought them and apparently they're nonrefundable." I told her.

"Why are you giving them to me?" she asked.

"Because I'm not going." I told her.

"Huh?" she asked in confusion.

I looked at her and sighed. "There's only one person I wanted to with and she's going with someone else." I told her simply as I looked at my guitar again trying to place my hand again.

"Bella." She guessed. I nodded. "That was what I couldn't tell you."

"I know. She said she wanted to tell me, but it's fine."

"Edward, it's your prom." She reminded me like I didn't already know.

"I know, but I asked her, she said she was going with Jasper. That who she wants to go with, that's who she fucking dating." I said, in a – I'll admit – rather bitter tone. One in which I couldn't hide no matter how hard I tried, not like I really did.

I guess my sister didn't hear my certain tone. "I can totally see why. The guy is awesome. I mean he's nice, hot and just as smart as the girl. Can you imagine the conversation those two have? And did you see the way he treated her at lunch, how he was so willing to get things for her? Hell, if he had brown hair, hazel eyes, had a little bit more muscles and a few inches shorter, or pretty much looked anything like Channing Tatum, I would probably want him too."

"Alice…" that was information she didn't need to tell me nor that I wanted to hear why Bella was falling all over herself for him.

"But you're desirable too. You just need to show her."

I shook my head. "I don't care." I lied. I looked at her. "You go to prom and have fun and text me pictures all night." I told her.

"Edward…"

"Alice its fine. He makes her happy and they will have fun together, I'm sure." I turned back to my guitar. "That's what matters." I mumbled.

"You really like her." she said.

I sighed hard before looking at her. "Alice, what would you say if I think it's more than that?"

welcome to the bottom of the page.

nothing else to say, but i love you guys. i never thought i would get over 200 reviews for something. it's kinda awesome.

well, see you guys in a few days.

Luv & Rockets.