Chapter 8: Too Far?

When Rick and Beth returned to the prison they immediately took the medicine to Hershel who had been anxiously waiting for them to return. Seeing his daughter safe and unharmed made him sigh in relief as he and Maggie went to treat the sick. "I'm gonna go check on Judith." Beth told Rick before heading to their cellblock.

Beth passed by a few panicked people as she walked. A few women were trying to calm down children but she could tell they were just as scared as the kids. She wished she could provide them with some kind of comfort but she didn't know what was going to happen and she just couldn't make promises that she couldn't keep. Inside the cellblock she saw Carol boiling some water with Judith sitting close by on a thick blanket. "Hey Carol," Beth said taking a seat at one of the tables.

"Oh hey, its good to see you back in one piece." Carol told the young girl. "I think she missed you."

Beth looked down at Judith who smiled back at her. "I missed her too," Beth murmured taking a seat on the floor next to Judith's blanket. "What's the water for?"

"Hershel told me some of the patients are running fevers and can't seem to get warm. I'm hoping some warm tea will help a little bit."

"Do you need any help?"

"No, you stay here with Judith. Daryl already volunteered to help anyway."

A question had been bugging Beth for a while but she had never worked up enough nerve to ask it. Ever since she met them Beth had seen a connection with Carol and Daryl. She didn't know if it was because they had similar backgrounds or just because they wanted someone to bond with but she could tell how close they were. Now at the prison whenever Carol needed any help Daryl would usually step in. "Carol, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"Do you like Daryl?"

She could tell the question took the older woman by surprise. Beth swore she could see a little red tint to her face. After a few minutes of thinking Carol spoke up. "Well I...he's just a good person. There's more to him than meets the eye."

"Yeah, but do you like him or are you just friends?"

"Just friends, I don't think either of us can handle a relationship right now with the way things are going around here."

"Yeah..." Beth muttered. "Do you think anyone besides Glenn and Maggie can have a stable relationship?"

"Why do you ask? Do you have someone in mind?"

'Yes, but I know its not going to happen.' Beth thought. "No, I was just wondering. I mean, a girl can dream can't she?"

Luckily Carol dropped the subject but Beth knew the conversation would come back up one day. When Carol left Beth took Judith into her cell. The cellblock was quiet, almost everyone had a job to do outside. She expected to see Carl lurking around somewhere but there was no sign of him. "This place is creepy when no one is in here." She told the baby.

Throughout the day Beth stole glances at Rick. He seemed to be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Now with this flu outbreak she could tell he was slowly starting to go back to that dark place he was at when he lost Lori. Thinking back she remembered the conversation she had with him that night. How she told him none of this was his fault, it looked like he needed to hear those words at that moment. Now he needed to hear them again, she would just have to figure out when.

Later on that night Rick had taken to watch duty. It was late, almost everyone was asleep. The stars seemed brighter now, maybe he just never paid attention to them but now whenever the nights were quiet he found himself staring at them. Before he had never really thought of heaven but he wondered if everyone they had lost was up there looking back at him. Sighing to himself he walked around the tower, his eyes scanning the yard. Approaching footsteps caught his attention. Gripping his rifle tighter he noticed Beth coming up the stairs to join him. "Beth, what are you doing out here? Is Judith all right?"

"Yeah, she's fine. She's sleeping." She answered leaning on the railing. "I just wanted to check on you."

"Why?"

Sighing she crossed her arms. "I know how hard all this must be on you. I mean, you let these people in here and then they get sick and some may die. Its like you've failed to keep them safe."

She hit the nail on the head. Resting his hands on the railing he looked out onto the yard. "Why can't things just work out for once? Haven't we earned that by now?"

"No one said life was easy, I'm sure whoever said that first didn't expect the world to be like it is today but..." She trailed off. "But what's going on right now is not your fault."

Turning around he faced her, his blue were illuminated with the light from the full moon. "I still should have prepared everyone for something like this. I should have..."

"Stop." She commanded putting her hands on his shoulders. "Its not your fault. You may be the leader but you're not all knowing. You've done everything in your power to keep us safe. You've had to make decisions not every man could. You gotta stop blaming yourself for things that are just out of your control."

Closing his eyes he dropped his head. Her words were exactly what he needed to hear even though he wasn't aware of how much he needed it. Sometimes he just wanted a sign to tell him he was doing the right thing. "Thank you," He mumbled.

"You're welcome." She whispered, rubbing her hands over his shoulders.

Her touch sent shivers down his spine. No other woman had comforted him like this since Lori, he hadn't even thought of it. Now with Beth standing so close he found himself wanting to stay like this with her for as long as she would let him. Looking up his eyes met hers, she was waiting for him to say or do something. She didn't know if he was going to push her away or awkwardly shuffle towards the other side of the tower but he didn't do either. They just stood there for a few minutes then Rick surprised her. Picking up one of his hands he gently pushed her blonde hair away from her eyes. Beth's breathing picked up when she noticed him slowly leaning in towards her. Closing her eyes she almost gasped when his lips touched hers.

Their kiss started out innocent, almost a testing the waters type of kiss. Slowly his hands gripped her small waist while hers rested on his chest, her fingers playing with the fabric of his shirt. It was like her body melted into his, they fit together. His strong arms around her was one of the best feelings she had ever experienced.

Just as quick as it happened it all stopped. Pulling away Rick stepped back against the railing. "Uh, you should go back inside." He coughed, not looking at her directly in the eye.

"Rick..."

"No, Beth, just go back inside." He demanded. "This never happened."

The words cut her like a knife. Trying to blink back tears she hurried down the stairs back into the cellblock. When she was in the privacy of her own cell she let herself cry. How could something feel so right get ripped away like that? She knew her crush on him was stupid but when he kissed her she finally felt like maybe she was wrong. Something could happen with them but clearly he didn't feel the same way and it was the harsh reality she had to face, no matter how hard it was going to be.

Rick felt like kicking himself the rest of the time he was up in the tower. How could he do that? Maybe he was just caught up in the moment, feeling her touch had felt so good he just had to do something. He thought about Lori, how could he do that to her? Even though she was gone he still felt like his heart belonged to her. Looking down at his wedding ring that he still wore he felt immense guilt in his stomach. Even more guilt than he felt before Beth joined him in the tower.

Laying down on her bunk Beth couldn't sleep. She still felt his warm lips on hers, just the thought of the kiss they shared made her heart beat faster. Wiping away a few stray tears she rolled over onto her side, clutching her pillow to her chest. Things could never go back to the way they were after that, she couldn't look at him the say way. She came to a realization she would just have to avoid him, it was for the best. Some distance would do her heart some good.

The next day was just as awkward as he expected it to be. Beth didn't look him in the eye the entire time they were at breakfast and quickly excused herself when she was finished. What happened the previous night was a mistake, or at least that's what he kept telling himself. He couldn't deny kissing Beth felt right, like he had been doing it for years. He already felt comfortable around her, he could talk to her about things weighing heavy on his mind without being judged. They had grown close over the past few months and he liked it he just knew they couldn't be more than friends. Hershel and Maggie would never let them.