Chapter Twenty-Six
Finnick seems more open to getting help now, it's been a few months and I can tell he's trying and he seems to be sleeping alright now. He has two therapists now one who specializes in drug addiction/treatment and his usual therapist. He has this white board on the fridge where he is supposed to mark every day he hasn't taken a drink. If he does he has to erase the board and start all over. He's erased it once but at least he is being honest. They gave Finnick some type of pill that would effect the part of his brain that wants him to drink, but it just made him throw up so they decided against that.
"Mommy" Nick says and I pick him up.
"Dinner's almost ready baby." I say and kiss his cheek.
"Daddy?" He asks and looks up at me.
"Daddy will come home soon." I say although he was supposed to be home an hour ago.
I put Nick in his high chair and pull out my phone to call Finnick.
Voicemail. Redial. Voicemail.
"Where are you?" I whisper to myself.
"Mama." I hear.
"I'm coming baby." I say and sit next to him while he eats. I wait another hour before I start to eat something.
Nick falls asleep and I put him in bed.
"Goodnight angel." I whisper and shut his door. I finally felt comfortable enough to let him sleep in his bedroom again.
I go to the family room and sit waiting for the door to open, waiting Finnick to come home. I call him again but nothing. I turn on the television trying to distract me.
I wake up in the middle of the night and am confused because I'm still downstairs. It's two in the morning and I know Finnick would've woken me up if he came home.
I walk upstairs and don't see Finnick in our bed.
"Where are you?" I whisper. I call him again and only get voicemail.
I lie down in bed but don't sleep. I keep expecting him to walk through the door.
I mange a few hours before I hear Nick calling for me.
When it's nine in the morning I finally hear the door open and see Finnick, who looks terrible. He's still wearing his work uniform and smells of a combination of rotting fish and alcohol.
"Hi." I say not really looking at him.
"Dada." Nick says. He points at Finnick and giggles.
"Hi buddy." Finnick says.
"Finnick." I say and he looks at me. It looks like he is avoiding my gaze as well. "Let's go." I say and motion to the living room so Nick can't hear us if we fight. I'm about to speak, but he does first.
"You look tired." He says.
I was expecting an I'm sorry or an explanation, but no.
"I couldn't sleep. I was worried about you." I say. I don't want to sound accusatory, but it's not like I'm overreacting.
"You don't need to worry I'm fine." He says.
I sigh.
"Finnick where were you last night?" I ask.
"Does it matter?" He asks.
"Yes it matters. You didn't come home. I didn't know where you were. I think I deserve an explanation." I say.
"You're right, but you won't like it." He says softly.
"I already don't like it. You didn't come home. I was worried something terrible happened to you." I say.
He sighs.
"They're laying people off at work."
"And you were one of them?" I ask worried.
"No. I'd call it more of a demotion." He says.
"So you still have a job?" I ask. Finnick is our only source of income at the moment. I have been wanting to go back to work but I don't want to leave Nick. I was going to propose that I could work from home.
"Yes and I didn't want to tell you." He says.
"Finnick, you've known me long enough that you shouldn't be afraid to tell me something." I say gently.
"I'm not afarid." He says and I raise my eyebrows.
"Then why wouldn't you tell me?" I ask.
"Because I didn't want to disappoint you." He says.
"Finnick." I say gently. I am disappointed, not for getting a demotion but because he didn't come home last night. But that doesn't mean I hate him. It just makes me worry about him. "I love you." I say and put my hand on his cheek.
"I love you too." He whispers.
"Are you going to tell me what else happened last night?" I ask.
"Yes." He says softly. He breathes in and out deeply. "I went to a bar and I got drunk." He says. I figured that much out by myself but that doesn't explain why he didn't come home. At least he wasn't dumb enough to drive home, but there are others ways he could've found a way home. There's the most obvious one, he could've called me.
"So where did you sleep or stay?" I say. Bars aren't open twenty-four seven, most close around three or four am. If he went to the bar I think he did. then there's a cheap motel he could've stayed at. It's right next to the bar, I think that motel was built there for that reason.
"In the car." He says. "I couldn't drive home." He says. At least he was smart enough to realize that. If he would've gotten arrested I would be so mad especially since he could've hurt someone.
"You could've called me Finnick." I say or someone else or a company to pick him up. A cab an uber driver someone, but he didn't. He chose to sleep in his car like someone who can't afford an apartment.
"I couldn't." He says.
"You could've." I say and lace my fingers with his. "We used to tell each other almost everything and you couldn't even call me to tell me you needed my help." I say gently.
"Annie-" He say clearly hurt, but it's the truth. I'm the person who loves him most and he couldn't even call me to tell me he needed help. I know why and so does he it's because he knows he did something he shouldn't have.
"Mama." I hear in the kitchen. I walk back into the kitchen and take him out of his highchair.
"Do you want to play Nicky?" I ask. I put him down and he crawls over to his toys. He's really close to walking and I can't wait to see that.
"He always asks for you." Finnick says softly.
"I'm home with him all day Finnick. He calls for you when you're home and sometimes when you're not here." I say. I'm not lying he does call out for Finnick when he's not home, but I think Nick calls out for me more because he knows I'm home.
He nods.
"I love you Annie." Finnick says.
"I know." I say.
"This won't happen again. I just needed to do something because of what happened at work." He says.
"What if something bad happens again? It doesn't have to be related to your job, but just something." I ask.
"I'll talk to you. Okay?" He says.
"Okay." I say. I want to say I don't believe you, but I don't think that will be helpful. I'm supposed to trust him, but how can I when he stays out all night drinking.
"I'm going to take a shower." He says and starts to head upstairs.
"Wait Finnick." I say and he turns around.
"What?" He asks.
"You need to erase the fridge." I say and he sighs. He needs to erase his white board that counts how many days he's been sober. "You need to do it Finnick." I say.
He goes to the kitchen and erases the 115 and replaces it with a zero.
"Happy?" He asks slightly angry.
"No." I say softly. Almost four months of nothing and now it's back to zero days of not drinking.
"Good because neither am I." He says and walks past me to go upstairs.
"Finnick." I whisper and put my hand on the board.
"Seriously I think I would've moved out of the house by now." My sister Ella says through the phone. It's been a couple days and Ella called me to tell me she is moving closer to me because she got a job out here.
"Ella." I say annoyed.
"What? I wouldn't want him around my one year old when he's flat out drunk." She says.
"He's not flat out drunk. He doesn't drink at home." I say.
"I'm sure that's what he says." She says. "I used to love Finnick, but now..." She trails off.
"Why don't you love him now?" I ask.
"Because of what he's doing to himself and what he's doing to you, like I said I would've left by now.
"This is why the divorce rate is so high." I say annoyed.
"What is that supposed to mean?" She asks.
"People leave when it gets hard, it's supposed to be death do us part. Besides, you can't say anything unless you're married or in this situation." I say. "Is this why you turned down your marriage proposal ?" I ask. Her boyfriend did propose to her just like she thought and she said no. She said she didn't feel 'it' when he asked so she is now single.
"No, that's not why." She says annoyed.
"Okay." I say.
"You're back at work now, right?" She says changing the subject. I don't like when she talks about Finnick, it's like she no longer approves of our relationship. It's not like Finnick is beating me... he's just sick.
"Yes." I say. I work at home now since Finnick got a pay cut.
"How's that?" She asks.
"Great. I didn't realized how much I missed it." I say. I like being a Mom, but it's nice to do something other than take care of Nick twenty four seven. He doesn't need me all day either. I usually end up watching television for a few hours so I can replace t.v. time for manuscript reading time.
"That's nice at least you get to stay home and work." She says.
"It is." I say. I don't think I would've gone back to work if I couldn't stay home with Nick. I don't want anyone else looking after Nick.
"As much as sister catch up was I also called to ask for a favor." She says.
"And what favor would this be?" I ask.
"I need help moving stuff into my apartment and was wondering if you would help me." She says.
"You want me to help you do some heavy lifting?" I ask with a laugh. It's not like I will be able to move a bed upstairs.
"Well, you can help with some things." She says. Although I really know who she wanted help from and it's not me.
"You wanted Finnick to help." I say and it isn't a question.
"Maybe." She says.
"Really?" I say slightly angry. She just told me I should leave him and now she's asking for his help.
"Yeah." She says.
"Didn't you just say you thought I should leave him because he's a flat out drunk." I say.
"Well... this is different." She says.
"Yes it's different because you just want his help. After we're finished helping you, you'll just say I should leave him again." I say.
"Annie-"
"Just hire someone." I say.
"I didn't really mean it." She says but I can tell she's lying. She's terrible at it just like myself.
"Yes you did." I say.
"I'm strapped for cash Annie and movers are expensive." She says.
"Well figure something else out then. You can't insult my husband and then expect his help." I say.
"You know I'm not the only person who thinks you should leave him. I'm just the first one to say it to you." She says.
"I don't care what Dad thinks." I say knowing this is who she is talking about. I may have made up with him, but his opinion still doesn't mean that much to me.
"It's not just Dad, Carter thinks so too." She says.
I only told Ella about this. I told her to keep it on the down low, apparently I should've said don't tell anyone. I had to talk to someone about it and I thought my sister would be the perfect person, but it looks like I'm wrong.
"Well, you could've told him anything." I say. She likes to be over dramatic in her story telling, but Carter's opinion does matter because he is married and has a cute little girl.
"I just told him the truth. Finnick doesn't come home and stays out all night." She says.
"That happened once." I defend.
"It will probably happen again and again Annie." She says.
I hear the door open which means Finnick's home from work.
"Hi little man." Finnick says and picks Nick up. "Guess what Daddy did at work." He says and takes Nick from the room.
"No it won't, you shouldn't say that Ella." I say.
"What are you going to do, stop talking to me like you did Dad?" She says.
"I just want you to apologize." I say.
"I don't have anything to apologize for." She says.
I see Finnick and Nick come back and see Nick is holding a stuffed penguin that has a zoo uniform. They must've gotten new things for the gift shop and usually some of the workers get to take them home.
"Then I guess I don't have anything else to say." I say.
"I'll call you when you see it then." She says and the phone line goes dead.
"Who's that?" Finnick asks.
"It was Ella." I say.
He nods.
"She's moving here this week, right?" He asks.
"Yup." I say.
"You should ask her if she needs help." He says and kisses Nick's cheek causing Nick to giggle.
I smile. I like when Finnick is like this. It's the Finnick I fell in love with and not someone struggling with personal problems.
"She doesn't. I asked when she was on the phone." I say which isn't a lie.
He nods.
"Does Nick have a new friend?" I ask because he is playing with the stuffed penguin Finnick just gave him.
Finnick smiles.
"There are new toys for the gift shop. it was either Leo the lion or Peter the penguin."
"Of course you would get the penguin." I say.
"You know me too well." He says and kisses my cheek. "Did he walk again?" Finnick asks.
"Finnick I don't think standing up and falling down counts as walking." I say which is what happened and he started crying once he fell down.
"Yes it does." Finnick says.
I smile.
"I love you." I say.
Finnick looks at me strangely but smiles.
"I love you too." He says and kisses my cheek.
I make dinner while Finnick tries to get Nick to walk by himself. After dinner Finnick changes the two on the fridge to a three.