"Carla! Let me in… now!"
She took a deep breath in as she buzzed Peter into her building.
Anyone would be able to tell that he was angry and Carla wondered what it was that had made him this way.
She wondered if maybe something had pissed him off at work and that he had come to hers to let off some steam.
Maybe he had an argument with Jessica or something…
That wasn't the case and deep down… Carla knew it wasn't the case.
She opened her front door to see a furious Peter staring back at her. He was dressed in a white shirt and had his car keys clenched into his closed fist.
He looked fuming yet completely and utterly ravishing.
"What the hell were you thinking Carla?"
So… it was her he was mad at after all.
Carla sighed heavily as she stepped aside so she could let Peter in her flat and as he stormed inside it he said,
"Well… Go on!"
"Go on what?" Carla asked as she closed the door to her flat. She wasn't sure what Peter wanted yet and so she decided to remain slightly reserved for now. She hadn't been home from work long, which meant she was still wearing her black dress and black tights as Peter slammed his car keys down on her kitchen counter.
He rubbed his forehead and bit his lip in frustration before answering her.
A part of him wanted to grab her and show him how much he had missed her over the past week, he wanted to tell her that being in China was an absolute nightmare but the angry and more stubborn part of him was stronger and it made him say,
"What the hell were you thinking talking to me Dad?"
"Oh... that…" Carla said, she had been starting to think that he had found out that she had slightly stalked him to the airport, maybe he had seen her after all and kept cool for his girlfriends sake but no… Ken had obviously told him about their little conversation in the pub.
"That?" Peter exclaimed with a shake of his head.
Carla tried her very best to ignore how sexy Peter was when he was angry, especially in his white shirt and black trousers looking so scrumptious with his beard a lot fuller than the last time that she had seen him.
She still didn't know what he did with himself everyday but she could tell that what ever it was, it required him to dress smartly as he always seemed to look incredibly dapper.
"Why did ya do it then eh? Why did you talk to me Dad?" he continued, exasperated.
"I'm sorry… Did I miss summat?" Carla asked back, her eyebrows furrowing together as she spoke because he was talking to her like a child. "Am I not allowed to talk to your Dad now?"
"No." Peter said blankly, "Not about me you're not."
"N… Why is that?" Carla asked folding her arms and tilting her head. Her tone of voice annoying Peter even more.
"Did we or did we not, talk about the fact that we wouldn't discuss our personal lives?" Peter asked, practically matching Carla's stance as she stood before him.
He had his arms folded too but only so he could keep his hands from reaching out.
Only so he could fight his instincts, instincts that were telling him to just shut up and kiss her.
Instincts that were telling him to not start up a war with Carla and just forget everything but he couldn't.
He couldn't forget that she had been so sneaky and that she had now brought his Dad into things.
His Dad was suspicious, questioning and after everything he was going through... Peter didn't want his Dad to spend his time like that.
"We did… but your Dad wasn't part of that little agreement was he?" Carla asked back, although she was beginning to wonder just what Ken had told Peter about their chat.
She wondered if Ken could tell that she desperately craved some information on his son and that she was going to stop at nothing until she got it.
"Don't be a smart arse Carla… You were the one who went up to him and you were the one asked him about me." Peter said, shutting Carla up for a moment.
She looked down at her feet and hated how foolish she had been. She really thought that she had been totally casual when talking to Ken but obviously not.
Obviously her ridiculous infatuation with Peter was very clear to his Dad, so clear in fact that he felt he should mention it to his son.
"What? You didn't think he'd mention that you suddenly mentioned me after all this time?" Peter said, looking angrier than ever now because Carla hadn't replied.
She was still stood, looking everywhere but at him and he hated it.
"Carla!" He cried, "Speak… say something for god sake!" Something finally gave her the strength to look up at Peter. She read his cross expression and decided enough was enough.
If he was going to have the nerve to be angry… Then so was she.
She couldn't believe how calm she had been acting when she had a lot of things that she was angry about too.
"Let me ask you something Peter…" she began, Peter nodded at her, breathing rigidly and trying his very best to not lose it. "Tell me the truth ere… what are you so mad about?"
"Are you being serious? I'm mad because you spoke to me Dad, you crossed the line…" Peter replied only to have Carla shake her head at him.
"Really? Is it the fact that I spoke to your Dad or… is it the fact that I found out about Jessica?" Carla then unfolded her arms smugly and stared Peter down.
When he was quiet for rather a while, when he was obviously thinking of what to say next, she then spoke again,
"Oh… not so talkative now are we?"
"This isn't about Jess." Peter eventually said, looking down at his feet now and not quite meeting Carla's eyes. His tone of voice was slightly different now, it was a little calmer, it was as if he realised that he was slightly in the wrong too.
"The hell it isn't." Carla said, moving towards him. "You ave some nerve being mad at me when you've been keep your girlfriend secret for months."
"Jess isn't a secret… Had you of asked me if I had a girlfriend at the start then I would ave told you about her." Peter said, truthfully at that as well.
During their affair, Carla had never actually asked Peter if he had a girlfriend, she had just foolishly assumed that he was single.
"And how could I ave asked about her when we weren't supposed to talk about your precious private life eh?" Carla replied, haughtily.
"You didn't even ask me if I was seeing someone even before the rules Carla, so don't give me that."
They were both still standing up, neither one them looking as if they were willing to give up on this feud that they had started.
Both were angry. Angry that the other had done things that the other didn't like and neither of them could see that they were actually both as bad as each other.
It was as if they were blind to what was really going on here and that they were just letting their anger take over instead of something else.
Situations like this, situations where two people have so much passion only end up one of two ways… either in bed or with one of them walking out of the door.
"So… go on… if you were so worried about me having a girlfriend why didn't you ask me that first night?" Peter asked fascinated with Carla's behaviour because she was starting to lose her cool now.
He could tell by her breathing that she was having a hard time with knowing about Jessica… and talking about her too.
"I wasn't thinking clearly that night Peter, but you should ave told me about her." Carla said, standing her ground and not letting Peter win this one.
"Why?... Why should I ave?" Peter asked, shaking his head at her in confusion.
"Because it's wrong!" Carla cried, hating this argumentative side of Peter because even though they were both as stubborn as each other, Carla was the one who always ended up in tears. She could feel herself getting too worked up as she spoke.
"So…" Peter sighed, "Let me get this straight… It's okay for you to cheat on Nick but god forbid I cheat on Jess."
"It's completely different Peter…" Carla began but she was cut off by Peter's sarcastic and over the top laugh.
"Oh… Please… How is different?"
"Because my cheating was upfront, you knew about Nick from the get go and you knew exactly what you were getting your self into... I had no idea about this Jess… you made me the other woman!"
"Well you didn't mind being the other woman when it came to Leanne did ya?" Peter almost laughed, earning one hard smack across his left cheek.
He rocked sideways from the force of Carla's slap and before he could even register what had just happened she had already started speaking again, which was a shame because he was so close to kissing her and making her forget it all too.
"Don't you dare! Don't you dare compare what we did with Leanne to now... I really really loved you back then! I would ave done anything to be with you." She cried, backing away from Peter and shaking her head as her right hand ached with the pain from smacking him so hard. His left cheek had turned pink she had hit him so hard and she couldn't help but feel slightly guilty for what she had just done.
There was then a silence.
One where Carla tried to get her breathing right and one where Peter tried to recover from the smack she had just given him.
He knew mentioning Leanne was a cheap shot and he knew that what was happening right now shouldn't be happening for two people who didn't care for one another.
Of course... we all know that they did care.
They cared too much it seemed, they cared so much that they had fallen so deep into this relationship that they were blind to the fact that they were both as madly in love as each other.
The tension in the room was palpable and neither one of them wanted to be the one to speak again, almost because they knew what ever was said next would steer the next topic of conversation.
Eventually Peter spoke first and when he did he foolishly asked,
"Are you jealous?" He knew he should have just apologised but things were already to complicated and he needed to get to the bottom of the situation.
Carla, who had been staring down at her hands when she heard him speak, looked up at him darkly.
"What? Jealous of the woman that you ave spent the last two months cheating on? As if…" she said, although she knew the way she had been feeling since finding out about Jessica was definitely jealous.
In fact it was more than jealousy…
It almost burned Carla to think that Peter had been on holiday with this woman, that they had obviously shared precious moments together, moments that she couldn't have had with him because they were only supposed to be in it for the physical side of things.
Peter watched Carla as she ran a hand through her hair and tried her hardest to look as if she really wasn't jealous.
She couldn't tell Peter that she had actually seen this Jessica, she couldn't tell him that she had gone to the airport and watched as they got back from China together.
She couldn't tell him how inadequate she felt now she had seen the woman who had replaced her.
"Okay… so maybe you aren't jealous…" Peter began, although he could still read Carla like his favourite book and it was clear to him that Jessica had her totally envious. "Come on Carla… talk to me?" Peter said, finally sitting down at her dining room table and taking at load off. She shook her head at him and refused at first, she refused until he asked her, "Why are you so upset?"
"I… am not upset… I'm livid!" Carla practically shouted, detesting that casual tone of voice he used, like he was asking her a simple question and not why she was so upset about the fact that he had been keeping something from her.
"Well I guess that makes two of us doesn't it?" Peter said, "Although I really don't think you have a right to be angry with me..."
"Oh of course ya don't." Carla scoffed, "Because why would ya? This is you all over Peter, not thinking about anyone else about your self." She paused and then let out a heavy sigh before continuing. "D'ya know what? I'm so mad at you... but I am more mad at me self... because I was stupid enough to believe that you had changed."
"Well guess what… I aven't… I'm still the same old selfish Peter… Is that what you wanted to hear?" Peter said, shaking his head. There was a silence again, one that was almost deafening.
Carla didn't answer him. She didn't answer him because she was too busy trying to ignore the urge she has to push him towards her bedroom and to forget this whole argument had ever happened.
She hadn't even had the chance to tell him that she had broken up with Nick but now, upon thinking about it she realised that she didn't want to tell him.
She didn't want him to have the satisfaction of knowing how much he had gotten underneath her skin.
She didn't want him to know that she had broken up with someone as kind and as decent as Nick… for someone like him.
Besides… he had a girlfriend.
He had a girlfriend who he hadn't broken up with for her and there was no way she was going to be competing with the beautiful likes of Jessica.
"Y'know… I get it…" Peter said, Carla took a deep breath and stared at him.
"Ya get what?"
"You thought… that when I wasn't with you that I was living a right miserable existence... Maybe it were okay for me n you to have sex all night long as long as you could send me packing because you genuinely thought that I was going home alone but now… now you've realised that I had someone of me own, well now you're pissed."
"That is… ridiculous Peter." Carla said with a shake of her head, "Is that what you think of me? That after everything… I want you to be alone?"
"Well what else am I supposed to think when you act this way?" Peter replied making Carla's levels of anger rise again.
"Y'know what…" she said, getting up off her chair and opening her front door. "If you really think that way… I'm done… we're done."
"There isn't supposed to be a we though is there Carla?" Peter said, getting up off the chair he had been sat on. He didn't actually want to leave but he decided to call her bluff. "It was supposed to just be about the sex… n you ruined it… you did that not me… remember that."
"I ruined it?" Carla cried, "You're the one who hid his girlfriend… if you had of just been honest from the start then maybe things wouldn't have got this far."
"Okay…" Peter stopped, "Say that first night when we went into your flat I had of stopped n said, Carla... I ave a girlfriend… what would you ave done? Would you ave stopped it? Would you ave told me to pull up me pants n go… no I don't think you would ave… so get of your high horse and remember that me n you… we're the same."
"No…" Carla insisted with a shake of her head, "No we are not."
"Yes we are… no matter how you phrase things you're angry because I've cheated on my other half with you... you're a walking contradiction Carla n the sooner you realise it the better." Peter said angrily, walking towards her front door, still calling her bluff and hoping that she would tell him to stop.
Hoping she'd tell him to stay and forget everything.
He felt bad for keeping Jessica from her, he really did but it was too late to do anything about it now, besides... having Jess around really did seem to make him feel a bit better about himself, it made him not want to rip out his hair so much at the thought of Carla and Nick because he had someone of his own.
"Yeah go on Peter… just walk away… like you always do." Carla said, shaking her head at how easily he seemed to be leaving. "I can't believe that after everything… this is how things are going to end between us." she said, thinking about the past two months and how much they had meant to her. Peter stopped in his tracks and sighed at Carla heavily.
"Well you're the one who said we are done… I can't force you to want me Carla." He said, although over the past two months he was beginning to see that what Carla had for him was a need rather than a want.
"Peter…" she began, "Things are different now… when I think about us I keep picturing her face n…"
"Picturing her face?" Peter suddenly exclaimed, Carla realised what she had said and was about to try and rectify it but he had already read her worried expression. "You… don't know what she looks like… right?"
"No…" Carla scoffed, shaking her head and walking away from her front door so she didn't have to face him for a moment.
"Carla…" Peter said, totally able to tell that she was lying. "Do you know what she looks like?"
"Yes…" She sighed, rubbing her head and hating how ridiculous this was about to sound.
"Carla how on earth?" Peter began, he was totally unable to see how she could have possibly seen what Jessica looked like. Then Carla explained it to him.
"You didn't answer my texts..." She started, "I texted you and... I dunno I just couldn't get over the fact that you didn't reply so Yes I spoke to your Dad and then he told me you were in China... I found out your flight details n I… I went n waited at the arrivals gate."
"You did what?" Peter asked, shaking his head because he genuinely hadn't realise how much he had got under her skin.
It didn't make him feel powerful... it made him feel guilty.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
She wasn't supposed to have properly fell in love again... if she had even fell out of it that is.
"I had to see her… I had to see what she looked like… I know it sounds a little insane."
"A little?" Peter cried, "Carla it sounds flaming mental."
"Yeah I know… but I just had to do it… thinking about her drove me crazy n then when I saw her… It was as if I couldn't get her face out of me mind." Carla explained, her front door was still open and it didn't look like Peter was about to back away from it anytime soon either, which made her more upset.
"N what d'ya think it's been like for me?" Peter asked, "Every time I leave ere, I picture that Nick Tilsley's face, yet you don't see me following you two out n about do you?"
"I know…" Carla said, ashamed, she watched Peter for a moment as he tried to process what he had just heard and then said, "She looks lovely Peter… really sweet… beautiful."
"She is…" Peter swallowed thinking about Jessica for a moment, thinking about why he had agreed to go out with her in the fact place... because she was nothing like Carla... because she was so different that he couldn't be reminded of Carla... because why would he want to be reminded of what he had lost? "She really is."
"So… don't you feel bad?" Carla asked, "Don't you feel bad for what you ave done?"
Peter did feel bad, in fact he felt terrible but he wasn't about to discuss that with Carla, he was still angry at her for talking to his Dad and now he had found out about her little trip to the airport he was struggling to understand what she was doing right now.
Recently she had always been something Peter could almost control but now her behaviour was slightly unpredictable and it made him feel on edge, it made him feel scared of what would happen if he stuck around for too long... nothing in his life right now stayed the same... except for Carla and now she was acting like this he wasn't sure he could hack it.
"Y'know what?" Peter eventually said, "Me n you said we weren't going to talk about stuff like this n I really don't think we should start now."
"Why not?" Carla asked, "Peter why are you so reluctant to talk about stuff with me?"
"Because it's too hard!" Peter shouted, "I don't talk about my life because it's a mess right now... It's complicated n you can't even begin to understand it, and because it kills me to say that my life is a shadow of what it used to be… and before you say it I know that it's me own fault." He sighed and tried to regain some sort of control of his emotions before continuing to speak. "Carla if you can't accept that I don't want to speak about things then… then maybe this should just be it… the end."
He desperately hoped that Carla would disagree. He hoped she tell him she couldn't accept that but that this also shouldn't be the end.
He hoped she would keep pushing him to the point where he had no choice but to speak about what he was going through but she didn't.
Carla couldn't keep it up anymore. Not after finding out about Jessica and going as far as stalking them both at the airport.
Peter was no longer just sex to her… not that he ever really was but she couldn't pretend anymore.
She couldn't act as if their numerous encounters meant nothing to her and as she looked over at her sofa, the place where they had last slept together, she knew that she stupidly wanted no, needed something more from him and he clearly wasn't ready to give her what she needed.
She didn't know what he was thinking and she didn't realise how much he needed her because again, she was blind to it, so she just said,
"Well… I guess this it then."
Peter almost broke down there and then.
He felt his throat go dry and his heart almost stop but he didn't let it show.
"Fine… I mean… you can go back to Nicky Tilsley can't you…" he said, with no idea that Carla had dumped Nick only a day ago. "I mean at least he loves you…"
"N what, you don't?" Carla asked with a sad sniff, "Is that what you're saying? That you don't love me?"
"What I'm saying is that his love... his love is better for you... Carla all I'll do is end up wrecking your life again and... I can't let that happen... which is why I guess I ave to go." he said, not actually answering her question because he thought it was totally obvious to her how he felt.
He didn't know that she didn't have the option of Nick anymore and she didn't tell him either.
The truth was that he was madly in love with the woman that stood before him and vice versa.
He was so in love that he knew he wouldn't be able to get through the next few weeks of his life without her and these next weeks... were going to be crucial.
She was so in love that she was finding it difficult to breathe at the thought of not kissing him again.
"I'll be off then…" Peter said, when Carla didn't react.
He didn't realise she didn't react because she could barley move.
Her lack of words made him angry.
Her lack of emotions made him walk right out of her flat… with absolutely no intentions of coming back.