hey, everyone. there is the chp we've all been waiting for, the last one. yay. i wanted to wait so i could post this and the epl at the same time so it's not a big dumb space just to end the story.

i have nothing else to say but thanks for the predictions and lets see what happens.

enjoy...

Chapter XLIII

(Bpov)

I don't know what I was expecting when Alice came back to the waiting room and said Edward wanted to talk to me alone. I thought he was going ask how my night was or talk about the accident. The last thing I expected was that he was going to say he saw only me when he got hit. No, that wasn't the last thing; the last thing was him saying he lied a few months ago and he said he was in love with me. I thought he was saying crazy things because he was high on pain medicine. That would've made more sense than him saying what he did and meaning it.

He said he didn't want me with Jasper because Edward wanted me with him.

I couldn't think about anything he was saying because it wasn't making any sense to me. Not at all. So I had to leave. When I walked back to the waiting room, Jasper and Rosalie saw me trying to stop myself from crying, which made them ask me what was wrong. I couldn't talk to them, simply because I knew I was going to tell them if I did. So I didn't say anything as I walked outside. I walked and walked. I didn't know where I was going or how far I went, but I just knew I needed to think.

And surprising, the fact that Edward said he only saw me when he got hit or the fact he was in love me wasn't the most shocking thing. Oddly, I think I could handle all that with just a little bit of time. Unfortunately, I didn't allow myself a little bit of time before going back to the hospital.

I came back and told Jasper I thought one person should stay with Edward tonight. He offered to stay with me, but I told him it was fine and I would be okay. I told him I wanted to talk to Edward about something before I forget. He asked if it had something to do with the fact that I was crying when I came out of his room. I didn't answer as I kissed him on the cheek and told him about my plans for Seattle. He said it wasn't the same, but if we got to spend the day together he was happy. And that's what I was hoping for.

When I was waiting for Edward to wake up because I knew he would, a billion thoughts were going through my head. I didn't know what to think about anything that happened as the night went on. It was funny to think that my biggest problem when the night started was worrying if my dad and my mom would embarrass me to death in front of Jasper.

Then all the thoughts stopped when Edward woke up.

Once he did, we talked about all the random things that were flowing through my mind. He pointed out that I was nervous because of the words I was using. Huh, and here I thought I was hiding it so well. I guess he knew me better than I thought.

But then I made the stupid mistake of telling him the one thing that I did with Jasper that I haven't done with him. Well, I didn't exactly tell Edward, he guessed. I stepped next to his bed because I was actually planning to do it. The only reason being is that I thought it would make any decision I knew I had to make easier. But then I started to rethink it when he started to talking about why he never did it, I understand it. Because of Jasper. It was the only reason I needed. But then he didn't give me a chance to rethink it as he grabbed my wrist and kissed me anyways.

Then I made the bigger mistake by laying the bed with him. Honestly, it was because it was better than my original idea, which was sleeping in the chair.

The next morning, I was ready to get out of my dress. I liked it, but I think it was to get out of it. I slowly and quietly remove myself from under his arm so I could leave. I put on my shoes I took off the last night before leaving a note telling Edward I was going home and left.

I had to call a cab in order to get home because it didn't occur to me that I didn't have my car with me, so I didn't have a way to get there. It took a while to get from the hospital to my house. It was around eleven or so when I walked through the door. I didn't announce I was home when I did because I didn't want to talk to anyone. That didn't stop my father from calling me. "Bella? Is that you?" I heard him say.

I gave a sigh before answering him." Yeah, dad; it's me."

I heard him walking before he stuck his head out of his office. "How was everything?" he asked.

"It was…" how was it, what would be a good word to describe everything that happened last night. "Fun." It was, considering.

He looked down then back at me. "Why are you still in your dress? I thought you guys took your bags to the hotel before last night" he said. We did. The day before prom, we all went to book and pay for the room. And when we did, we took our bags there and left them there with Rosalie, who stayed in the room by herself so we wouldn't be paying extra money for the room that wouldn't be used for a day.

"We did, but I didn't stay there with everyone last night." I told him.

"Why not, did you have a fight with someone or something?" he asked. Something like that.

"No; Edward got in a car accident." I told him. As soon as I did, I saw his face change. I know he was thinking the same thing everyone else when the news got around. I shook my head to settle my father's thoughts. "He's fine. Anyways, he had to stay there for the night so I thought it would be nice if someone stayed there with him." I told him the short version of my thought process because I know he wouldn't understand the real reason I stayed. Quite frankly, I was still trying to figure out why I didn't stay gone when I left the first time.

"You were the only one willing?" my dad asked me.

"I really didn't mind." I told him.

"Well, that was very nice of you." He replied. I guess, depending on who I was being nice to because I don't think kissing his friend was being nice to Jasper. I felt bad about it all the way home and was suffering from that pain. Once again, I knew Charlie wouldn't get it.

And honestly, I wanted to go to my room. "Dad, I want to go get out of this dress and maybe take a nap." I told him.

"Oh, okay Bella." He said before turning and leaving me alone. I was glad I got away from that easily. I walked up the stairs and to my room. The first thing I did was take off my shoes. They were pretty and more comfortable that I thought, but it was time to be on solid grounds again.

I kicked off my shoes after undoing them before pulling the knot out of the back of my dress then walked to my bathroom. I stayed in the shower for a long time. It wasn't because I felt the need to be clean. I just wanted to stay there and think. It was a better place than anywhere else. The only other place I could think of was my bed. The thought of being under my covers was the only thing to push me out of the shower. When I was out, I changed into my pajamas because I didn't feel like getting dress in actually clothes, before climbing in my bed.

I told my dad I was going to take a nap, but I couldn't stop think. Edward…in love with me? Why? How? When did he realize it? I didn't even know where any of that came from. He never mentioned it anything like that before. He never even gave me some kind of hint; it was the least he could do. But nothing. Not a thing to make me believe he thought of me as more that a friend. Or maybe he did. was that why he got mad whenever I told him what I thought was good news about me and Jasper, or why he told me that no guy would want to get involve the last year of high school just to be tied down that first year of college. Was all that a lie to keep me away from Jasper? Did I not see it because did what he say about me and Jasper was true, that I was so blinded by him?

Even if that was so, I think I should be a little mad at Edward for making those things up like that. It was, like I told him last night, very selfish of him. At least he didn't deny it. Why didn't he just tell me? He had so many chances. I was so mad at him, I swore. I actually let a swear word slip through my lips. I felt awful as soon as I said it.

I felt just as awful; no, way worst when I let something else touch my lips. I can't believe Edward kissed me. I don't know what was worst: that he kissed me or that I let him and I let it go on for as long as it did. I feel it was on me.

I didn't want to talk about what I was thinking. I didn't even want to think about. Clearly, I couldn't get the message out there pass my walls because people kept calling me. Rosalie called me a few times, and so did Jasper. when I didn't answer the first few times, he texted me, asking me if I was okay because it was a rare time in the pass month where he would call and I wouldn't answer or call him back. I guess we had a routine. Jacob called me about two times. I think he was just calling to see how my night went. I don't think I wanted to tell him what happened and tell him he was right. Not after I snapped at him because I thought he was so wrong.

I turned my phone off so it would stop ringing. I turned in my bed to place it on my nightstand next to my bed. When I did, I realized something. Any stuff turtle someone gave me was on my bed or next to it on my nightstand. When I turned, I saw the stuff turtle that Jasper gave me. As I looked at it, something from my shelf caught my eye. It was the little turtle status with the emerald shell that Edward gave me for Valentine 's Day. It was the day when I asked him the question and apparently, he unknowingly lied to me. It was with all my other little turtle things that I didn't consider a stuff animal. I forgot to mention they both knew my thing with turtles and both got me one. Both of which was very cute and had some thought behind it.

I got off my bed and walked to my shelf to get the one Edward got for me. On my way back to the bed, I grabbed the one Jasper gave me and sat back on it. I looked at both of the gifts. I felt it was some kind of symbolism or something. Like I was looking at both of the guys at the same time. I don't know how long I looked at those two different gifts from two different guys for two different reasons. I just know I kept shifting my eyes from one to another, pointing out things I liked about one or things I saw that I didn't notice about it before in the other. It didn't take me that long to realize what I was doing. I was doing more than just comparing gifts. I was comparing the gift givers.

"Bella, you have company." I heard my dad call me and he broke my thoughts.

I don't think I wanted to see anyone, at least not right this very second. "Tell whoever it is I'm asleep." I called back.

I heard my door open. "You're such a dam liar." I heard someone said. I didn't have to look you to know who that was, but I did anyways. My guess on who it was was right as I saw Rosalie standing in my door way. What I didn't expect was who was with her. Alice was standing next to her. What was she doing here?

"What are you two doing here?" I asked them as I placed both turtles on the floor next to my bed. I knew they would be here for a while so it was no point in saying hi, thanks, and bye to them. I might as well give them my full attention.

Alice showed me my bag I left in the hotel room and never came back for. "You left your bag." she said. "We thought you would want it."

I kinda forgot about it. It wasn't at the top of my list right now. "Thanks." I answered. "Put it by my closet, please." I told her. She nodded before walking in the room. She tossed the bag by my closed closet door.

Rosalie followed Alice in the room. When they were both in, the sat on either side of me. "We also came by to give you something. Well, I did; Alice wanted to see your face when you found out." Rosalie said.

I looked at her. "Found out what?" I asked them, looking back and forward. Rosalie gave a small smile before reaching in her purse and pulling out a tiara. It was covered in fake diamonds and about five inches tall. "Is that the prom queen crown?" I asked.

"Tiara." She corrected. "And yeah it is. It's for you." She said.

"Why are you giving me your crown?" I asked her. I knew how much she wanted it. Why was she just giving it up to me? I had a weird night, but I didn't need pity.

"Because it's not mine. it's yours." She said.

"Uh?" I asked, still confused on why she was giving it to me.

"Bella, I'm not giving it to you; I'm bringing it to you." She said. When she did, my eyes propped open. She was joking. She had to be. "You won queen." She said, telling me she wasn't.

"I-I did?" I asked in utter disbelieve. I didn't even know I was nominated until I went to vote so I wasn't expecting to win. Honestly, even though Jasper told me I could, I didn't vote for myself. I voted for Rosa.

Rosalie nodded. "They almost called for forfeit when you weren't there to claim it. But I told them what happened and where you were, they told to me I could give it to you when I see you. That's what I'm doing." she answered.

I took it from her. And looked at it. it was really mine? Did I really come that far in just a few short months? I stood up and walked over to my mirror. I looked at myself in it as I placed the tiara on my head. My hair was no longer curled, so the tiara stood against my flat hair. I wondered how it would've looked with it on if my hair was the way it was last night, with Jasper on my arm. It was nice thought.

I turned to the girls. "How do I look?" I asked.

"You look very pretty." Alice said.

I turned to Rosa, wondering what she thought. "You look really pretty." She said. "I'm glad you won it. If it wasn't me, I was happy it was you; though I really wish it was me." Rosalie answered.

I took it off. "Do you want it?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No. you won it." she answered.

"Honestly, Rosa; I don't need it." I told her. I didn't want it like she did.

"I wouldn't feel right taking it and not earning it." she said. She had her mind set, I suppose. I turned and placed the tiara on the dresser. I might have to choose if I was going to take that with me when I leave. It might be a little conceited of me to take it college, like I'm stuck in high school when in reality, I couldn't wait to leave. "So what were you doing before we walked in?" Rosalie asked. I turned back to the girls. "Besides sleeping." She joked.

I gave a small smile. "Sorry about that, I was thinking about something." I told her.

"Is that why you haven't been answering me?" she asked.

I shrug. "I suppose."

"What were you thinking about?" Alice asked.

I sighed hard before walking back to them and sitting between them. "I was thinking about Edward." I told them truthfully. It might be good to get this out, to say it out loud. Maybe they might have an idea on what I should do about him. Jasper wasn't the only guy I wasn't answering. Edward called a few times. I didn't know what he was going to say so I didn't answer. "You guys, I kissed him last night." I told them, not looking.

"What?" they both exclaimed. And that was one of the reasons I didn't tell anyone yet.

I rolled my eyes. I saw it coming and I probably shouldn't have phrased it like that. "Well, more he kissed me. But I didn't pull away. That kinda means something, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, it kinda means you cheated on my brother." Rosalie snapped at me.

I placed my head in my hands and I shook my head. "I don't want to think like that." I mumbled. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't go that far.

"How the else are you suppose to think of it?" she snapped more. What was her deal? I was already stressing and her doing that wasn't helping me.

I turned to her. "Alright, stop snapping at me. I feel worst enough, okay?" I snapped back. I didn't need it from her; the judging, the snapping. If anything, I needed her to put aside for a second that she was Jasper's sister and remember that she was my friend. I wanted her to talk to me, and not at me.

She gave a hard sigh. "I'm sorry. I just kinda had a flashback to Maria." she explained.

"Don't compare me her." I told her, completely insulted. Comparing me to that girl was like comparing a weed to a blooming flower. I wasn't the arrogant type, but I was better than Maria.

Or was I? Did kissing, well, not pulling away from Edward make me just as bad as her? I mean, she and I both did the same thing to Jasper. No, I wasn't her simply for the fact because I felt bad. I'm sure she felt nothing.

"You know what I mean." Rosalie answered.

"Well, if you're done judging me…"

"More protecting my brother than judging." Rosa interrupted.

"Okay, whatever. If you're done, can I tell you why Edward did it?" I asked. She nodded. I sighed and looked away from her. If she reacted like that, I didn't know how she would react when I tell her this next thing. "He did because…because…"I let out a breath. "Edward said he was in love with me." I told them

"What the hell? Did we slip into the fucking Twilight Zone when we left that ball room or something?" Rosalie expressed. She was clearly thinking the same thing I was thinking last night when he told me and I hoped of the bed. It didn't seem possible that Edward thought of me that way. I'm still waiting for him to call or text and say he was joking or asking me what happened last night because he didn't remember. It hasn't happened.

"I know." I turned to her. "He couldn't have meant it, right? Maybe it was the accident or something messing with him." I said, looking for a reason he would say it and say it now.

"It wasn't." I heard Alice. I turned to her. "He's been feeling something for you for a while." She said.

"And you never said anything to me before about it, because…" I asked her.

"At first, I thought it was because you were showing Jasper attention and not him. But as time when on, I would see the changes in him whenever you were around, then change again when you were around Jasper, then change again when you were gone." She explained.

"Again, why didn't you say anything?" I asked, a little annoyed now. She was doing the same thing her brother did. she was dancing around the question and not giving me a straight answer or at least not the one I was looking for. It was about me; didn't they think I had the right to know until now?

"Bella, he is my brother. I couldn't just tell you how he felt. He needed to figure it out and tell you for himself. Besides, what I was supposed to say, 'hey, stop being with Jasper because Edward is in love with you' after I spend so much time convincing you that what you were doing with your makeover was going get Jasper's attention." she snapped at me. Both of them were doing it. I guess I deserve it. It might have been the best idea to talk about this with the sister of one and the twin sister of the other.

"I'm sorry." I told her. I could understand what Alice was saying to me. I shouldn't have expected her to tell me something personal about Edward like that. In fact, if she told me, I wouldn't have believed it. Rosalie's been telling about her brother for almost a year and I didn't believe it until he told me himself.

"It's okay, I guess." Alice answered. "What are you going to do?" she asked.

"A better question is, are you going to tell Jasper about any of this?" Rosalie asked.

I looked at her. "Should I?" I asked. He was my first…well, anything when it came to this. I didn't know what the limit was where I should tell him or not.

Both of them gave an answer. Rosalie said no while Alice sad yes. They looked at each other. Then they answered again at the same time, this time switching answers. All I could do was give a groan and put my head in my hands again. They weren't really helping me. Two sisters were not a good council on something like this.

Then just Rosalie answered. "Bella, it's really up to you." She said.

I looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"She means you have to figure something out." I turned to Alice. "What did the kiss mean to you? If it meant nothing, you shouldn't tell him; if it did mean something, you should tell him. Either way, you have to talk to both Edward and Jasper." Alice answered.

I sighed hard, knowing she was. I didn't want this responsibility. Out of all my school things, this is what I was stressed over.

I reached down and grabbed the turtle. I looked at it. "I love him." I mumbled.

XXX

I tried to put the Edward/Jasper thing out of my head for the next week. It was hard when they both kept calling me. Jasper wanted to know when we were going to have our day together. Every time he would have a set date and leave me a message about it, I would text him saying I was busy with writing my valedictorian speech, which was half true. I was the valedictorian and I was working on my speech. I just wasn't working on it every single time he called. Nevertheless, he usually left me along for the rest of the day when I told him that.

Edward was calling I'm sure to see where we stood after our moment in his hospital room and probably to tell me about his condition and if he would be at graduation. I don't know, I wasn't answering either one of their calls. I felt bad for ignoring Jasper since he didn't know the reason. I haven't exactly gotten around to it. Dip me in glue and roll me in feathers because I was a chicken.

The week passed and graduation day came. The day seemed more rushed than prom because our graduation was in the middle of the day and not at night. I took a shower and changed into the dress I brought a few weeks ago. I did my own hair and added very light makeup. I was proud of myself for being able to do so when months ago I didn't even want to get my hair cut. I went down stairs so my parents could take me to the school. It would be the last time I will have to go Forks High School for anything.

I walked to the back of the auditorium where the graduates after to meet. When I go there, mostly everyone was there already in their bright yellow caps and gowns. It was good thing I had my things on. I put them on before I left the house so my gown wouldn't get wrinkled on the way over here. All I had to do was put on my cap and zip up my gown, but I could do that right before we started walking to our seats.

We were waiting for people to still come. While we waited, I thought it would be a good time to go over my speech again. I stood in a corner away from everyone else so I could mumble it to myself without looking too odd.

While I was going over the last part, I felt a poke in my sides. I tried not to, but I couldn't help the yelp that came through my lips. I could never get use to that, even though, I knew exactly who it was. I turned to him. "Hey stranger." He greeted.

"Hi, Jasper." I answered back. He leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"I haven't seen you since prom. How are you doing?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Okay; I'll be happy when this is over." I told him.

"Are you nervous about your speech?" he asked.

"Kinda." I admitted. More or less about something else.

"Do you want to run it by me first? It might be help for a fresh set of ears hear it." he said. it was a good idea, but I think I would be better looking at more than just one person. I shook my head. "I'm sure it's fine. e better be the best damn speech ever since you avoided me for week to finish it." he added a joke at the end.

I want to laugh, but there was truth to that. More than he would know. "Actually, Jasper about that…" I told him.

Before I could let it out, someone came and interrupted me. "Jasper, I think we're going to start lining up so you have to come up with the H's?" one of the staff members who were helping set up the students.

"Okay" Jasper said with a nod before she left. When she did, he turned back to me. "What did you want to talk about?" he asked.

Now wasn't the time. I was already worried about my speech, it might be best to wait. Or maybe just not tell him. I shook my head. "Nothing . I just wanted to say I'm sorry about that and I'm better now." I told him. "Go. We can talk about after." I said.

"Okay." He leaned down and kissed my cheek again. "Good luck and I'll be right out there if you need me." he said before dropping his hands from me and walking away. I watched him as he did. I decided not to tell him. not yet anyways, maybe later in a year or so.

While I watched him walk up with the H's, he stopped before looking forward and walking to a crowd of people. They were surrounding something. Jasper broke through the crowd of people. When he did, he stepped in front of something. Then he stepped aside and I saw what everyone was surrounding. Edward was there, in his cap and gown, on crutches. So he made it to graduation. I was glad he could. "I wouldn't miss it." I heard him tell someone. He looked and smiled to everyone around him. Then he looked pass them and at me. He smiled and gave me a nod. I gave a small wave back.

"Okay, people; we're about to start walking. Places, please. Please take your places." The person in charge said. Everyone waved bye to Edward before getting in their spots.

We walked in the auditorium to the graduation march and took our seats. We had to listen to two other speeches besides mine. one was the vice principal; the other one was the mayor or something of Seattle, I don't know; I wasn't really paying attention to them because I was too focused on mine what I had to say.

Then time to think was over when the principal called my name. I got up from my seat and walked up the stairs; as always, trying not to trip. I have done it a surprisingly low amount this year, but I didn't want to jinx it.

I made it to the podium and started my speech. I started with a greeting to the parents and students and teachers. After that, I read a quote about change. Then I started talking about how anything could change a person.

"I look at my fellow classmates. I may not know many of them personally, but I know that we all have changed. None of us are the same person we were ten years ago or even five. I know I'm not even the same person I was at the beginning of this school year. Before, I was a shy little girl, afraid to disagree in fear of making a friend mad, afraid of taking a risk in fear of failing. I don't have to be afraid. Because of that, I stepped out of my comfort zone. When I did, I got to know and become friends with some people I never thought I would.

"In fact, one of my new friends thought his grades were too poor to do what he wanted so he came for to me for help. I didn't what to help him because I knew the person he was and the kind of people he hung around with. They were really my best friends. For more selfish reasons, I helped him. Over the past year, I have he changed for an arrogant jerk to one of my good friends. Being around him made me more comfortable with myself as well as the people around me.

"The reason I shared that with you because I would like to remind everyone that throughout our lives, we will become someone different than who we once were. It's okay and we show accept it. We just need to take that opportunity for change and use it for good. Congratulations class of 2014." I ended and everyone clapped. I looked in the crowd of my classmates and saw Edward smiling at me. I smiled back for leaving the podium.

After I was seated, the awards were given out. Of course Jasper and Edward got their sports award and I got mine for being number one in the class. Then Rosalie got one for her assistant coaching the cheerleading team. I'm sure the coach made that just for her since Rosalie did most of the work when it came to routine and getting the girls ready. Then the names were called for students to get their diplomas. Edward got the loudest cheers as he hopped on his crutches to get his. I had to say, I was proud of how far he's come.

"I present to you, Class of 2014!" The principal announced over the microphone when the last person sat back in their seat. Everyone cheered as we all took off our caps and threw them in the air.

We did it. We all did it. We were done. High school was finally over and I could focus on more important things.

After a few more cheers and applauses, the excitement calmed down. We all gather our caps before breaking out of the group. I unzipped my gown and went to find my parents. As I was looking, I felt someone touch my shoulder. I turned to see Tanya. She gave a small smile. I was sure she was going to say something. My speech was boring; my gown was ugly on me. Something to ruin this day for me. But she didn't. "Happy graduation." She said.

That was shocking. What was the punch line? "Uh, thanks. Happy graduation." I replied.

"Have a nice life."

"Yeah, you too." I told her before she walked away from me. When she did, I found my parents. My father looked like he was trying to keep from crying as he handed my flower. They were different color daisies. "You didn't have to get me these." I told him.

"It's just flowers Bella. But I can go get you a balloon, maybe even a stuffed teddy bear." Charlie joked.

I laughed. "Not necessary, dad." I told him.

He smiled as he hugged me. "I'm so proud of you, Bella. " he said before kissing the top of my head.

"Bella," I heard someone call me. I turned to see Rosalie and Jasper walking towards me. I saw she a bouquet of flowers in her hand. Rosalie and Jasper coming towards me.

"Bella, we'll see you at home." my dad said before leaving with my mom.

When they got to me, Rosalie hugged me. "Great speech, Izzie."

"Yeah, Belle; you had no reason to be nervous." Jasper agreed.

"You guys really think so?" I replied.

"I wished you would talk about me more, but, I digress" she said with a shrug. I gave her look. "Anyways, I wanted to give you something." she reached in the bouquet and pulled out four single roses and handed them to me. It didn't go over my head that they were a bright yellow.

I gave a chuckle. "Thank you. Since you gave me four…" I reached in my on bouquet and pulled out four of my own to give to her. The ones I gave her were light pink. It was the first I gave her flowers back. "Here." I said.

"Thank you." She said as we stuck the received flowers in our bouquet.

I laughed. "What are you guys about to do now?" I asked.

"We're going to brunch with Emmett." Rosalie said.

"Would you like to join us?" Jasper asked.

"Uh…" I turned to Rosalie. I think I knew why I was turning to her. I don't know why I was. I already made my decision. I made it a while ago I just need to tell the people. I turned to Jasper and nodded. "Yes, I would." I told him.

He smiled back. "Cool. I think Emmett has his jeep, so…"

Before he went on, I saw someone else. "Jasper, Rosa, can you hold on for a second?" I told them. They both nodded. I left them and walked over to the person I saw. The person who smiled at me during my speech. "Hey, nice crutches." I told him.

He turned to me and smiled. "Thanks." He chuckled. "They came with the big ass bandage." He said, nodding to his leg. I saw his gown was unzipped like mine and I saw a bump in his pant leg.

"Nice. So how is your leg?" I asked.

"Okay. My dad said I will be off the field for a year and I will need to do physical therapy after I get off the crutches for a while. But it will be fine in about a year and a half or so." he answered.

"I'm glad you made it." I told him.

"I do too. You gave a great speech; but I can't help but think you were talking about me." he said.

I gave a shrug. "I was." I admitted.

"Well, thank you; that makes me feel special." He joked. He looked at my hands. "Nice flowers; did Jasper give them to you?"

I shook my head. "My dad did." I told him. what would Edward said if Jasper did?

"So…are we going to talk about it?" he asked.

"About what?"

"The elephant between us. The kiss, what I told you. Have you told Jasper?" he asked.

I gave a sigh. way to jump right into it. "I wanted to talk to you about that."

"I'm not going apologize for it." he said the same thing he said before. he was really set on that. I guess I should want him to be sorry for the way he felt. it wasn't something that could be easily changed.

I gave a light chuckle. "I don't think I expected you to. I'm kinda glad you did." I told him.

He lifted an eyebrow. "Really?" he asked.

I nodded. "It got me thinking. I didn't know before either, but after that night I realized something. I realized that I love you too." I told him.

He lifted both eyebrows now. "Really?" he repeated.

I nodded again. That was the good news. The good part; the part I wanted him to hear and didn't have a problem with because I knew it would make him happy. That's all I wanted for the people I cared about.

But now here comes the hard part. The part I figured out a while ago; specifically when they put it the way they did. The reason I didn't tell Jasper about the night in the hospital bed earlier before the graduation. "I do love you, Edward; but not the way you love me; not the way I love I love Jasper." I said as slowly as I could so it wouldn't hard as much as I knew it would.

His face dropped. He stared at me, waiting for me to say something, to say more. Now he knew how I felt; when he realized nothing else was coming out, gave a hard breath. "Well…damn" I knew he was looking for the right words.

"I'm sorry I can't return the feelings, but you knew how I felt. And I know what you wanted. I don't think it would be fair to you."

"No; what was not fair was that you stayed that night when you already had your mind made."

He was right. it was fair of me to do that to him. It confused emotions; for everyone. "I shouldn't have done that. I knew that was a mistake and I regret that. But I don't regret the kiss. It helped me make my decision. But it didn't mean to me what it meant to you. Every time I kiss Jasper, I feel butterflies and like…"

"And like your heart might pound out of your chest." He added.

I gave smile. "Yeah, something like that. And when you and I kissed, something was missing and …"

"Your heart just felt like tapping." He guessed again. I wouldn't exactly said tapping. A little stronger than tapping, but a little less than pounding. He gave a hard sigh. "I don't think I can argue with true feelings." He answered. "I think I knew this when it was all happening. But something in me just hoped that if you know you had other choices, if you knew that other guys besides Jasper looked at you the way he did and cared about you like he did, you would pick something else." He answered.

Ugh. I closed my eyes and shook my head. Why did he have to say that? "Now I feel awful." I told him. Not because he said that, but because I didn't want any other opinions or choices besides Jasper.

'I'm not going to say do be, but I will say I didn't mean to make you feel like that."

I opened my eyes. "Are you okay?" I asked.

He groaned. "Honestly, no. my feelings are hurt, I left myself exposed for the first time and got burnt and I think my heart with is cracking a bit." He answered.

"Edward…" he wasn't making this easier.

"What, you want me to be happy about this, glad about the fact you didn't pick me?" he asked.

"You could try harder not to make me feel like this." I told him.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm making you feel bad. I'm honestly not doing it on purpose. It's just a reaction. But I will get over it. I don't know when or how or how long it will take, but I will." He assured me.

"I'm really sorry."

"Stop saying that. It won't change anything."

He was right again. "Okay, but if you promise me one thing."

"We can't be friends, if that's what you're going to say. Maybe after we've been apart for four years, but not right now." He said shaking his head. I should've seen that coming. As sad as it was to lose him as a friend for four, maybe five years, it had to be done. It was what he needed to heal. He couldn't "get over it" if he was still my friend. Whatever it takes. But, it almost made me want to cry.

I choked it back and went on. "I wasn't. I want you to promise me this won't shut you off from love."

He gave a hard sigh. "You sure know how to break someone's balls." He mumbled.

"Edward, please promise me." I demanded.

He gave me glare. "You aware of what just happened, right? you breaking me like that. You don't have the right to demand something like that." he answered.

Again he was right. maybe I should've waited for this when we were alone. Too late now. I sighed. "I know," After what I just told him after he poured himself out to me and that, it was like I was encouraging him to set himself up for more failure. I wasn't saying falling in love with the next person. I was saying not to steal the chance away. I couldn't stop the feeling of him wanting what I have. I want him to have someone to love who loved him and made him happy, maybe even blush and act like he was a little boy like Jasper makes me feel. "I just want you be happy. I want you to feel that way for someone else. Someone who can love you back and love you the way you love them and I'm sure more than me. You deserve it, so promise me." I told him. he rolled his eyes. "Edward," I called his attention. I wasn't to going to walk away until he did.

He looked at me. Then he nodded. "I will."

"It's not a promise if you say the words." I told him.

He gave a sigh. I felt I was pushing my luck with him. "Okay, I promise." He answered.

"Thank you."

Before he could say anything else, I felt someone placed their hand on my waist and kissed my cheek. I didn't have to turn to see who it was because I saw the change in Edward's face that Alice was talking about. He looked like he was trying to swallow something stuck in his throat, but still trying to hide it at the same time.

Did I cause him that much pain? I stepped away from Jasper, in hopes of getting the look off Edward's face. He relaxed a little, but not like thought he would.

"Belle, are you ready?" he asked. I gave a slight nod. He turned to Edward. "Hey, man; we're going to eat, want to come?"

Edward looked at me then back at him. He shook his head. "No thanks. My leg is bothering me so I think I'm just going to home. Happy graduation you guys." He said before turning and hoping away.

"Huh, I wonder what was wrong with him." Jasper said.

A small tear slipped from my eye and down my cheek. I wish I didn't have to make that decision. "He's hurting." It was my fault. I was hoping Jasper didn't catch the double meaning. I wiped my face and looked at Jasper. "He said he will be fine. Can we go eat?" I asked. Jasper nodded before grabbing my hand and pulling me in the opposite direction. I looked back and Edward, but he didn't look back at me.

Was that it? Was that what our friendship will be? Will he ever forgive me?

I can only hope.

welcome to the bottom of the page.

*In my Brian the dog from Family Guy voice* "it's over; a lot of people look pissed"

now before you start sending me death threats and hate messages or whatever, please read the next chp, which should be up now. i still love you guys.

Luv & Rockets.