A Defender Paladin Production:

With witty or maybe not so witty commentary:

The Much Ignored, but Obligatory Cliche:

The Marriage Law

AN: This piece actually was going to be somewhat different but I thought I'd poke fun at some things I have done and some things that others do. (If I make fun of it and I've done it before I've improved at it!) Plus, originally it was too heavy for the majority and I wanted to set a lighter tone even if it's just some fake 'Author's notes' that are blended in fairly well.

I really don't see me continuing this...

"Is this really happening?" Hermione gaped as she stared at the paper.

"Bloody Hell. Damn Idiotic Ministry of f-" Ron began to swear as Hermione glared.

"Err...Sorry Hermione, Damn Ministry of Magic." Ron amended to her slight approval.

"Enough." Harry said in a regal tone as he stood and tossed a rock into the lake.

The Trio were sitting at the beach, under a tree near the lakeside at Hogwarts. A fitting enough place because people like beaches and it's always a wonderful place to sit after seeing all your friends die because of a madman...right? No. I did not choose this setting at Random...What? Why do you say that? I messde up? No way, I do evrything for a reason. Ahem, Moving on.

Harry's two friends stared at him.

"We all know that the Ministry is full of idiots. Why should this be such a surprise? I'm supposed to marry some 'pureblood' princess named Daphine or something, Hermione's going to marry Malfoy, and Ron gets to marry his own sister." Harry sent a sympathetic look towards Ron.

Ron shuddered at that.

"Don't remind me mate, that is really sick. So...uh...what kinda escape clauses are there?"

Hermione smiled pleasantly.

"It's the pureblooded way isn't it?" Hermione smiled.

Ron shook his head.

"Why do you think I think that pureblooded society and stuff is rubbish?" He retorted.

Harry smirked.

"I'm just glad I don't have a sister." Harry said smugly.

"If you'd have had to marry Ginny you'd be marrying your cousin." Ron retorted.

Harry paled as Hermione snickered at the surprise turn of the tables.

As Harry and Ron began to bicker Hermione surprisingly took up Harry's position of argument breaker.

"As interesting as this all is, we really do need to see what can be done. According to this there are no escape clauses."

"So we have to marry then?" Harry asked with a sinking feeling.

"Not at all." Hermione replied smugly.

Harry blinked in confusion.

"So how does-" Ron and Harry asked in unison.

Hermione grinned evilly at them. Not for the first time did the two male members of the trio feel terrified for someone.

A week passed quietly, All funerals had finally been finished ('Cause the author is allowed to throw random thoughts out...like liking pie...or...Oh...I didn't finish that sentence. Oops.) and so the minister of magic appeared in an instant with his entire ministry and all of wizarding Britain's population for the ceremonies. (Because he can ignore the wards and stuff...oh, and all the marriages are supposed to be done in one a couple hours too. There's only a handful of people there after all. A few words and...Hey! You got me sidetracked again!)

Anyway, everyone was there, Dumbledore (even though he died a book and a half ago), Fudge, (even though he lost his job a book and a half ago too.) Skeeter, (because she's a beetle...what? That isn't a good reason?) and a bunch of other people.

After a dozen or so boring speeches Fudge got up to make his boring speech.

"Dearly Beloved We are gathered here today to mourn the passing-"

"Minister!" A Toad like woman croaked.

"Ahem, my apologies I got a little confused. Dear people, today we embark on a new chapter of history! We are about to see the fruition of a thousand bribe- err... dreams and hopes. As our youth embark on a new journey to repopulate our severely depleted world we watch offering silent support as we line our pocket- ahem, as we line our goals up to support our children. It is truly a wondrous day. Now, will Harry Potter and Daphne Greengrass or something like that approach so that they may be bonded?"

Daphne approached slowly, as she saw her dreams crumble within herself. She didn't want to marry yet! She had far too much to do, too much to become! Nevertheless, there was naught that she could do but obey.

A moment passed as they waited for Harry Potter, the Man-Who-Triumphed to approach to claim his bride. A few more minutes passed and then a house elf appeared bearing a letter.

"Here's a letter for Mr. Fudgey." Dobby handed the letter over as he popped away.

To all those Losers;

You really thought I'd marry someone when I didn't want to? Guess again. I'm gone! That's right! I've flown the coop, I've slipped past your nets, it wasn't hard. Oh yeah, and try to enforce that contract. It ain't happenin'. I've got some friendly people from Japan, China, Korea, Australia, France, the U.S., and a dozen other countries that have ensured that you can't enter me in a contract either.

As my American Friend here might say: Suckers!

Oh yeah, I've also put a portkey on all the girls that you wanted to use as a puppet. Nev's got one and he didn't know it either. Now that you read that they should be gone. Are they? Don't be surprised.

Incidentally, they're safe too. Wonder if they let harem-

at this the lines wobbled.

Harry James Potter! How dare you! A harem would kill you with their sexual appetite.

The words practically oozed with loathing. The lines wobbled again.

But Hermione-

No Harem!

Does that mean I can have a-

NO RONALD!

AWW.

Okay, Give me that now, thank you. In case you haven figured this out Hermione, Ron and I have left and we give your country a rating of 0/10000000. In other words: Pathetic.

Okay, It looks like Hermione's gonna try blowing Ron's...well, y'know off with the Groin-Stomp Curse. Nasty magic.

At this the lines wobbled once more.

Now, that Harry and Ron are incapacitated I have a word of advice to you all.

"DON'T BE STUPID!"

That is all. H/H/R out.

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

Ron Weasley

The assembled purebloods stared at each other in shock before Lucius Malfoy summed up what they were all thinking.

"Well, that was unexpected."

Fudge merely nodded.

Okay, so that's that. I really just had the thought of what would Harry, Hermione and Ron really do? Then I decided to try to make my writing more humorous. Dunno if that was successful but I'll play around with 'throw away ideas' like this one. You might see one of these from time to time. If you liked the humor, great! If not, oh well. I can only try and try to find new ways to get better.

Please forgive any spelling, grammar errors, some were intentional. Other's may not have been.

Q: Where have you been DP?

Slaving away. Life has been rather...interesting recently.

I just got out of the hospital Friday night. (I suffered from a sickness that was so bad I couldn't get fluids in me and anything I drank flushed out before it did me any good...Lot's of 'Fun' that was...I guess I wasn't so immune after all...)

Don't worry I'm okay, I'll just have to be a waterholic for a while...and be careful how far I push myself.

Sincerely, Defender Paladin