Another chapter is here! More OOC Kylo. You've been warned. This is just mush. Next chapter will be smut I promise. Enjoy!
She lives through the dream again. She hears her brother's dying screams, she looks but she sees nothing but flames and smoke and the souls of her friends and family and everyone she ever knew. She sees their silent screams as their spirits lift from their bodies, confused then manic as they realise that among the bodies they see burning is their own. She realises that they are all dead, everyone she loved. Everyone she knew. Her planet is gone. Her fear turns to anger. Who could have done this? How could someone kill all these innocent people? The resistance didn't have to build their base on her planet. They jeopardised her entire planet with their war, and now her family, her friends are being forced to pay. As the fire burns around her, devouring the only home she ever knew, her anger turns to hatred and her hatred fuels her rage. The souls of billions slowly rise, leaving her alone and burning on the husk of her planet. Her whole body is on fire. She can't tell if it's actual flames or the pain of loss raking across her soul, body, heart and mind. From her very being, an anguished scream claws its way up her throat, tearing its way free into the air as she falls to the ground. As her knees hit the ground, there is an eruption of flame. It flares into the sky, eating everything in its path, and as her head hits the ground there is an explosion. She can feel it in herself as the ground shakes. The fire is eaten by the ground and there is a moment of stillness and calm, then a deafening roar as her body is wracked with unbearable pain. Her planet splinters into pieces, and as it is reduced to dust in space in a matter of seconds she feels as though her body is being torn apart from the inside out by her very soul. The last thing she knows before she blacks out is darkness, rage, hate and destruction. Then the world goes blank.
She feels Kylo pull out of her mind after he saw the only memory she kept from him. The memory containing her name. The one that alerted Snoke to her extreme force sensitivity. The memory that was the making Nirâ Ren. "Kylo. Say something. Anything. Please." She whispers as you watch his face. Tears run thick down his cheeks. They both somehow ended up in a sitting position in the end. His tears drop down his face onto the sheets as he wipes them away. He then reaches out to grab her, picks her up, and sets her down in his lap, her back to his chest. He encircles her in his warm, strong arms, pouring a love into his embrace so strong she can tangibly feel it. He hugs her to him, breathing deeply into her hair. He brings up his legs and wraps those around her too, encasing her almost completely as he leans against the headboard. He says nothing, just squeezes her tight, their naked forms fitting together perfectly. He is wrapped around her as if to protect her from something, to shelter her. "Kylo?" She says, wanting at least some definite thought or reaction.
"Ben." He says.
"Ben?" She reiterates. She needs to know what he is thinking.
"My love. Meleth nîn. I wish I could have been there to protect you. To shelter you. Oh how much I love you." He caresses the burns on her face; the only place where the grafts wouldn't take to her skin. "All of you, imperfections included. I'm so sorry. My dearest. My powerful knight. So sorry." He dissolves into tears again and sniffles into her hair.
"Ky-Ben, there's nothing you could have done, love." She says gently. Of course he would beat himself up over this, even if it happened when she wouldn't meet him for a long while.
"Still. I'm sorry, Nirâ." He sniffles, then composed himself. He then asked about after, "So that was when Snoke found you? At eight? He must have been amazed. You are probably the most powerful force user in the galaxy." He said, not like Snoke had, like assessing a tool, but with awe and love.
"Yes. I have been his apprentice for sixteen years. I'm twenty-four years old." She says. She doesn't celebrate birthdays as a knight of Ren. She is supposedly ageless. It feels good to say her age out loud. She smiles up at him.
"Twenty-four! Why are you here!?What are you doing!?" He exclaims, disentangling himself from her and jumping off the bed. Her smile falls and the corners of her mouth turn down.
"Kylo! What's all this fuss about!" She says as he opens his drawers frantically, pulling out two of his black turtleneck sweaters and two pairs of pants. He pulls one of the sweaters on and chucks the other at her along with one pair of pants before she can ask what he's doing. "Kylo! What? What are you doing? Hello!" She says loudly as he pulls on his pants. His head snaps up, registering her. He zips up his fly then looks at her with a look that says "Oh shit" plain as day. "Ahem. Kylo. Starkiller base to Kylo Ren do you copy." She says jokingly as he continues to stare at her like she's Snoke in an exotic dancer's lingerie. "What's wrong?" She says, genuinely worried now. What is this? Is he afraid of her now that she's showed him the extent of her power? Does he suddenly realise he's in bed with someone scarred forever emotionally and physically horrific? Does he not love her anymore? "Kylo?!"
She says, imagining the worst as her fragile heart starts to break. She puts on the heavy cabled sweater and gets ready to leave as he continues to stare. It is far too big and falls around her mid-thigh.
"NO!" He shouts, breaking out of his trance and jumping toward the bed, hands outstretched towards her, making her jump and flinch back from him. She starts to cry. Is he going to hurt her? "No! Oh Nonononono don't cry Nirâ!" He says, slightly panicked as he comes closer and runs his hands down her arms, kneeling at the edge of the bed. "I just lunged because I saw your thoughts and they are so wrong. I could never stop loving you, even if you reduced a thousand planets to dust with your pinky finger and looked like ground up bantha fodder regurgitated by a rancor!" He says, putting his hand against the burned side of her face and gently caressing the warped skin with long, warm fingers.
"Then why did you want me to leave, Kylo." She whispers, leaning into his touch.
"I want you to call me Ben when we're alone." He says, and she can understand his request as she feels the same.
"Why did you want me to leave, Ben." She says as he sits on the edge of the bed. His hand travels to her hair, carding through the brown curly locks.
"Nirâ, you are twenty-four yes?" She nods her head.
"I don't understand." She says, unsure of herself.
"Meleth nîn, I'm thirty-two." He says, hanging his head and taking his hand out of her hair to wring his hands together in his lap.
"So?" She says nonchalantly. She admits She thought he was younger, but it's not that much age difference and it doesn't matter when they love each other.
"My sapphire, that's eight years. Are you sure you want to be with a man so much older than you?" He says, insecurity seeping through every pore in his body.
"Oh Ben! Eight years is nothing! I love you and that's not going to change. Never. Not if you were old and wrinkly and I was barely of age! What a crazy notion. I'm never going to let you go, love. Not in a million years or for a billion credits." She says, and as she speaks she sees him return to his normal confident self. "Plus your pet names for me are too great to lose you." She jokes. Both of their insecurities shored up, he looks up down at her with love in his eyes.