Hey Guys! I decided to do something different with Chapter 5. I know I've been writing in third person POV for this story so far, but I'm going to change it to first person for Clare's POV. I wanted to try something new. Enjoy!
She couldn't move. It was as if her limbs were cemented together, unwilling to let her have freedom. Then she felt it. The cool metal biting into her back, the pressure around her throat. Clare was back in the hallway with Fitz. Except, there was no Eli. Eli was gone, dead. Fitz had really stabbed him, he actually did it. Her lungs closed up and prevented her from screaming her heart out as she saw the love of her life slumped against the wall, the knife lodged in his chest. "Eli!," Clare screamed, desperate for him to wake up. Though it was to no avail. Eli didn't move, budge, or react in any way to Clare's cry. He was gone. Forever. She finally turned her attention back to Fitz who was smirking at her predatorily, savoring her anguish. Clare thrashed around as Fitz began to roam his free hand along her body, attempting to break free. "No!," She wailed, unable to mask her fear any longer.
"Oh, don't waste any time crying over Emo Boy, especially when you got a real man right here," Fitz slurred.
Wasting no time as Fitz distracted himself by talking, Clare kneed him in the 'nads and punched him square in the jaw. She managed to crawl a few inches towards Eli, before her ankle was grabbed. Feeling herself being pulled back to the monster, Clare dug her nails with fierce determination into the tile, desperate tp hang on. To break free of this nightmare. But Fitz brought her back with one final pull, and he was on top of her. A new knife managed to materialize in his hand and he held it over her chest, tauntingly.
"You and Emo Boy really should have been more careful, Bitch," He spat menacingly at her. A leery smile stretched eerily on his face, and without hesitation, he brought the knife down on her, and drove it into her chest. As she felt darkness cloud her vision, Clare couldn't stop screaming. Even as she was slowly losing control, she couldn't stop screaming one word. Eli.
Eli hovered over Clare, panicking as he frantically tried to wake her up by calling her name. She was screaming and thrashing around on the couch, unable to be consoled. It was only moments later that he realized what exactly she had been screaming. His name. But, why? What could she possibly be having a nightmare about? He reached down again, using more force to shake her awake. The shaking seemed to go on for eternity before he saw her lashes flutter and her brilliant blue eyes open slowly. As she regained composure and full awareness, her eyes fixed on Eli. He saw her jump back in shock, and tears began to form in his eyes. "Eli?", Her voice was small and frightened, as if she was afraid he'd disappear. Eli made sure as to not have too much contact with her as he tried to comfort her without scaring her.
"Clare. Shh, it's me. I'm here, Blue Eyes. I'm here," he murmured softly, attempting to console her. She allowed him to wrap his arms soothingly around her, as his hand caressed her hair lovingly. Her big blue eyes turned up to look at him, and she choked out, "F-Fitz killed you… He killed me… W-what's going on?" It broke his heart to see her so fragile, so fearful. He only held her tighter to him as her body wracked with sobs against him.
"No, Clare. I'm okay, you're okay. Please, just breathe, baby." He felt tears filling up his own eyes as he beat himself up internally for not being able to stop her nightmare.
He felt her hands grip tightly on the back of his shirt, unwilling to brwak away from him. He scooped her into his arms, and tried to get her mind off what happened. "C'mon, Clare. Let's get you something to eat, okay?" She nodded meekly at him and he proceeded to carry her into the kitchen. Setting her down into a comfortable chair, Eli went to work on making some herbal tea and soup. He wanted her to have something warm, soothing.
As he was preparing everything, he stole a glance at her, and his heart felt a painful stab. Her head was hung low and she was just staring emotionlessly at her arms laid out before her. He noticed her body was slightly shaking, and it made him slightly angry before he bit it back down. The whistling of the tea kettle brought his attention back to reality, and he rushed over to pour a cup for her. He added a little bit of honey, just as she liked it. Carrying the tea carefully, he brought it over to her. "Here," he said softly, setting it down in front of her.
Clare raised her head and turned slightly to face him. Her eyes were impossibly blue with sadness as she uttered out a weak, "Thank you," before staring back at her arms. Eli just wished he knew what had triggered her to have another nightmare, what had caused her to experience such sadness and pain all over again. He racked his brain trying to find the answer, but he found none.
"Clare," he said gently, "I'm going to go make a phone call real quick, alright?" he waited for her to respond.
She nodded slightly, speaking barely above a whisper. "I think I'm going to take a shower." Eli nodded encouragingly, his eyes never leaving her as he saw her get up and head for the bathroom. He waited until he heard the faint thud of the door shutting upstairs, before he dialed a number on his phone. It rang at least three times before the person picked up the phone. "Oh, finally broke free away from your lover, have we?" Came Adam's teasing voice from the phone. Eli scoffed and ignored the comment.
"Listen. Clare's acting weird again, and I need you to come over so we can both cheer her up." There was silence on the phone before Adam answered. "Should I bring a movie, something funny? Y'know, lighten the mood?" He asked. Eli thought for a few seconds, before deciding that was okay. "Yea, but please make sure that it's actually a comedy and not a horror movie. She's feeling really down today. Come over in an hour. Text me when you're leaving," Eli instructed, not realizing how bossy he sounded.
"O-kay, Mr. Bossy Boss. Sure thing," Adam joked, before hanging up.
Eli set his phone back down on the table and rubbed a hand over his face, exasperatedly. He stood there without thinking for a few moments before what smelled like burning water wafted into his nostrils. "Shit!," Eli swore, as he realized the soup he had been making was burning. He hurried over to the pot of soup that was boiling furiously atop the stove. Turning the burner off, he grabbed a mitt and slipped it on, moving the pot to the side to let it cool off. At least the soup had been salvaged before it had become inedible. Though, he couldn't shake the feeling that making the soup had been pointless as he had called Adam.
Knowing his friend, not only would Adam bring a movie, or two, or three… he would most likely bring pizza. Adam loved his pizza. A small smirk tugged at his lips as he thought of his best friend. He decided to go and clean up the living room before Adam arrived. He picked up the pillows that had been strewn along the floor when Clare had had her nightmare. After that, he straightened the crooked rug, and folded the blanket and laid it on top of the couch. Eli finally went back into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of Coca-Cola. As he sipped the sugary goodness, Eli couldn't help but sigh with content. God, he loved that stuff. Right as he was about to go for another sip, there was an obnoxious knock on the door. Rolling his eyes, Eli went to answer it, fully aware as to who it was. He reached the door, and when he went to open it, it revealed Adam. He was holding two pizza boxes in his hand and what looked to be five DVD's. Wow.
"Hey! So let's get this party rollin'!," Adam said, overexcitedly.
Eli rolled his eyes and moved to let Adam pass into the house before shutting the door. He followed Adam into the living room where he set down the pizzas and laid out the movies. "So, Mr. Torres. What are our options for the evening?" Eli grinned slightly as he saw a horror movie out of the corner of his eye. He plopped down on the black leather couch and Adam followed in suit.
"Well, I got We're The Millers, SuperBad, Knocked Up, The Sitter, and … The Conjuring, uh, If Clare's okay with that." He chuckled nervously and relaxed as he saw Eli grin at him.
"Don't worry about it, dude. I've been dying to see this. We can watch it when Clare goes to sleep or something." He pat Adam on the shoulder, reassuring him that it was alright.
"Oh. Uh, well okay. Um… speaking of Clare. Where is she, anyway?," Adam asked.
"She's up in the shower, she should be down soon, though. She's been up there awhile…" He trailed off, unsure of what to say.
"Want me to go check on her, Eli?" Adam asked suddenly, and Eli knew there was a double meaning to his question. He wanted to make sure that Clare wasn't trying anything.
Eli nodded, and removed his feet from the coffee table so Adam could get by.
"Yeah. While you do that, I'll go set up drinks and stuff."
Adam nodded in agreement, and left the room.
CLARE POV (1st person)
I stood still in the shower, letting the scalding hot water hit me relentlessly on the back. It was soothing, as though that hot of water could wash away my nightmares, her fears. I honestly thought that I had gotten better, that my pain had been eased since Eli had taken me in. No. All I could feel was Fitz's hands all over me, ever so taunting, sadistic. I grabbed the black loofah off of the shower floor and brought it to my skin, and scrubbed. Every inch of my skin I scrubbed furiously, until peachy skin flushed with blotches of angry red. In utter frustration, I threw the stupid loofah at the wall. And sobbed. I, Clare Edwards, was tainted.
No, I wasn't raped. I didn't need to be. My dignity, self-respect, and innocence flew out the window the moment Fitz decided to violate me. I was tainted because I could do nothing to cleanse the dirtiness I felt crawling over me, refusing to wash away no matter how hard I scrubbed. Sinking to the floor, this immense sadness and disappointment in myself overpowered me. It had been minutes, though it seemed like hours when I finally decided to get up. Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped the cobalt blue towel around me. Not like I needed it. Since the attack, I always felt like I was exposed and vulnerable, no matter what. Nothing could cover me, protect me, not even Eli.
This brave, careless, fake front I put up to ensure everyone I was getting better, it was all a terrible lie. A terrible, deceitful lie, and the guilt ate away at me like worms on a corpse. Don't get me wrong, it did lift my spirits greatly that I could stay with the boy I loved, but I just didn't feel… the same. I tried so hard to overcome this depression that I was drowning in, but I seemed to barely reach the surface to happiness, freedom. My false strength was a cracking egg, threating to break into a tiny million pieces, my hope, the yolk. The hope that I would eventually believe the lie I was telling, that I could be normal again. Happy. I stared into the mirror, and stared hopelessly at the stranger reflected. This was not me. Clare.
My skin was sickly pale, so pale that the bags under my eyes seemed like giant bruises. Eyes that used to be as blue as the sky, were dark gray, lifeless. Even my hair that had bounced with life, even when wet, hung flatly around my face. I was different. I was not the Clare Edwards everyone knew. Weak, depressed, broken. That's what I was. Then, a rage burned in my chest and swept over me like a wildfire. Before I could stop myself, I slammed my fist into the mirror, obliterating the reflection I refused to acknowledge as reality.
The glass shattered, and the splintering pieces dug into my hand. I pulled my fist away and looked down, realizing something. It felt… good. Staring in awe at the crimson rivulets running down from my arm, my ears didn't hear the soft knock that came at the door. Nor did my eyes see the knob turning and the door opening, revealing a person. It was when that person spoke, did I turn around. I stared, clutching my hand in the other, at Adam.
"Clare?!," He asked, incredulously. He walked over to me before I could respond and took my hand into his own.
I was able to control myself for about fifteen seconds, before I broke down into hysteric, pained sobs. "I need help, Adam, I need help…" Adam nodded, listening to me, though I could see in his eyes he was lost in thought. He was probably trying to figure out a way to tell Eli what happened. I felt his chest heave a weary sigh, and guilt flooded my heart.
"Adam, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to… I just got so upset…" I looked up at him, pleading with my eyes.
"Clare. Calm down. Look," He wiped a hand down the side of his face. "We're going to fix that hand up, and you're going to put your clothes back on,and we're going to talk to Eli. Okay?" He gave me a slight smile, and I nodded. He pulled away to look through the cabinet beneath the sink, and found some bandaids and Neosporin.
He applied the Neosporin to the tiny cuts on my hand, and put on the bandaids. Before he left to let me change, he gave me a hug. I closed the door behind him, and stared at my hand one more time. Pulling back on the Tshirt I had been wearing, along with the flannel pyjama pants, I sighed. All I could hope for right now was what I could get the help I needed.
Walking down the stairs, I finally reached the living room where Adam and Eli were waiting. They both looked up as they heard me approaching. Eli smiled his crooked smile at me, and I felt my heart melt a little. He patted the seat in between them, and I sat down.
"Clare," Eli started, smiling, but I could tell he was upset. "Don't be angry, but Adam already told me what happened. What's wrong? We're here for you." His voice was so sweet and it made me wish more than anything in the world that I could be problem-free, the perfect girlfriend.
I fiddled with a button on pants, as I tried to distract myself from the pain of telling him. Shame flushed in my face, and my shoulders slumped in defeat.
"I lied, Eli. I tried so hard to move on from this, to be able to forget, for you. I don't want you to have to deal with me and my problems, but… I just… can't hide the depression I've been feeling any longer. I…need help." I looked into his gorgeous green eyes, filled with concern and sadness, and I hung my head in shame. I caused him to feel like this it was my fault. Then, I was pulled away from my negativity when I felt it. Strong, warm, protective arms wrapping themselves around me, I looked up to see Eli's head buried against my shoulder. As I tensed up, he pulled away and looked at me. Eli cupped my chin in his hand, and I saw his eyes filled with tears.
"We'll get you help, Blue Eyes. I'll do anything for you." He smiled wobbily at me, and I smiled back. Maybe…maybe there was hope for me after all. I sighed before turning to face the table. I looked at the movies laid out before me, and finally spoke.
"So. What movie are we watching?" I looked from Eli to Adam, and waited for a response.
The two boys looked at each other, their eyes lingering on the last movie, before staring at the comedies.
I laughed, knowing what they obviously were dying to watch, and decided that the first change I made would be giving horror movies a chance.
"Okay, since nobody's talking, we're gonna watch The Conjuring."
Adam gasped in shock, along with Eli, and spoke, as if trying to make sure I wasn't delirious.
"Clare! You're.. sure? I mean, I heard it was really scary."
"Yeah, babe. Are you sure you want to? Because we don't have to…it's fine. Really," Eli assured me.
"Yup! I want to try something different. And this seems like I good start," I said, happily.
Adam shrugged at Eli, and got up to pop the DVD in. He settled back down as the previews came on and snuck a glance at me. "Well, uh, I'm not going to hold your hand if you get scared! And…please try not to scream, because if you do, then I'll scream…and well, nobody wants that." He chuckled as Eli scoffed at him and put an arm around me.
"If Clare gets scared, I will hold her hand, and I will keep holding her hand even if she breaks it." He kissed the top of my head and I blushed.
Adam shrugged again and turned to face the movie as it came on. I allowed myself to sink into the couch and prepared myself to be ready to take the first step to recovery. To conquer my many fears, starting with this. Well, here it goes.
Chapter 5 Complete! Yay! First chapter I made over 3,000 words! I'm excited to write the next chapter where Clare begins to get help. I am having so much fun writing this. And please, if you are enjoying reading this, don't hesitate to tell me! Did anyone see the new episode of Degrassi, Btw? I'm glad that Alli finally came to her senses. (Mini spoiler Alert!) Anyways, will update soon!
~~~Beccky