I am in an absolute state of shock. I don't think I've ever looked like this for more than about a second in my entire life: slackened jaw, eyes wide. Taylor has pulled away from the curb in front of Canton Publishing and is en route to Teddy's school, leaving behind Elena, who is probably still eyeing the SUV in a myriad of emotions. I don't know that for certain because I can't be bothered to take my eyes of Ana as she stares out the tinted windows. She can't have said what I think she has, not after everything I've put her through with my own bullshit, let alone everything else I drag along wherever I go. I want to ask her about it, confirm her words, but every time I try, the words get lodged somewhere in my throat.

We reach Teddy's school and I open my door to get out. When I look back in, Ana is sliding across the seat to join me, trying to covertly wipe her face. All I want is to take her in my arms, hold her until her tears subsided. But I know her, and with the way she is now, I know she'll only push me away if I try, and that won't do either of us any favors.

It takes us nearly half an hour to check our son out of school. Both Ana and I are grimly satisfied with all the security procedures they have in place and I can tell she wishes she'd chosen this school at the very beginning so we could have avoided what happened with Lucy. I wish she had as well, but I don't blame her for her decisions; she didn't have any idea there was a possible threat of Lucy kidnapping our son, nor should she ever have thought of it.

Teddy is weary when his teacher leads him towards us by the hand, but the moment he sees us, his little face lights up and he starts skipping in our direction. I can't help the elation that builds up in me knowing I'm going home, and my son will be there, hopefully permanently this time. Unless I fuck up everything. Again. Ana puts on a happy face for him when Teddy asks her why she's sad—I might have imagined it, but I'm almost positive I saw him shoot an accusatory glare at me.

No, my mind tells me. That's your conscience, Grey.

Neither of us tells Teddy why we're taking him out of school, though I do see Ana thinking of a way to explain it to him. Personally, I see no problem with merely telling him we're going home to Seattle—I know he'll be happy about it. She doesn't tell him, though, and I'm suddenly feeling uncertain and uneasy again. Has she already changed her mind about coming back to Seattle? Had it simply been a heat of the moment thing for her to say? Panic grips me as this thought settles in my mind, but I manage to rein in the physical effects enough not to draw the attention of my wife and son.

When we arrive at Ana's apartment, she takes a minute to steady herself before kneeling down onto the floor in front of Teddy. I feel the urge to step back several paces in order to give them privacy, though I have no idea why; I think I know exactly what's coming.

"Teddy," Ana says quietly. "How would you feel about going home to Seattle?"

We both watch as his mother's words sink in fully. His little face lights up, looking as though it's his birthday, Christmas, and any other number of days when he tends to get spoiled all rolled up into one. "Really?" he asks, practically bouncing in place. "Forever?"

My eyes snap to Ana as she takes a deep breath before speaking. "Yes," she says, her voice choked. "Forever, baby boy."

I think I might start bouncing around the room, shouting in joy the way my son is at any moment. I refrain, instead watching the small smile on my wife's face as she watches Teddy. Ana tells Teddy to go start packing his things—he doesn't need to be told twice; before the words are even fully out of her mouth, he's down the hallway at his bedroom door. I watch closely as Ana's face changes from indulgent mother, pleased to see her son's happiness, to something I can't help but identify as defeat and misery. She wraps her arms around herself, making no other move as she continues to watch Teddy's bedroom.

I step forward with the intention of... I'm not sure what. Comfort? Reassurance? "Ana," I say softly, reaching out to touch her arm with the tips of my fingers.

That seemed to snap her out of whatever daze she was under. "I have to pack," she says abruptly, turning towards me, but looking everywhere except at me directly. I start to protest, but she cuts me off. "Can you arrange a flight for us?"

My arm drops lamely to my side, feeling my own defeat. "Of course," I reply quietly. She shoots a tight smile in my direction before turning away and disappearing down the hallway.

I cannot believe this is happening. Despite having made a decision already about moving towards going home to Seattle, I had been determined to make it be under my terms. Not Christian's. Not any other member of my family. And certainly not Elena Lincoln's. It was a decision I wanted based on the well-being of my son and peripherally me. But here I am, packing all my belongings with the intention of running back to Seattle almost exactly as I'd run away from Seattle seven months ago.

Much as I want to remain where I am, I know it's not an option anymore. If Elena is becoming a partner with Canton Publishing, there would be no question that I would have quit my job, leaving me searching for another. Just knowing that woman is in the same country as my husband, son, and me makes me sick to my stomach, and there is no way I would consider working somewhere I could chance upon her at any time.

The feelings of defeat and failure are overwhelming. I wanted more than anything to prove I could live my own life, make my own way, and ensure my son's happiness, not only to Christian but to myself as well. I've spent so long in his shadow that I've lost myself along the way and have forgotten what it's like to be truly independent. More than anything, I can't stand the thought of facing Christian right now, knowing I'd proved myself wrong—once things got tough, I decided to run rather than stick to my guns. Inwardly, I know I'm being hard on myself. Most people would understand about not wanting to work for a woman who had the history Elena does, especially when that history involves molesting trouble fifteen-year-old boys. She wanted this. She wanted me to react to her presence and actions, and I've just played into her hands perfectly.

By no means does this move imply Christian and I are getting back together. I haven't thought any further than actually getting back to Seattle, but I do know he and I will not be jumping back into each other's arms any time soon. As awkward as it would be, the arrangement we had while I was in Seattle for the Greys' end of summer party might be ideal—the one where he and I sleep in separate bedrooms. The upsides about my decision are that I'll have my family and friends around to support me and Christian and I can work on whatever might be left of our relationship in a familiar environment for both of us. It can't have been easy for him to uproot his business to another country, and I certainly appreciate the effort he's put into spending time with Teddy, but the hurt he's caused me is still raw and far too close to the surface to just let it go.

Scrubbing my face with my hands, I stand from where I've been sitting on my bed for the last however long it's been and head towards the closet for my suitcases so I can begin packing, but I'm interrupted by a soft knock on the door. My eyes close of their own accord, knowing who my visitor is and knowing I really can't deal with him right now. My mouth betrays me, though, as it opens up to admit entrance to my room. I look up after a moment, intending to ask Christian to leave me alone for the moment until I realize it's Taylor standing in my doorframe.

"Mrs. Grey," he says quietly. "You have a visitor."

My eyes widen in surprise, having no idea who might have come here. I know there's no way Elena could have gotten into the building, and even if she had, Taylor and the rest of his team would have kept her from getting to my door. And they certainly wouldn't have come to inform me about it. "Who?" I ask.

"Thomas Canton, ma'am."

I blink several times as my mind processes the words. "Oh," I say dumbly. "Where is he?"

"In the hallway. Would you like me to ask him to leave?"

Would I? It would probably be better all around if I did, but I find myself still wanting some semblance of control in my life. Not to mention I am beyond curious as to why Thomas would have come here after what happened this morning. "No," I reply, standing and straightening my shirt. "I'll speak to him. Where's Christian?" The last thing I want right now is for Christian to start getting territorial—I've learned that certain things trigger his over-protectiveness and jealousy, and one of those things happens to be encounters with the Bitch Troll. He knows I'm upset right now and he'll want to do everything possible to avoid making it any worse than it's already gotten, which will include keeping me away from someone he only just a short time ago considered a rival for my affection.

"Outside," Taylor tells me. "He's currently making flight arrangements."

I nod, gesturing for Taylor to lead me down the hall.

"Let me know if you need me," Taylor says quietly and sternly.

I summon up a genuine smile of appreciation. "I will, Jason. Thank you."

Taylor nods once, then retreats towards the patio where I can see Christian leaning over the banister, phone glued to his ear. He'd be occupied at least long enough for my conversation with Thomas. I open the apartment door to find Thomas leaning against the wall opposite, hands in his pockets as he stares down the hallway. As I enter, his gaze meets mine and he pushes himself off the wall. "Hi, Thomas," I say quietly, closing the door behind me and leaning against it.

"Ana," he says, closing some of the distance between us. "What the hell was that?"

I sigh. "I'm sorry, Thomas. I'm sorry for leaving the way I did and causing a scene, but I couldn't stay."

He nods slowly. "What is it about that Lincoln woman that you despise so much?" he asks thoughtfully.

I inwardly snort a laugh. "Thomas, that would take days to explain," I say wryly, rolling my eyes. "It's complicated and it's personal."

"And you were serious about not coming back to work?"

"Yes," I say regretfully. "I know it's completely unprofessional to not give some sort of notice, but—"

"What can I do to change your mind?" he asks, interrupting me. He's staring at me intently and I squirm a little. "Do we need to rethink our agreement with Lincoln? I'm prepared to do that; I'm not sure I trust her anyway."

"I can't ask you to give up a business opportunity that could help your company," I reply. Especially over someone with such a low job position in the company like me. "I appreciate everything you've done for me—giving me the job in the first place, being a friend when I needed one, and I'm sorry things didn't work out for us romantically—but I've made the decision to take Teddy back to Seattle. I should have done it months ago; I never should have let things get this far." And I hate the fact that my eyes are prickling right now.

"Ah," Thomas says, seemingly in realization. "You're going back to your husband."

"Not officially," I say, feeling a little defensive. "It's where I need to be right now, especially after what happened with Teddy."

He nods. "I understand," he says, his tone unusually stiff. "Well, I hope things work out for you. You deserve only the best of everything, Anastasia, and I hope you know what you're doing and that you don't end up hurting again."

I smile at him. "Thank you," I tell him quietly. "For everything, Thomas." I hesitate a moment before stepping forward, stretching up and placing my lips briefly against his. I'm a little disconcerted to realize the spark that was there the first time we kissed is still present and pull away right before Thomas starts to put his arms around me. He swallows hard and I try to even out my breathing when the door opens behind me. I know who it is without turning to look—my body always seems to react to Christian's presence by sending a charge of static electricity from my brain to my toes.

"Ana," Christian says stiffly. "Is everything all right?"

I know his eyes are locked on Thomas and I wonder if he knows what just happened. "Fine, Christian," I tell him. "Thomas was just coming to say goodbye."

Thomas nods. "And I've done that," he says crisply, "so I'll be leaving." His eyes meet mine and they soften. "Good luck, Ana."

"Thank you." I wrap my arms around myself and watch as he turns away towards the elevators, leaving Christian and me alone. I turn to look up at him, finding his gaze inscrutable. I wait for him to freak out, but it never comes. Instead he only reaches out to pull my lip from between my teeth, rubbing it softly as though he's trying to wipe away the touch of another man from my lips. He then turns away from him to open the door and lets me pass him to enter.

After dinner, Christian takes our son to his bedroom to help finish packing, while I resume my own. There has been tension in this apartment all day and it's showing no signs of lessening. Is this what I have to look for when we get back to Seattle—Christian and me being overly polite to one another in front of our son while our respective minds are a million miles off?

Zipping the last of my suitcases shut, I collapse on my bed as the events of the last several days and months come crashing into me. I want to cry, to get it all out of my system, but no tears come to me. I don't even hear my bedroom door open and I don't realize I'm not alone until my mattress dips behind me. I feel Christian scooting closer to me, spooning me as he rests his arm over my belly. I want to tell him to stop, to not touch me, but I just don't have the strength.

"Ana?" he whispers, his mouth almost pressed against my ear. "If this isn't what you want, we can make other arrangements. I certainly won't force you into anything, especially after everything that's happened. That's not to say I don't want you home with me—I do, more than you know—but I want you to be happy and comfortable."

"I'm not doing this for me, Christian," I reply shakily. "I'm doing it for Teddy. He needs to be with his family. Besides, do you really think I want to be in the same country with not one but two of your exes?"

I feel a soft breath of laughter against my ear. "Fair point, well made, Mrs. Grey," he murmurs. We lay together for several long minutes, and while I know it's not a good idea to let this go on, to give him hope of anything changing between us, I ignore it, giving into the comfort he's trying to give me. Christian is the first to break the silence. "I've got us a flight scheduled for tomorrow night at ten."

I stiffen. "Why tomorrow night?" I ask suspiciously, having believed he would have gotten us out of here at the earliest time possible.

"There were earlier flights," he answers, "but I think we still have a bit of unfinished business here."

"And what might that be?" I turn onto my back, waiting for him to adjust his own position, placing his elbow beside my head while his other arm remains draped across my hip.

He hesitates, giving me an apologetic expression. "Lucy," he says reluctantly. "It's completely up to you, but I was able to make arrangements to meet with her tomorrow morning to find out what it is she has to say. If I go, I want you with me. You deserve to hear everything. If you don't want to go, I won't either. We can spend tomorrow however you want and leave tomorrow night without even dealing with her. Whatever you want, Ana."

I hold his gaze for what feels like hours, keeping my expression as neutral as possible. The thought of facing Lucy is putting a heavy feeling in my stomach. A couple days ago, there was nothing I would have wanted more than to see her and give her a piece of my mind, but after the altercation with Elena, I feel all the fight leaving my body. "Why do you want me with you?" I ask quietly, needing a few more minutes to decide what I want to do.

He swallows hard. "I don't want any more secrets between us, Ana," he informs me in a low tone. "I know I'm asking a lot of you for this and I can only imagine how painful it is to even consider being in the same room with her, but I need you. It's probably incredibly selfish of me, all things considered, but I can't face this alone. I don't want to. Not anymore."

I have no idea how to respond to this. The mixture of emotions ranging from incredulity to anger to sadness is fogging my brain, and I realize suddenly how exhausted I am. If I say no to this, he'll leave London without seeing her again, which on some level makes me feel victorious. We'll go back to Seattle without giving her the attention she apparently desperately wants from Christian. On the other hand, my curiosity always has a tendency to get me into trouble and I am curious to what it is she has to say to my husband about kidnapping our son. The likelihood of her actually giving him answers when I'm in the same room, however, seems slim. I'm certain, though, if anyone could arrange for me to watch and listen in without actually being in the room, it's the man beside me right now.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, I meet Christian's wary gaze. "We'll go to the police station," I say quietly, noting the surprise on his face, but ignoring it for the moment. "I want to hear every word that woman says."

"Okay," Christian whispers. "I'll have Taylor make the arrangements."

I nod, shifting a little into a more comfortable position. Christian curls up behind me again and while I'm once again tempted to ask him to leave me be, my eyes fall shut before I can work up the words. As I drift off, I hear him whisper I love you against my ear.

The next morning, there isn't much discussion about our plans for the day. I was awake long before Ana, having barely dozed off the entire night, and made sure everything was done and ready to go for our flight. It's occurred to me several times that Ana might change her mind about returning to Seattle after our meeting with Lucy at the police station, but I'm trying not to focus on that. While we're dealing with that, Sawyer has been charged with keeping Teddy occupied. I've warned him not only with loss of his job but immediate death if anything happens to my son during the couple hours Ana and I will be away from them.

Just as I'm finishing breakfast preparation, I hear Ana's bedroom door open and I think she's heading for a shower. I serve Teddy his meal and glance up at the apartment door to find Taylor there, slipping in before closing the door again. My jaw tightens at the sight of him—the ass kicking I gave him last night over letting Canton up here rivaled some of the worst ones he's ever gotten, though to his credit, he's still here doing his job.

"A word, sir?" he says stiffly as I return to the kitchen.

"What?" I snap.

Taylor sighs and I turn to find him looking at me resignedly, as though whatever he's about to say, he's lost some bet with the other security guards about bringing this to my attention. I'm immediately on edge. "I realize you're still upset about last night, and I again apologize for not adhering to the proscribed guest list, but I think you're making a mistake."

I freeze. "Excuse me?" I ask in a deathly quiet voice, careful to set down the plates in my hand before I end up throwing them across the room.

Taylor reluctantly stepped a little closer to me. "Sir, are you certain this is the best course of action, seeing Miss Hastings today?"

I deflate almost immediately. I've been questioning this decision since it popped into my mind. More than anything, I want to distance both myself and Ana from this entire situation; instead, I'm shoving us right back into the fire. We need some sort of closure, though, not only from Teddy's kidnapping, but from the affair. Ana needs to hear everything Lucy has to say. She needs to see the two of us interact, needs to see my feelings for Lucy are no more. I've dug deep, trying to figure out if there is any residual positive emotion for Lucy anywhere in me. Every time I think I might have found something, I'm filled with nausea at the memory of what I did to Ana and to Teddy. It was the height of stupidity and egotism to believe I could find happiness somewhere other than with my family. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for the mistakes I've made this past year and as much as I hope otherwise, I have no delusions that I will have my wife at my side once all this is over. I certainly haven't done anything to deserve her or her love.

"No," I finally respond to Taylor. "But it needs to be done. This was Ana's decision."

"If I may speak freely, sir?" Taylor asks cautiously. I give him a terse nod. "Is it truly her decision or is she going along because she thinks it's what you want? You talk about closure and moving on. It would be easier for everyone involved to just leave England without a look back. You've achieved what you came to achieve—your wife has agreed to return to Seattle—why risk all of that just for one last glimpse at your former mistress."

The desire to punch my head of security has never been stronger than it is now, but I can't find any real fault in his logic... Not that I'll admit that out loud, of course. "Have you finished?" I ask flatly, clenching and unclenching my fists at my side. "Ana makes her own decisions. She proved that the moment she left me. Whatever reasons she has for agreeing to see Lucy today are her own and if she wished otherwise, I would not hesitate in getting on that fucking plane tonight with my wife and son without going to the police station. I appreciate your concern and I know you've put up with a lot of my shit over the last several months, but stay out of this, Taylor. This is nothing to do with you. Is that understood?"

Taylor nods once, his expression and posture reverting to normal. "Of course, Mr. Grey," he replies stiffly. "When you and Mrs. Grey are prepared, I will have the car pulled around for you."

Without another word, Taylor turns on his heel and leaves the apartment, the door closing behind him just as Ana makes her entrance. She takes in my expression and her eyes widen uncertainly. "Everything all right?" she asks.

I suck in a deep breath then release it slowly. "Everything's fine," I tell her hoarsely. "Jason and I were just disagreeing about something."

She's suspicious as I hand her a plate and gesture for her to join Teddy at the table.

"We'll need to be going in an hour or so," I tell her. "When we finish, we'll head straight for the airport. All of your belongings and mine will be sent ahead."

She tenses and she swallows hard before nodding. I wait until Teddy has cleared his plate before moving around in front of her, dropping to my knees at her feet, grasping her shaky hands in my own. "Ana," I breathe, Taylor's words suddenly flying back to me. "You can change your mind. I don't need this."

"Are you sure?" she asks. Her hardened gaze makes me flinch. "After everything that's happened, you can honestly tell me that you don't need this one last chance to face her, find out the truth... find out if you still love her...?"

Her words knock me backwards. I find myself shaking my head, my mouth hanging open. "Ana, I don't..."

"Stop, Christian," she says exhaustedly. "Just stop. You can tell me it was an illusion or lust or whatever, but I know you; for all your belief that you're incapable of loving anyone fully, your capacity for love is overwhelming at times. Even when the people you love hurt you, you don't stop loving them. I know that, because I'm the same."

"Maybe," I respond thickly, not missing the not-so hidden meaning of her words: I've hurt her more than anyone ever has, but she still hasn't stopped loving me. "It's taken all this for me to realize the most important people in my life are my son and my wife. I've taken you both for granted, I've hurt you in ways that should have made you hate me, but for some reason that escapes me, you don't. I'm going to regain your trust and your love. I'm going to somehow prove to you that you are the only woman I need from here on out."

Something sparks behind her eyes, but she blinks before I have time to identify it. Instead she nods. "We should go," she says quietly, standing up and moving past me.

After a few moments, I push myself off the floor, wondering how either of us will recover if this meeting with Lucy goes any farther south than it's bound to go.

I feel sick to my stomach as I walk into the police station at Christian's side. What the fuck was I thinking, agreeing to this meeting? Why am I putting myself through this?

Because you want to see the bitch who destroyed your marriage for yourself, hisses my subconscious.

I'd agree with her if I hadn't come to the conclusion that Christian and I had a pretty big part in destroying things for ourselves before he started the affair. Still, I have no idea what to expect. Taylor has arranged it so that I won't be in the room with Christian and Lucy to begin with; he'll be in an adjoining interrogation room with me as we watch through two-way glass and listening through a speaker. If I decide I need to intervene for whatever reason, Taylor will accompany me. It seems he's taken the initiative to be my own personal security today rather than Christian's. Then again, this might be to ensure my fantasies about beating her to a bloody pulp don't come true, landing me in my very own jail cell.

Lucy's attorney is present when we arrive and there's a brief discussion between him and Christian about what's going to happen in just a short time. I'm not entirely sure what their conversation is about, but I have the suspicion the attorney might have been given a bit of a bonus for agreeing to this—surely this isn't common practice... The attorney shakes hands with Christian and takes off down a corridor without a glance over his shoulder. Christian is watching me closely.

"Last chance to back out," he tells me quietly.

Steeling my nerves, I shake my head. I can't explain why I'm so determined to see this through, but there is no way I'm letting it go this easily. I need answers from another point of view; I've been listening to Christian's for weeks and his words are becoming little more than a buzzing in my ears with no real meaning behind them anymore.

"No," I tell him, standing up straight. "We're here. Might as well see what she wants."

His eyes narrow at me and I see anxiety flash through his eyes briefly before he pushes it back again. "Okay," he sighs. "Just know that whatever happens, I love you, Anastasia. You are the woman I want. No one else."

Heard that one before... I say inwardly, biting back the urge to say it aloud. "Let's get this over with."

Sighing again, he nods, glancing briefly at Taylor, then heads into the interrogation room with his former mistress. On suddenly shaky legs, I cross to the door just beside the one where Christian has just disappeared, open it, and enter.