The first piece to the puzzle

Dean dragged himself through the hallways. His destiny was the kitchen for breakfast. However, he didn't feel like eating. A lot of things were bothering him. Cas just came back from Purgatory, and he still didn't know how it was possible. The angel told them he didn't know as well, but Dean found that hard to believe. If he was honest with himself, he wasn't over Purgatory yet. The nightmares still haunted him. It had become hard to focus on the job from time to time. On the sunny side: their team was bigger than ever. Not just Sam had his back, he also had an angel that tried to become a hunter and a girl he once treated as a little sister.

A pit formed in his stomach. Aliza had turned out to be what he feared: a messed up runaway hunter. Just like himself, actually. He had always hoped she could continue with a normal life. Then he reminded himself of her eagerness to learn and train, and told himself he should have seen it coming. It didn't make it all easier, though. Aliza carried some big secret, and she didn't trust him enough to share. That had not just hurt him, it also concerned him. It was clear on her face how happy she was to see him and Sam again. She had been lonely for too long. He had kind of expected her to jump right in the family. To be the new addition. He didn't know why he had these strange expectations.

As expected, Sam was already up and in the kitchen. He sat at the table, laptop in front of his nose. He had grown stuck to the thing, Dean concluded.

'Morning bitch,' he started.

Sam looked up for a second, annoyed by his presence already. 'Morning jerk.'

Then Dean noticed the smell overtaking the kitchen. He saw the eggs on Sam's plate, together with bacon and toast.

'Since when are you the master chef?' Dean asked.

'Not my work,' Sam replied with a small smile.

Then Aliza walked in his line of sight with another steaming plate. 'I got bored. Here you go. Sorry, I ain't a master chef either, but it's better than the slightly moldy cereal I found in here,' she told him with a small smile. Dean could easily see she wasn't back to her wits yet, since she didn't dare to look him in the eyes.

However, he took the plate. 'Thanks. Smells great.'

It also tasted great, he figured out. He watched Aliza as she prepared her own plate and sat down next to Sam.

'Anything?' she asked while shoving her fork full off eggs in her mouth.

Sam sighed. 'Something, but it's hazy. At first I thought demon attack, but I'm not so sure anymore.'

Dean looked from the one to the other. 'Mind informing me?'

Sam looked up from the screen. 'The case Cas was talking about. He told us about those disappearances. But it's strange. Cas said they were only local, but they seem to be happening in a lot of places in that area. People go missing for a night, then come back without their memories. They do however all have signs of captivity and some torture. Someone is questioning people, I guess.'

'Why did you think demons?' Dean asked while picking at a piece of bacon.

'Some people reported they smelled sulfur in their house, after their loved ones disappeared. But why would demons question people, and most importantly, let them go?' Sam asked while scrunching up his nose.

'To cover their actions, maybe,' Aliza brought up.

'Maybe. Not likely,' Sam answered, stuck in the puzzle.

Dean leaned back in his chair, pushing his empty plate away. Aliza and Sam both looked up at how fast he had eaten. 'Well, let's check it out. Seems interesting enough to me.'

They all agreed.

Since they were on this case together, Aliza rode in the back of the Impala. Some hours had already passed by. The music was on, playing a Metallica album. Aliza had heard the songs so often she could sing along to most of the lyrics. From time to time she caught Dean glancing at her through the rearview mirror. Then he would quickly look away again.

She hated this feeling. She wanted so badly to trust the boys. How would they even react on something like a Nephilim? The chance they knew what it is, was small. The chance they encountered one before nearly impossible. Aliza had read that the sin was so big, nearly no angel dared to do it. In the history of the world there were less than ten records of Nephilim. Maybe the angels held back information, but it couldn't be a much bigger number.

There was a chance they would reject her. Seeing her for the monster she was. She hadn't killed anyone, while the prophecy stated she would at least once kill a human. If the Winchesters knew that, they might put her down.

There was also a chance they accepted it. That they could see how hard she trained to contain herself. That she only flipped once, and she held herself back in time. A close call, but still.

The dilemma was killing her from the inside. Her time with Dean and Sam had been so long ago. Sam hardly had any memory of her. Dean had known her for some weeks. What did they know about her? Alright, the past she hid from anybody. The hunter life she hid from anybody. That was something, but not enough.

Her eyes flew open when she reached a decision.

The sound of fluttering wings filled the motel room.

'I heard your call,' Castiel told Dean.

Dean turned around to the place Castiel had showed up. The angel looked exactly the same as ever, in all his trench-coat glory.

'Yeah, good you're here. Got some time to spare?' Dean started with a smile.

Castiel looked around the room. Sam gave him an a little wave while he was studying a piece of paper.

'Where is Aliza?' Castiel asked, not spotting the girl.

Dean held his arms wide. 'No idea. She left us with something though. And you are included in her words, so thought I better get you over here.'

Castiel scrunched his eyebrows together. 'She called for me?'

Sam took some steps closer. 'Partly. It's for all three of us. Here.'

Sam handed the piece of paper he was holding. Castiel took it from his outstretched hand. It read:

Dean, Sam, Castiel,

I might carry things I'm not ready to tell.

But it's fair to tell you a little bit about myself. Maybe it will make you understand.

All of you must make the decision for yourself to come or not.

It was followed by an address in town. Castiel looked up. 'You checked the address yet?'

'We didn't want to take action without you,' Dean said.

He looked once more at the quick handwriting on the paper. He could read the stress and effort she put in those little words. Most of all: his name. After Dean and Sam there was a word crossed out fiercely. Behind that was his name. Some dots and lines circled the single word, wondering whether to cross it out again or not. He almost felt bad for coming, but if she decided in the end to include him, he should go.

'Then let's go,' Castiel said determined.

Dean picked his keys from the dinner table and walked out the door. Sam and Castiel followed.

The place was something different. It was a small bar, with hardly any place to sit. It was crowded with middle-aged men and woman, most of them looking like truckers and rednecks.

Castiel looked around with concern. 'This is the place?'

'Seems like it,' Sam said, just as uneasy.

Dean walked up to the bar. He asked the attention from the bartender, a huge bald guy covered in tattoos.

'Excuse me! You happen to know someone called Aliza Collins?'

The crowd around them grew quiet. They were eying out the three strangers.

'Dean…,'Sam whispered uneasy, wondering whether to leave or be ready to fight.

'Collins? You're here for her ey?' the guy replied.

Dean gave a crappy fake smile. 'Think so?'

Then the crowd laughed all at once. Most turned back to their conversations and drinks. Castiel looked around at the odd scene, wondering whether he imagined it.

'She'll be in the back. Have a good time boys,' he told them before going back to his job. Sam pointed out a doorway covered by a beaded curtain. They squeezed through the crowd. Behind the doorway was a small hallway. On the far end the intro from eye of the tiger met them.

'What did he mean by 'have fun'?' Sam asked.

'Haven't got the foggiest,' Dean answered, trying to hide his own concern.

They weren't prepared for the view that awaited them. The place was a lot bigger than the front led on. There was a huge square room, big enough for an arena. In the middle of the room was a huge boxing ring, sealed by a steel cage. One huge woman came in the ring on the beat of the music. She roared at the crowd, and the crowd roared back.

'This can't possibly…,'Sam started.

'She is only 26, weighs less than a six-pack beer, but got the curves in the right places and a mean right hook. Let's hear it up for Cracker Collins!' a voice shouted through the microphone.

On the intro of seven nation army, Aliza walked in the ring. She wore her long blonde hair back in a high ponytail, and wore trainer shorts and a tank top. Next to the other woman she looked even smaller. Castiel couldn't help but notice how her body looked even more beautiful in this tight-fitted clothing. He casted his eyes away when he started to see flashes of memories from Jimmy. He had seen her without any clothing on. Castiel liked the images, but it felt like he intruded her privacy. He wanted to find a way to remove the memories.

She shouted at the crowd. They didn't seem so cheerful to her as the other woman. They didn't think the little girl could win this fight. But Castiel knew different. Even this, Jimmy had seen before. The memories he saw were very random. Most of them were activated by seeing Aliza in real. For example, he hadn't seen any memory of Aliza in his classroom.

'Let's get ready to ramble! One, two, three…fight!'

Dean and Sam took a sharp breath.

Aliza wore a smirk on her face as she took some steps closer to her opponent.

'What you laughing about, bitch?' she sneered.

It only widened her smile. 'Just seeing you face first on the floor. Trust me, it's hilarious!'

It angered the woman like a bull seeing a red flag. She plunged on Aliza. Aliza easily sidestepped the woman. Once she was past her, she gave a punch to her kidney. The woman roared, but managed to punch Aliza in the face. The move was quicker than Aliza anticipated the woman could move. Mental note.

She turned her face away from the woman. Her nose was bleeding, but for the rest she would be fine. When her opponent thought she needed to recover, she made her move. She turned back quickly, knowing where the woman was by her heavy breathing. She punched the woman hard in the face, between her eyes. She stumbled back, and Aliza gave another blow to her throat, knocking the breath out of the woman.

She could finish it now. She could hit the woman over and over in the throat and she would be done for easily.

But Aliza walked away. She took a moment to stroll back to the other corner of the cage. She looked over the crowd, scanning the faces. There, close to the entrance, her eyes found those blue eyes. She looked directly at the angel. She started to see the difference between Jimmy and Castiel. For one, Castiel didn't look concerned. He didn't have that furious expression. He seemed calm. Waiting for the outcome.

She took a shuddering breath. Her hand was shaking from the adrenaline. A part of her mind told her to finish the woman. To throw in all rage and strength and take her down. Kill her.

She wasn't going to listen.

The woman had regained her breath and came for Aliza. She smiled moments before she ducked out of the blow the woman delivered. She turned around in her crouched position. Her upper body fell back, being caught by her hands. Her body weight was lifted from her legs, so she could push one foot out. She knocked the other woman off her feet. Before she could fall forward on Aliza, she rolled to the side. The woman laid on the ground, face first. Aliza sat quickly on her back, holding her arms tight.

'One, two, three…you're out! Collins wins!'

Aliza leaned closer to the woman her ear. 'Told you it was funny.'

She stood up and let her arm be hoisted in the air. The crowd cheered for her. It wasn't the first fight were they hated her in the beginning and adored her in the end. However, there were at least two people in the room by whom that was turned around.

After the fights Aliza came down from the cage. She had three fights that night. The second was as easy as the first. The third left her with a dislocated shoulder. She held her arm painfully when the crowd clapped her on the shoulder for support. Normally she loved the gesture, now she didn't mind if they stopped.

She walked directly to the three men in the back. Sam and Dean's reactions were pretty much what she had expected. Shocked. They gaped at her like fish. She came in front of them, bloodied and bruised. But she felt great.

'Hey guys,' she greeted.

'Hello,' Castiel greeted back, the only one talking.

It did surprise her, however. She stared at him for a moment. The angel tried to give her a kind smile, but it turned out quite creepy.

'What the hell?' Dean finally managed to bring out.

Aliza rolled her eyes. 'Mind discussing this somewhere more quiet? I can hardly hear you over the sound of people screaming my name.'

They followed Aliza back to the front. Once in the bar the men started cheering loudly.

'Aliza! Darling! How were the ladies tonight?'

'Soft and bouncy,' she joked. The men laughed with her. 'You still have my coat?'

The bartender threw a leather jacket at her. 'Thanks Phil!'

'Anytime!'

Outside it was quite chilly. Aliza tried to put the jacket on, but it turned out to be extremely painful.

'Would you allow me to heal you?' Castiel said behind her.

She spun around to him. She still wasn't used to seeing this look-a-like Jimmy who was her worst nightmare inside. No matter how she should feel about the guy, she kind of liked him.

'Alright,' she agreed.

Castiel moved slowly, afraid to scare her. Aliza was afraid, afraid he could feel anything on her. So far they hadn't touched. Castiel lifted two fingers to her temple and softly touched her skin. It send goosebumps down her body. She felt weird for a second, but then the pain was gone. Castiel moved his hand away. She checked her nose for blood, but found nothing.

'Thanks.'

'You are very welcome.'

Aliza started to feel awkward with the way too kind angel. She pushed her hair behind her ear. Then the brothers exploded.

'What were you doing in there? You could be badly hurt! Hell, you were!' Dean yelled.

'Those woman are more like beasts! This is too dangerous!' Sam yelled at the same time.

There came no end to the flood of words and accusations. Aliza crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, letting it all wash over her. After some minutes they seemed to stop.

'You are a bunch of idjits, you know that?' Aliza replied.

A flash of pain shot through both the boys. Aliza didn't know why, but she was afraid to ask.

'Why did you take us here?' Sam asked.

Aliza started to pace. 'Ever since I was old enough, I have been doing cage fights. In college people didn't agree with my actions. Most of the people that found me there,' she looked up at Castiel, 'yelled at me like you do now. But those people didn't know about the hunting. Seriously: you think it's fine I follow werewolves in the forest at night or walk into a haunted mansion, but a cage fight is too dangerous?'

They didn't seem to have an answer.

'I know what I am doing in there. I never lose. I am a skilled fighter, and sometimes I like to express that in these fights. For once it makes me feel good. People who cheer for me, who encourage me.'

That left the four in silence for some time. They were afraid to reply for some time.

'I guess it makes sense,' Sam finally said.

Dean sighed. 'Maybe it does.'

Luckily, that didn't take long. She hated to have that old discussion again.

'Well,' Dean started, as he rubbed his hands together, 'I want to get out of the cold. I really need a drink right now. Hit a bar? Another one.'

Sam nodded. 'Yeah, sounds good.'

Aliza rubbed her upper arms for warmth. 'I think I'm gonna hit my bed. The fight knocked out my energy for one.'

Dean turned to the angel. 'Cas? You coming?'

The angel took a long moment to think. He stared at Aliza, but she didn't want to face him back.

'I need to attend to some things of import.'

Then he was gone.

Dean rolled his eyes and walked to the Impala. Aliza started to walk back to the motel.

A hot shower washed away her sweat and worries for tonight. Apart from the boys going crazy, she saw it as a good night. She was able to control herself. She was more nervous about that tonight than their reaction. But all went well.

And then Castiel. He reacted better than anyone had ever done. But she reminded herself that he had Jimmy's memories, so he knew about this. Her eyes flew open.

He had Jimmy's memories.

Normal people would worry about her sex memories, but that wasn't the worst part.

She had spoken in Enochian to him. Castiel could recognize the language. She had told him she didn't know why, but sometimes she spoke the tongue. Castiel could know.

She cursed herself for not thinking of this earlier. But on the other hand, if Castiel had seen those memories, why didn't he take action? Maybe she could ask him once. The thought of seeing the angel again didn't scare her. She actually looked forward to it.

What was her problem?

She walked out of the bathroom into the main room. She had a room next to Sam and Dean. She gave a little scream of surprise when she noticed a person sitting on her bed.

Castiel sat there, staring at the far wall. He looked up at her weird sound. He looked her up and down without shame. Although she wore a shirt and sweatpants, she felt naked under his watchful eyes. Then his gaze landed on her eyes.

'You have beautiful eyes. They are….extraordinary,' he said thoughtful.

She blushed at the compliment. 'What are you doing here?'

He didn't move to stand up, so she sat down at the edge of the other bed, facing him.

'I meant to speak to you alone,' he said seriously.

Aliza's heartbeat sped up. 'I thought I made it clear I can't be around you,' she whispered half-hearted.

'I remember. I thought your terms were different because you invited me tonight,' Castiel tried.

She looked back up at him. 'Fine. What is it?'

He gave her the most intense look she ever had on her. It made her uncomfortable. But not just in a bad way.

'You held yourself back tonight.'

She raised one eyebrow, not expecting that. 'Wait, what?'

He kept staring. 'At the fight. You were stronger. You could have finished those women in a second. But you didn't. I saw you fighting yourself. Why?'

She opened her mouth a couple of times before actual words came out. 'All for the show.'

She diverted her eyes. She could still feel the pressure of his gaze on her.

'I know you are lying. I am a celestial being.'

That was the reminder she needed, but didn't want.

'I know. That's why I don't trust you.'

At last, he looked away. He looked…hurt? Did angels get hurt? Did they have feelings? She started to see what Dean meant by him being different from other angels. She imagined them really different.

Without thinking, she told him anyway.

'I was afraid I would kill those women.'

Castiel snapped his eyes back up. 'Kill?'

Aliza mentally kicked herself. She couldn't lie. She could tell a part of the truth though.

'I struggled with my temper. When I get really angry, I get dangerous. Think it is because I'm a hunter.'

Castiel kept staring. He waited for the rest. She didn't intend to tell more, but those eyes commanded her to go on. They weren't Jimmy's eyes. They were Castiel's eyes.

'Once in a fight, I nearly killed someone.'

'Nearly? What stopped you?' Castiel asked calmly. He didn't seem shocked by her confession.

She thought back on that night. What did stop her? The people screaming? It was her own reflection in the eyes of her victim, that scared her.

'I don't really know,' she said with a deep sigh. She held her head up by her hands.

Castiel seemed to take in her words. He nodded a little in himself.

'Thank you for telling me.'

She laughed nervously. 'I have no idea why I did that, though.'

She turned her face away, afraid to face the angel. She was afraid he could make her tell everything. She felt rough hands on her own, taking hers in his. It made her face him again in surprise.

'You can trust me. I can feel that there is something different about you, I just do not know what. And I don't have to know. All I want, is to gain your trust.'

It made her burn bright red. This feeling was new to her. Was this what it was like to have a friend? Someone you could really trust?

Castiel is an angel.

Castiel is an angel.

She let go of his hands and stood up from the bed. 'You should go back to that important thing,' she told him while leaning against the wall, back to the angel.

The fluttering of wings announced his departure. Once again she cried, and once again she wondered what tears solved.

Oh what a tragedy...