So I return! And so does the story. Here's the thing. I need a little feedback. I need to know if I am moving the story too slow or not. I want a feedback from you guys about this. And about anything else you wanna feed me back about!

Chapter 14

Back in the Swamp, BJ was sitting sipping at some fresh Martini.

"Care for a drink?" He asked me. He was smiling smugly. Sometimes, I was glad I was not a violent man or I would have punched him on his nose and he would have flattened me in return. Cowardice meant survival for likes of me. But still...

"No. I distinctly remember that 1pm was not a very good year. And what are you smiling about? Letter from home?" And suddenly, like a light turned off, his expression changed from smug to intensely serious. And within a blink of an eye, smugness returned. But not completely. I could see the frown on his brow. Something was bothering him and he was not telling.

"Nothing. I am not smiling. And no, no letter from home. So...?" He raised his eyebrows and continued smiling.

"Your teeth are getting on my nerves and if you don't put them away, I will!" I warned him, watching him carefully.

"Yeah? Well, maybe if you had a drink , you would find my smile charming and sweet and would stop being annoyed by it?"

"No. I am not thirsty. And I would never find that smile of yours charming and sweet. Not even if I am drunk!"

"Alright. As it suits you. So-o-o-o...?"

"So what?" I was getting really annoyed because I kinda knew what his smile was about.

"So tell me? What's going on in your personal life? Have you introduced yourself to Cate?" He asked with that cheesy grin and raised eyebrows.

"Yeah? How is my personal life any of your business? And what is this introduction to Cate supposed to mean? She is a new nurse. And I think she knows me well enough! My fame usually precedes me."

"Cummon Hawk!" the same grin plastered on his face. Pestering me was making him very happy, I could see that. "You know what I mean. You sure know each other from some earlier encounter, Right?"

"Yeah, we do know each other, rather intimately. I asked Hotlips to replace her on my table when I was working in the OR a coupla days back and then, yesterday, she ordered me to take over the janitorial workload since I let one of the orderlies off duty. She also told me not to harass her. Sure we know each other rather intimately!" I was not sure what made me angrier. I had done worse things than helping patients. And without even being asked to help, I always helped. It was the tone that still managed to infuriate me.

BJ's expressions had changed. He was unaware of the altercation we had in the OR or Post-op.

"Hmmm, thats interesting! And I thought the reason why you were not your pleasant self towards her was the same as your current abstinence from booze." He remarked thoughtfully. I just looked at him in surprise.

"Interesting? Lay off of the booze. It has fried your brain. And no, that's not the reason for either of my abstinences. I am abstaining from two things that seem very enticing but might be harmful for me personally if I am not too careful, Booze and Nurse O'Hara!"

" I was being rhetorical. Cate? Hmmmmm. I wonder why did she come to our table then? Definitely not on my account. I am well known as a happily married man." Was there some bitterness I heard in his voice?

" Neither on mine, doctor. Neither on mine. She knows that behind this disarming, charming, sweet, innocent face lies the mind of a genius. Especially when I am not drunk! She would never underestimate me. Unless someone fed her some wrong info..." That was a tester to gauge BJ's level of distraction. That frown was back. Something was bothering him and he was not telling. Had he been paying attention, the idea of subversion could have been interesting to him. It was none of my business but his well being directly affected my own well-being which made it my business, so to speak.

"Yeah. I know. Hey, who is due in post-op tonight? I thought I was but seems like rotation system has changed." He asked as he finished his drink and poured himself another one.

"I don't know. Either you or me. Post-Frank post-op..." I shuddered, more for dramatic effect than real fear but there was some fear nonetheless. I hated the post-massacre massacre that defined Frank's talents.

"Wanna toss a coin? It has to be either you or me." He looked wasted. I could do it tonight, having slept a few hours since yesterday.

" I will do it. You enjoy your night off. But sleep, for goodness sake! You know I cannot operate alone, and not in that way, you gutter mind!" and realized too late what I had just said, " Were you born in the gutter or did your parents decided to throw you there after they found your reality?" I grinned stupidly and disgustedly. So did he. Somethings better remain unsaid. And I had just said yet another one of those things.

"You know what? You are the first candidate for a real deal speech filter. Maybe Army should work on using black tongue on your mind. You would be so good to North Koreans if caught! Its time to observe some control, Hawk! If I didn't know you better, I would have thought you were coming down with something and were delirious with fever. Or some wicked bug." A wink? He was positively drunk!

"Thank you for your advice, dad! I will try to. Now I am off to sleep. Wake me up around 6:30pm." And I lied back down. Sleep, as always, turned out to be an elusive mistress. After tossing and turning for a few minutes, I gave up on the idea of catching a few hours respite from this hell.

Dad's letter was on my mind and I just never got around to answering it despite knowng that he was probably desperately waiting for my reply. I decided to read it again before formulating a reply that would tell him exactly what I felt.

I decided to read it again. It was in my footlocker.

Finally, I excavated it and began reading it, third time.

If I hadn't know him, I would have said 'Gee, what was that all about?'.Good thing I had known him long enough to know exactly what that was all about.

The tiptoeing never stopped. He either treated me like a fragile little kid or a landmine. And what I really hated was, I could not tell him to stop. Or hate him for doing this. Now he was awaiting my reply. I could sense it. I could feel it. And I did not know how to say what I wanted to say without getting too emotional or weird.

Why couldn't he tell me things straight? I knew what he wanted to say between the lines but why? Why? Why did he have to tread like this around me? I was not twelve anymore! And I was always open to him. He knew everything. Well, almost everything. I told him about Carlye even. Her return to me and her disastrous departure. I never felt like I could not talk to him, not since I was twelve. But he did. He felt he could not talk to me. Sometimes, I had felt that but when I was back home, I could make him talk so it was not so bad. With this distance between us, I could not make him speak up like I used to. I knew his instincts to protect me. But I was not ten anymore. And he could not blame himself for not protecting me then by being like this now. He could not change mom's death! It just didn't make any sense. Maybe parenthood meant an obligatory admission into scions of insanity. Looking out for the offspring, no matter how old, took over any rational thought process that might otherwise exist in an allegedly smart and rational person's mind. I saw it daily in the form of BJ. I had yet to find out what was wrong with him too. He was not writing letters like he used to. Maybe it was now my turn to pester him.

And then there was Frank.

But then, again he was Frank.

What else could you expect from him?

But back to the father I was currently concerned about. My own!

What was it really? We had not done this sort of dance for almost two decades. I was amazed he still remembered the steps. The only good thing was, even though he had not really grown up in that time, I had.

I decided to read the letter yet again!

P.S. Next Chapter tomorrow!