A true leader

Cheerful sounds echoed all the way through the halls of the bunker. Charlie's return had lightened the path for Sam and Dean. Aliza was glad she had found the redhead – or she found her – since she brought the positive energy that they all needed.

Dean, Sam and Charlie were sitting at the dining table in the kitchen. The smell of burnt food hit Aliza when she walked through the door post.

'Mornin,' she greeted while ruffling her hand through her messy hair.

All three looked up with smiles on their faces.

'Morning sunshine,' Dean said happily. 'Look who's married to her bed.'

Charlie looked back at Dean. 'Not her bed, I think,' she said with a wink.

Dean raised one eyebrow in confusion. Before he could ask what she mend, Cas walked through the door, looking equally ruffled.

'Morning,' he copied without noticing. The two new arrivals stood a little awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen.

Dean went from confusion to realization, and the transition was readable on his face. He went from a raised eyebrow to a full wide-eyed shocked look, to a slightly disgusted look to being confused again. The action of his face amused Aliza, and she chuckled softly, still feeling a little embarrassed.

'You two…you slept with…I'm gonna be sick. What?' Dean's reaction was afterwards.

Sam just had a big grin on his face. 'It became time.'

Charlie nodded vigorously. 'Oh yeah. You should have heard her talk about 'that one guy that-,'

'Okay! Enough for one moment,' Aliza cut in. She moved to sit down and started pulling some bread on her plate. Cas took the seat at the head of the table, not needing to eat. He kept looking at Aliza with his puppy eyes and stupid grin. Aliza pushed her hair for her face so she didn't have to suffer under his watch. However, she knew he was still looking and it made her on edge.

'Hold on a second. You two knew this was…that they were…I don't know. Interested?' Dean tried again, embarrassing mostly himself.

Charlie puffed some air through her nose. 'Duh, it was obvious.'

Dean looked over at his brother, who tried to continue his breakfast in peace. 'Come on, Dean. You know Cas, and you know he was acting differently since Aliza was around. He even came to us a couple of times, asking about Aliza.'

'Yeah, but Cas is Cas. He acts weird all the time. How am I supposed to know he had an eye for Aliza?' Dean complained.

'Why are you being so difficult about it?' Sam asked, a little annoyed by his brother.

Dean raised from his seat in heat. 'Maybe because he is an angel and she a Nephilim?! Sorry I'm concerned about it, but that is not natural!'

Cas finally lifted his gaze from Aliza. She felt released, but also missed it already.

'Thank you for your concern Dean, but you don't have to worry. Yes, angels are not going to approve us. But I ran from Heaven some time ago. I chose men over Heaven. What else can they do to me?'

Dean swallowed. 'They can hunt you down and kill you.'

Aliza looked up at Dean as well. 'Well, that would be funny. Heaven on his ass, Hell on mine. Really, that would only imply we are perfect for each other.'

She dared a glance at Cas from the corner of her eye. He was sitting there with a broad smile of pride on his face. He reached for Aliza's hand over the table and entangled their fingers. Then he lifted them and kissed the back of her hand. Aliza coughed in discomfort.

'You guys are a cute couple, natural or not. Honestly: this entire life is supernatural, so why wouldn't the relationships be?' Charlie threw in. Sam nodded in approval. Dean started to listen and sat back down.

'You're right. Sorry I freaked,' he told them, not happy having to say he was wrong.

'Apology accepted, Dean,' Cas said, his eyes never leaving Aliza.

They continued their breakfast with small-talk. Dean kept giving the new couple glances, which he thought were sneaky, but really weren't. At one point, Aliza had enough of people staring at her. She threw her piece of bread back on her plate and turned herself to Dean.

'Something you wanna ask?' she said with a fake smile.

Dean tried to play fool and pretend he didn't know she was talking to him. After a moment of silence and all the eyes turned on him, Dean gave in and spoke his mind.

'Is it weird to sleep with both Jimmy and Cas?'

'Dean!' Charlie and Sam protested at the same time.

Dean pointed his hand out to Aliza. 'What if you just miss Jimmy? Cas isn't Jimmy, you know.'

Aliza didn't answer. Instead she got up from her seat. Her move was slow but smooth. She was threatening in her entire body language. Dean felt a shiver going down his back. A moment flashed back in his head. She told him she was stronger than a human. He should fear her, was he wise.

'I am fully aware of the difference between Jimmy and Cas. Apart from their look, they have nothing in common. I don't know whether it is my origin, or whether I know Cas well enough, but I can see a different face on this man. And let's make another thing clear too,' she told on a low monotone voice. She leaned in over the table to get her face closer to Dean. He didn't back up or shrink down, but she knew him well enough to hide his dismay.

'I never loved Jimmy. He was a fling. Cas is different. This guy has been through the fire for me, and I would do the same for him. No, we ain't the role model couple, but our souls are connected in a way you can't possibly understand. I…,' Aliza stopped in her tracks, looking over her shoulder at Cas, who patiently waited for her. 'I care greatly about Cas, and I am not leaving his side. Heaven neither Hell can get us apart.'

Aliza sat back down. Cas placed a soothing hand on her arm, stroking a bit to show he sided her.

Dean stared off in the distance. He was nodding, but it was all an act. Aliza watched him for a moment before saying:

'But that wasn't what is really bothering you.'

Dean shook himself from his trance and looked back at the Nephilim. He stared at her for a long moment before getting to his feet and leaving the kitchen. The other four sat in the silence Dean left behind.

'So,' Charlie started awkwardly, 'bad time to ask who Jimmy is?'

Aliza and Sam walked out of the mortuary. The air outside felt thick, as if a lot of electricity hung in the clouds.

'So what do you think?' Sam asked her once they were out of hearing shot from the people walking in and out of the building.

Aliza searched her pockets for her car keys. 'Seems obvious to me: angel kill.'

They were investigating a series of murders, all died because their brains had melted and their eyes were smoked out. It happened more and more frequently.

'You think Metatron is behind this?' Sam asked while stepping into her Challenger.

Once in the car she turned the ignition and answered his question. 'Don't think so. It seems more like an angel going crazy. These guys are like lost sheep without their shepherd. Someone needs to pull them back together, and Metatron is obviously not concerned about the case.'

Sam nodded and looked down. 'Yeah, that's the problem.'

Aliza looked at him before driving away. 'What do you mean?'

'The leader. All previous leaders failed. I hate to say it, but Heaven was better before Michael and Lucifer got in the cage. Cas tried, but…' he stopped, hating to talk about Cas' time as God.

Aliza drove away, her eyes on the road. 'I know what happened.'

'But now he seems like the only hope,' Sam said with a big sight.

Aliza's eyes flickered between the road and Sam. 'Seriously? You think Cas should be their leader?'

Sam shrugged. 'Well, a lot of angels are willing to follow him. He questioned the authorities before and isn't afraid to take action. Those who are against Metatron look up to him now.'

Aliza snorted. 'I thought Cas was a rebel, like Lucifer. Or at least that is what the angels think.'

Sam watched her. 'Not all of them. Look, Aliza, I understand you don't like it. I mean, you don't want to lose Cas to Heaven, but-,'

'This has nothing to do with me missing him. This has to do, with angels finding out he is with me, and killing him for his sins! These feathered dicks can't be trusted!' she snapped back over his plea.

Sam remained quiet for a moment. 'I understand that. Which is why you can't be around him as long as angels are looking over his shoulder. And I know that is hard on the both of you, but there is really no other choice.'

'What about finding another leader?' Aliza said back.

'We have discussed that with Cas, but he doesn't think anyone is capable. The good ones have died and only weak or angels with the wrong intentions remain. Cas is-,'

'Cas has failed. He had his chance, and he blew it. He wasn't strong enough to face Raphael, and he won't be strong enough to assemble Heaven back to the way it was!'

Sam gave her a long, intense stare. She kept her eyes on the road.

'You don't think he can do it? Why?'

'Because, Sam, he isn't even a real angel anymore! He is weak, he has been amongst the humans for too long. He cares more about saving you, me and Dean than about the fate of this earth! That is not what a leader should be, blinded by the little so he doesn't stand for everyone,' Aliza spoke furiously. She didn't understand why Sam was so blinded by his friend that he couldn't see the truth.

Sam was quiet, he was thinking his words over.

'But he is the best we can get. Heaven is falling apart. There is no other solution,' he said calmly.

Aliza was done arguing, so both remained quiet for the rest of the trip.

Back in the bunker things got tense. Charlie had left, saying she had some important business to attend. Without her, Dean and Sam were getting on Aliza's nerves. Day in day out they tried to find a way to stop Metatron, a way to put the angels back in Heaven. But every plan they came up with, included Castiel as a leader of a new army against Metatron. The angel himself wasn't present for the duration of two weeks. He was god knows where, trying to find angels and show them how to live. He also wanted to stop Metatron. Luckily Cas was still believing he wasn't a capable leader.

Her strong opinion on this had nothing to do with her missing Cas. Sam and Dean kept blaming her for being blinded by loss if Cas were to stay in Heaven. Honestly, she never expected to have the angel's undivided time and attention. It was mostly Cas' lifestyle that bothered her. She hadn't lied to Sam when she thought Cas had tried and failed last time. He would be a good right hand, or an advisor…but the guy was no leader. The only ones that seemed to get that, were Aliza and Castiel himself. A lot of angels looked up to him by now, waiting for him to claim the throne.

After a long day of sitting and reading up on lore about Metatron, Aliza's brain was fried. She leaned back in the chair and let a long and deep breath escape. Sam looked up from his work.

'You done?' he asked, half interested.

Aliza looked away. 'Yeah. I'm really starving for that pizza.'

Dean had left to get them pizza's, mostly because he hated studying and did everything to get out of the bunker. It wouldn't be the first time he went out for pizza's but found a case instead.

Aliza found herself worked up. The long studying and the little progress it made, made her edgy on any comment. She ticked her nails against the table in a rapid frustrated rhythm.

'Dean won't be away long,' Sam commented on her nervous behavior.

Aliza snorted. 'Dean always stays away for a long time.'

Sam closed the book he was reading. He leaned his arms on the book and turned his attention to Aliza.

'What's up with you?' he asked, a little annoyed.

Aliza stopped ticking. 'Excuse me? Nothing.'

Sam didn't shift, didn't even blink. 'Is it still the issue of Cas being the leader?'

Aliza stared him dead in the eye. 'You talk as if he already is.'

'He will be! Aliza, this is nothing personal: this is about the faith of the planet and Heaven and Hell included. You can't be selfish,' Sam said with a raised voice.

Aliza moved out of the chair so quickly, Sam's eyes could hardly comprehend. She leaned in over the table. 'For the last time, this ain't about me! I care about the world too, and that is exactly the reason I think Cas shouldn't be the leader!'

Sam didn't seem intimidated. 'If you would think clearly you would realize-,'

'I am so not explaining myself again,' Aliza said while turning away. She placed her thumb and index finger on the bridge of her nose.

'Maybe you should. So you can hear one more time how stupid it sounds,' Sam spat back, crossing his arms over his chest.

Aliza turned back to him and slammed her hands once more down on the table.

'Do you think it's smart to provoke me, Winchester? Do you really want me to get angry? They told me I would kill a human once. Why not speed up the process?!'

For a long and intense moment they just stared at each other. Sam was still angry, but he was also scared. Scared she would turn mad. Aliza breathed heavily through her nose, nostrils flaring. In a single moment Sam swore he could see her eyes fading to a devilish white.

Then they noticed Dean had arrived. He stood there, petrified, at the other side of the table. He had three boxes of pizza in one hand and a small bag in the other. He just joined the staring competition.

Aliza looked from the one brother to the other and started to see the fear. Not so much fear of getting hurt, because honestly, a Winchester didn't even know what that was. It was fear for her. Fear she would lose her temper and do things she would regret. She closed her eyes and tried to count to ten.

'I didn't mean that,' she whispered with her eyes still closed.

Before Sam could reply, Aliza turned and went to her room.

'So, no pizza then?' Dean asked, not knowing what else to say.

Calming down was hard. Aliza sat in the middle of her bed with her legs crossed. Her arms rested on her knees. Her eyes were closed, her mind trying to be blank. But it was hardly possible. She was restless. There was a constant feeling in her gut that she needed to get up and do something, although she had no idea what. It was killing her.

She exhaled deeply, but the air came out unsteady. She was also still mad at Sam. Of course her treats had gone too far – she would never intend to harm either of the brothers – but she wasn't going to say he was right.

Then another feeling started to form. It was strange, not something a human would ever feel. Yet it already became a familiarity. She opened her eyes when the sound of wings and the feeling decreased. At the foot of her bed, stood her angel. He was wearing the same trenchcoat and suit as always. The slight vibration of angel grace and the pressure of his presence screamed 'celestial being'. However, his stance was sad and defeated. His eyes looked dark and tired. It was weird to see this mixture of angel and human features. Weird because it was so familiar to her.

'You look tired,' she remarked with a kind voice. Somehow the mere presence of Castiel calmed her down. He did in seconds what all her meditation couldn't do for hours.

Cas' eyes finally glanced up to meet hers. He gave her a devastated look.

'Metatron is driving me to madness,' he answered honestly.

Aliza shoved herself to one side and patted the bed next to her. Cas took a moment before he moved to sit at the edge of the bed. His feet were still on the ground and he turned his back half to her. His head lowered and he leaned on his elbows. Aliza shifted to sit behind him, straddling his body between her legs. Castiel's body stiffened. Then she placed her hands on the muscles in his shoulders and started massaging.

'Try to relax,' she whispered in his ear. It was partly to sooth him, but also to sooth herself by touching him. Being close to him.

'I saw my brother today,' Cas said after he tried to relax his muscles.

Aliza smiled. 'Which one? You have quite the family. You need to be a little more specific.'

Cas sighed. 'Gabriel.'

Aliza stopped rubbing his shoulders and turned her head around his shoulder so she could see his face. 'Gabriel is dead. You told me so.'

Cas looked up to meet her eyes. If he honestly saw his dead brother today being alive, he ought to be more cheerful.

'Metatron kidnapped me and let me believe I saw him. But it felt very real.'

Aliza pushed against his chest so he would turn to face her. 'Hold on. You were kidnapped by Metatron? What happened? How did you break free?'

Cas looked down once more. 'It's a long story. He is killing angels. The remaining angels want it to stop. They…want me to stop him. To be their leader.'

Aliza stood up from the bed and started pacing around. 'No. Just, no. Cas, I know what they are saying, I know what Dean and Sam are saying, but you can't be their leader! No offence, but you are just not the right guy for the job!'

Castiel looked up at her in interest. 'Aliza, I-,'

Her finger nearly touched the tip of his nose when she pointed at him. 'No Cas, no 'buts'. Let someone else do it. I know you think there is no one, but I assure you, there are always people…or angels, who surprise you. Give it a shot. Anyone. Anyone but you,' she pleaded near the end.

Castiel moved from the bed to grasp her hands and look her in the eye.

'I don't want to be the leader of a rebellion against Metatron. Not any sort of leader,' he told her.

Aliza stopped to just stare back at him. 'Oh…really? Sam said you thought there was no one capable-,'

'No I don't think there is. But I am not the right person. I made mistakes in the past. I killed a lot of angels, Aliza. A lot of brothers and sisters. I will never be able to forgive myself,' Cas told her defeated.

Aliza couldn't possibly imagine what that was like. She wanted to sooth him, but honestly she was glad he saw it the same way. All she could do for now, was place a hand on his shoulder and lightly squeeze him as a sign of support. Cas placed his hand over hers.

'I will never abandon you for Heaven,' Cas said, and turned his head slowly back to facing her.

Aliza searched his eyes. 'What do you mean?'

'It is what you are afraid of right? That I will lead the angels and leave you behind?'

Aliza sighed in frustration. 'Not you too! Cas, the faith of Heaven stands above my personal needs. Yes, I want you at my side, but I have always known you can't be with me all the time. I know there are more important things.'

Cas placed his hand on her waist to pull her against his chest. 'There is nothing more important than you.'

Aliza's gaze switched between his eyes, which were too close to look at, at once.

'Cas,' was all she could whisper.

Castiel leaned in and pressed his lips softly against hers. It was sweet and tender. Aliza loved the careful gesture so much she felt herself get weak in her knees. Had she ever swooned over a guy before? Cas pulled back to look in her eyes for a second before crashing his lips against her once more, now with more force. He seemed desperate to kiss her, like he expected not to do it anytime soon.

Then he pulled back again. Aliza wasn't physically or mentally able to push him away. She let him take the lead, because she wasn't thinking straight. With all her might, she pushed her mind back to the discussion they had. She knew something and she had to ask.

'Despite the fact you don't want to lead them, you are still going to do it, right?' she whispered.

Cas furrowed his brows together in confusion. Then his features relaxed as he saw she already knew.

'How did you know?'

Aliza pushed herself a little further away from his body. 'The kiss was too hungry. Too desperate. You're going to lead them and we won't see each other soon.'

Cas stood still for a moment before replying: 'I have no other choice.'

Aliza looked at the angel. He was so stressed and depressed. The weight of the world was literally on his shoulders. How could he carry it on his own? The answer is not. The problem is, who else can?

Aliza slid closer to absently fumble with his tie. 'I wish I could help you.'

Cas didn't look up. His eyes followed the movement of her fingers. 'I wish you could too. I wish we both weren't caught up in this and we could…watch Netflix.'

Aliza chuckled. Cas looked back up at her. A little bit of his cheerful self had returned. There was a small twinkle in his eye that she hadn't seen in a long time.

'I need to show you Doctor who. It's the best show ever,' Aliza said, trying to lighten the mood.

Cas scrunched his eyebrows together and let a little smile pull his lips up. 'Is that something with doctors and hospitals?'

Aliza smiled a toothy smile. 'Not quite.'

They both chuckled for a bit while looking each other in the eye. Then Aliza wrapped her arms around Cas and placed her cheek against his chest. Cas embraced her, and she felt totally save in that moment.

Unfortunately, the moment was short. There was a short, high tone ringing through the room. Castiel stiffened when it happened, full on alert. Aliza tried to listen, but couldn't hear another sound.

'What was that?' Aliza asked.

Cas looked down. 'You could hear that?'

Aliza pushed herself away from him. 'The zooming noise? Yeah, it was short but clear.'

Cas tilted his head to the side. Then he smiled. 'You don't seize to amaze me.'

Aliza hugged herself in discomfort. 'What was it then?'

Cas started pacing around her as he searched the room. 'A prayer.'

Aliza's eyes opened widely as she stared in the distance. 'I heard a prayer?'

He answered while he inspected the drawer by the bed. 'It was a message from Hannah. She is helping me out. She told me about a rumor Metatron is somewhere on Earth. I need to get back to the others.'

Aliza watched him move from the drawer to her closet. 'And with others…you mean your followers?'

Cas stopped searching and turned to face her. He held her shoulders in his hands. 'I really don't want to do this, Aliza. If there was any other way…'

Tears welled up in the corner of her eyes, but she wouldn't allow them to fall. She did what she tried not to do anymore: she shut her emotions away. The tears had no reason to fall anymore. Castiel could see she shut herself out.

'I understand,' she replied. It sounded confident, but not understanding. There was no emotion in her voice. It scared Cas how she could shut herself out like that.

Then his eyes caught something under the pillow on her bed. He reached for the angel blade he was looking for. He turned back to see Aliza staring at the wall. He stood in front of her, doubting whether to kiss her or not. But he didn't want it like this. She wasn't his Aliza right now.

'I will see you soon,' he said with the last shred of energy he had. He sounded exhausted beyond possible.

All he got as an response, was a small nod. Then Cas disappeared.

Aliza stood in that position for a long time. Time was hard to measure when her mind was racing around like a spooked rabbit. All the emotions got too much. Even with all her walls up, she could still feel the pain stinging at her heart. She had to admit it.

She didn't want to lose Cas.

Sam and Cas were right. It was, in the end, all about her selfish thoughts.

She wasn't ready to lose the only person that could love her.

But putting this on Cas wasn't fair. She couldn't be the whining girlfriend that begged him not to go to war. She knew what she was starting, she knew he wouldn't be around much. Yet that didn't stop the pain she felt.

But not just her pain. She could also feel his pain. The pain of having to lead the angels into war, even when his last failure was still so painful. The pain of having to kill even more of his brothers and sisters. The pain of being torn between humanity and angels. Heaven and earth.

Her eyes snapped up out of the trance she was in. This had to stop. She had to help Castiel. She couldn't fight in Heaven. However, she knew one thing she could do. It was dangerous, stupid, reckless and it would cause a lot of pain. She had to do it behind Dean, Sam and Cas their backs.

And if she succeeded, she could never be with Cas again.

But what was more important? The fate of her and Castiel, or of earth and heaven?

'Sweetie, are you absolutely sure you want this? Not only are you working without the beloved Winchester duo, but you are also signing your own doom. I do not take deals without making sure you hold onto your part of the deal. So, are you sure? Do you want to shut the gates of heaven?' Crowley asked from his throne.

Aliza looked up at the king of Hell.

'I am sure.'

End of part four! it had eight chapters! At this moment my story is 165 pages long, and I am nearing the end!

You guys still have some chapters to go.

Please leave a review if you liked it! Or not. Honestly, why would you still read this story if you didn't like it? :P