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Chapter 29

I thought he would leave now that I was ignoring him to the best of my abilities but he persevered.

"Mind if I join you?" Came the response to my loud ignore-you silence.

I made a noncommittal noise that probably died before it left my larynx.

"Lets see who throws 'em farthest. And I am not finished but seems you don't want to talk about it and I can...I can understand why you don't want to talk to me so I won't push you." He picked a rock and threw it across. It fell short of mine. I looked at him smugly before picking a new one.

"I will win! And what do you understand? Why don't I want to talk to you about something that I am supposed to be talking to you about?" The new one fell a little short of the first big one. Rage makes you really strong.

"You won't! You can't! And you won't talk because this is your way of throwing a tantrum." His throw sent the little stone ahead of mine this time.

" I will. And you know what they say about pissing people with big stones in their hands? Don't mess with them!"

"That's what they were saying when I messed with them? Damn, I never had it figured out till now. Thank God for smart friends. Mine went farther. AGAIN." I still thought it fell a little short of my first one.

"Your hearing is bad. All the blood goes to your feet and none to your brain. All your higher senses are messed up. And mine went way ahead." This one did go too far. Even the cloud of dust was tiny.

" You are jealous of my feet. And you did not answer my question.Damn!" I snorted and rolled my eyes. His stone fell much short this time.

" Jealous of your feet? Your feet? Ugh, I am too disgusted by this thought to even come up with something witty or appropriate. And you have lost squarely. You owe me 168." I cleaned my hands with my pants before shoving them in the pockets. Sun had completely disappeared and there was a heavy overcast with promise of rain or God forbid, snow. There was that stillness in the air that preceded such bad weather and I could feel my elbow starting to ache, compliments of an old injury. God, I missed home and the fireplace!

" How is your nausea, by the way? Hawk! Everything alright?" He looked concerned. That look annoyed me but I did not say anything.

"Yeah. Yeah. Its fine. Just realized winter is here. My second winter. It might snow today, a concept you are not equipped to comprehend, understand or appreciate."

"I have seen snow. I am not coming from Mercury. Went to Vermont during our honeymoon." I felt a shadow pass over his face. Some of it lingered.

"You can come to Crabapple Cove once you are back home. Even stay with us. I can find you some room in the attic. You may have to clean up some raccoon pellets though. And Peg and Erin can sleep in the guestbed. I can show you some real snow. And some real deal winters too, though these are much worse. No. These are the worst winters I have ever endured, not discounting the day I almost froze to death because my car broke down on a back road in the middle of a snow storm."

"Cummon Hawk, it can't be that bad."

"You kidding? This is coming from someone who has suffered New England winters. Its the absolute worst of weathers ever. Only the peak of summer comes close to it. The tents are equipped to let all heat OUT during winters and let all heat IN during summers. Sometimes, the fuel and wood go so low, there just isn't anything to burn. Last year, they removed all stoves from all tents to heat up the post-op. And the snow boots never arrived. OR the heavy jackets. Lets see what goes wrong this time."

"Alright! Alright! I get your point. Can we move to warmer climate now? It has started drizzling and I have no intention of getting every warm piece of clothing I own all wet."

"Beej! Write to her and ask her to send you something warm." I gently advised.

"I will think about it. What was it that was bothering you?" Was that his way of hinting that if I wouldn't talk, he won't either? Or had my advice provoked the guilt again?
"I was bluffing so you would spill your guts and stop being so damned miserable and a generalized pain in the ass. But apparently, you have found a middle ground where you remain miserable without being a generalized pain in the ass. Either that or my threshold for pains in the ass has gone up a few notches."

"Then what was the tantrum about?" We had reached the outskirts of mess tent. I decided to go in with him. Maybe a cup of coffee?

"What tantrum?" I asked him despite knowing what he was going to say.

"How many have you thrown? I am talking about the flying tray and the incident with Radar."

"There was no incident. I am homesick. Winters make me feel sad. And I am alone most of the day. So I just figured I should talk to some old friends back home and feel the winter over there. That was all."

"Yeah? You really think I am stupid, don't you? I have been blasé but I am not as stupid as you think I am. When you are homesick, you write letters. I think with all the spare time on your hands these days, you have written real long ones home so it's not something you wanna say. It seems more like something you wanna hear and know they won't say it unless you make them spill it. Is it your father?" Clever! I knew I made friends with him for a good reason.

"Honest Beej. Its nothing. I...We had a little misunderstanding, me and Dad. And now...Its a little complicated. He is not talking to me like he used to. I may have hurt him. And if I don't fix it...I don't know. He is a big boy. He can take care of himself."

"He is the big boy? Its more like you are the big boy. What did you say to him? What happened?"

I did not answer him.

"Hawk!" I should have known. He was not going to leave me alone on this.

"Why do you want to know? What can you do about it? Nothing! And I am not trying to insult your concern or help. I have tried everything and I cannot find a way out of the mess so why tell you and get you worried too?"

"I won't get worried. And talking to me might not fix your problem but it might help you feel less overhwelmed."

"Thanks but no, thanks!" I waved my hand in dismissal as we seated ourselves in the mess with mugs of brackish coffee.

"You still not hungry?"

"No. I am back to my regular appetite now."

"What does that mean? You refused to eat even when you did not have hepatitis. How do you know you are better?"

"Before I was sick, nausea followed food. Then, I got sick and nausea preceded food. Now, nausea again follows food, meaning I am back to my normal. That is par for Korea, in case you haven't noticed

He just shook his head and smiled before taking a sip from the coffee. The smile vanished as soon as he took the sip.

"Who comes up with this torture day in, day out?"

I was feeling tired now and wanted to lie down but did not want to miss out on this really nice turn of fortune. BJ was talking and it was good to hear his voice again but the headache was building up rather fast. I decided to just leave.

I excused myself while BJ looked at me quizzically and left the mess tent but I had hardly moved a few feet when I felt bile rising. Right outside my tent, I threw up spectacularly. Completely winded, I entered my tent and just collapsed on my cot.