Part 4

Is this the 'Adventure' in Adventure Land?

"The Bangle Tiger can jump over twenty-five-feet," their tour guide Clang says as they pass a very stiff looking stuffed Tiger. "So don't worry . . . he'll jump right over us!"

Gourry bursts out laughing much too loudly as Zelgadis takes a picture. Amelia giggles and Lina rolls her eyes, but there is a smile on her face nonetheless. Everyone else on the boat stares at Gourry, but a few of the children laugh along with him.

"Is it just me or does our tour guide look familiar?" Amelia murmurs as she leans forward to get a better look at the woman steering the skiff. Since her group is sitting in the back of the boat it is hard for her to get a decent look at the woman. Amelia does have a perfect view of everything else.

"You know she could easily be Swish42's twin," Zelgadis shrugs.

"Now if you have a camera this is great time to take it out. The Indian elephants are out in full force and they all have their trunks on!" Clang laughs at her own joke and pounds the wood crate beside her. Some of the guest sitting close to her jump in surprise at her sudden outburst.

Even though Gourry doesn't understand the joke he laughs hard anyway, not that it is a very funny joke to begin with. In fact, for the rest of the ride Gourry laughs with the over enthused guide who seems to have a joke for every single thing they pass.

"Look at that ape! It looks like he's going 'banana's' for some banana's" or "Aww, this is such a beautiful sight. Those lions are protecting the sleeping Zebra . . . because every comfortable Zebra sleeps with their neck awkward kinked to the side on hard rock," and don't forget, "Hey everybody we are passing the eighth wonder of the world, the back side of water. Do you know what we call the back side of water? O2H!"

While Amelia and Gourry are thoroughly entertained, Lina and Zelgadis enjoy the adventure more or less. Zelgadis is busy taking picture, thus distracting himself from the lame jokes while Lina tries to figure out better jokes in her head. Usually her idea of a punch line ends in a fire ball unfortunately.

"Uh, oh, what's with these drawings on the stone walls," Clang is pointing to primitive paintings depicting red fish with sharp jagged teeth. "I think I took a wrong turn guys, not that I could take any other turn since we're on a track, but these are piranha infested waters. Woman and children will be fine, after all these deadly fish are only 'man' eating."

Along the sides of the little boat metal fish lift out of the water on iron wheels as water begins to squirt out around them. Those sitting on the edge of the boat get a little wet.

With a cute squeal Amelia ducks away as Zelgadis cover his camera, just like half the other people in their boat who weren't expecting the water works.

Next they listen in on a tribal dance Clang refers to as the 'hokey pokey' only to be supposedly 'attacked' by the natives. As Lina gazes at the stiff spear wielding dolls she wonders at how unkind fifty years can be. Unless they've been replaced since then, but wouldn't they improve it then? Lina begins to formulate on 'get rich quick' scheme when running an amusement park.

"Well here we are at the end of the ride where trader Sam is waiting for us," Clang motions to the left side of the boat where an old animatronic man stands. He is holding a shrunken head, lifting it up and down for all to see.

And this park is for children?

"Trader Sam has been here a long time offering his greatest deal. Two heads for one of yours, either way you always end up a 'head'," again their guide laughs but by this point the passengers are use to the strange antics and laugh at her, rather than the joke itself.

The little elephant standing next to trader Sam squirts Zelgadis directly in the face. Better his face then the prize camera though. "Oh sorry sir," Clang calls to him. "You must forgive the little guy he's got a bit of a cold." Their guide brings the boat up to the dock where she delivers her last lines. "This is where your journey ends and mine continues . . ."

"over . . ."

"and over again."

"It's been a great trip everybody, we've shared laughs and tears, in fact I really feel like we've become a family. So I think it's only right to treat you like family . . ." she turns and gives then a stern glare.

"Get out!"

"I'm sorry 'please' get out," Clang offers a fake smile as other cast members help the passengers off the boat.

"Do you know Swish42?" Lina asks as they begin to exit.

The woman smiles at Lina, "I sure do, she's my sister. Try not to break anything, be it material or fourth wall." Probably too late to avoid her later warning. "If you hurry you can get on Pirates and the Haunted Mansion before the afternoon crowd breaks Main Street."

Before Lina can ask further on this point, a cast member grabs her arm and helps Lina off onto the dock where the flow of people automatically leads them to 'Indiana Jones and the Forbidden Eye.'

"I do not want to go on this . . ." Amelia clenches her hands and stares at the temple as Lina and Zelgadis get fast passes.

"I'm sure it's safe," Gourry shrugs. "Those Tiki gods didn't hurt us so I doubt this Indiana Jones and his Forbidden Eye can be dangerous."

Amelia only sighs. "Angry god's aren't what concerns me Mister Gourry, it's just that amusements like this are meant to scare people and that doesn't seem right to me. People shouldn't go out of their way to make others feel uncomfortable."

"It isn't scary," Lina places a strong hand on her hip before nudging Amelia forward with the rest of the group. They are quickly heading under Tarzan's tree house towards a bridge which marks the next attraction. "It's an 'adventure' ride," Lina clarifies. "It's supposed to be exciting." The red head rolls her eyes. As if any fake form of entertainment here can be considered exciting when compared to her life.

Authors Note: Beware the long note, but I have something that must be explained. I am a big fan of the Jungle Cruise therefore this portion is a bit longer than the Tiki Room. All of the jokes are taken directly from the ride and, I must say, they haven't changed much over the last ten years.

I must point out the use of Clang. Yes Clang is my twin sister. On Deviantart my sister Clang55 and I work on a comic parody of Disney and, in particular, this ride. In the comic my sister and I play the part of the guide.

I couldn't let this opportunity slide.