HI huys. It's chapter 2. Do not expect all updates to be this fast. I have a few chapters written out before hand, but my Beta, the epic Silver-chan (SSJ2silven) still has to get through them. after the first five chapters, unless I've got some more down I will probably slow down a bit with the update speed unless there is a crapload of interest shown. Speaking of which, thirty odd reviews and eighty favourites and followers for the first chapter, not bad at all I got to say.
Disclaimer: I own Naruto and Bleach. I OWN IT ALL! IT'S ALL MINE! In this dream I had the other night.
"BO HA HA HA HA!"
Ichigo's eyebrow twitched. He could literally not believe this. This stupid laugh that had been following him everywhere. This laugh that he thought he could at least escape while he was hunting hollows. But no, apparently even among the hollows Don Kanoji had fans.
"Spirits are always with you!" cried the blond hollow in front of him.
Ichigo was slowly drawing the sword from his back, hoping not to spook the hollow before he cleaved it in two. Alas it was not to be.
"Hey, what are you drawing your sword for, I thought you would have figured it out by now. You can't cut me!"
Ichigo growled. His sword had only just reformed after Rukia had taught him how to fix it. He'd been fighting with half a blade for the last week. And just when it was finally fixed, the blond hollow had popped up in front of him again. Even worse it was doing Don Kanoji's evil laugh thing. He was even doing the pose.
"Look, if there's nothing you want, then leave. I'm not in the mood to deal with you," grunted Ichigo.
"Well yes actually there is. You see I was not aware when I made that last prank that we would be getting a celebrity coming to this town. Obviously I jumped the gun and I don't have enough time to plan and make another elaborate prank. Therefor I'm going to need your help!" said Naruto proudly, a hand on his hip and a finger pointing at Ichigo. This actually allowed Ichigo to see what Naruto looked like under the cloak. Of course Ichigo had no real interest in the male body but he couldn't help but notice the scars that seemed to litter Naruto. The thing was they were scars which looked like they had healed much better than they should have. They were more like pale blotches of skin than scars. But the strange thing was Naruto's hollow hole. It was on the right side of Naruto's chest rather than in the centre like most hollows. But on top of that there were pale lines that seemed to flicker around the hole like flickering lightning. He had a feeling that hollow hole was running straight through a rather large scar on his chest.
'Well at least I know he's definitely a hollow,' he thought.
"Look I've got better stuff to do than help you play pranks. Go and bother someone else."
Naruto frowned.
"Aww don't say that. The only other people I can bother is that girl you were with and your little sister."
Suddenly Ichigo's sword was at his throat.
"How do you know about Karin," snarled Ichigo, his eyes narrowed and ready to kill. But Naruto just hopped away from the blade and through his arms out to the side, his palms facing upwards and flicking his cloak upwards at the same time.
"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, the prankster God of Huecco Mundo! I know everything!"
Ichigo could feel his rage reaching new heights.
"Just answer the question."
Naruto dropped his arms but his smile never wavered. His smile really bothered Ichigo. A smile like that just didn't belong on a hollow. It was like Yuzu's. Warm and friendly but bigger.
"She's one of the only people in this town who can hear me. So I've spoke to her once or twice. I don't think she's realized I'm a ghost though. Just a weirdo who bothers her occasionally."
Ichigo just scowled at him.
"Stay away from my sister," he warned.
"But I can talk to her," pouted Naruto. "You're no fun."
Ichigo didn't reply but he did put his sword away.
"How long have you been here?" he asked genuinely curious. After all his pranks have been reported for centuries. Of course he should have guessed an immortal monster in human form was behind it.
"About five minutes, why?" asked Naruto with a raised eyebrow.
"I didn't mean the park. I meant Karakura," responded Ichigo with his trademark scowl.
Naruto put a finger on his lip and pulled it down a bit. Ichigo guessed it was his thinking pose.
"I dunno. I was born here like, a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time ago. Huecco Mundo's really boring and there's no one fun to prank there, so I come here two or three times a year to see how everything's changed. It was really weird at first. I came here and most of the forests were gone. And then people started fighting again. They were killing each other and eventually castles and stuff were built. And then the castles were torn down and they started building roads and stuff. But people are a lot weaker now than they used to be. When I was alive Hollows couldn't do much too living souls because they were too strong. There were occasional reports of people getting torn up by invisible monsters, but back then things like that weren't that rare so, a lot of people knew how to fight them and didn't think much of it."
Ichigo was actually listening with rapt attention. This hollow was alive before… everything. Before Japanese history was recorded. That's like at least two thousand years old. And he'd been here ever since.
"So you're like super old then," said Ichigo. "Explains how you're so strong I guess."
Naruto nodded, his happy expression back on his face.
"Yup. So then are you going to help me with that prank? How about we discuss it over a bowl of ramen?"
Ichigo blanched.
"Hollows eat ramen?"
Naruto shrugged.
"Dunno but I do."
They didn't get any further though because a wave of blue energy crashed into Naruto from behind. He was sent hurtling across the park they were in, his face digging into the ground.
"Ichigo, what are you doing?" came Rukia's voice as she hurried over to him. She stopped in front of him panting lightly. "What's going on? Did he attack you?"
Ichigo frowned at her.
"No, he did that annoying laugh you and everyone else in the class have been doing all week then invited me to eat Ramen."
Rukia raised an eyebrow.
"Hollow's can't eat Ramen."
"Hey what was that for you violent shorty," screamed Naruto, suddenly popping up in front of her. Rukia acted on instinct and punched him in the face. Just popping up like that reminded her way to much of Isshin. However she had completely forgotten about Naruto's iron skin.
"Oww!" cried Rukia retracting her hand. Naruto blinked. Then he jumped up triumphantly.
"Yeeees! Violent girls I fear you no longer! My anti violent girl skin cannot be beaten by your tiny fists!"
Rukia glared at him, blinking back a few tears from the pain in her hand. Then she held her hands in front of her.
"Scattered beast bones! Spire, Crimson Crystal, Steel Wheels! The wind if it moves, the sky if it stops, the tone of the spear striking fills the lone castle! Hadou number sixty three! Raikouhou!"
A blot of yellow lightning flew from Rukia's fingertips and shot straight into Naruto's face. He barely had enough time to be surprised before he was sent backwards flipping over himself. The attack hadn't pierced his skin but it did still pack a punch.
Ichigo probably would have found this amusing if Rukia hadn't of collapsed straight afterwards.
"Rukia, are you alright?" he asked worriedly.
Rukia nodded.
"That attack's still too much for me. That blow didn't even contain ten percent of the power it should have."
Ichigo's eyes flickered over to Naruto who was only now getting up. That was less than a tenth of the full power? He sure as hell hoped she never tried to use it on him after she regained her powers. He looked up to notice Naruto was once again next to them.
"You know what mister shinigami. I'll just leave you and your girlfriend alone. I think she was getting jealous. Later."
Before Ichigo could yell at him Naruto was gone again.
"Damnit how does he do that."
To Ichigo's absolute horror he was forced to go along to Don Kanoji's event along with his family. And also to his horror, Don Kanoji got into a fight with Naruto. Don Kanoji could actually see ghosts. Which meant he could see the ghost that was bound to the hospital. Sadly he didn't have a clue about how to exercise a ghost, and was trying to wrench off the chain in the bound souls chest. Ichigo was doing his best to intervene even with everyone trying to hold him beck when he heard a sudden cry.
"DYNAMIC ENTRY!"
Naruto came out of nowhere and drop kicked Kanoji in the face, sending him flying into the crowd. And then Naruto noticed the camera.
"Oh, oh I know what that does. I wander if anyone can see me? Yahoo, I'm here, the great Naruto Uzumaki Prankster God of huecco Mundo. Feast your eyes world on the greatness that is me!"
"What the, it's that weird guy. What the hell's he doing?" came Karin's voice from somewhere beside Ichigo.
"Hey you, what are you doing interfering sunny," shouted Don Kanoji in his loud booming voice.
"Ooh what's this? Don Kanoji just seemed to get attacked by a mysterious force!" came the voice of the commentator.
"What mysterious force, he just got drop kicked by Naruto," commented Karin dryly.
"Ooooh I see how it is. You're a ghost I see. I couldn't tell straight away, since you look remarkably solid. I see you must be here to protect the other mean spirit."
"Mean spirit?" asked Naruto in confusion. "You mean this guy? Does he look like a hollow to you? No, and if a guy's screaming then that obviously means that whatever you're doing hurts."
"Oh I see, it seems we have a misunderstanding. Bo Ha Ha Ha Ha," replied Don Kanoji. "I was just helping that spirit to pass on to the next life. Wait in line boy, I'll help you out next."
But Naruto frowned.
"Umm, your method seems to include ripping out a souls emotions by yanking their chains off. Do you see a chain on me? No so obviously that's not going to work. And passing on is supposed to be a peaceful experience not a painful one. If you're making them scream then you're obviously doing it wrong. What are you an idiot? Wait don't answer that I can tell by how you dress."
Ichigo actually let out a sigh of relief. Looks like the Hollow was actually going to help them.
"And besides that I prepared a biiiig prank for you inside the hospital. So if you want to carry on torturing this spirit you're going to have to come get him."
And with that Naruto threw the spirit over his shoulder and jumped all the way to the second floor window, disappearing inside the hospital.
"Ichigo," Rukia called after him. "You have to go and help. That Hollow could eat the spirits soul, you have to save it.
Somehow Ichigo seriously doubted that Naruto would do that. But he couldn't take the chance.
"Right!"
Question was he needed a way to separate his soul from his body.
"Maybe I could be of assistance."
"What?" asked Ichigo before the butt of a walking stick poked his head, and his soul separated from his body and fell forwards. The guards who had been holding Ichigo back were shocked when the boy suddenly collapsed. Ichigo looked back to see Urahara standing there grinning at him.
"Hat and clogs," he gasped in surprise.
"Don't stand there gasping Ichigo. Go save that plus," said Uruhara with a grin and a shooing gesture.
Ichigo nodded before turning around and running after Don Kanoji into the hospital.
Inside was… not what Ichigo had been expecting. He was lucky that Don Kanoji went in first. It let him avoid the bucket of slime and oil that had been perched above the door. As well as the skate the Don Kanoji had fallen onto and carried him to the end of the corridor and dumped him into a pile of Hay covered in feathers.
"Wow, he wasn't kidding," said Ichigo out loud. This allowed Don Kanoji to notice him for the first time. His head pumped up from inside the pile of hay. The glasses seem to have saved his eye sight. Since none of the oil and stuff had gotten into his eyes.
"Ooh who are you? Another spirit? Wait there, and I will help you to pass on as well!" he boomed.
"I'm not a spirit, I'm a shinigami," replied Ichigo in an annoyed voice.
"Ehh, yeah okay kid, whatever you say. You just wait there and I'll be right back as soon as I've saved that poor spirirt."
Don Kanoji quickly extracted himself from the pile taking no notice of the hay and feathers that were covering him. He raced around another corner. A moment later there was a yell indicating that he'd set of another trap. Ichigo just gave a sigh and followed.
By the time they got to the roof where Naruto was waiting Don Kanoji had managed to set of just about every single trap Naruto had set up on the way there. As well as Hay and feathers Don Kanoji had been forced to lose his jacket and hat, as well as his glasses after the hat was set on fire, the jacket was shredded and the glasses were covered in feathers. Ichigo was just amazed at how none of the seemingly lethal traps were actually lethal.
Finally the pair stood in front of Naruto who was… playing cards with the spirit he kidnapped.
"Goldfish!" cried Naruto happily. The spirits eye brows trembled and he gritted his teeth.
"It's go-fish… AND WE'RE PLAYING POKER!"
"Oh," said Naruto, scratching his head, before crying out just as cheerfully, "POKER!"
The spirit just sighed.
"Just show me your hand," he said. Naruto did, revealing four kings and an ace.
"God damnit!" shouted the spirit, throwing his cards away, crossing his arms and pouting.
Ichigo had to take a moment to get over the sheer stupidity he just witnessed. Kanoji did not.
"There you are, evil spirit. I Don Kanoji challenge you to combat. And upon my victory you will allow me send both yourself and your companion on to the next life."
"Very well then!" shouted Naruto as he stood up, placing closed fists on his hips. "If you can defeat me I will repent my evil ways and release my hostage over to you. But if you cannot then you must pay for my Ramen for the rest of the month. Bwa ha ha ha ha!"
Apparently Naruto had decided to not try to convince Don Kanoji any further, and was now quite content to play the villain. Then a certain thought occurred to Ichigo.
"Wait a second, how do you get your Ramen normally? You're a ghost so the store owners can't see you."
"Eh," replied Naruto while scratching his head. "I just nag your sister till she buys it for me. Before that I'd nag your mother. Umm can't remember what I did before that though."
Ichigo's breath hitched. This hollow knew his mother! And what's more his mother could see ghosts! Well that explains where he got it from. He certainly didn't get it from old goat face.
"Well then come Heroes, let us do battle," said Naruto enthusiastically, whilst making a 'come hither motion with his hand.
While Ichigo was trying to think when exactly he'd agreed to fight, Don Kanoji charged forward.
"I'll finish you off in one blow!" howled Kanoji as he went to spear the hollow with his staff. But then he stopped.
"Okay so where's your chain and hole?"
Ichigo actually face faulted. Naruto however just grinned and shifted his arm in a grand gesture. This caused his cloak to fly to the side revealing his hollow hole on the right side of his chest.
"What!" cried Don Kanoji, adopting a panic pose with his hands on his cheeks and his legs bent at the knees. "Your chain's already gone, so why haven't you passed on?"
"Ha, ha. You rhymed, I like that. And as for your question, well maybe I'll tell you when you're buying me my ramen!"
Naruto started to charge at Don Kanoji who got back into a battle ready position. Seeing that he might as well join in, Ichigo ran straight past Kanoji to meet with the charging Naruto.
"Hey kid, what you doing? This is my show!" cried Kanoji. He actually pointed to the helicopter that was in the air filming, which Ichigo had somehow managed to completely miss.
"Right you are!" chirped Naruto. Then he did the last thing Ichigo was expecting. He grabbed his sword and held it down so it was horizontal between them. Then he thrust it forward, digging the pommel of Ichigo's blasé into his stomach. Ichigo was practically knocked of his feet, but he didn't let go of his blade. But then neither did Naruto who swung it with Ichigo still hanging on, throwing both Ichigo and his sword of the hospital roof. Ichigo managed to regain his footing in mid-air, skidding on the reishi he'd managed to gather at his feet to stay in the air. Ichigo honestly had no idea how he does this, it was just something instinctual. Naruto took this opportunity to attack Kanoji himself.
"Here I come," he yelled happily before jumping high into the air. He came down heading straight at Kanoji. His legs were bent and he obviously intended to land on the man. Kanoji dived to the side as Naruto landed, the force of his impact causing cracks to appear along the roof.
Ichigo used this time to get back in the fight. He darted towards Naruto and swung his blade across, hoping to cut the blond in two. But at the last second another Naruto seemed to appear out of nowhere and pull the first Naruto to the floor, allowing Ichigo's blade to fly harmlessly overhead. If that wasn't enough Naruto kicked his back legs out, ploughing them into Ichigo's stomach and sending the poor boy flying of the hospital roof once again.
"Damnit this mean spirits really strong!" shouted Don Kanoji, no doubt so that the cameraman could somehow hear him over the sound of the helicopters rotating blades. "I think I'll have to resort to my special technique!"
Naruto stood up fully alert when he heard Kanoji say this. Genuily curious as to what he was going to do, he dismissed the clone next to him with a poof and waited for Kanoji to move.
"Haaaaahoooooo…" Kanoji chanted, both his palms facing towards Naruto. "Take this, special cannon!"
Two small flickering balls of light appeared in each hand. With a flick of his wrist he sent them flying towards Naruto… at an incredibly slow speed.
Both Naruto and Ichigo, who had returned to the roof after hearing Kanoji's yelling, watched in fascination as the two flickering balls of light slowly approached Naruto. And then it began to drop. Going lower and lower until the first one hit the ground right next to Naruto's right foot. There was a small explosion that blasted bits of rock into Naruto's face. And then a second explosion. When the smoke cleared, Naruto's foot was revealed to have fallen into a newly created hole in the roof, and he was having a bit of trouble getting it out.
"Chance!" screamed Kanoji. He darted forwards with his staff held next to his head like a baseball player would hold his bat, and then as he approached Naruto he swung, cracking the staff over Naruto's head. Literally.
Don Kanoji eyed his staff with a small sense of wander, before looking over at Ichigo.
"Quick Ghostly swordsman. I have created an opening, finish him off with your giant blade."
Ichigo felt his eye twitch, but before he could even move to attempt what Kanoji had suggested, Naruto removed his foot from the hole with seemingly no problem at all, and slammed his heel into Kanoji's stomach, knocking the man away. Then he jumped backwards and attempted an over-head kick on Ichigo, which Ichigo blocked with his sword. Things did not end there, as Naruto brought another foot crashing down towards Ichigo.
A sudden image of his sword being shattered again appeared in Ichigo's mind, causing him to wisely move out of the way of the attack rather than try and block it like the last one. Naruto's attack missed and he was off balance. Ichigo decided to take the opportunity to smack Naruto over the head with his sword, but the blond had already vanished from sight when he attempted it. It was through instinct alone that he brought his blade to his side in time to defend from another vicious kick Naruto had sent at him. The force was still enough to send him skidding back along the roof though.
'He seems to rely on his legs rather than his arms,' thought Ichigo, before the blond hollow was back on him, and he was forced to dodge another kick. He decided to play it safe for now and attack when he had an opening.
Naruto was having fun. Ichigo and the moustache guy were fun to play with. The orange shinigami had never introduced himself, or if he did then Naruto wasn't paying attention at the time, but with him and his short girlfriend screaming each other's name all the time it wasn't hard to figure out. Plus he knew the names of every one of the kurosaki family anyway. Of course he was holding back against Ichigo. He was a lot stronger than he was letting on, so he decided for now he'd stick to his legs when attacking Ichigo. If he was to start punching at him as well he might accidentally kill the kid, and he didn't want that.
Ichigo gave a roar as he charged at Naruto once again, bringing his blade down in an overhead swing. Naruto dodged (hoped) to the side, allowing the sword to swing through the place he was just occupying, embedding the sword deeply into the roof.
"Damnit," muttered Ichigo as he tried to pull the sword out of the roof, only to be forced to duck and then let go of his sword as Naruto's foot swung through the air where his face had just been and then he'd brought a heel down where Ichigo's wrist was. Since Ichigo moved out of the way the heel instead ploughed straight into the ground, causing tiles to crack underneath it and by extension of that releasing Ichigo's Zanpakuto from its confinement.
"Well would you look at that," said Naruto happily as he bent down and picked up the large sword, before swinging it around in front of him as if it weighed next to nothing. "Well Ichigo I think it's time I taught you why it's not a good idea to try and randomly kill hollows with your sword. They might just try and kill you right back!"
Wasting no more words Naruto ran forward towards Ichigo, holding the sword over his head like an angry villager does a pitch fork while screaming with a childish joy.
Ichigo's face paled as he watched the Hollow charge at him, clearing the space between them at a rather high speed. Ichigo dived to the side just as Naruto… ran right past him.
"Oh crap," muttered Ichigo as he realised that Naruto's target was actually Don Kanoji. The man let out an eep before scrabbling to his feet. He started charging another one of his special cannons, although he looked very tired now, and was obviously approaching his limit. He stopped though when Ichigo's sword was suddenly hurled at him, burying itself into the ground in front of Don Kanoji and causing the man to let out a terrified yell before falling back on his ass. Naruto wasn't done though. He appeared out of thin air directly in front of Kanoji and shoved the man onto his back with his foot. Don Kanoji hit the ground with an oof, before Naruto appeared bending over him with a foot planted on his throat. He gave Kanoji a dazzling grin.
"You lose. How bout we get that Ramen now?"
Ichigo gave a sigh before going to select his sword. It had been put pretty firmly into the ground, and it took a good few yanks on Ichigo's part to retrieve it. Don Kanoji noticed Ichigo reclaim his blade and waited with bated breath for him to launch a sneak attack on Naruto and get the cheery blond of him. But Ichigo did no such thing. Instead he strode over to the now forgotten Earth bound spirit and before it could protest he tapped the hilt of his Zanpaktou of his head. Kanoji watched in silence as the spirit glowed brightly before disappearing altogether, leaving nothing but a dark butterfly behind.
"Actually you lose Naruto. I saved the spirit. Since that was my objective from the start that means I win."
Naruto looked over at him with his mouth wide open as if he couldn't believe what he'd just heard. If he didn't win then that meant…
"But… my Ramen?" he cried, actual tears appearing in his eyes.
"Get your own," growled Ichigo.
Naruto gave a huff but none the less relented, removing his foot from Kanoji's throat, allowing the man to get up. The second he was up Naruto dropped his gloomy disposition and adopted his usual wide grin.
"Fine then Strawberry, I will admit defeat for today. But beware for I will return. Mwa ha ha ha ha!"
Through his speech Naruto had begun taking on various bad guy poses, making use of his cloak to add to effect.
"Well by Strawberry, Moustachio."
And with that Naruto seemed to ump backwards but disappeared mid jump, leaving not a single trace of him behind.
"God that guys annoying," stated Ichigo, before looking over to Don Kanoji. "Me and you need to have a little chat about your purification methods."
Okay two chapters down. For now Naruto will be staying as a light hearted buffon. But he can get serious when he wants too.
Now about pairings. I honestly wasn't really going to do them other than hinting at IchiRuki because I can. But if Pairing are important to you guys I can fit it in. Although I have no Idea who I'd put with Naruto. Maybe I can have a poll? I've never had one before. Well for now just tell me what you think of the whole pairings things, if you think I should have one and anything else that comes to mind.
Any questions you guys have ask in your reviews or PM me. Bye bye.