Dear Diary: Reality Hurts like a B*tch

Yeah it does.

Dear Diary,

I found out that He and I were accepted to the same college. I got my acceptance letter three days ago, after a six month long wait. It was a private college that only accepts people with promise or potential, and it offered a unique course in Peace Studies, which was the reason I applied in the first place. I found out two weeks ago that he got accepted; because he was wearing the college shirt they give you to congratulate you on your acceptance.

It was like fate has had it's hand in my life. We all know that there is no way that we both applied to the same college and got accepted to it, without some divine intervention. I swear Diary on my life that I didn't know anything about him applying to the college. You will never know how much it felt right when I found out, like it was meant to be. A second chance to get things right with that straight man I love so dearly.

When I found out I immediately fantasized about what my future would hold with him in it. Chances are that we would be rooming together, we are in the same class and from the same school, and the college would most likely dorm us together because of that. We would spend a lot of down time together studying in our dorm, and we might even be attending for the same major, but I doubt it. I believe he wants to be a physical therapist while I want to be a forensic psychologist. There might be a few classes we would have, since therapy is a required field for both our majors. That and including all the general studies classes you have to take we we're bound to see each other sometimes.

On the romantic side of the fantasy I dreamed that he would come to terms with himself and accept my love. Or maybe he would want to experiment, like a lot of people do in college, and there I would be ready to fulfill my duty of being the lifelong gay, he's known forever. Maybe he would get over his fear of what society would think, and just get with me. We would take long walks on the campus at sunset. Have dinner at a local restaurant, just the two of us. We could go on long drives into the sunset, on a night on the town, where we would never stop. We could enjoy the city lights, I would climb through the sunroof and shout to the world about how happy I am, while holds onto me by my leg.

We could have totally pushed our beds together and snuggle every night, and (maybe a little something, something) before we went to sleep. We could watch movies while it's raining outside, or when classes are canceled, or when we are both at home (our dorm) for the weekend.

I wouldn't care what we did, as long as it was with him.

Then came reality, and it hit really hard. When I told a mutual friend of ours that I got accepted, she told me that he wasn't able to go because of tuition cost. It was a slap in the face for me as well, because I had to focus on my own financial situations. I was jobless with only a single mother, but I did have money in the bank, but it was nowhere near enough to cover all of the tuition. I realize that we both got accepted and we both couldn't go, I actually cried. What kind of sick plan was fate weaving in its loom?

I had to come up with a backup plan, and that was community college. Now sure it's not what I wanted, it wasn't even my second choice for college, but I had a plan. I would attend community college for two years, getting all of my general studies, then transferring over the private college to finish off my college career. It was an ingenious plan that would save my sixty thousand some dollars of tuition. So I applied and immediately the next day was accepted, thus putting forth my plans to work. I may have lost him for college, but I'm sure I would be able to find someone in college that would peak my interest like he did. Will I ever forget him, of course I wouldn't. You never forget your first love, even if the situation is complicated. I will always see him for reunions too. Diary, I think that I might be trying to convince myself that I'm not going to lose him next year, when it's clear that I am.

Most of my girlfriends are going to the same community college as me anyways, so I won't be on my own. It's going to be fantastic, just like high school really. Except I cannot dorm with my sisters. We won't have classes together, or we might but it's a fat chance. Yeah, fantastic.

Times are tough, and they are never fair to the homosexuals. I will never marry my price charming. Heck! I would be surprised if I ever got married. I just know three things. I won't marry him, I will always have an ache in my heart, and I will never ever be truly happy.

Things are getting pretty tough and the end is near. Will they ever be able to be together?

Anyways tell me what's on your mind. If there is anything I am adamant about, it is speaking your mind!

So Please read & review and let your voices be heard.

XOxXx,

Crystal Heartlace