Don't take that sinner from me

Chapter 7: Always

A/N: I own nothing except my mistakes.

When Hermione had woken up, she had made sure to leave the quarters before Snape had awoken. She just needed a little break from the abnormality. It's not like he would care whether she was there with him or not, so she didn't feel guilty at all when she didn't wait for him to join her for breakfast as he had done the previous week.

Only a few students and teachers had joined for breakfast yet, seeing as it was still an hour until the actual breakfast would start. So, instead Hermione just took out her parchment, quill and Charms book out of her bag as she started to work on an essay that wasn't due for a couple of weeks.

Slowly, as time passed, more students and teachers joined and soon it was too loud for her to work, and so she just put it all away again and watched gratefully as she saw Ginny walking into the Hall. "'Morning Hermione!" She sleepily grinned and Hermione cheerfully greeted her back, patting the empty seat next to her in suggestion for her to occupy it.

When Ginny did sit down, Hermione casually leaned over and talked in a hushed voice, so no one around could hear. "Ginny? Is there perhaps something wrong with Ron and Harry? It just.. doesn't feel right." Ginny shrugged and made some breakfast for herself and Hermione copied her. "Not that I know, but I'll talk to them if you want." She offered and Hermione smiled gratefully. "That'd be great, thank you."

Talking to Ginny had really seemed to brighten her mood, and it also greatly distracted her from the whispers about herself and Snape. The bell rang and Hermione hurried off to Defence Against the Dark Arts class after saying goodbye to Ginny, not bothering to wait for Harry and Ron as they were hurriedly pulled behind by Ginny.

Dreading the moment that she would have to face her husband again after ignoring him all morning, she slowed her pace down a little, not wanting to be the first one to reach the classroom. To her relief, Neville had caught up with her and they both carried on their way to class, taking a seat at the front at the right of the classroom.

More people followed inside, and Snape was the last one to enter, silencing everyone as soon as he was in front. "Today we shall continue our non-verbal spells, for many of you still lack the ability to do so." He began and looked around the room. "Pair up and practice the spells at page nineteen of your textbook."

Most people remained on their seat and opted to practice with the one they were sitting with. "Hermione." Harry whispered but Hermione was concentrated on disarming Neville non-verbally, which went rather easy since she had mastered the skill a little faster than most people did.

Harry tried again, "Hermione." A rustling of robes was heard, "Potter, I don't recall that word being in your textbook. I'm sure that whatever you need to discuss can wait until after class." Snape warned and this seemed to shut Harry up, for he did not try again the entire hour.

"Hermione!" Harry called out again and this time she did stop, waiting in the crowd of moving students. "Listen, it's not what you think. We hold nothing against you at all." He began and Ron had joined as well, a little out of breath. "Then what is it?" Hermione demanded, sounding a bit harsher than she would have liked.

"It's just.. we don't see you a lot anymore, 'Mione. And we understand, we really do. It's just a bit easy to forget you're there sometimes when we are becoming adjusted to not having you around." Ron apologized and Hermione frowned at his choice of words, biting her lip as she felt the tears coming up. So they had just forgotten about her?

Hermione shook her head, wanting to yell at them for treating her that bad, but then she remembered why this even happened. Reminding herself that she could not afford to screw her friendship up now that she would be Voldemort's spy, she chose to let it pass for now and made a mental note to come back to it once it was more appropriate to mention it.

"Let's go, we'll be late for History of Magic." She said instead and the boys let out an obvious relieved sigh, happy that she wasn't mad. Hermione scoffed inaudible, if only they knew how her blood boiled.

Her day had gone exceptionally smooth, and she had even managed to avoid her husband all day. Although, she knew that she couldn't avoid him forever. After all, when her dinner was finished she'd be seeing him again for their appointment.

"Well, well, would you look at who we have here." A voice behind her drawled and Hermione let out a frustrated sigh. "What's the matter, Granger? Had a fight with your husband? I noticed you two haven't been around each other all day. Isn't he satisfying you enough? Or is it the other way around." Malfoy smugly said and Hermione wanted nothing more to punch him in the face once more like three years ago.

"The pleasure we give each other is none of your business, Malfoy." Hermione snapped, refusing to look at his smirking face as he whistled. "So you admit it then, Granger? You truly have been banging our Head of House?"

"I neither admit nor deny it, Malfoy." Was all that Hermione said, not wanting to spread unnecessary rumors. There had been enough talk behind her back already, and she wasn't feeling like adding another one to the list.

As a group of Hufflepuff's approached, Hermione quickly blended herself into the crowd and hurried her way to the Great Hall, taking a seat next to Neville. She ate her dinner in silence as she listened to the nauseating talk from Lavender to Ron, and hurriedly made herself to finish her meal before she'd get sick.

"Are you ready to leave, Hermione?" Hermione tried her hardest not to groan at the dreadful voice behind her, and instead forced a big smile on her face as she turned around to meet Snape's eyes. "Yes, let's go." She said and bid her goodbyes to her friends and then let her hand be grabbed by her husband. "Why is it that you have avoided me, Miss Granger?" Snape whispered as he lowered his head to her ear as they walked out of the Great Hall. Once they turned around the corner, Hermione immediately dropped the fake smile and let go of his hand.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Professor." She said innocently but Snape rolled his eyes, "Don't lie to me." He lowly warned as they moved through the corridors. "I just needed a break from this life." Hermione sighed and looked in time to her left to see him quirking an eyebrow at her. "It's a little too late for backing out now." He softly said and Hermione swallowed uncomfortably, "I never said I wanted to back out." Her voice was barely a whisper, not wanting to speak any louder than needed to be.

Uncertain at what to say, Snape moved on with the subject. "Your avoidance, however, has caused some unwanted talk. People are assuming there is trouble in paradise." Hermione scoffed, what paradise? "How can there be trouble in a non-existent place?" Hermione didn't know where her coldness came from, but perhaps it had to do with her frustration at life for turning against her. Her friends were slowly falling out of her grasp, and now she was left with someone she had hoped to never see again after her graduation at Hogwarts.

The remainder of their walk was shared in silence, for Hermione did not want to rile herself up any further right before their lesson. "Legilimens!" Snape had said once more as they arrived at the classroom, and Hermione was once again dragged into the depths of her mind.

It had looked like a sort of television show as she watched fragments from today and yesterday – except that it was shown in a non-chronological order. It started out with Malfoy irking her on, only to switch scenes to Pansy and her friends shooting that hex at her. "Hermione!" Harry's voice rang once more through her mind, and Hermione started to panic. It was one thing that she absolutely did not wish for Snape to see.

Hermione switched her focus back on the memory of Malfoy irking her on, for she did not want to emphasize the action from Pansy and her friends. As she filled her head with the slightest detail about the Malfoy scene, she felt Snape leaving her mind and she gasped loudly as she held onto the desk in attempt not to fall this time.

"What are you hiding from me, Miss Granger?" Snape asked as he observed her moves. Hermione shook her head and he penetrated her mind again without a warning. For a while, she seemed to be able to shield him from her thoughts, as she opted for concentrating on the scenery she had fell asleep to last night. But his determination to find out the truth, however, was too great for her to defend.

"Hermione!" Harry had called out again and she watched the two boys approach, Harry being the first to reach her. She observed herself as her face became as expressionless as Snape's always did, yet, there was an undeniable pang of hurt in her face as Ron's words rang through her mind: "It's just a bit easy to forget you're there sometimes..-"

The room came back into focus again and Snape just stared at her, at loss of words to say what he wanted to say. "The Dark Lord must not get a hold of that memory." He eventually spoke, his voice dangerously low as his features hardened.

"I know that." Hermione swallowed her tears away, not wanting to appear weak in front of him. For a minute, she thought he was going to yell at her for ruining things, and was beyond surprised when he calmly stated: "You're improving. However, it might do well to completely shut out your thoughts instead of boring the Dark Lord with your love for freshly mown grass and new parchment." Snape spoke exceptionally slow, and she could see him struggling to maintain a straight face as he said this.

Hermione cracked a small smile, and then shook her head. "Let's try again then, shall we?" She offered, determined to control her thoughts for she did not want Voldemort to get a hold of that memory.

However, her motivation shattered fast as the attempts failed miserably. "Protego!" Hermione yelled as he had once again said the incantation. The spell backfired this time, and her stomach lurched as she fell into memories of his own.

The younger version of Snape walked around the corridors alone with his head hung low.. Hermione could feel Snape fighting against the backfired charm, and the scene changed. He was hanging upside down in the air by his ankles... The scene changed once more.. He was laying on the grass as a kid with another girl, one that strangely resembled Harry's mother.. Fragments of the girl were showed, along with a grown up version of her, dancing with Harry's father. He was crying as he stood in front of Dumbledore, helpless as he said: "I thought.. you were going.. to keep her.. safe.."

"Enough!" Snape bellowed and Hermione stared wide-eyed at her professor as she was thrown out of his mind. Hermione looked at the man in front of her with widened eyes and her mouth hanging slightly open. He seemed furious, yet she also noticed the uncertainty of what to do.

Hermione processed all what she saw – which wasn't much, but it was safe for her to conclude one thing: he loved Lily. She watched the dark haired man curiously, and at the flicker in his eyes, she knew. "You still love her, don't you?" Hermione asked in whispered awe.

Snape seemed hesitant to answer, fighting an internal battle as what to say. But at last, he made up his mind: "Always."

Not knowing what to do, she remained rooted to the spot. This had explained his hate towards Harry; he loved Harry's mother, but she ended up choosing James. But she also felt a strange emotion running through her body, and she couldn't quite place what it was. All she knew was that she felt rather uneasy knowing she married a man whose heart still belonged to someone else.

Taking that their lesson was over, she moved to the wooden door and mumbled the password, stopping midway as he spoke. "No one can know." He lowly warned her, and she looked in time to see his features harden once again. His gaze was unpleasantly intense, and her voice turned uncharacteristically cool as she spoke: "Your secret is safe with me, professor. Or do I need to remind you?"

"Will you, Hermione Granger, promise to stay loyal to Severus Snape until the day you die?" Hermione quoted bitterly. "My loyalty lies with you." She chided and with that, she turned on her heels to her bedroom, not bothering to take one last look at him.

There was something inside of her, that felt powerful beyond her control. And as she laid in bed, she remembered the magic everyone had been talking about concerning the enchantment. As her body kept on restlessly turning in bed, she decided she would pay her headmaster a visit tomorrow to ask for answers.

But the next morning came tediously slow. Her mind whirled around with questions, one centered in her mind: why was she feeling like this?

The way she had reacted to her new discovery sounded almost like jealousy, and she couldn't wrap her head around it at all. Jealous? About what should she be jealous exactly? Sure, she could understand that her pride must have been hurt that he was still in love with someone else while they were married, but then again, it's not like they'd ever fall in love anyway, so why should he not be allowed?

Hermione had now desperately wished she had asked professor Dumbledore to borrow that book he had been using at their meetings, because her mind wouldn't stop running for even a second.

She fumbled around with her hand for her wand, and once she got a hold of it she whispered, "Lumos" and pointed the wand at her alarm clock. Sighing when she saw that it was nearing half past two, she agitatedly muttered a "Nox."

For hours more did she lay awake, until at last, without her knowing, she had been carried into sleep.

Hermione suddenly woke up to a stinging pain and cursed at her cat for pushing its claws in her stomach as he stretched his body. With a shock, she jumped out of bed as she noticed it was already nearing the end of breakfast.

Cursing under her breath at Snape for not waking her up, she forced herself into her robes and ran a hand through her hopeless hair that was slowly becoming bushier again. Running out of the dungeons, she arrived panting at the Entrance Hall and tried to smoothen her hair out once more until she just gave up and hurried over to the Gryffindor table. "I see you had fun last night." Ginny teased and Hermione shot a death glare at her, not in the mood at all to deal with her jokes.

She was tired, she was hungry and above all, she was extremely stressed because of her lack of answers. The bell rang and Hermione cursed inaudible and shoved some toast into her mouth. "What really happened, Hermione?" Ginny asked, now concerned as she walked with her out of the Hall. "Well, as you know, I'm following Occlumency classes with him now, and last night I backfired his spell and entered his mind.. We kinda went to sleep angry, and it kept me up all night." Hermione said as they were the last ones to leave the Hall, having lacked behind so they could talk without being overhead by the rest of the students.

It wasn't a complete lie, because that is what happened. She just left one very important detail out. A soft cough was heard behind them and Hermione looked over her shoulder and looked at the piercing black eyes of her husband, who was curiously watching her once more, obviously having heard her talking. She quirked her eyebrow in a 'told-you-so' way, to show him that she would stay loyal, said her goodbye to Ginny and hurried out of the Great Hall as she now only had around two minutes left to get to Transfiguration.

Hermione's plans to avoid him all day again were disregarded as she switched classes and came across him in the corridors. He had her cornered against the wall and had smirked teasingly at her, "Don't avoid me again, Miss Granger" he had said loud enough for only her to hear and with a wink, he left.

Following her long schedule, it wasn't until five in the afternoon that she had hurried to her headmaster's office, hoping to still catch him there before dinner. To her relief, she heard his usual "Come in" and gladly entered the place, making sure they were alone before closing the door behind her.

"Ah, Miss Granger, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Dumbledore asked with the same twinkle in his eyes and Hermione uncertainly approached the desk, seriously starting to doubt now if she should bring it up. What if it wasn't the enchantment and it was just her being ridiculous? But she knew she couldn't afford another sleepless night, and thus risked the chance. "Sir, I had a question.. about the enchantment.." Hermione said doubtfully and Dumbledore nodded with a knowing smile, "Ah yes, I was already expecting you to pass by one of these days. I assume you have noticed something out of the ordinary?" Hermione nodded and took a seat at a chair in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"Yes, I.." Hermione stopped talking and looked nervously up at her headmaster, who nodded at her encouragingly. "Sir, what exactly does the enchantment do when it is accepted and sealed?" Hermione asked, deciding to play safe and not mention her doubts just yet. "It can do a lot, Miss Granger. For example, it can influence the way you look at a certain person, or notice a different in your emotions or even theirs. Yet, I'm afraid you'll have to be a bit more specific in order for me to help you out, dear."

Hermione bit her lip as she tried to carefully voice it. She didn't want to mention what she saw when she used the defensive spell, neither did she exactly want to say what she was feeling. "Last night, when practicing Occlumency, I.. used a defensive spell and it backfired on him.. and I perhaps discovered some things I ought not to. However, that is not why I came.. It's just that.. I felt a particular emotion I can't quite place, and it started to worry me.."

Dumbledore smiled, "I see. It might be because of the enchantment, Miss Granger. But I do want to inform you that the enchantment does not create emotions. It merely enhances what's already there."

"If it enhances emotions, how come I am not overflowing with hatred now, then?" Dumbledore smiled mischievously at her and looked over his half-moon spectacles, "Why don't you tell me?"