Don't take that sinner from me
Chapter 12: I'm not what you say I am
A/N: I own nothing except my mistakes.
Next day people had slowly been returning, preparing themselves for the end of the holidays. Joyful laughter echoed through the walls of the castle, happy chattering filling her ears. But Hermione had tuned them all out, including her friends that had returned from the Burrow.
She did not want to know what they did, did not want to share their laughter. Of course this behaviour of hers aroused suspicion and concern by her friends, so she avoided them as much as she could. A killer like her did not deserve their pity or their comfort.
It seemed to go on like that for weeks – hiding herself in the library or in the dungeons. Avoiding any personal related topic, ignoring them when they tried to talk to her in class, happy when the teacher took off house points to make them shut up.
"Enough!" Snape bellowed as he hit his fists on the desk, hovering right above her as she had taken a seat in his office after one of her classes that afternoon. "I'm done watching you pity yourself, Granger. You did what you had to do; now you just have to live with it." His voice was cold, his anger hot as he stared at her with his piercing black eyes.
"I'm not playing the victim role, professor." Hermione hissed and he lowered himself into the chair opposite her. "Yes, you are." Snape said, his voice strained as he was battling his fury. "You're shutting yourself out, avoiding your insufferable friends at all cost. Or did you perhaps forget the reason why you killed that woman?"
Hermione shuddered, the images of the dead woman forcing their way once more into her mind. "Of course not." She whispered as her throat went painfully dry. "Then why are you not living up to your part?" Snape demanded dangerously and Hermione's face hardened. "I did my part. I showed him I was trustworthy!" Hermione's voice raised, anger rising in her body as it began to shake.
"Killing that woman was not to show your loyalty, Granger! It was merely him having some fun after bringing a Muggleborn into his inner circle. It was his way of showing the others that even though you're one of them now, you're still underneath them all!" Snape hissed and Hermione swallowed as his words sunk in.
She had not thought about that possibility – that he indeed was just having some fun with her vulnerable position. Thousand of thoughts whirled through her mind – all asking herself how to deal with this situation.
"I don't know what to do anymore," Hermione choked out, biting her lip as tears welled up in her eyes, "professor." She whispered, not wanting to get to first name basis right now.
Snape remained quiet, watching her carefully as he seemed to consider his words. "You need to refocus on what matters. If it helps, think of it as revenge for having to kill that woman. Use that power as your strength instead of your weakness." Hermione went over it, trying to find something she could argue on, but she found none. Slowly, she nodded her head as she swallowed away her tears.
"Try to find your way back in with that Potter boy, for he is crucial to succeed the mission that you have to fulfill." Hermione sighed in relief as she felt some renewed strength bottling up inside her, and gratefully looked at the man in front of her.
Hermione rose from her seat, heading for the door but stopped right before she stepped over the threshold. "Professor? Do you suppose it's alright if I fill them in on what happened?" Snape seemed to consider this, and then nodded his head.
With his approval, she moved out of his office and walked through the dimly lit corridors, thanking her luck as she stumbled across the three people she had been looking for. "Guys!" She called out and hurried her pace as they had stopped dead in their tracks, waiting to see for who called out to them.
"Hermione!" They almost all said at the same time, their expressions filled with both surprise and caution – afraid that one wrong word would scare her away. "Look, I'm sorry about my behaviour from the last few weeks. But I swear I have a good reason. Do you suppose we can talk somewhere?" Hermione sheepishly suggested and they all nodded, Ginny suggesting they'd go to the Room of Requirement to ensure that they would not be overheard by anyway.
The room had provided them a comfortable seating area, where a fireplace crackled gently with a red couch seated right in front of it. Ginny, Ron and Harry sat down at the red couch, Hermione taking the red chair that was seated right next to the fireplace as she nervously stared at her friends.
Not knowing where to begin, she just opted for the option to get straight to the point – sparing them an useless introduction to something as important as she was about to say now. "At the last week of the holidays, on Friday evening, Severus had been summoned – indicating that Voldemort was ready to make me one of his." Hermione's voice was weak as her shame rose. Here they sat, them fighting the evil whilst she was working with it. Involuntary, of course. But it still happened nonetheless.
"You mean you're a Death Eater now?" Ron asked in complete disbelief and Hermione heard Ginny sigh. "Of course that's what she's saying, Ronald. Haven't we been informed of this at Grimmauld Place? That this would happen?" Ginny asked impatiently and then softened her features again as she turned to Hermione, "Please do continue, Hermione." Ginny urged her on and Hermione swallowed nervously.
"Yes, Ron, I am a Death Eater now." Hermione confirmed Ron's former question and her hand unconsciously fell on her left forearm, as if shielding them from the Mark that lay hidden underneath her school robes.
"I don't see why that's the reason you've been avoiding us all this time, though." Harry asked confused and Hermione looked down as she fumbled with her skirt. "You do know we don't blame you for becoming one of them, right? We knew this would happen – and it doesn't make us care about you any less, Hermione. In fact, we've been worried sick all weeks long when you kept on distancing yourself from us." Harry tried to comfort her, but this only made it worse for her. She didn't deserve any of this.
"I killed someone, Harry." Hermione spoke, her voice echoing clear through the room. Daring to look up, she was met with the confused looks of their friends. They were all puzzled, confused and dare she say even a little scared. "You- what?" Ron choked out and Hermione cleared her throat, reminding herself that she should not play the victim.
"You heard me, Ronald." She said calmly as she did not feel like repeating herself once more. "But.. why?" Harry asked and Hermione sighed, using Snape's reason as she explained it to them. "Isn't it obvious? I might be marked as one of them right now, but that does not mean I'm equal to them. No matter what, I am still a Mudblood in their eyes. Voldemort was just having fun with his new toy, that's why."
Ron's face scrunched up in disgust as he looked at her, and she tried to reach out for him – only to have him smack her hand away. "Don't touch me." He said repulsed and Hermione hopelessly looked at her other two friends – hoping for them to understand.
Harry shook his head, "I'm sorry Hermione, but I'm on Ron with this." He said apologetically and the two of them left the room, leaving only Ginny and Hermione. "Gin, you have to understand. I had no choice." Hermione begged her, wanting her to see reason. "I know you didn't, Hermione. I just.. need some time to think, okay?" Ginny asked with an apologetic smile and Hermione sighed, nodding her head.
And then she was left all alone once more as she watched Ginny follow the boys, the door closing behind her the minute her body had left the room. It's not like Hermione had imagined they'd welcome her back with open arms, but she did not expect this reaction either. They had to understand her situation, didn't they?
Then again, how much did they actually know about her marriage? She could not talk about it thanks to the enchantment, so she had not been able to fill them in on anything. And with the separation of their sleeping places, they had become way more distant than she would have liked.
With a sigh, she got herself out of the chair, leaving the room herself as she headed her familiar way down to the dungeons.
Next day the roles had been reversed as her friends were now ignoring her, instead of the other way around. They avoided sitting next to her at breakfast, and made sure to keep their fair distance in the classroom. Not one of them spared her a look, any acknowledgment of her existence.
"Miss Granger, a word." Snape called out at the end of their Defence Against the Dark Arts class and Hermione lingered behind, waiting for everyone to leave the room and turned to her husband. "I thought you said you'd take care of the situation?" Snape quirked an eyebrow and Hermione sighed as she fumbled with the strap of her schoolbag.
"I tried, sir. But after explaining what happened, they got rather disgusted by my presence and are now trying to desperately avoid me." Snape sneered as he looked at the door they had just left through. "I'll try my best to restore the damage I have done, professor. But I'm afraid I'll have to wait for Ginny to come around first. She'll know how to talk some sense into them." Snape nodded curtly and his features softened gradually. "You may go."
Hermione nodded and didn't need to be told twice as she headed off for the library – not feeling like joining her friends for dinner. At least they still had each other when she ignored them. Hermione, however, was all alone – left to her books for comfort as she was helplessly seated in the library. It was highly frustrating to not have answers – no solutions to solve the matter.
It all depended on them. They were the onces who could forgive her actions and clear the misunderstanding between them all up.
But time was ticking. Voldemort wouldn't appreciate her lack of knowledge on Harry – and it was only a matter of time before he'd call them in for another meeting. One where he expected her to grant her some important information she could not offer him.
Hermione didn't think that he'd be quite the merciful type when he'd discover that she and her friends had drifted apart. If anything, killing that innocent woman might have even been in vain if he'd find out the reason why her friends were distancing themselves from her.
If Voldemort were to find out that the rest was aware of her situation, she for sure would be laying dead in front of his feet in no time – Snape joining her thanks to the Unbreakable Vow he made.
And with them dead, how were they supposed to win the upcoming war? With that slap of reality, she made up her mind: she wasn't going to waste her time for them to come around. No, she was going straight to Ginny and demand for her to see the importance of their understanding.
Determined, she cleaned up the books she used and headed first for the dungeons, to drop off her schoolbag which she wouldn't need anymore. But once more, the confidence fell as the familiar burning sensation rose up in her left forearm.
Carefully pulling up her sleeve, she saw the jet black inked snake moving and she swallowed. Perhaps her plan had to wait just a bit longer. With a nervously beating heart, she dropped her schoolbag in her room and slipped into the Death Eater robes she had been given, making sure to remain in the shadows of the corridors as she slipped out of the castle – embracing the cold air as she headed for the gates.