CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

"Oh my god, doesn't he look just perfect." I whispered in awe.

Alice wasn't one of those diva mothers who felt the need to draw out her labor. She quite literally was pushed off the ambulance and not more than twenty minutes later it was all over. In fact if Edward hadn't found a parking space when he did, we probably would have missed Jasper running out shouting, "It's a boy."

Of course we had to wait to see Alice and the little bundle of joy, Jackson Jasper Whitlock but we waited patiently while our friends showed up to the hospital one by one.

When it was time for Edward and I to go in and see little Jackson something about the whole event was rather life changing. At the time I blamed it on my impeding menstrual cycle but I knew when I looked at little Jackson a part of me felt the need to run out and get me one of these. It was like the heavens opened, light shined down upon me and a chorus of angels sang as an egg rose up out of my ovary.

Edward didn't respond to my little wonderment he simply brought me closer and kissed my neck. I was only twenty-three and already I was feeling baby fever. This was not good. I couldn't do this right now. What about all the things I wanted to accomplish before I was chasing around toddlers and changing diapers. The egg jumped back in, the angel's stopped singing, the light ceased as if someone hit a switch and the heavens closed up again.

We could wait.

Edward and I were driving home later and I couldn't help my blank stare out the car door window while Edward held my hand and lightly massaged it.

"A wonderful miracle, huh." He said.

"What is?" I asked lost momentarily.

"Alice and Jasper. The baby."

"Oh. Yeah…wonderful." I continued to look back out the window.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"Nothing. Just tired is all." I quickly explained.

"No. That's not it. What happened? A half hour ago you were all amazed and now you're like a… shell."

"I'm just tir…"

"And don't tell me that you're just tired." He interrupted me. "Bella, why don't you ever just tell me what you're thinking? I have to pull everything out of you and even when I do that I only get half-truths. Don't think I don't know." He huffed.

"Why are you so mad at me?" I uttered.

"Bella, I want you to communicate with me." He pulled into our driveway and I started to open the door. "No, you're not leaving this car until we've had this discussion."

"I'm tired. I don't understand what you don't understand about that. And yes I have thoughts, I have lots and lots of thoughts and sometimes I don't feel the need to share every one of them with you for various reasons mostly because I know that if I were to share them, you probably wouldn't like me very much." I snapped and continued my overly dramatic exit from the car.

"Isabella." Edward bellowed. "We're not through. Come back here."

"I am going to my room. If you want to continue this, then that's where I'll be. I don't need to stand out here yelling back and forth with you. Merry fucking Christmas, neighbors. Don't mind our shouting match I'm sure you can tape it and send it in to T.M. fucking Z." I shouted out toward the quiet neighborhood.

"Just because I no longer punish you doesn't mean you can act like a brat." Edward spit.

"Now that you no longer get to control me, means I can act however the hell I want." I could feel my eyes practically burn through Edward and he immediately backed off from me.

He slowly shook his head. "I don't know what happened to you but I wonder how I can be in a relationship with someone who won't even trust me enough to talk to me about their problems." Edward sighed and walked past me into the house. "Merry Christmas." He whispered leaving me standing on the doorstep.

Immediately I felt myself thaw and reality set in. What just happened? I sat down on the doorstep and I could feel my tears fall down my face. The cold started to set in as I sat there taking the time for some serious reflection. I was starting to get really cold so after a half hour I picked myself up knowing that now would not be a great time for a case of pneumonia.

I walked into the house and all the lights were out except I could see a faint light coming from the kitchen. I hoped it was Edward. I wanted to apologize and try to work this out. This was not how I envisioned my first Christmas with Edward was going to go.

"Dad?" I called . My dad had been rooting in the fridge looking for left overs. The decorations all still up from the party that seemed days ago.

"Oh..uhh hey, Bells. Whatcha doin up this late?" he asked.

"We just got back from the hospital. Alice had her baby." I paused for a moment. "And then Edward and I got into a fight."

I looked down ashamed.

"At the hospital?"

"No. Outside just a few minutes ago." I sighed.

"Uh…would you like some cocoa?" That was how my dad always cheered me up when I would wake up from a bad dream in the middle of the night. Now my bad dreams were morphing into reality.

"Sure. If you wouldn't mind."

My dad pull a mug from out of the cupboard and started to make the cocoa. "So…do you want to tell me what's wrong?" My dad asked awkwardly probably afraid I would take him up on it. Which I did.

"I don't know what to do, Daddy. Edward and I want different things right now. It's not like I don't want to get married or have kids with him but it always feels like he wants everything, right now. He always wants me to tell him what I'm thinking and the truth is that if I told him what I really wanted he would be so…disappointed. I would tell him that my dream wedding would be less than fifty people and it would take place in the backyard of Villa Stella Mia in Italy. I would tell him that I want to wait at least two years before I started thinking about kids. But if I tell him then he would make it happen and I would be selfish because I know that he would give up his dreams for mine. So what do I do?"

"Well Bella, I think your problem is that you both don't know how to compromise. I have been married for almost forty years and I can tell you that marriage is hard. You can love a person more than anything but if you don't have communication and the ability to be able to compromise than marriage can swallow you up. Is there a reason Edward doesn't want to get married in Italy?"

"No. I vetoed it actually because I knew he wanted to invite over five hundred people and it would make it really hard to those five hundred people to put out such an expense." I explained.

"Who cares? If that's what you want and that is what he wants then you do what you both want. If those five hundred people want to come then they will make it happen and if they can't come well then maybe you can get closer to the fifty people mark which will make you happy."

"Dad, we already signed a contract with Sunstone and I'm sure it will be lovely. I feel like such a brat complaining about what I'm sure will be over a million dollar wedding."

"You're not a brat. You just know what you want and there's nothing wrong with that unless you never voice that causing people around you to go insane." He gave me the knowing look. "So what about children? Edward wants them now?"

"Yeah." I replied.

"What's wrong with that?" he asked.

"Daddy, I'm only twenty-three." I remarked slightly outraged.

"And your mother and I thank you for that. Glad to know that we never had to go through some kind of sixteen and pregnant drama but you know your mother and I wouldn't be upset if you wanted to give us more grandchildren."

"What about my future? I'm lucky that Savannah and Gracie are both at an age where I can still work but if I have a baby there will be no time to focus of my dreams. What's wrong with waiting a couple of years?"

"Well, I understand but you got to try to at least see it from Edward's perspective too. Trust me I was an older parent and it's hard. Even if you were to give birth right now, Edward will be an older parent then I was when I had my first one. It's not so easy to do when you get to a certain age. You don't have as much energy and sometimes I feel that you and your sister may have gotten the short end of the stick with the small amount of activity I was able to do with you both. You start to have fears that you might not make it to walk your daughter down the aisle. You worry that you may never see your grandkids. Time seems to move slowly until you finally realize one day that it flew by so fast you didn't even notice and now you're stuck in a used up body, tired all the time."

Hearing my dad's point of view really helped me put things in perspective. Part of me felt sad for Edward knowing that all these thoughts might have plagued him this whole time. Another part of me was upset that here he had been on my case about wanting me to open up about all of my feelings and he had been sitting on some pretty hefty feelings of his own that didn't seem like he was planning on sharing.

"I never really thought about it. I think all the time about having a baby and then all these fears start. I love the age that Savannah and Gracie are at because they can tell me when they're hurt or hungry and can understand me when I tell them something. A baby…I can't imagine all the ways I could fuck up a baby. What if I don't feed it enough or feed it too much? What if I do something wrong and it dies? Edward would hate me if I killed his baby…I would hate me."

"Bella, every parent goes through those fears. After your sister was born you mother and I were afraid to even leave the room or we would watch her sleeping and worry that she could just randomly stop breathing. It's perfectly normal to feel that way but I can't imagine that you wouldn't be a terrific mother. You already are one."

"Thank you, daddy." I smiled small.

"Uh…Charlie, sorry to interrupt but I…need to talk to Bella." Edward said quietly from the kitchen door.

"Sure, no problem. I will just take my sandwich and go. Good night."

I sat on the kitchen stool looking down at my mug of cocoa. I wasn't sure what to say. I knew I should just start with an apology but I hadn't found my voice. Edward walked over to the cupboard and took down a mug for himself and started to make some tea. The whole process took over two minutes but when you have an elephant as large as ours in the room it felt like an eternity.

"My dad said that our problem is communication and compromise. Which I know you would agree with the whole communication part but I wonder if there is more to our problems than just communication and compromise." I said evenly.

"What do you think our real problem is?" Edward asked.

"I think…we are…" I sighed.

Edward stood there staring at me not even blinking an eye.

"Age difference. I think that's our big problem." I whispered.

"It hasn't felt like a problem before." He replied directly.

"We want two completely different things right now and I think that's because of our age difference."

"Bella, all I want…"

"That's not true." I cut him off. "I know what you're going to say. You're gonna say that all you want is me and that's not true."

"Yes it is. If we remained engaged the rest of our lives and…never had children together…" he paused and look absolutely devastated.

I stood up and placed my hand on his face. "That's not true."

"I just need you, Bella."

"I can't do that to you. I love you too much to just see you give up everything you want in life." I took a breath and backed off a little.

"You…never…want to have children with me?" he stammered.

"Of course I want to have children with you but you just seem to want everything so much quicker than I do. My dad helped explain since he was an older parent and I now understand what your rush is but I'm just not ready and I know that in the end one of us is going to be resented. The longer we wait the more you will come to resent me and if we do things on your timeline I'm worried that I may resent you."

"This is where compromise would come in." Edward stated.

"I'm not really sure what kind of compromise would make both of us happy. They say that when two people compromise that one normally has to give up more than the other. Besides what kind of compromise could truly make you happy?"

Edward pondered that for a moment and we slowly made our way over to the couches and sat down upon them. "First of all is it just the children timeline that worries you? Or are you wanting to push back the wedding as well?"

I couldn't imagine what it would do to Edward if I asked to push the wedding back. The truth was I didn't mind getting married that soon. The date was never the problem for me it was the wedding itself that made me nervous. Here Edward sat still believing in Christmas miracles and I was like the bringer of black death. No. I couldn't do that to him.

"I can't wait to be married to you, truly. I still wish you would let me sign a prenup because it would probably do more for my sanity then yours at this point. I don't want to push the wedding back."

"Okay." He let out a breath he had been holding. "So it's the children thing that has you worried."

I nodded my head. "Be honest Edward what is the most time you could give me without being miserable."

"Honestly, I don't know. I don't have all the answers, Bella. I know that if it were to happen tomorrow I know you would be miserable but I wouldn't be able to contain my excitement."

"I wouldn't be miserable. I'm sure that some type of pregnancy hormone would kick in pushing me to be satisfied in some fashion but part of me is worried of how you're going to react as well. I mean I know we no longer practice certain aspects of Tria Fata but you have the tendency to freak out a little and…" I paused and decided to change direction, "for shits and giggles let's say I were to get pregnant tomorrow, what would be your expectations of me? Would you try to stop me from working? Would I still be able to travel about without your constant watch over me? I mean what kind of Edward am I going to get?"

"That's a good question. I…imagine that…" he looked lost and then he looked to be in thought and suddenly it became clear. "I see what you mean."

"I love that you want to protect me and I know that when the time comes you would want to protect whatever was growing inside me but I don't want to be arguing with you all the time. I want to work Edward. I want work as long as I can walk because I know that when a baby comes, I may not have the chance to work for several months or years even."

"I will promise to try to remain reasonable as long as you promise me that you won't overdo it and you at least talk to me before accepting any new jobs…when the time comes."

"I can agree to those terms." I replied.

"Okay, well then how's this for a compromise. Most people say that when it happens it happens as far as a baby is concerned so how about we follow that credo and as long as you try to not hold out on me for too long then I will work on being patient. At least I'll wait a year before becoming antsy."

"I think that's fair." I said slowly, "But are you sure you can live with this?"

"I can live with a Bella that will tell me her feelings and thoughts even if she thinks I won't like what she has to say. I don't want to be married to a wall, so can you at least respect me enough to do that?"

"What about you, Edward. You harp on me and yes maybe I'm not one for the overshare but my dad raised some very valid feelings and I never even thought why you are struggling so much with all these issues. Why haven't you been sharing your feelings and thoughts with me?"

"That's valid. I guess I figure the majority of the time you have already to many things to deal with so I try to keep things as simple as possible for you in regards to me." He paused. "But, I promise to be more open in the future and I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. I know that I was being a selfish demon bitch earlier which is probably one step up from the narcissistic demon bitch that I previously promised you but, I am sorry." I admitted.

"Can you stay here for like two seconds?" Edward jumped up from the couch, "I'll be right back."

He jogged out of the room before I could even reply. I looked over to the clock that now read 1:18 am no wonder my eyes felt so dry and my head was pounding.

"I want to give you your Christmas present." Edward walked slowly back to me. "I know that you were upset when your parents announced their plans on moving so I hope you don't mind but I took your house key down to this jeweler I know and asked him if he could transform it into something really special that you could hold on to for the rest of your life." He handed me a box and I opened it amazed that he could be so thoughtful.

"Merry Christmas, Bella."

Inside was my old house key which had been dipped in gold and the center of the top portion, a heart-shaped diamond was embedded upon it. "Oh Edward, it's beautiful. I love it." I gasped as tears built. Now I felt like a complete über bitch for my actions earlier.

"I have been thinking and I talked with your parents already but I know how much you love that house. What if we didn't sell it?" Edward asked.

"It would just sit there. I mean why would we ever need it? There's really no point in keeping it, no one would live there and it's not exactly a vacation home." I admitted.

"I know but maybe we could turn that house into something special. What if we were to donate it to a struggling family to use as long as they wished with the arrangement that you could still go and visit every once in a while?"

"Really? That is a…really good idea. I mean there are so many people who lost their homes and have been struggling ever since this horrible housing crisis. That would be an amazing thing. I love it." I jumped into Edwards lap and hugged him fiercely. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"Of course. I would do anything for you." He held my face and looked into my eyes. "I love you so much, Bella. I would do anything for you." And then he gave me the most tender kiss.

"I love you, Edward. More than anything."

Unfortunately with the stress and cold temperatures from that night I did manage to come down with a little cold. My mom immediately started to freak out and go into hyper mother mode insisting that I stay in bed and fight this thing off at once. She would bring me chicken soup and hot tea but it was safe to say that my New Year plans, not that I had any; were officially nixed. Instead Edward and I stayed in those couple of days after Christmas all cozied up on the couch first watching the Kennedy Center Honors which I will admit was hard to watch for me and the we watched as the ball in N.Y.C. went down with Savannah and Gracie running around with the noisemakers my mother gave them screaming "Happy New Year."

When Edward made love to me that night I couldn't help but think of where we were a year ago and how this was just so much better.

The children's choir I was going to be singing with was made up of children from the President's home state and had already been practicing. I was to report to Washington D.C. one week before the Inauguration to begin practicing with them. I had already taken the time during my sick downtime to make sure I had the words down cold.

My parents left a couple of days after New Year's since my mom had to get back to work but before she left Edward managed to give her some extra good news. Seems that Edward pulled strings when necessary and managed to finagle two extra tickets to the Inauguration for my parents. You had never seen two more excited people. I hugged and kissed them goodbye thanking them for all of their help the past couple of weeks and with promises that I would be by soon to help clean out the rest of my stuff from my old childhood bedroom.

It was the first week in January and I was nervous.

"Okay, so you have backpacks and lunches, right?" I asked for the third time today.

"Yes. We have them." Savannah rolled her eyes.

"B. Relax they'll do fine. We all ready?" Embry asked.

Embry and I were going to take Savannah and Gracie to their first day of school. They were all decked out in their little plaid skirts and blue sweaters. They looked precious. We piled into Embry's Range Rover and headed off to the school.

"When we get there do you mind if you just drop us off. I'll make sure that Gracie gets to her class." Savannah asked.

"Why? Worried we'll embarrass you? Was that on the agenda today, B?" Embry smiled over to me.

"Yes." Savannah quickly answered. "Mom you got all weepy just looking at my knee socks."

"Hey, that…is not all the way true." I huffed.

"All right we'll do you one solid. We will drop you off and wait to leave after we see you go through the gates." Embry allowed.

"Thanks, you're the best."

"But, we will be right here to pick you up at two pm sharp." Embry added.

We watched as Savannah took her sister's hand and walked through the high looming gates. I let out a breath as soon as we could no longer see their plaid.

"So, I've been thinking... I know that you have your president thing coming up but maybe when you get back we could work on something." Embry said.

"What is it you want to work on?" I asked.

"I was thinking about a music video for that track on my album A World Away. Maybe you could come up with something and direct it."

"Embry. No way." I laughed.

"What? Why"

"Because you're like my music video guru. I look up to you. You definitely don't need my help to create an awesome video." I explained.

"That's stupid. What does that have to do with anything? I want to work on this with you. I don't need your help but I'd like it."

"I'll think about it but I still don't know if I up to your caliber yet."

Embry drove me to Warner Bros. where Edward was already at. He had been thinking about a new role in a film but didn't want to work on anything until after the wedding. I told him that was ridiculous as long as he could take a week off after the wedding for our honeymoon, what would I care if he accepted a role. He was planning on meeting with producers today around the time I had my meeting with Seth who planned on going over my album release and possible promotions. He knew that I had to leave the day after the albums dropped but thought I could get in some autograph signings the day of.

"Great you're here. Emily sent a whole package of pictures and ideas for a direction you both wanted to go in for your wedding. I put it in Edward's office." Emma started as soon as I opened the door to E=MC2 office's. "Edward has a meeting in five and was asking for you."

I walked into Edward's office. "Hey babe, what's up?"

"I just want to make sure that you're still good with this." He replied.

"Ugh, yes I'm good with this. Geez, now get your sexy ass in that meeting all ready." I huffed.

"Thank you, baby. I love you. See you later." Edward kissed me quickly before leaving.

I looked out the office door and saw Emma and Ian flirting with one another. Oh for goodness sakes.

"Emma." I barked. She quickly jumped up and came into Edward's office slightly worried, like I had seen something. Awe I remember those days.

"Umm…is there something I can do, Bella?"

"Can you close the door for a minute?"

She nodded and went to shut the door. I sat down behind Edward's desk, "So, how serious is this?"

"How serious is what?" she asked slowly.

"Well, I know that Ian was put in charge of making our travel arrangements for D.C. and I thought I should just come out and ask; do we need to book one room for the both of you or two because it really is a waste of money to book two when he or you will just be sneaking off to the other's room the whole time." I rolled my eyes.

"What?" she looked like she was turning green. "Um…I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. I know we should have just come to you and Edward but it all just sort of happened. If you need one of us to quit…"

"Why would we want one of you to quit?" I asked.

"I wasn't sure if you allowed interoffice dating." She replied.

"Uh...hello!" I practically yelled. "Do you remember who you are talking to? I fucked my boss, I'm pretty sure in some sort of moral or office code I am way worse than you." I laughed.

"Well, Ian always says that he is technically more senior since he was hired first and therefore he is my superior or boss." Emma rolled her eyes.

"You know that's crap, right?" I laughed. "However go ahead and let him keep thinking that because let me tell you that sometimes there is nothing hotter." I got up and started to get ready to leave for my meeting. "Oh and please don't follow our example and start using this office as your personal motel."

"Got it!" she agreed quickly.

I went off to my meeting with a smile on my face. I wasn't sure what Edward would think when he found out about my little interference but I was proud of myself knowing that in some ways I just freed Emma and Ian. Part of me was envious of them and how easy they will have it compared to when Edward and I was outed. Emma and Ian wouldn't have to go through the media gauntlet like we did. No horrendous stories ripping their family's reputations down. Yes I was envious indeed.

I walked into Seth's office where he had a whole presentation all set up for me. There were cardboard stand ups and posters. I picked up a copy of my album and looked it over. I was envious of Ian and Emma but then looking around I knew that if I hadn't gone through all those trials I wouldn't be standing here at this moment and suddenly it all seemed worth it.

AN: Thank you all for taking the time to read and review. I know that I always tell you how much I appreciate it but it's true my readers are awesome! Special shout out to all the people who wished me a Happy Birthday on my facebook page. You sure know how to make a girl feel special ;-)