CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
How many times throughout your life have you wished you could go back and change something or take something back hoping that it would change the outcome? No matter how many times you think you could do something different, it's one of the cruel rules to this world; there are no do overs. No true second chances. What's done is done and there's nothing you can do to change it now.
"Oh my…daddy, you look dashing." I remarked amazed at the suit that Marcus had made for him. My poor dad was the only male invited to today's fitting and you could tell he was just a tad bit uncomfortable. My wedding party sans the groomsman were all here for the first glimpse of Marcus's genius hard work.
First up were Savannah and Gracie who I helped dress in their little flower girl dresses. Rosalie, Angela and Jacqueline could dress themselves just fine which left my mother to help me into my wedding ball gown after I was done oooing and awing at my dad.
"Oh, Isabella this is just the most stunning dress. Marcus you really did a master piece." My mom shouted out to him. I could hear him wrestling around with my dad trying to get the suit to just fit him right.
"Thank you, Renée. I do try."
I snorted at Marcus's retort as my mom lifted up the dress to place it over my head. "I think I am going to need your help with the corset." My mom called back out to Marcus.
"I think she's gonna need help finding my head." I shouted out.
Marcus came in to help rescue me from the layers of chiffon and organza.
"Stand still, Bella." He commanded.
The dress was finally over my head and lay properly onto my body. Marcus didn't have a mirror in the room where I was being dressed he said he wanted to wait for the dramatic unveiling out in the other room which had mirrors all around.
I could see that the bodice was made of a fine Ivory brocade. I was happy that Marcus decided to go with Ivory and not white. Not many people could pull off stark white. The full gown had a soft baby pink underlay that managed to give just a hint of pink to my dress and the ivory organza overlay was outfitted with tiny little crystals that were hand sewn and scattered about on the skirt of the dress. The sleeves were small and off the shoulder.
"Marcus, I can't believe you made this for me?" I managed to get out before crying.
"No. No tears. I don't want anything ruining the material. Who knows what human tears would do to this material." Marcus waved me off.
"As opposed to what? Demon tears." I jested.
"Yes well." He looked up and appraised me, "Not too shabby. You always did clean up nicely."
I launched myself at him and tackled him into a big hug. "You're the best." I whispered.
"All right, all right. Don't wrinkle it. You have no idea how much time it takes to steam a beast like this." He looked over to me. "You ready?"
I smiled and nodded. We went out through the curtain and I was met by my friends gasping at my appearance. I walked forward toward a mirror and couldn't help but gasp a little myself. Marcus made me look beautiful. And for the first time I didn't care how large the audience was going to be at the wedding because all I could picture was me standing there in this dress with Edward in his formal suit.
"She's having a bride moment." Jacqueline sang.
I rolled my eyes and gave her a small smile.
"Mom, you look beautiful." Savannah praised.
"I can't wait to see Edward's face." Angela laughed.
"I wanna wear the princess dress." Gracie added.
"You will get to wear your princess dress someday after you meet your Prince Charming." Rosalie placated her.
"Bells, I…you look beautiful." My dad was having trouble with his own words.
"Okay, I want to take some pictures of the lot of you. I promise these will not be released to anyone but I want to see how the clothes photograph and see if I need to make any changes." Marcus announced holding up his camera.
The next twenty minutes he took pictures of us from all sides. The bridesmaid dresses were a soft baby pink, long and flowy but not full like my dress was. The flower girls dresses looked exactly like my dress but they didn't have pink in them at all, something that Gracie had creative differences over with Marcus. I promised her that we would get her pink rose petals for the ceremony to throw out down the aisle.
The last picture was of my dad as Marcus placed us next to one another.
"It's almost like practice. You'll have to walk me down that aisle and not step on this monster of a dress." I teased.
We linked arms together like we would be when the day came and Marcus took his final snap from his camera.
"So how did it go?" Edward asked me the moment we returned home.
"It was…amazing. I can't wait for you to see…everything. Marcus did such a great job. I loved everything about today." I beamed.
"I can't wait to see you. Drives me crazy that I was the only one who didn't get to see how lovely you looked."
"You'll get your turn." I replied coolly.
I walked around to the refrigerator and pulled out some strawberries for a snack.
"Embry called and said he probably wouldn't be able to talk to you until tomorrow since he has his show tonight." Edward remarked.
"Oh…okay."
"And Seth called, he said it was rather urgent and since you didn't answer your phone he started to bug me on mine." Edward rolled his eyes.
"What did he want?" I asked.
"I don't know. Probably to go over your nomination or something."
I reached in my pocket for my phone and dialed him up.
"What's up Seth?" I asked with a mouth full of strawberries.
"Do you ever answer your phone or do you just not answer when I call." He asked sounding irritated.
"Depends on my mood. I can't talk all day so…"
"Fine, well we received a request. AEG called and they want you to perform at this year's Grammy awards."
"I'm not even nominated. I thought only nominees performed." I mumbled with the bite of another strawberry.
"That's not true. That's only for the Oscars. They probably see what a popular overnight sensation you are becoming and want to strike while the irons hot and nab you before you perform at the Oscars. The Grammy's are on February eighth." Seth explained.
"When do I have to let you know by?" I asked.
"Come on, Bella. Do we really have to do this dance? We all know that you will say yes eventually. Why do you feel the need to raise WMG's blood pressure every time?"
"Man, what side of the bed did you wake up on today? You do realize that February eighth is five days before my wedding. You know, that invitation that was accidentally sent to you a couple of weeks ago that according to Emma you still haven't RSVP'd to."
"I told you I was coming." He sighed dramatically. "Anyway with the Inauguration having like a billion more watchers than the Grammy's. You already know that this is cake compared to that. You can throw in a little performance before jetting off up the coast. Performing now puts gets you in good standing with Grammy voters for next year's awards."
In my mind I was going over the logistics. He was right, for the first time ever I didn't feel as stressed even being on the biggest music award show stage. I cringed thinking of what my mother was going to say when she heard about this one. "All right. I'll figure something out."
"Great. Who's my favorite whittle Academy Award nominee." He said like he was talking to a dog.
"Hanging up now." And I did.
"So…what's on February eighth?" Edward asked the moment I set my phone down on the counter.
"Uhh…Grammy's" I cringed thinking about how he was going to take this.
"Oh Bella, you sure do like to keep yourself busy."
"Are you mad?" I asked sheepishly.
"No. Of course not. I don't have to get mad. Your mother will be mad enough for the whole world." He laughed and I scowled at his amusement.
"Oh and speaking of my parents, they are expecting us for Sunday brunch tomorrow to continue some more packing. I think we should finish it all up tomorrow." I added.
"Bella, maybe we will finish up your stuff but your parents have a long way to go." Edward kidded.
He was right. When we went over there last week after we got back from D.C. the house looked like a tornado hit it. My parents could sometimes be pack rats and there were mountains of things to go through. My mom and dad had been working on the downstairs office which was the hardest room according to them because it had the most paperwork to go through.
The next morning we packed the girls up with some form of entertainment to sustain them for the day knowing that if they got bored there were more chances of them getting into something they shouldn't. My mom had chocolate chip pancakes all ready when we walked in. She always made big breakfasts. Eggs, bacon and toast to top it all off.
"So you all ready for the big game next Sunday? Must hurt knowing my team is far superior." My dad laughed. He couldn't wait to rub it in to Edward's face the moment his team won their spot at the Super Bowl.
"Well, any team can just get lucky, Charlie." Edward replied.
"Sooooo…." I dragged out the word to get everyone off the topic of football. "I wanted to let you know that Emma booked rooms for us at the Sunstone Winery for the Tuesday before the wedding up until Saturday. Okay?" I asked.
"Are you sure that's going to be enough time?" My mother pondered.
"Mom, that's three days before the wedding. It's plenty of time. We have the rehearsal on Thursday."
"When is your bachelorette party?" my mom asked.
"I told the girls I didn't want one." I hunched my shoulders.
"Why? It's tradition." My mom replied shocked.
Edward shook his head with a sly smile.
"What's that look for?" I zeroed in on him. He just shook his head some more, his smile getting more irritating.
"What? What do you know?" I huffed. "They're not planning something behind my back, are they?"
Edward held up his hands in surrender and even though he wouldn't tell me, I knew something was going on and I planned on getting to the bottom of it after we left my parents.
"Edward." I huffed.
"Let's change the subject. Why don't you tell your parents about your interesting job offer that you received yesterday?" Edward gave me his award-winning smile and I was about to hit him but I remembered there were little ones present and I had the duty to teach them that violence was never the answer.
"What did you say yes to now?" My mother practically shrieked.
"One little performance. Really not a big deal. I will be in and out in under five minutes." I tried to clarify.
"What performance?" she asked a little more calmly.
"The Grammy's. How about that? Your little girl is going to be on Music's biggest stage. Ta-da."
"And uh….when are these Grammy's going to be taking place?" Edward asked trying to rub more salt in my mother's wounds.
I narrowed my eyes at him, "February."
"February, what?" my mom asked taking Edwards lead.
"Eighth. Which as you know leaves me five whole days before the wedding so plenty of time to still get stuff done and be rested for the big day."
"Why would you allow her to do this?" My mom brought out naughty shaking finger and started to reprimand Edward.
I turned to Edward with a large smile on my face and with my moms attention turned toward him I couldn't help but shake my finger at him as well mocking him for what just blew up in his face.
Edward sighed and didn't have a reply for all the world. Looks like I won this round Mr. Cullen.
After brunch, Edward and I headed upstairs and my mom promised to entertain the girls downstairs with making crafts.
My room was nearly empty except for two medium piles of boxes, a couple of pieces of old furniture and my old childhood twin bed. I sat down and started to go through a box.
"Babe, do you want to take these books home or give them away?" Edward asked staring at the rest of the books on my book shelf.
"Ummm…take them home. I might get rid of some of them but I think I'd like to keep the majority of them." I paused and watched as Edward started to pick books up and lean over to place them in a box. I loved the tight white shirt he was wearing and I couldn't stop my staring.
"What are you looking at over there?" Edward caught me.
"Uh…something I plan on boxing up and taking home tonight." I giggled.
"Oh really and what would you do with all this?" He asked waving his had up and down the length of his body.
"Naughty, naughty things." I teased. I got up from the carpeted floor and started to walk toward him. "In fact its kind of been a fantasy of mine since we started all this for you to take me right here in this room on my old childhood bed. Wanna wrestle some springs with me?"
"Uh…your parents are downstairs. There's like no way that's happening." Edward tried to put the brakes on me and my whole plan.
"So…they've been downstairs before and that hasn't stopped you."
"Bella, no. Maybe I could get them to go out for an evening but not now." And he went back to placing books in the box.
"Never have any fun." I pouted.
"Sorry babe, I'm this close to sealing the deal with getting your father to allow me to marry you. I'm not about to mess this all up now." He laughed.
I sat back down on the ground disappointed in my boy scout of a fiancé.
We worked for another three hours. I went downstairs to grab more tape for the remaining boxes that still needed to be taped shut.
"Hey, mom do you have any more box tape?" I asked.
"I think your father has some in his office." She replied. She was up to her elbows in glitter and glue.
"Thanks." I went down to the office and it looked like my dad had taken a bathroom break because he wasn't inside. I walked in looking around amazed at how much stuff was still in here. Tape. Tape. Where's the tape.
"Mom, where is it?" I called out.
"Did you check the drawers in the desk?" she answered.
I went around to the desk and started to pull out drawer after drawer. The bottom one was stuck so I pulled with all my might and landed on the floor with the drawer in my lap. I looked around self-consciously happy that no one was there to witness my embarrassment. I rubbed my backside a little, ooo tape. Found it.
I looked up to see what had caused the drawer to become wedged. In the back was this small stack of envelopes. I pulled them out to inspect them, my inner Nancy Drew at work. They were letters. Letters that were addressed to me. Unopened.
I opened one letter from the stack of seven or eight letters and pulled the paper from out of the envelope.
Dear Bella,
I know mom and dad must be driving you crazy from all of my "antics" and I apologize to you for that. I wished you knew how freeing it can be, out on my own. Here I am not known as the daughter of a sheriff or a teacher. I can be anything I want to be. Sounds great right? Well I thought so too but to be honest, it can get pretty lonely up here. I wish you could come and stay with me for a week or two but I know our parents would never allow that.
There is so much more to life then you can possibly imagine. Right now I imagine you sitting in some classroom as the teacher drones on and on about math or chemistry which let's be honest, the Swan sisters aren't exactly going to make their mark in this world through math and chemistry. The point is that I sincerely believe that you have it in you to be something great. I now know that my path is not leading toward greatness. Long gone are my childhood fantasies of success and that is what college teaches you, reality. I don't want to bring you down, that is not my intension on the contrary I want you to listen to me good and hard when I tell you that I do believe that you can go out to Hollywood and truly make something out of yourself. Don't listen to our parents if they try to hold you back. They may try to scare you off with the horrors of the Entertainment industry but know that you are stronger than that.
I met a guy a couple of weeks ago. Remember I told you about him in my previous letter. He makes me feel like I am a strong empowered woman who makes decisions for me and not out of fear of what society will think. I hope one day you can feel that too. I know that boys were never really nice to you when we were younger and I wished I would have stood up for you more. I'm sorry for that.
I haven't heard from you and I was hoping that by now you would have written me back. I will await your letter with eager anticipation and hope that you will get your lazy butt in gear and write me.
Gotta go Bella.
Love you always your sister, Jessica
I hadn't even noticed the tears that were streaming down my face until one landed on the page bubbling up over the word sister.
I was in shock. I must be in shock. Jessica wrote me? I don't understand. Why wouldn't I have gotten these? Why? I was shaking, my hands were shaking.
"Bella, I've been waiting for…what happened?" Edward immediately registered the hurt on my face.
"Uhh…there letters…uh…Jessica…" I couldn't even get out an explanation. It felt like blood rushing to my head and it started to pound.
"What?" he asked trying to make out my words as he pulled me up from off the ground.
"Your mom wants to know…" My dad paused in the door way looking at Edward and me. I could see his eyes visibly look down to the stack of letters in my hand. "Uh..Bells…"
"How could you do this to me?" I choked out.
"Bells…" He started to explain.
"You kept these from me. Why?" I yelled. "These were my letters. Why would you keep them from me?"
"At the time." He paused. "Your sister was going through a bad point in her life. I didn't want her to influence you."
"Influence me? What did you think she was writing to me about? The proper concoction to make heroin?" I was having a hard time breathing. "She wrote about dreams and her hopes for me and silly little things. She was my sister."
My mom rushed into the room hearing my melt down.
"Did you know about these?" I spit, but she just hung her head down in shame.
"Every…day…I wondered if there was something more I could have done. Every damn day of my life I blame myself for it. She was your daughter but she was my sister and you had no right. You didn't even open them to see what she had wrote to me you just wrote off my relationship with her."
I was shaking and crying so hard at their betrayal.
"Bella, we're sorry." My mom started to say.
"What do you think that did to her, not receiving a reply from me? She talked about how she was lonely and…and to her she probably thought I didn't give a crap about her. You both never even gave me phone number that last year she was at school. You…."
Edward tried to hold me to try to calm me down, "Baby."
"I will never forgive you for this." I gasped.
"Bella." My father pleaded.
"Just…stay away from me." I panted.
I pushed my way past them clutching the letters to my chest. "Savannah, Gracie we have to go. Get your things together." I started to throw all their things into their backpacks.
"What's wrong mommy?" Gracie asked.
"Bella, please let us just talk for a moment." My mom begged.
I pulled on one of the girls backpacks and picked Gracie up and took Savannah's hand charging toward the front door.
"What's happening?" Savannah asked.
I helped them both into the car not even aware if Edward followed me or not. At that moment I would have left him behind but thankfully he arrived to the driver's side just as I closed the back door. I got into the front seat.
"Baby, don't you think…" I cut off Edward from whatever peacemaking talk he planned to give me.
"Edward. Get me out of here or I swear to god I will jump out of this car and not care where I end up."
He started up the car and headed home. I managed to not cry any further willing myself to not scare the girls in the back any more than I probably already did. The moment we got home I quietly asked Edward if he could watch over the girls for me and I immediately retreated to our bedroom but halfway there I realized that I didn't want to be bothered so I discretely made my way down to the wine cellar. People in our house rarely went to the wine cellar. I would have gone to the panic room that Edward had installed a couple of months ago if I didn't think it would immediately alert the security team.
Down there in the comfort of our wine room I randomly grabbed a bottle and went over to the table to uncork it. Drinking more than a swig straight from the bottle. Always keepin it classy. If I wasn't so upset at the moment I would have gone up and told Edward how great his wine selection was.
I sat down on the ground leaning my back against the wall ready to read the letters that I should have read eight years ago. I opened every one of them and then arranged them in the order they came. I was able to actually see the slow dramatic change in my sister through her words. The first letter was peppy and exactly the way I remembered her before she left for college and slowly they became more and more depressing. She would ask forgiveness as if I was the one to grant it. She would talk about her life turning to black. She asked me to remember her.
She already knew she wasn't going to be around much longer.
I remember when Jessica died, I was in complete denial. Even seeing her body in the casket didn't wake me up because she didn't look like herself. With her being off to school so many miles away it was easy for my mind to just imagine that she wasn't dead, she was just at school but then after a year it finally hit.
I remember sitting class and suddenly not being able to focus. I had to leave the classroom and it wasn't something too strange because most people just thought I was strange to begin with. I went to the place where I usually ate lunch everyday by myself, it was my secret place I used to call it because most people didn't frequent the corner behind the auditorium and I broke down. I mourned the death of my sister there, alone.
It took a couple of months before I could stop crying myself to sleep and begging for answers from god. I started to become intrigued by ghosts and the afterlife hoping that maybe I would see my sister again but it never happened. But eventually it gets easier and slowly you start to not think about the person as much until one day you wake up and your mind starts to wonder if they were ever here. You forget about the way they used to laugh and say you name.
Having these letters; I could hear her saying every word and for a brief moment I felt like I had my sister back. Reality sets in and just like that, she's gone again and I'm left here feeling betrayed by the two people I counted on most in my life. I'm left here in pain all over again. I'm left here with nothing more than an empty wine bottle beside me.
"God, Bella. I've been looking for you everywhere." Edward rushed over to me worried. That's all Edward ever is…worried.
I laughed out loud a little at my thoughts ending in a small hiccup.
"You drank the whole bottle?" Edward asked pulling my empty friend up from the floor beside me.
"No. Don't take away Mr. Bottle." I tried to swipe for it but ended up landing on Edward's feet.
Edward placed the bottle down on the table, "Let's get you up to bed." He leaned down with the intension of picking me up.
"Don't take away my letters. They're my letters." I grabbed onto my letters, clutching them to my chest.
"I'm not going to take away your letters. Just let me help you up." Edward replied patiently.
I was more the a bit wobbly when I finally was able to get to my feet but Edward who didn't seem to have as much patience anymore just picked me up.
"Are we going for a ride?"
"You're going to bed." Edward replied.
We got up and out of the wine cellar and Jacob was there. "Good, you found her."
"Jacob, we're going for a ride." I called out.
"Watch the girls." Edward said to Jacob.
"Did you know she wanted to be a professor? She used to say she was going to go to Oxford and nab herself a British professor and then they would have professor babies." I don't know why I was giving Edward random facts about my sister.
"She used to say that being a vegetarian would be worse than death."
Edward placed me on our bed and helped me out of my clothes.
"She kept her promise to me when she graduated high school and was out all night long at grad night the next morning she didn't even go to bed because she had promised to take me to the first showing of the new Batman movie."
Edward helped me under the covers.
"Don't leave me. Please don't you leave me too." I pleaded through my watery eyes.
"I'm not going to go anywhere." Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead. He placed my letters on my side table and then got up and started to undress, climbing into bed with me. Holding me while I once more mourned the loss of Jessica.
The next morning, I could feel my head before anything else would register. I tentatively opened my eye to be welcomed by the sun. Images floated through my mind of what happened the previous night and it was safe to say that Bella and alcohol never mixed well. I really needed to learn that lesson already.
Edward walked into the room carrying a tray.
"I was hoping you would be up. I know you didn't have dinner so I made a heavier breakfast." He explained placing the tray down in front of me.
I was happy to see that he spared me from his famous hangover concoction. I have learned that wine rarely made my stomach turn after drinking it but it did give me one pounding headache which is why I was thankful for the aspirin that Edward had placed on my tray as well.
I took them first.
"I'm…sorry…for last night." I started to apologize.
"Bella, it's okay. I'm just relieved that you decided to stay here. When I couldn't find you I was worried that you might have taken off and with your emotions I can't imagine how that could have turned out."
We both started to eat quietly for a few minutes.
"I think that you need to at least hear what your parents…"
"Edward, please. I just…please." I looked at him practically begging for him to drop it.
"Okay."
"Would you mind if I didn't go to work with you today?" I asked quietly. Edward said he didn't mind and he even let me mope around the house over the next couple of days without giving me grief for it or bringing up my parents. Of course I could see my parents house phone number light up on my phone a couple of times but I quickly would hit ignore and continue to go on without a second thought. Finally I was ready to do something about the funk I had been in.
"I am kind of in need of some therapy. Would you mind taking me to WMG?" I asked Edward on Friday morning.
"Of course not, baby. I already took the girls to school this morning and will have Emma pick them up and bring them back to Warner Bros., okay?"
After a nice long shower, Edward drove me into Warner Bros. dropping me off in front of the WMG building.
The boys had been busy designing out their concert tour and I would have felt bad pulling them away from their work any other day, but today I allowed myself to be selfish. The moment I walked in and they saw my face I just said, "Hey, I'm in need of some therapy."
They dropped what they were doing leaving their manager, Thomas behind and we walked over to find a vacant rehearsal space.
I started to pull out the letters that Jessica wrote me and I laid them down on the piano. "I want to write a song that can bring some form of honor to my sister's life. These were her words and I want to use them for lyrics. Maybe you guys can start playing around and give me some inspiration."
The boys went over and picked up their instruments. I helped with trying to locate a sound for the next hour while thinking on my sisters words. Slowly the pain started to relieve itself and over the next four hours we spent writing that one song; this was the best therapy possible.
Around four o'clock we received a surprise visit. I was sitting around finally able to laugh again at jokes that Aaron had been making when Edward walked in.
"Hey babe." I smiled at him, happy I was able to smile again.
He looked…different as he slowly approached me, "Honey, I…uh…we need to go. Your mother called. Your dad's in the hospital."
For a minute while I was trying to process his words a million emotions flew in head. Surprise, anger, disbelief, fear…
"I'm sure he's fine. He's been in the hospital a couple of times over my life. He's always fine." I reassured.
"We need to go." Edward said once more.
"All righty." I jumped up from my chair. "Thanks guys for your help. You're the best."
"I hope every things okay, Bella." Scott replied sincerely.
I waved him off, "I'm sure he'll be fine." I rolled my eyes at the situation.
I walked out hand in hand with Edward. We got to the car and Edward paused before turning the car on. "Baby, he had a stroke." He informed me seriously.
"Well, he had a heart attack when I was five. I'm sure he'll be fine. They'll probably just put him on some horrible diet again."
"This is serious." Edward said trying to make me understand the severity of the situation.
"Edward, I said he'll be fine." I replied gritting my teeth. "Just drive. My daddy will be…" I couldn't finish the lie this time so I faced forward and started to squeeze my fists, focusing on the pain of my finger nails going into my palms.
No do overs. No true second chances. Yes, the rules were cruel.
AN: Thank you for your reviews and taking the time to read this story!