Don't take that sinner from me

Chapter 18: Slipping through my fingers

A/N: I own nothing except my mistakes.

"How old are you actually?" Hermione suddenly asked, looking up from her book as she was laying sprawled out on the sofa. That's how they had been spending most of their days lately - either reading together or him attending meetings. For some reason, Voldemort did not request her presence lately. Not that she minded.

"Excuse me?" Snape asked, looking up from his book as well as he turned to stare at her incredulously. "You heard me." Hermione casually shrugged. "I don't see why that should be any of your concern." Hermione glared at him disapprovingly, "Severus, I'm your wife! I'm supposed to know how old you are - when your birthday is." She felt incredibly weird to suddenly exclaim that she was his wife, and he seemed to be rather taken aback by that as well.

"January 9, that's all you need to know." He said and Hermione raised an eyebrow at him, her features stern. "What year?" She demanded dangerously, not allowing him to get out of this again. She had tried many times before over the summer, but he kept on refusing.

After a defeated sigh, he said a quick: "1960." And Hermione's eyes widened in surprise. She knew there must have been some age gap between them - but she didn't expect the nineteen years. Yet, she had expected more years so it wasn't all that bad.

"What about you?" Snape asked, lowering his book as he focused on the conversation. Hermione frowned, "What about me?" She asked and he rolled his eyes. "When were you born?" Hermione debated on telling him, but figured there would be no harm done by filling him in on that piece of information. "September 19," She said, adding a quick: "1979" behind it.

Snape nodded and cleared his throat rather uncomfortably as he focused back on his book. "Have you ever thought of having children?" Snape's eyes shot up again as he raised an eyebrow, "Are you implying that you have a wish for children?" Hermione rolled her eyes, "That's not what I asked, Severus."

"Not really." He said with a shrug and she stared at him, furrowing her eyebrows a bit. It pained her to say, but her curiosity was bigger than her pride. "Not even with Lily?" An uncomfortable silence fell but then he broke it, "Never really thought about it." He admitted and she knew he was truthful by the way he carried his expression.

"Do you have a wish for children?" Snape asked cautiously, as if afraid to hear her answer. Hermione shrugged casually, "I've always wanted to, at some point. But then, well, this marriage happened and my life turned out entirely different than I had planned it to go - as well as my past wishes." Hermione watched as his features turned thoughtful and she let out a humourless laugh. "So, no worries, I'm not expecting you to grant me some children."

Snape smirked lightly at that as he shook his head. "Wasn't planning on it." Hermione smiled lazily and sunk further into the sofa, enjoying the warmth of the fireplace. Yes, it was summer, but the town they were in was always rather cold - an unpleasant mist hanging in the air no matter how sunny it would get.

"Are you still in love with that Weasley boy?" Snape unexpectedly asked her and she raised her eyebrows as she met his eyes. "I've never been in love with Ron." Snape raised a challenging eyebrow but she wasn't intimidated. "I'm serious, Severus. Yes, I might have held an interest in him at some point.. but then he got with Lavender and I just.. moved on, I guess." Hermione casually shrugged as he watched her carefully.

The tapping sound against a window caught both their attentions and Snape got out of his chair, opening the door and scolding as the owl flew in and made its way to Hermione. Grabbing the parchment from its legs, she read as an elegant invitation was written:

Dear Hermione,

We are pleased to announce that we will be marrying at August first.

We'd be delighted by your company and hope to see you at the wedding, starting at one in the afternoon.

Lots of love,

Fleur Delacour and Bill Weasley

Snape was staring at her and she held up the invitation, allowing him to read it because she needed his advice. His eyes briefly skimmed over it and then turned on her once more, "Do you want to go?" Hermione debated this, but then nodded. She had needed an opportunity to reach out to Harry and Ron, and this was the absolute perfect way. "Then I don't see why you can't. Just be careful." He said and Hermione nodded with a smile, happy to return to The Burrow once more even though she had quite a heavy heart because of it.

"I'll be gone tonight – the Dark Lord has requested my presence." Hermione absentmindedly nodded until a thought struck her, "Hang on, isn't today Harry's birthday?" She gasped as she had totally forgotten about it and hadn't sent him a present. Then again, she doubted he'd appreciate her gifts at the moment. "Is the Dark Lord up to something regarding Harry coming of age?" Snape remained silent, debating on how much he could tell her and then he nodded.

Hermione gave a slow nod, scrabbling an absentminded message on the wedding invitation to confirm that she'd come and watched as the owl flew away back through the still open door. Her eyes focused on the bookshelves, her mind slowly carried away until a sudden thought struck her. "CROOKSHANKS!" Hermione yelled and jumped out of her chair, receiving a surprised look from Snape who was still standing in the middle of the room.

"Excuse me?" He asked and she mentally face palmed herself for having entirely forgotten about her own cat. "Crookshanks, I totally forgot about him. Where is he?" Hermione asked and Snape smirked, "I was wondering how long you'd take to ask that question. I almost started to believe my efforts had been for nothing."

"However, that bloody cat is still roaming around the castle. I've let the house elves take care of it. I'm sure he's enjoying himself greatly in the kitchens." Hermione let out a relieved sigh as she smiled gratefully at him, "Thank you." She said but he waved it away, taking a seat in the armchair once more.

Snape leaned over to the fireplace and left a message with an order for dinner. In a couple of seconds, a plate of food had appeared on the table. So that's how he had been getting them food the entire time. Both taking a seat, they silently ate their food like usual.

When they were done, Snape went back to his reading and Hermione took this time to wash herself up properly. Making absolutely sure that he was busy reading, she wet her towel and got out of the first layer of her clothes, leaving her in only her lingerie.

Her heart raced with the risk she knew she was taking, but she felt beyond disgusted and really needed that wash. A soft relieved sigh escaped her lips as she rubbed the wet towel over her body, cleaning the skin as she went over her entire body.

"What in the world are you doing with that water, Hermione?" Snape's voice came from the sitting room and Hermione stopped dead in her track as she stopped drying herself with the dry towel, listening to any moving sounds but was pleased to hear none.

"I'm washing myself." She squeaked and Snape let out a grunt, which she took as a sign that he understood to not enter the kitchen until she was done. She could've asked him that as well before she began – but she hadn't thought of that at all.

Feeling refreshed, she dressed up again and then stuck her head under the water, cleaning it with the bottle of shampoo she had brought from her parent's house and smiled as the floral scent hit her nostrils.

Performing a quick drying spell on her hair, she was pleased to see the loose waves her hair had fallen into as she watched her reflection in the window – the background dark, for it had turned night.

Her hair had for sure lost most of its bushiness, which she was very grateful for. She was having enough attention these days, her hair didn't need to be a contributing factor.

Walking back into the sitting room, she fell down on the sofa near the fireplace, closing her eyes as she folded her hands on top of each other. "If you wish to sleep, I'd suggest moving upstairs." A dull voice spoke but Hermione shook her head. "I wasn't planning on sleeping. Just merely thinking whilst I'm waiting."

"And what is it that you are waiting for?" Somehow his voice sounded even lower with her eyes closed, and she had to try her hardest to suppress the shivers that went down her spine. "Waiting for both your departure and your return." Hermione spoke casually, as if she wasn't feeling the tingling on her skin, her heart that had sped up.

"Don't be silly, Hermione. You're not going to stay up all night. In case it had slipped your notice, tomorrow morning I will be here as well. Just go to sleep and I'll fill you in on the necessary details then." Snape said but Hermione shook her head again.

"In case it had slipped your notice, Severus, this is my best friend we're talking about! How am I supposed to sleep knowing there is a great chance of him dying?" Hermione argued but Snape replied as calm as ever, "His chances of dying will be greatly minimized, I can assure you that."

Hermione's eyes flung open as she looked at him, watching as he casually looked down at his book, but she knew he wasn't reading. "How can you possibly know that?" Hermione urged suspiciously and he raised an eyebrow at her, now meeting her eyes.

"It's because I have been the one to propose this plan." Hermione's eyebrows shot up in disbelief, "You? But you're no longer part of the Order, are you?" Snape shook his head, "I am not. However, a Confundus Charm on an unsuspecting Mundungus Fletcher seemed to have done the trick." Hermione's features softened as a small 'oh' formed around her lips. "And what plan did you propose, then?" She wondered and he seemed a bit hesitant to tell her, but continued nonetheless.

"Polyjuice potion. Six others would have to turn into Potter, lessening the risk of him dying. At the hand of another Order member, they'll fly off to the Burrow, making the real Potter unable to be recognized by other Death Eaters." Hermione's mouth dropped open, "Ingenious." She whispered in admiration and he rolled his eyes.

"Like I said, Potter has little chance of dying this night. So, just move to your bed." But Hermione still refused to get up, "No. As ingenious as this plan might be, there is still a great risk attached. I want to hear all about it – and am not planning on waiting until the morning to find out."

Snape went to argue, but Hermione silenced him with a threatening look. Growling under his breath, she heard him mutter "Stubborn witch" as he focused his eyes back on his book. A small smile tugged on Hermione's mouth, happy to have him sort of convinced.

Closing her eyes once more, she let her thoughts trail off to the upcoming wedding in only four days. What exactly would she say to her best friends? Would they be able to understand why she had chosen for Severus instead of Harry at that time? Not that she could blame them if they couldn't, for it was unclear to herself all the same. However, if it truly was necessary – she could always blame it on the Unbreakable Vows she made, couldn't she?

If she didn't know the real reason behind it, she could at least use the most obvious one. That one would also guarantee more trust from all of them.

A voice filled the quiet room, ripping her out of her thoughts. "Have you come to a decision yet to what you will do upcoming school year?" Hermione's eyes opened and met the staring gaze of Snape. Nodding, she cleared her throat to avoid her voice failing her as she spoke.

"I stand by what I said, Severus. I will go with you to Hogwarts." Hermione said confidently, but Snape wasn't having it. "Hermione, going with me will bring you into greater danger than being around the Potter boy!" His voice was one not to be argued with, but she could care any less as she replied equally furious.

"We've been over this, Severus! No matter where I go, I'll always be in danger. I've thought this over the past few weeks – honestly, I have. I'll try to convince Harry and Ron to trust me again, and I'll help them escape from You-know-who. But after that, I will stay with you."

A snarl was planted on his face, calming his voice a little as he spoke through gritted teeth: "And what good will it do to return to me?" Hermione swallowed, not sure if that meant that he was getting tired of her presence. "I told you before, Severus. I care about you and I..- how am I supposed to spend my days knowing you are as in equal danger as I am?" He went to argue but she held up her hand, wanting to finish what she way saying without him interrupting.

"Don't say you're not, because you are! The Dark Lord might trust you – but one wrong move and your entire position as a double agent will be given away. One wrong move from your part, and you'll die." Snape's features softened slightly, but his lips were still positioned in a thin line.

"And why would you care if I died or not? In case you had forgotten, you have made no protection Vows. Whether I live or die, it will not affect your faith. Or is it perhaps, that you have developed some kind of interest for me? If that's the case, I'll have to disappoint you, because I can't say I can return those feelings." Snape's voice was hard and cold, and Hermione had to bite her cheek to keep the tears from escaping her eyes.

"You're an arse, did you know that? Is it truly that difficult for you to understand that someone can simply care about you? But fine, have it your way then. If you do not wish for my presence, I shall not bother you with it any longer." Hermione's voice was trembling slightly, barely a whisper as she fixed a hard glare at her husband.

With his face expressionless and his voice as toneless as one could have it, he stood up and looked down at her. "It's time for me to leave." Hermione scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Whatever, Severus."

Waiting for the door to click shut, she allowed the tears to escape from her eyes. Slowly, the crying had intensified as she was loudly sobbing by now – the tears flowing hotly over her cheeks as she mentally beat herself up for being such a fool.

All this time she had been convincing herself that they were growing closer, that perhaps there was a chance for them in the future. How stupid she had been – thinking that he'd ever develop feelings for her as well.

Yes, there was no denying it. She had accepted that there were some feelings for her husband, causing his words to hurt all the more. It had been a slap in the face to find out that he still didn't appreciate her presence after all they had been through together. But it wasn't too late yet to repair the damage she had created.