Here's another long one. Its timing stinks since it will slide down the list of fresh posts but hell, I said I won't quit and this is a reminder to all those who might be thinking that I quited. I WILL finish this story. I WILL post this story!
Exams are killing me slowly and painfully. I am tired, miserable, exhausted, worried and many more things consisting of four letters and their cognates. So bear with me!
If you leave a review, accept my gratitude. I don't like this chapter and am pretty sure that you wouldn't either. Its taking longer than expected to take it where I want it so if you agree with me and not leave a review, fine! I can live with that.
Enough rambling!
Happy reading.
Chapter 55
It was sunny, again. The day had a nice look though I had lost my faith in such things long ago. Life here was full of surprises, to say the least. And most if not all of those surprises were unpleasant bordering on gut wrenching. I remembered my strategy from last night regarding BJ's domestic bliss and started moving towards Swamp.
"Any idea about tonight's feast?"
"Beej! Don't use that word in front of me. My imagination runs amok and only stops when it hits the wall."
"I was just thinking if they flew in some turkeys."
"Doubt that. Somebody arranged turkey last year."
"And?"
"Second world war surplus." I remembered disgustedly.
BJ laughed at my expressions. It was a mirthless laugh. First real holiday for him away from his new family. My mind pondered over Army's infinite wisdom and I wondered yet again what the hell was he doing here. For that matter, what the hell was I doing here? Or Radar? Or Col. Potter. The man had already served in two wars. What the hell did they want from him?
He signed up for this.
And so he's gonna get punished for that act of...bravery? Stupidity?
Tommy came here voluntarily but his purpose was different, even stupid. And he lost his life in my arms. I wondered over the futility of what we were doing here, not for the last time, I was sure.
"Hawk!" Suddenly, I was shaken out of my reverie by BJ.
"Huh?" I looked at him. We were in the Swamp already.
"Nothing. I ...I was going out to check on patients but I guess that can wait." I felt his double-take but did not comment.
"Yeah. Yeah. Sure. They were fine. I checked them earlier."
"So how is it?"
"How is what?" I asked him.
"The ...dinner."
"Oh. Well, last year, we held a 'Come As Your Favorite Nude Pilgrim' party. Henry was a good sport. Doubt if Potter would have let us do that."
"Nude Pilgrim? And who's idea was that?" BJ laughed at the idea.
"Trapper and mine. We had decided to dress Radar as a turkey and lower him from a height of twenty feet. He refused. According to him, every man has a right to his own nudidity."
BJ grinned wide and so did I.
"How about this year?"
"No idea. I think I want to be surprised this time. And by something fun, for a change."
"Yeah! Me too."
"Henry was almost-courtmartialed for that party, among other indiscretions. Was it that or the Kentucky Derby?"
"You guys kept busy."
"Oh yeah. Trap and I went long way back, having pulled similar stunts first in med school and then during residency. And Henry wasn't regular Army. They even sent a shrink to evaluate us and then split us because of all the reports sent out by our local snitch, Frank."
"Sidney?"
"Nah! Not him. He only comes for poker. He might come today as well. Last year, he could not make it."
"You gonna have poker tonight?"
"Why not? Poker can be played any day and any time, right?"
"Well, I don't know of all the customs and rituals you guys have."
"Neither do we." I winked at him before continuing, "Its a democracy. We make rules and customs as we move along."
BJ smiled at this.
I pulled my note pad I was using to write letters these days, noticing it was almost finished. A visit to PX was imminent provided Potter would let me go. I knew I was due for some downtime. I also knew that despite whatever everybody said, I agreed with Frank in my heart when it came to leaving them stranded, like falling sick was my fault. I hated this pervasive guilt I was unable to shake despite all the reassurances.
Shaking my head in dismay, I settled on my cot to write one of the most important letters of my life.
"You gonna write a letter?" BJ looked at me while making arrangements for the still to pour out liquid joy later today.
"Yeah. A friend. Needs some help."
"From here? Where is he?"
"Yeah, from here. I hope I can help him."
"Good luck! I will go check on Martins and then maybe we can play some chess?"
"Yeah. It won't be long, I think."
"Alright then. Later, buddy!" And with that, he left the Swamp as the still started hissing and moaning
For the reassurance I gave BJ about the letter, it sure took longer to formulate the right words and lines. I did not want her scared or worried, just informed. By the time I was finished, my notepad had run out completely and BJ had been poking fun at me for quite a long time while I stoically ignored him and the inviting sounds of my second favorite roommate.
"Finished?"
"Well, yeah. You got any stamps?"
"I found some in Frank's Bible the other day."
"Then give me a couple."
"I did not say I still had them. I meant you could try and find some there, Sherlock!"
"Thanks a lot, Watson!" I rummaged through Frank's Bible and then all the other books in his shelf. No joy. This letter needed to leave town immediately.
"Be right back! Set the chess board."
"What? No stamps?"
"Nah! The fink. I am running low on almost everything now. A visit to PX is due."
"I might be going tomorrow if no casualties. Give me your list."
"I might go with you."
"Alright. Lets hope we don't get guests today."
"Just set the board. I will be right back."
With that, I left the Swamp, going towards Margaret's tent first. She was not there. I decided to go to Potter's office. Radar might have some stamps.
"Good morning, Radar."
"Oh Hawkeye. Good morning." He was cranking the phone with a vengeance.
"Uhhh, Radar!"
"Yeah?"
"You don't happen to have a couple of stamps with you, do you?"
"Oh no, sorry Hawkeye. I just gave my last to Father Mulcahy. Maybe Klinger has some."
"Oh. OK." I felt disappointed.
"Next jeep is not due to arrive till tomorrow. I will get you a couple of stamps by then." He earnestly told me, still cranking the phone.
I grinned widely before going towards him and holding his face in both hands, I looked in his eyes. Or glasses, which had gone all foggy.
"NO! HAWKEYE. NO." He tried to pry himself lose and I laughed before kissing him on his cheek.
I heard him swearing in his own way behind me as I left the office to check out Klinger first.
He was darning a very beautiful evening gown when I got to his tent.
"Hello my beaky prince. Or is it princess?"
"Hey Captain Pierce! What can I do ya for?"
"I need some stamps, Klinger. And niiiice dress, by the way!"
"Yeah, right out of my Norma Jean collection. What did you say? Stamps?"
"Yeah. Those tiny things with pictures on them, used to pay for letters?"
"Hmmm. How many?"
"Two would do for now. How many you got?"
"More than you need, Captain!"
"OK?"
"How bad do you need them?"
"Bad 'nuf."
"GOOD."
"Not-good, Klinger. Now can I have them, please?"
"I need something in return."
"You name it, buddy!" I turned on my charm.
"I will let you know. Do I have your word?"
"Cross my heart, Klinger. Now can I have them?"
"Sure thing, Captain. Pleasure doing business with you."
And he dug into his footlocker and from one of the bras, retrieved a book of stamps and tore me a few. I wondered what his demand was gonna be like but that could wait. Now, all I needed was a dispatch rider and I was all set.
Breathing a sigh of relief, I put the stamps on the envelope and neatly wrote my name on the backside, leaving the front blank for now and left for Radar again.
"Radar!" And I saw Margaret leaving his office. She was mumbling in an angry tone though I could not catch a word of it.
I lifted my eyebrows to enquire what happened. Radar just shrugged before saying, "Don't ask!"
"OK! What time does the dispatch rider come tomorrow?"
"Can you believe her? All this time, she is screaming at me for not getting her through and when I do, she says three words, slams the phone and leaves. No 'Thank you Radar. You got me my call on a Holiday.' The only kiss I get is from YOU. What do you want?"
"Uhhh. Radar. I am touched. I just asked what time the dispatch rider comes tomorrow?"
"What do I look like? The dispatcher? How do I know?"
"Fair enough. Hey! Can you do me a favor?"
"Yeah yeah. Radar, do this for me. Radar, do that for me. This is what I am. Radar the Slave!"
"Radar! Cummon, that's not fair."
"FAIR! You want fair? Take this!" And he shoved a cracked phone in my hands before leaving his chair and landing on his cot heavily.
I placed the phone on the table again and sat down next to him on his cot.
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
"Cummon, Radar. Its me you are talking to."
"I'm tired, Hawkeye. Tired of everything. Tired of the war. People think I am a machine. Always expecting me to do something, get something and when I cannot do it..."
"Listen Radar! Hey. Look at me."
He looked at me and I could see something was worrying him, something that was not related to this camp or any of us, at least not in a big part.
My guilt came back full swing as I realized how this kid took care of everybody – me - and how everybody – I - took him for granted.
Leave your guilt aside for a minute!
Now wasn't the time to focus on myself and my guilt, pervasive or otherwise.
"Cummon, Radar. You know you can tell me anything."
"Yeah. I know."
"So?"
"Nothing, Hawkeye."
"Ray-dar! Tell your mother the truth!"
I saw him smile and I smiled myself.
"I just miss Ma and Uncle Ed, Hawkeye. And the farm. Ma wrote me a letter. And people from Ottumwa, Iowa sent me a signed letter and everything. And Betsy had a new calf. My hamster is sick. Mom said she would miss me on Thanksgiving. She makes such a good turkey, Hawkeye."
I could see tears glistening beyond his dirty glasses and felt bad – worse – if that was possible.
I pulled him into a one arm hug and just sat there. There was nothing I could say. I just felt like I had failed him. I should have seen this. And all this time, I had been worried about...
Damn this war!
Damn the people who sent us here and are sitting back, in warmth, with their families, enjoying their lives!
There just wasn't a single damned thing I could do for him.
Not a single damned thing!
"Hawkeye!"
"Yeah, kid?"
"You are breaking my shoulder." I realized and laughed, embarrassed.
"Listen, Radar! This is the last time I am telling you this. You can come to me ANYTIME, with ANYTHING. You got that?"
He nodded, looking at his hands in his lap.
"Chin up, big guy!" I put a hand under his chin and lifted it. He smiled before asking me what I was there for. I asked him to let me know whenever the dispatch rider arrived and then left for Swamp again.
God I hated this war!
P.S. I hate my own war and all this emotion is all true, all mine!