That God awful whiny drone called music played loudly over to store speaker system as Clara stood in front of the boxes of cereal. Watching the boxes as if the right one would jump off of the shelf and hit her in the face. All that happened was those colourful boxes and bright colour looking back at her. It had been a week since Clara had seen Dean, and it was not the least bit surprising that he left in the night while she was sleeping. At least he wrote a note thanking her for everything. That is what the plan was right? No strings. Yet, as much as she told herself that a part of her still wondered what happened to the man. If he had actually managed to pull himself together or not. The chances of seeing that man again were slim to none, though. That was just the way drifters were; coming into your life one day, or night, and moving out as fast as they came into it. That was the way that she liked her relationships now right? One guy is not going to change that.
She sighed and took her cart to the till, feeling like someone was watching her the whole time. When Clara looked around the room she saw nothing out of the normal, though. Probably just her imagination going wild again. That seems to be happening a lot lately. Strange feelings of being watched and seeing shadows in the distance. The stress of everything must really be getting to her. Maybe it was too early to get back into the swing of things after what happened. Her head was obviously not on straight right now.
It did not take long to get through her errands for the day done and to get back to the small apartment. She had just finished putting the groceries away when there was a knock at the door. No one was supposed to be coming over today. It was not out of the normal for the girl guides or random people to come to the door selling something or another though so she thought nothing of it. "Just a sec." Clara said loudly as she closed the fridge and put the plastic bag under the sink before making her way to the door. To her surprise when Clara opened the door and there was Dean, looking as run down as he did the first time she saw him. "Dean, what are you doing here?" She asked, clearly surprised by his sudden appearance on her doorstep.
He jus too sighed and pulled his hands out of his pocket, taking a deep shaky breath. "I just... I can't be alone right now." Dean said, that deep voice cracking a little as he looked down at his hand. She felt her heart break at looking at him so vulnerable like this. Something bad must have happened to have him coming back to a stranger for comfort. "I'll understand if you tell me to leave, you have no obligation to do me any favours." He said, as Clara just watched the man for a moment, taken aback by him being there at all. "This was a bad idea." Dean said as he turned around and went to leave.
Clara moved forward and grabbed his arm before he could get far. "Hey, come in. I'll make you some something good to eat." She said, moving her hand down to his hand and leading him inside, closing the door behind them. "On the menu tonight is steak with a side of cheesy potatoes." Clara added as she watched Dean stand there, a faint smile on his face as he looked over at her. "Come, let's make something good." She said, smiling at Dean and motioning for him to follow her into the kitchen.
They made their way to the kitchen and Clara buzzed around, chopping and crushing. She looked over at Dean who was sitting at her new kitchen table, just staring down at his hands again as a tear streaked down that stubble covered face. "Hey, you look like you know how to handle your meat. Why don't you come give me a hand with the steaks?" Clara asked as she walked over to Dean with the tongs in her hand. "Not that I can't handle a piece of meat of course." She said, smiling at him as he looked up at her with a small smile on his face.
"I'm not going to debate that one." Dean said getting up and taking the tongs, looking down at them for a moment. His smile fading as he looked back up at Clara and sighed. "I promise not to burn them." He said, walking over to the fridge. "This is going to be the best steak you ever had." Dean said, his voice a bit more upbeat as he dug around for something in the fridge. Clara just let him do what he wanted with the steaks. Chopping and squeezing things into the pan before putting a lid on top of them.
Clara chuckled and shook her head as Dean turned around and raised an eyebrow. "You know it's steak, not a science experiment right?" She teased, crushing the potatoes with the masher. He just waved the tongs at her and turned back to the stove. There was no chit chat this time when they cooked together, just a comfortable silence. Neither of them really sure what to say to each other right now. Sometimes you don't need to say anything, though. She set out the plates and put the pot of potatoes next to the plates on the counter as Dean put the steaks on them. "Go for teamwork." Clara said as she held up her hand and looked over at Dean expectantly.
He just shook his head and chuckled a little and smacked that big strong hand into hers. "Your something else." Dean said as he took the spoon in the pot of potatoes and dished them out. Clara smiled as she went to the fridge and grabbed two beers for the pair of them. "Be prepared to be wowed by my science experiment." He said, smiling a little and taking the plates over to the table and putting them across from each other. "I like the table. Can't wait to break this one." Dean joked, getting a smack on the back from Clara as she walked past him. Remembering very well how they broke the other one that day.
They didn't say much while they ate, besides little grunts and hums from the new tastes that each of them were being met with. "Okay, I will give it to you. That was a damn good steak." Clara said as she put down her cutlery and sat back. "You are more than welcome to make science experiments that taste like that in my kitchen." She said, smiling at him as he finished off his bottle of beer. "Want to watch a movie? They have an Indiana Jones marathon on tonight and I've been looking forward to it all week." Clara said as she drummed her hands against the table.
Dean smiled a little again as he watched her before getting up and grabbing the plates. "Sounds like a great night to me." He said, piling the empty plates and cutlery before leaving into the kitchen. She quickly got up and followed him, taking the empty bottles from the table on her way. "So this is what you do with your downtime, you sit around and watch movies? I would have thought of you as more of a going out and partying type." Dean commented as he put the plates in the sink, turning around and finally looking Clara in the eyes for the first time.
His eyes, while they were bloodshot and slightly puffy, were still just as beautiful as the night they met. Clara just shook her head at his comment and shrugged. "Well, I haven't exactly been as fun as I normally am for a while. I normally do go out and party, though." Clara said as she put the bottles in a bin by the garbage can. It was hard to believe that the person that was barely ever at home just months ago was going to be spending her downtime watching old movies. Things had changed though, Clara was trying to get back to the person she used to be. Part of her was wondering if the person was still there though. "Who can argue with a little Indiana Jones though, I mean come on. That's quality movie's right there." She said smiling at Dean as she turned and faced him. Desperate to take her mind off of the path to self destruction it was on right now.
She watched Dean as he shook his head and chuckled a little. "No argument there." Dean said, leaning against the counter and giving Clara a once over. While Dean might have looked a little better than when he walked in it was obvious that his mind was not all with her right now. There was such sadness around Dean that she just wanted to hold him close to her till he felt better. "Do you have any popcorn, no movie is complete without popcorn." He said, walking over to Clara and standing in front of her, tucking a strand of hair away that had fallen out of the messy bun.
Clara looked up at him, smiling as she patted his chest and moved past him to the pantry. "Do I have popcorn? Ha! You can't watch a movie without popcorn." She said, taking out the hot air popper from the top shelve and bringing out a bag of kernels. "Go sit down and I will bring you some popcorn." Clara said, patting Dean on the back and brushing past him to grab some butter. Soon enough they were both sitting down in front of the t.v with a big bowl of popcorn on the table in front of them.
They sat there for a while just watching the movie, slowly hacking away from the pile of popcorn. It was about halfway through the movie before Clara heard Dean take a deep breath. She looked over at him and saw that he was looking up at the ceiling and taking deep breaths. Seeing him so upset was hard, so Clara did the only thing that she could think of and scooted over to Dean, wrapping her arms around him tightly. "Sorry, I just..." Dean started as he wrapped his arms around her tightly and took deep breaths.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She offered, letting him pull her onto his lap and cling tightly. His head rested on her neck as a small sob left him. Warm wetness hit her skin as Dean started shaking a little. All Clara could do was just hold him close as he cried. She ran a hand through Dean's hair and kissed the top of his head as he sobbed softly. They just sat there for a while, Clara was not really sure how long it was. The movie had changed to the next and he classic music was already playing when Dean stopped sobbing and his grip tightened a little.
Her hand gently stroked his head as he started to pull away. She gave him a small smile, her hand resting on his face, softly wiping the tears away. "My brother, he... he's gone and now. It's all my fault." Dean said as he shook his head and looked away from her, more tears streaking down that grief-stricken face. She knew what it was like to blame yourself for someone's death. Blaming yourself for a family member's death, that was a heavy burden to shoulder.
She watched him as he took a deep shaky breath and shook his head. "I'm so sorry that you lost him," Clara said as she took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. "No one should have to go through the loss of a loved one." She added bringing his hand up to her face and kissing it lightly. Just sitting there and watching him, lacing her fingers with his as she sighed. "I know it is no comparison, but even though it has been months since... time doesn't always make things better, it just makes you miss them more," Clara said as she shook her head and squeezed Dean's hand.
The two of them just looked at each other for a moment, neither of them saying anything. Neither of them judging or pitting the other, they had an understanding of how loss can weigh on you. Bring you crashing down to the ground under its weight. Making it impossible to pick yourself with all the weight on you. "I know he would want me to live a normal happy life, but I just keep thinking about how he is suffering because of my decisions," Dean said as he shook his head and looked down in the space between the two of them.
What do you say to someone in a dark place like this to keep them from disappearing in their darkness? Was there even anything that could be said? She just shook her head and watched Dean for a moment. "I might not know everything about what happened, and you by no means have to tell me. It's just... you can always find something as your fault if you look hard enough. You need to find something to hold onto, grab it and never let go. Use it as your anchor." Clara said as she brought his hand to her mouth again and kissed it.
"I have nothing left Clara, he was all I had," Dean said, his voice cracking a little as he squeezed her hand tightly. Clara's heart was breaking for this man. Dean had lost everything he had with his brother's death. Sure she lost Max, and it was slowly eating her alive, but she had her sister if it got bad enough. Having nothing... well that would be a fate that she would not wish on anyone. "I lost the only family I had and I'm stuck living here in this world alone. How am I supposed to live life normally when my brother is in hell?" Dean asked, looking at Clara like he wanted an honest answer to the question.
How would you live life knowing your sibling is in hell? To be honest, Clara probably would not be living at all. How he knew his brother was in hell, well Clara was not going to touch that one. Right now she just wanted to keep him from going off the deep end. If Dean was bad enough to not want to be alone then he was already pretty far. "Well it probably doesn't help any but you have me, and while I might be a bit biased on the topic, I am pretty awesome." She said, looking at Dean and smiling at him when he gave her a faint chuckle.
He sighed at her and shook his head. "You're definitely something else, that's for sure," Dean said, his voice sounding stronger as he untangled their hands. Wrapping his arms around Clara and pulling her close to him. "Thanks for letting me in." He said, smiling a little and leaning forward. Pressing his lips against hers and closing the distance between them. Clara was surprised by the kiss, but it didn't take long for her arm's to find their way around Dean's neck and pull him closer.
They stayed like that for a while what started as an innocent kiss turning into a passionate dance with their tongues. They finally broke away for air, both breathing heavily as Clara rested her forehead on Dean 's. "You can stay for as long as you want Dean ." She said smiling at him as her hands moved to the back of his head and ran through his hair. "Just don't murder me in my sleep, that's not cool." Clara joked, getting a humourless chuckle as Dean pulled away. "Seriously, though, bring your stuff up and stay awhile. Sounds like we both could use someone to just sit down and watch a movie with." She said, smiling a little at Dean .
"I would like that," Dean said as he moved one of his hands from Clara's waist to her face. A small sad smile spreading across his slightly blotchy face as they sat there, just watching each other for a while. "You want to watch the rest of the movies or is it really worth it at this point?" He asked, his thumb gently stroking her face with soft and caring touches as she just shook her head. "I guess I am going to go get my bags then," Dean said as he leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss as she moved off his lap and smiled at him. He still looked awful, but there was a hint of relief buried in those green depths. She could not help but smile at the little shred of hope that he would be okay, if there was hope for him then maybe there was still hope for her too. Maybe.