Hello my naughty monkeys! Doubt if you were waiting for any update. Does not matter. I will finish it anyway. And post it too, God willing!

Got an exam and an interview in next week and I am hoping things work out fine.
If you wished me luck, thanks. If you did not, that's fine too. If you wanted an update, here it is. Enjoy! If you did not expect/want it, tough luck. I am still posting it.

Enjoy!

Chapter 56

Ever since I got my draft notice...NO, ever since I knew about wars, I hated them. I hated the senselessness of the losses. But in Second World War, it was somehow different. We knew we were dragged into something we did not want or ask for. We were attacked, after all. But with this war – police action – things had gone differently. It never even began to make sense to me. I still did not know what the hell were we doing here. Outside, in the fields and villages, I did not see communists. All I ever saw were hungry, poor, innocent civilians - peasants - trying to get from one day to next in one piece.

Radar, Klinger, Father Mulcahy and I were the only draftees in the camp who had been here since day one.

Klinger spent so much energy trying to get his section eight, he had little else to think about.

Father Mulcahy had a whole unit to save and then some.

I had my work, still, nurses and BJ to get through the day.

I should have been there for Radar. I usually was there but last few weeks were weeks from hell. And I could not shake the feeling of letting him down too.

The list was getting longer by the day. I was not my favorite person right now!

I heard them before I saw them. BJ and Sidney were busy getting stoned, playing gin-draft.

"Hey Sidney!"

"Oh hello, Hawkeye. I thought I would play in your place till you returned."

"I cannot play this game, not for another few weeks."

"Good for you. I was losing anyway."

"Hey Hawk! You took so long, I thought you found some distraction."

"Nah, Beej! No distraction. And you cannot call her a distraction. She helps me focus."

"Which Juliet are we talking about now, Romeo?"

"Juliet is but an expression, Beej. It can be any woman of female persuasion."

Sidney gave an amused smile while staring at me. BJ was too busy getting Sidney's pieces, in this case, gin shots.

I sat down on my cot, thinking about the war again. My shoulder was bothering me a little now.

"Hey!" I looked up. BJ was staring at me across the draft board, rather intently.

"Yeah?" I returned the quizzical look.

"Your shoulder bothering you?" I was pretty sure BJ was not telepathic, definitely not in his near-inebriation.

"You were rubbing it." He quelled my silent wonderment. "Let me have a look at it."

"I can leave if you want me to." Sidney finally spoke, turning towards me.

"No, I think I will look at it in the suture room. I have to check his scalp stitches as well. You gonna be OK while we are gone?"

"Maybe you can leave him with a pacifier?" I spoke to no one in particular and Sidney chuckled.

"You go along. I will get some coffee. Its too early for me to try getting drunk."

Once we left the Swamp, Sidney headed towards the mess tent while BJ and I started towards the hospital area.

"Hawk!"

"Yeah, Beej."

"Everything alright?"

"Huh? Yeah. Yeah. Everything is good."

"You seem distracted."

"I told you Beej. No distractions. Not right now."

"Alright already!" He raised his hands in defeat and we strode in silence. The mushy slush reminded me of home yet again.

"When did Sidney come?"

"Says its been a few hours. Came with the last batch of supplies and mail."

"Mail?"

"Yeah. Mail. Why?"

"Damn!" I swore loudly before cursing all four lettered words and their cognates under my breath.

"Why are you getting so worked up?"

"I was with that...I was with Radar. And he did not even mention anything about any mail."

"You expecting something?"

"No. Had to send out something. Now it has to wait...when is the next batch of mail going out?"

"Tomorrow."

And I remembered Radar telling me that.

"Oh yeah! Radar told me that. I forgot."

"Hawk! You sure you OK?"

"I'm fine, BJ." I replied somewhat annoyed and felt bad immediately.

He did not say anything again till we got to suture room.

"Take off your shirt."

"Beej. Its cold here."

"Oh yeah!" This time, he was the one distracted but I did not say anything.

He examined the shoulder. I was having some tenderness at the point of shoulder and the bruise was bigger and more colorful now but there was no hindrance in movement.

"There is one stitch cutting through. Let me redo it and then I will take some blood for your liver function tests and clotting profile." He commented after examining the scalp laceration, getting a tray ready for the stitch.

It was after he had done it that I realized that he had quite a few drinks in him. That also explained the two sticks before he found the vein. I put up with this silently. And stoically.

But I could not stop thinking : When did all this happen?

We both returned to Swamp silently. Somehow, despite the fact that what just happened was not all that serious, it had given me a chill down my spine.

Swamp was vacant. Sidney probably hadn't returned from the looks of it.

BJ lied down on his cot picking up a book.

I just sat there, thinking, wondering.

What would happen when we get back? What was more important? Getting through the war with the aid of still or not making mistakes while we were stuck here? Answer seemed simple enough but that was because I had not been close to any blood or mangled bodies of babies for almost four weeks. I had the distance, the clarity and the audacity to feel self-righteous. I seriously doubted if I would be able to do what I figured was more important when it really meant. Sure, we did not make a lot of mistakes. We never operated unless sober but so many times, we got patients without warning and with our brains at half mast from binge drinking from the night before, it was all but impossible to stay focussed and alert and not make many mistakes. So far, we had managed.

But for how long?

I had been doing surgery for a long time now and most things I could do as a reflex but what if I got stuck with something tricky and need all the presence of mind at that moment? What would happen? What could happen? I could kill someone on the table. And that would make me just like them. The ones who sent these kids here to get killed in the first place. These kids trusted those men to do the right thing for them just like they trusted me to take care of them when they needed me. By letting them down, I would turn into them.

Now that was a sobering thought!

I just got up from my cot and emptied the gin shots into the still and then turned it off.

I did not know that I was being watched at that time.

P.S. Next update soon! And yeah, I will appreciate some feedback. Also, I am reuploading chapter 1. I will edit and re-upload all the earlier chapters which have punctuation/spelling mistakes.

P.P.S. For Ms. Mithram. Thanks kid, for the offer to beta. Guess now I am not looking for one anymore.