A/N Heyy guys! I am so sorry this took longer than I thought, but this was difficult to write. This chapter is quite heavy- I know the last two chapters haven't been especially long but as I said this is heavy and gives a real insight to Bella's past.

Love you all. Shout outs to all reviewers and all my Favouriters and Alerters and just readers in general. Every time I get an email with a favourite or a review it's like getting a little hug XD.

Also a huge thank you and round of applause to my beta TrulyMadHatter, my best friend who helps me make this presentable and battle the mighty comma and semi colon, thank you! Lovage to all!

Disclaimer: I own nothing... *Sigh* Not even the song below which I implore you to listen to. It's absolutely beautiful. Xxx

On with the show!

Nothing's gonna harm you, Not while I'm around
Nothing's gonna harm you, No sir, not while I'm around
Demons are prowling everywhere, Nowadays
I'll send 'em howling I don't care, I got ways

Being close and being clever Ain't like being true I don't need to
I would never hide a thing from you, Like some

No one's gonna hurt you No one's gonna dare
Others can desert you not to worry, whistle I'll be there
Demons'll charm you with a smile For a while
But in time nothin' can harm you
Not while I'm around

Not While I'm Around – Barbra Streisand

BPOV

I was only eight years old when she died. Rosalie and Jasper were both only nine. We were so young, too young to have our mothers taken away. We all understood what was going on, we had understood long before it happened. Both of them had tried to keep it quiet, tried to protect us, but we didn't want to be protected, we just wanted our mom, we wanted the truth, we knew something was coming. Oh, we knew, we just didn't want to admit it to ourselves.

They eventually sat us down and told us she had IDC, breast cancer; they explained how they had been caught the cancer at stage two when it was still potentially curable, she had had a lumpectomy. They thought they had removed it all but some of it was still there and it grew back- with a vengeance. It then rapidly progressed into stage three. It wasn't until this point that she showed any obvious physical signs of being sick. She went in for radiation treatment-mom and dad told us she was just going on a business trip with work for a week and then she would be back. She had been going out a lot around the time and we all knew something was wrong. When she came back from her treatment she looked so tired and weak, drawn and pale.

According to dad it was smooth sailing for a while, she was responding to the treatment and it seemed to have been working, but after a month or so things went rapidly downhill. She was no longer responding to radiation and she was sliding into stage four. Chemotherapy was the next option, so she knew she couldn't hide it from us any more- she would be "gone" for long periods of time and she would be incredibly sick, not just from the cancer itself, but the many side effects of the chemotherapy. That was the moment she decided to tell us, her and dad called us into the living room, and sat us down. It was one of those moments that stays in your mind, crystal clear, even if you want it to fade, even if you try to get rid of it, it stays lodged in your head, making you hurt every time you think of it.

Xxx

"Rosie! Bells! Jazz!" Our dad called to us up the stairs, me and Rosie had been playing dress up in our room with our best dresses and we had done each other's hair into plaits. Ali had been with us for a while and we both did her hair. It was too short for plaits so we put it in two tiny pigtails on the top of her head. Ali had had to leave 'cause Aunty Cathy had wanted Alice home for her dinner. We giggled as we trampled down stairs. Jazz rolled his eyes at us and scoffed;

"Girls." We stuck our tongues at him and broke into giggles again. We abruptly stopped when we saw dads face. We knew something bad was happening.

"Will you all come in to the living room? We need to talk to you all, your mom and me." His face was sad, solemn, but determined. He walked to the large, old brown leather couch that was nearly as old I was, and told us all to take a seat giving us a tight lipped smile. I looked over at Rose and Jazz. They just shrugged at me, and sat down. I looked back at dad and softly sat down on the edge of the couch, taking a small breath, I broke the thick tension in the air.

"What's going on, dad?"

"Well-" His breathing is shaky; sitting down next to mom on the couch by the window he took her hand and gave it a small squeeze, looking into her eyes then looking back at us, he cleared his throat. "Your mom and me, we, well we... we've got something to tell you."

"Are you having a baby?" Rose asked. We were all trying to cling on one last shred of hope that this conversation could be something good, something happy, anything other than what it really was. She smiled, his eyes turning watery. He shook his head, paused then shook his head again, wiping his hand down his face. I'd never seen him look so tired. Mom squeezed his hand, and gave us all a smile.

"No. No honey, no." A pause. "I wish it was something like that." She murmured, shifting in her seat, discomfort flashing across her features. "I've got to go away for a while, to-" She took a breath, her voice breaking. "To the hospital, me and your dad we haven't been completely truthful… I haven't been going on business trips; I've been going to the hospital. I'm very sick and I need to stay in hospital for a while." She stopped and a few tears escaped her eyes. Dad leant over and whispered in her ear, she nodded twice and dad looked back at the three of us.

"Your mom has cancer." I could feel my chest start to hurt, mom couldn't be sick she just couldn't, cancer was bad I knew that much, what if she died? No. She could die, she couldn't leave me, she couldn't leave us, just, no. It wasn't going to happen. "The cancer is at stage three at the moment, but she getting worse, she stopped responding to her treatment, so she needs to go to hospital for some chemotherapy."

"Is mom gonna die?" jasper whispered, blinking more than normal his eyes turning glassy, mom and dad turned to look at each other as if deliberating something, she gave dad a watery smile and kissed his cheek, and simply nodded telling him everything he needed to know.

"If she responds to chemo then... No." I could feel a but coming, and I didn't want it to; I wanted to rewind this all and just go back to when everything was okay. "If she doesn't then it's a very real possibility, but remember" he sniffed tears threatening to spill over his lids. "Your mom is strong, so strong and she won't leave us without a fight!" Mum was leaning up against dads side gentle closing her eyes and taking a breath, he lent his head on top of hers tucking her safe under his chin, she fit their perfectly. They were like two pieces of a puzzle, so perfect for the other you could tell how much the prospect of being apart ripped them to pieces.

I had slid closer to Rosalie and her closer to jasper, I gripped her arm in my hand and she held on to jaspers and he had us both wrapped in his as best he could, keeping us save, holding us together, we had to be strong, she would make it. The chemo would work. She would live. She'd stay with us.

She had too.

"When do you have to go?" I spoke up for the first time, my voice broken, my whole body feeling tired, it was aching.

"In two days." Mom sighed, looking up from dad's chest not seeming to want to move from there. I nodded, sitting up straight, sniffing and wiping the tears from my face determination shining in my eyes, I would be strong, for me, for rose, for jazz, for dad and most of all to mom, she needed me, she needed us.

"Okay." I nodded "we'll come visit you every day, you'll get better you will I promise you." I fixed her with a determined gaze, she smiled at me and chuckled, but it didn't sound right, it sounded broken, hurting.

"I think it's time for you to go to bed it's getting late, and you've all got school in the morning, I love you all." We nodded, Mom and dad walk up the stairs together hand, he whole body lent into his side making her look so small, so fragile. Me, Rosie and Jazz all got up silently and made slowly up the stairs, on the way my hand found Roses we both held on trying to keep each other together. Are hands stayed connected until we reached our room, then we both reluctantly let go, my body was on auto pilot I pulled on an oversized t-shirt for bed and climbed under she covers. I kept trying to tell myself that everything was going to be okay. That was defiantly going to survive but I couldn't get rid of the niggling feeling in the back of my mind the something was going to go wrong, the voice contradicted every positive thought I had eating away at my brain.

I tossed and turned unable to fall asleep or find a comfortable position to sleep in, it was pitch black and I could hear movement in the room the rustling of bed sheets then the soft padding of small feet. I felt the covers at the back of me lift up and someone slide in behind me, I turned over slowly and came face to face with rose, her eyes were sad and vulnerable. This was a side of rose only me a Jazz got to see, rose didn't like to be weak, she loathed it, she felt she had to be strong, but even so it doesn't make it easy.

I smiled at her and snuggled closer finding her hand under the cover to intertwine with mine.

"Love you Rosie." I could sense her smile, her feeling more at ease.

"Love you to Bells." My body relaxed next to her and I finally fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

When I woke up we were still holding hands.

Xxx

From that night on for a long while that was how we slept either I would crawl into her bed or she would crawl into mine, we kept each other whole, we were each other's rocks, we kept each other going, we all did, me jasper and rose, if we hadn't had each other I don't know what would have happened.

A Month or so past and my mom had lost all her hair she was so pale, so weak, so frail, she wasn't the same women any more, she was still my mom of course but she had lost that spark, that energy. The chemo was taking it all out of her, she had barely been out of the hospital in those past couple of months, my heart hurt every time I saw her there, she wasn't supposed to be in there it wasn't where she belonged, she belonged with us at home, at her home. Not there, not then. I didn't believe it was her time then, I still don't, even now.

Dropping to my knees in front of the grave I pulled up some weeds from around the headstone and took the old flowers from the pot and put the new ones in I had picked up on the way here.

It happen exactly three months to the day that mom passed away, the doctors had been hinting for a while, but Charlie wouldn't take it. He loved mom so much, he just couldn't let her go. Eventually the doctor told us to take mom home, to make her comfortable, that it was the best way. Charlie flipped out, he was so angry. He just couldn't take it, he almost hit one of the doctors, he had his fist in the air, then he stopped. His fist dropped as it all hit home, and he fell to the ground sobbing. He sobbed so hard.

It was the first time I had ever seen Charlie cry.

It had to have been one of the single most heartbreaking sights I had ever seen.

After that we brought mom home, we stayed by her bedside virtually all day not wanting to waste a minute of what precious little time we had with her.

Then a week later, she left us.

Xxx

"C'mere, babies." Mom lay on her bed her head being supported by a few pillows. Her hair once long, thick and beautiful had now disappeared replaced by a single blue bandana covering her head she looked so tired and fragile . Her lips were grey; she looked so sick, even so you could feel the love rolling off her and the determination. Charlie sat on her one side never taking his eyes off her. She opened her free arm; Charlie was holding her other hand stroking it slowly, blinking hard every so often. All three of us crowded on the bed next to her, she laughed softly at all of us, we were almost hanging of the edge of the bed. We didn't care.

"I'm gonna miss my babies so much." She look at us all and snorted "Although, you're not babies anymore, your all growing up, turning in to mine young men and women , I'm gonna miss your tenth birthdays! Your first double figures!" she sighed wistfully, sadly, she then shook her head. "No, no I'm not gonna miss it, cause you know what? I'm always going to be with you, even if you can't see me." She squeezed us all lightly.

"It won't be the same." I whispered, looking her in the eyes.

"I know honey, but I want you to always remember that I will always be with you, always" she brought her hand to her heart. "In here" then to her head. "And in here, you can never truly lose someone if you keep their memory alive, and that is what you need to do"

"Don't leave us, please." Rose whispered, her voice was pleaded and as she looked up her eyes were filled with tears, that where just spilling over rolling slowly, despairingly down her cheeks.

"I wish it were that simple sweetheart." She pulled rose to her and hugged her tightly.

"Me too." Jazz mumbled, holding back tears a few traitors escaping, he furiously swiped them away. "I hate that there's nothing we can do, anyway you can't leave yet there so much your gonna miss!"

"Yeah!" rose piped up in her arms. "You're gonna miss middle school and high school graduation, collage..." Rose's lips twitched. "And Bella attempting to drive, you know you don't want to miss that." She laughed through her thick tears; I nudged her gently, smiling very softly, a small sob breaking through my chest as I spoke.

"Hey... There right though, you can't leave yet, you just... can't." I looked at her she had tears rolling down her cheeks. "It's not fair, why you? Why now? It's not fair" I said through gritted teeth, I licked the tears from my mouth, tasting the salt. She pulled all three of us into her arms as best she could. Dad still stayed un responsive still just, sitting there rhythmically stroking her hand. She began to hum softly to us all, it was a song we all knew well, it was our song.

"Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around, nothings gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around..." her voice was hoarse she coughed softly, but still carried on. " Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays. I'll send 'em howling I don't care, I got ways." She chuckled, I sobbed into her chest I couldn't stand it anymore, I just let go, tears and emotions flowing freely, my chest aching so hard.

"But you're not going to be around, you're not, you're not!" I sobbed, my head buried in her chest I could her rose and jazz crying but all I was paying attention to was the soft sound of her heart beat. "Don't leave me please" I cried.

"Remember that song, our song, whenever you miss me, I'll always be with you, if someone dares hurt any of my baby's there gonna have one hell of an angry ghost on their hands." She laughed softly kissing the top of my head. I tried to laugh, but I couldn't, I just sobbed harder, the sobs rising from my throat with no way of stopping them. "Come now, come now, I just want to say one more thing and then I want you all to get some sleep. It's very late and your dad and I, we need to talk some things over." I pulled away from her reluctantly and placed my arm tightly round Rose who was shaking, silent tears falling from her eyes.

"Don't hesitate, when it comes to living life don't hesitate, just live, you never know what might happen." She nodded. The whole room was quiet apart from the muffled sobs falling from everyone's lips. "To bed now" She murmured, kissing us all on the head before we left. "I love you all so much." We walked from the room slowly my legs carrying me out and into my room; this time I didn't hesitate- straight away I crawled into bed next to Rose.

Neither of us went to sleep the whole night, we just lay there crying silently, each sob we heard in our parent's room cutting through us like a knife.

Mom died that night, and she died in Charlie's arms. He was heartbroken, when we went in the next morning we found him sobbing hard into her hair. She was curled in his arms, and she looked so peaceful, like in a deep restful sleep, but we knew straight away she wasn't. Charlie was so broken without her.

There would never be another woman like Renée, for him or for us.

The hospital came a few hours later and took her away. I could still hear her voice in my head;

"Don't hesitate"

Xxx

I had always admired the relationship my parents had. They were so in love- they completed each other and I wanted that, I wanted it so badly, but a cynical part of myself said it only happened in fairytales and I would be stupid to consider it. The other half was willing me to carry on dreaming, that someday, someone would come along and they would make me whole, they would be my other half.

I sighed; my body slumped against the headstone, my cheeks wet and my eyes red rimmed. I rubbed my face in my hands- my mind was clearing and I knew what I needed to do. My mom's voice rang in my head.

"Don't hesitate"

I wouldn't. Why shouldn't I do this part, even if I would have never done this unless it was in class or the fact that I would have never admitted it but I loved that fact I could play this part. Or that I could have a leading part in a play. It was just so... surreal, but amazing at the same time and I wasn't going to let Edward dictate what I was going to do. I wanted to become the confident Bella I am in my head the one with witty comebacks to peoples remarks and takes shit off no one, but I'm not, I always try to kid myself into thinking I am but I'm not. Not anymore. I'm going to show people who I really am and be proud of it. Be proud of me.

Pushing myself off the ground and brushing off my knees, I give my mom one last smile and brush a kiss on the smooth stone. I let my hand brush across the smooth surface as I make my way to the old rust bucket, feeling relieved and slightly weightless as I walk away.

A/N did you like? I know it was very heavy but I really hope you liked it! Tell me what you think and as always sneak peeks for reviewers. : D

Oh who here likes Heroes *Raises hand* I do ive really got into and am waiting with baited breath to buy season 2 eep i especially love milo ventimiliga, having said that i really like him in gilmore girls which is even more amazing which you should go watch right this very second if you havent already its practically a sin, really go now, now! okay my lovlies...

Until next time,

Love to all.

Monstergirl xxx :)