I know where I am going but its taking too damned long and now I have a reader complaining about its length. Now I know its long. See, I was there when it got this long. But hang in there. If its not fun, well, that's how I write.

I hope that you guys keep reading. I will understand if you have gotten tired now. I am still gonna write and post though. Don't expect terribly dramatic stuff here. All I am writing about what he thinks when he enters a particularly stressful stage of an overall stressful time of his life.

Happy reading!

Chapter 59

Swamp was quiet. Frank was nowhere to be seen and I was glad for that. After our encounters from the day before, I was not looking forward to seeing his face again for as long as possible.

BJ was asleep and peacefully, I was happy. His mumbling sometimes really drove me nuts.

Thank God for little favors.

Sidney had gone to his tent after finishing the mud solution mess tent distributed in the name of coffee. The only thing great about that fluid was the excessive amount of caffeine it possessed. It had the power to resurrect the dead.

I lied down on my cot and thought about what Sidney had said to me during our little chat. I wondered what BJ talked to him about. I just hoped that whatever Sidney told him worked for him. My worry was not something palpable for me but somewhere deep in my gut I had this fear. Whether it was of losing him or if it was for him losing everything that meant for him, I could not be sure. I knew I was not a selfless man. I needed him more than he needed me and despite the fact that I knew that even if I lost him, I would survive, I could not welcome the prospect. I was tired of losing people but still, I loved life. Did that make me less of a person that I saw myself as?

Conversation with Sidney was vague and fruitless. Or so I thought. I could not really tell what he told me except his advice about retaining my funny bones. He had nothing to worry about. It was so deeply ingrained now that even when I was telling myself not to crack a joke, I found myself doing it anyway. It had landed me in some real bad spots and then some. Back in medical school, my friends always wondered how I ever graduated. For that matter, my class in high school thought the same thing. Tommy and I had a tie over who would end up marrying outside of his own species. I had voted for him. He never told me who he voted for but I had a fair idea.

I looked at BJ again and wondered how he could get so drawn inside of himself like this. I wondered if I was really meddling or doing the right thing. And my mind returned to the starting point. If I had picked on these sings early on, he wouldn't have been so miserable now.

You were sick!

I wasn't dead, damnit.

I had to fix this for him. Friday could not come fast enough. I decided to write two more letters with same text as first in case Army lost my first letter like it did the one I sent Dad. It still mad me mad at times. As if it hadn't ruined everything enough already.

It was when the shaking and screaming started that I realized I had dozed off. I was feeling achy and tired and refused to open my eyes as my ears failed to register the voice. Finally, the shaking stopped and I took a sigh of relief but suddenly, the blanket was yanked off of me and light hit my eyes.

"STOP IT! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP, DAMNIT."

"Bad Hawkeye! Didn't your Momma teach you not to swear the hand that fed you?"

"Beej.What the hell? I was trying to sleep."

"Now try to wake up.Its already close to 2. They will close the mess for dinner prep. Get up. I'm starving."

"What if I want it to close down? Permanently?" I tried to yank the blanket away from him and failed. Cursing under my breath, I floundered around for something warm to cover myself.

"I will pour cold water over you. Get up and get moving!"

I looked at him and saw his face. He was not kidding. He seemed to be in his mischief moods and I knew from experience to do as he said at times like these. I sighed and put on my jacket before getting off the cot.

"Now that's like a good boy! Your Daddy is so proud of you." He patted me on my shoulder. I glared at him before getting out in the cold.

"You sound cheerful. Happy hour worked for you, it seems!" I commented wryly.

"Boy did someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." BJ smiled.

"When somebody wakes me up with his grubby paws, it IS the wrong side of the bed to wake up at."

"Aren't you grouchy today?"

"I hate to be awakened like this. Especially for a meal in the mess tent." I was still grumpy

"Sorry Hawk. Part of the deal, remember? I – we - need you back and fast and its unfair to you, I know. You deserve at least another week of rest. But I don't know how else to get you fit for duty again. You need to eat to keep up your strength."

I was going to mock his concern but when I looked at his face, I saw the tiredness etched in every crease and felt bad for leaving them hanging like that. With nothing to say, I just nodded and continued walking towards mess tent.

Lunch was a loud affair under usual circumstances but with the recent lull and rested souls, the exuberance was evident with loud laughter and good moods all around. It was contagious and was not hurt by a semi-decent meal. Even the coffee was not so bad.

The afternoon went quietly. With nothing else to do, BJ and I checked on our patients who were invited to the dinner tonight. Despite all the good cheer all around and the innate reflex to call it that, I could not call it a feast.

BJ and I played some chess. He stayed away from gin which surprised me but I kept my mouth shut. I had all intentions of stopping him from drinking like he was up until now. Good thing I was never put on spot that day.

Sidney joined us a while later. We just sat and pulled each others legs. Frank made one entrance, scoffed and left. I decided to write the duplicate letters after a while, leaving Sidney and BJ to play chess.

I decided to send one to Dad and tell him to forward it to Peg in Mill Valley. The other one was meant for a direct route to BJ's mailbox.

Dinner was interesting, to say the least. I wistfully remembered Trap and Henry and the grand party we threw. I strictly adhered to the food items I was at least familiar with, turkey not being a part of that list. After dinner, most of the camp started off towards Officers' Club. I turned towards the Swamp when BJ stopped me.

"Hey. Where are you going?"

"Not the O-Club, I am sure."

"Tired?"

"Yeah. A little. And we might be expecting guests anytime now so I would rather conserve my energy, right?"

"You sure? Its gonna be fun and you missed it last night too."

"I am no fun if I'm not drunk. You know that."

"As you wish, Hawk. I will see you later, I guess."

And with that, he started off towards the Club. I stood there looking at his back thinking of what I had decided earlier today about reducing his booze intake.

Cursing him silently, I started towards the O-Club myself.

It was turning into one hell of a long day!