CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Brianne didn't disappoint. The next day she came back with ten pages filled of different thoughts, scribbles, and ideas she had written about her recent break up with her former label. She arrived with Seth on her heels and handed me the yellow writing pad for my review. I didn't look at it or even thumb through the pages to see what she had written. I simply put the yellow pad down on my desk and handed her a fresh new writing pad.
"Now, go and do the same but this time I want you to write down power words and ideas. Things that you aspire to be. Things that make you stronger. Hopes for your future. Come back tomorrow." I went around and sat back down at my desk.
She didn't say anything. She just left leaving Seth behind.
"Uh…Bella can I talk to you for a minute?" Seth sat down at the chair in front of my desk and I knew that he was preparing himself to be strong with me.
"Of course Seth." I replied sweetly.
"Look, WMG and Warner Bros. has a lot of faith in you. They also need a strong album from Brianne Taylor. It was a real feather in our cap to take her on since she came over to us from one of the most prominent record labels. We really want to show this industry what we can do."
"I understand." I acknowledged.
"Well then why are you wasting time. That's two days now that we have yet to even hear the beginnings of something and I will just say for the record that…WMG is worried." He looked like he wanted to say much more but he refrained, nervous he would upset me.
"For the record. Let me do my job and I will let you do yours." I stood up walking towards my office door; a clear sign that this meeting was over. "I will do what WMG has asked of me but I want a little freedom. I don't think that's too much to ask. And in the future; I am not some circus side-show. When I work with Brianne; I don't need a viewing party."
Seth walked over to the door uneasy and sighed. "Okay. I will check back in…"
"No. I will check back in when there is something to check back in with."
My patience had officially ended. I wasn't going to allow for WMG to feel like they bought me and could use me however they saw fit. I didn't need the new office or fancy digs. I was doing just fine with my cubicle before all this and if they felt the need to strip me of these new items then they could do so.
Being with Edward had allowed me the freedom of being choosy. Before when I was struggling for money, before Edward knew of my plight with my parent's financial situation he had given me something far greater than money. He gave me a lesson in self-respect.
It was because of this self-respect that I learned early on that no amount of money or prestige was going to bribe me into a job I didn't want. I didn't work with people I didn't want work with. I didn't work on projects I didn't want to work on. And I most certainly never felt like a person or company had the right to tell me what to do. If WMG wanted my help then they would have to let me do things my way.
Seth left with his nose a little out of joint but I had hoped that once I showed them what I could do when being left on my own it would garner a little more respect in the future.
When I wasn't working on irritating my record label; I spent my days in my new office planning this epic vacation that I was determined to take. Everyone loved our new office space but I was still rather apathetic to it; knowing that it could be taken away at any moment.
"I love my new desk but I think my favorite part of this whole office has to be that hot drink maker in the kitchen." Emma praised walking into my office with a hot cup of something in her hands. We were getting ready for a meeting. Something Edward thought was a good idea.
"Yeah, it's pretty swanky." I replied.
She sat down on a couch and groaned. "Never mind, I think these couches are my new favorite thing about this office."
"I know. Aren't they the best." I praised walking over to sit on the opposite side. "Just don't be getting any idea, you two." I playfully threatened Emma and Ian as he walked in to join us.
"I just walked in the door. What did I do?" Ian asked and Emma and I started laughing.
"Okay, sorry I'm late. I just finished up a call." Edward walked in and sat down beside me.
Edward thought that this meeting would be a good idea to inform our assistants on upcoming affairs. All of us came to the meeting with a notepad ready to take notes.
"Do you want to start?" I asked Edward.
"Sure. So as you guys know we just moved on over here to these amazing offices that have been provided by Warner Bros. We will be hiring a receptionist sometime this week. If you have any ideas for people who would be good for the position; please let us know. Also as it stands right now, Bella and I want to take the last week off in this month as well as leave open probably the first three weeks in April for a vacation."
"Wow, really? A four-week vacation?" I interrupted. That was news to my ears.
"Well, probably not the full four weeks but just in case." Edward replied.
"That just seems really…long."
"It's a work in progress." He replied.
"Where are you two planning on heading off to?" Emma jumped in probably sensing a tangent coming on. Edward and I were famous for those.
"Italy. Bella wants to go back to Italy. Since we never really were able to vacation there when we were first dating…or at least we couldn't be seen in public back then. Anyway, back on topic. We are planning on hosting quite a few people. Some of our friends and family will be coming along and we will need help in making sure everything is arranged. We have only a couple of weeks to get everything done and this is top priority. We also need you both to accompany us as we will need help while we are over there."
"Of course we will compensate you greatly as I know that this is going over and above your normal duties." I added.
Emma and Ian both looked at one another.
"Of course. Whatever you need." Ian replied and I swear I saw Emma's leg inch closer to Ian's.
"Bella, what is going on the next couple of weeks, work wise for you?" Edward asked.
"Well, I will be working with Brianne starting on Monday. I will probably need a couple of days for that. But other than that; I am trying to keep my schedule clear so I can plan this vacation…oh and I think Trisha wants me to do some kind of interview somewhere in the middle of all that."
"I am finishing up pre-production on Love Games and we are set to begin filming in June…in Chicago…" Edward trailed off.
I turned to Edward rather quickly with my mouth open.
I flipped back to Emma and Ian.
"I think this meeting is over for the time being. Can you please leave us?" I looked at Emma and Ian and they promptly jumped up from the couch and rushed out the door closing it tight before they left.
"What? Huh? When were you going to tell me this?" I started in on Edward.
"You read the script…you saw that it took place in Chicago." Edward defended.
"I did read the script but I thought you would shoot on back lots here with some exteriors in Chicago. Why does it sound like you are going to be in Chicago for a far greater time now?"
"Bella, I'm sorry if that wasn't clear to you but…"
"No. You knew that wasn't clear to me or you wouldn't have announced it the way you had just a couple of seconds ago." I snapped.
"I announced it like that because I wasn't sure if Ian had told Emma that he would be leaving soon to go with me to Chicago." Edward defended.
"You know, I have pulled some shit in my time. Things that you have punished me for or been upset with me for. For a second just imagine that I had said in the middle of a meeting; oh and by the way, I will be leaving for a couple of months to go and run off to film in New York. You would have had my head on a stick." I spit.
"I am not leaving for a couple of months. I am going on and off to Chicago; a couple of days here and there over the period of a couple of months. The interiors will be filmed here at a sound stage but all the exteriors will be filmed there and I had hoped that you would have come with me."
"I can't go running off to Chicago. I have the girls here. I have a job here. And if I did have to go and take a job in another part of the country that would have taken up a significant amount of my time, I would have discussed it with you first and then I would have discussed it with Embry next and the girls after that. I don't have that luxury of just picking up and leaving anymore."
"You're being ridiculous. You knew this was part of my job since the beginning. Hell, you're first insight would have been those six months we were in Italy together, filming on location. I am not just picking up and leaving. This is my career." Edward yelled.
"You know what. Go to fucking Chicago or wherever the fuck it is that you want to go. But stay the hell away from Italy. I don't need you on vacation with me; I will have a much more romantic time without you." I screamed.
I jumped up from the couch and fled my office. Running past Emma and Ian who sat at their desks with their heads down. Yeah, they so heard us. Welcome to relationships.
I got into my car and tore out of there. I was fuming. I was practically shaking I was so pissed off. Of course there might have been a couple of tears as well.
I arrived at home and it wasn't even noon yet. The girls wouldn't be home for a couple more hours. I stood there in the middle of our entry way trying to figure out what I was going to do. I should eat but part of me didn't want to just to stick it to Edward, even if he didn't know I was sticking it to him. I could go upstairs and cry on my bed. That was tempting. I could go to my office and throw myself into work or music. I probably should do that.
"What are you doing?" Jacob said from the top of the stairs.
I was practically stopped motion in our grand entry way at a metaphorical crossroads.
"I don't know." I growled.
"You know if I placed you outside just as you are; you'd make a really cute bird bath." Jacob teased.
"I don't have the energy, Jacob." I snapped.
"Whoa. What happened?" he ascended the stairs.
"Nothing." I mumbled.
"That is so not the face for the ad campaign of nothing." Jacob jested.
"I'm not in the mood." I sighed and turned to walk around him.
"What's going on?" he followed after me as I walked toward the back door.
"Bella. Come on. You can talk to me." Jacob persisted.
"I don't know if I even want to talk right now. Honestly, I kinda just want fuck something up."
"Really? I'm all for fucking things up. Come on." Jacob pulled me along as I protested the whole way until we ended up in the garage. He walked me over to the punching bag he had installed and handed me some gloves.
"Go ahead." He pressed.
"Jacob…" I started.
"No. Come on. Just give it a try." He pushed.
I huffed and put the gloves on.
"Now hit the bag." Jacob instructed.
"I'd rather hit something else." I grumbled.
"Just do this for five minutes. Put some effort into it and I will give you one shot at me." Jacob swung on the bag; tempting me.
Five minutes. I could do five minutes.
I hit the bag lightly with one of my gloved fists.
"That's not showing me effort. Come on Swan. Hit the bag." Jacob egged on.
I focused on the bag and hit it a little harder.
"Harder. Think of your problems on that bag and show it, who's boss."
I hit the bag harder and then added my other hand into it. I started punching at it; switching of fists, my speed and strength gaining every time I hit the bag. I hit the bag, angered at Edward. I hit the bag, angered at myself and my stupid problems.
Why couldn't I just do it already? Why couldn't I just let go of my dad and let it be. I could be married by now. I could be happy. Who did Edward think he was just running off to Chicago? Who did he think he was taking a lunch with an ex-girlfriend? Who did he think he was, denying me sex until we were married? He was always so fast to jump on me and my transgressions but what about his infractions?
"Whoa, whoa, Bella. Calm down." Jacob grabbed me and pulled me to his chest restraining me from continuing. I hadn't even noticed that I was sweating and breathing heavy. I barely noticed the tears that ran down my face.
"That is some major pent-up rage you got going on there." Jacob remarked.
"That felt good." I mumbled. "I want to do it again."
"Let's just take a short break…I think you need to calm for a second." He pulled the gloves off of me and we walked back to my garden in the backyard taking a seat on the chairs.
"I've just been so angry for…" I paused unable to continue until I could catch my breath.
"What are you angry about?" Jacob asked cautiously.
"Where to begin?"
"Well, why don't you begin with what made you so upset when you were in the entry way."
"I was mad because Edward dropped the bomb that he would be going away for a couple of weeks to film in Chicago. I…didn't realize that he would be gone for so long. Stupid as he pointed out that I should have known that this is part of his job but…I mean I don't know why I am so upset. I'm a grown ass woman; I should be able to get on fine without him but…" I started sniffling and I tried to wave my tears away.
"You don't want him to leave."
"I…no I don't want him to go. I have become far too dependent on him, I'm afraid." I admitted.
"And…you don't want to go with him…"
"I can't. I have so much going on here. I don't want to leave Savannah and Gracie here for that time. Plus, I have a lot of obligations here."
"Well, it will be during summer, right? Maybe you can take Savannah and Gracie with you. You can visit and I doubt Edward will stay there the whole time. I mean even on location shooting the star isn't required to be there at all times. I'm sure he will come back when he can."
"I know. I think I am just mad at him for not telling me or talking about it with me first. I felt like he knew and just kept that awkward conversation for as long as he could put it off. I'm surprised he just didn't send me a text from Chicago." I replied.
"Come on Bells, he would never do that."
I know but still. I sat there looking around at my serene garden still upset.
"Have you thought any more about…."
"The wedding." I sighed. "Don't you know; I've been waiting on you." I teased.
"Oh, well I am all ready. I've been ready. Got you your aisle partner all lined up." Jacob said.
"Really? So who did you go with?" I asked.
"I'm not telling you till the day of. I like to keep my ladies in suspense." He wiggled his eyebrows at me.
"I'm not your lady." I waved a threatening finger at him. "Oh and by the way; I went five minutes with your punching bag and I believe that the terms were I could take a free shot at you when I was finished."
"Uh…well…I meant that to happen after you were done. I mean you're not even tired right now so it wouldn't be fair." He made excuses.
"If I would have done it after, I'd probably punch your lights out."
"Dream on, Swan."
"Come on. Up. You made me a deal. I get a free punch." I stood up and waved him to stand up.
He sighed and stood up directly across from me.
"You have to stay above the waist." He ordered.
"Damn."
Where to hit Jacob. I was practically gitty at the thought as I danced around him.
"You are taking far too much pleasure in this."
I balled up both of my fists.
"You only get to hit me with one fist, Swan." Jacob added.
"Would you stop distracting me?" I complained.
I pulled back and slugged him as hard as I could in the chest.
"Ow! You hit me in the nipple." He groaned. "I think your damn ring ripped it."
Jacob stood there rubbing his nipple and I couldn't stop laughing. My fist hurt a tad but it was worth it.
"Bella. Jacob. What's going on?" Edward called from the back door. I instantly narrowed my eyes at the sight of him.
"Damn. You are pissed." Jacob looked at me and then walked toward the house. "Good luck with that." Jacob mumbled as he past Edward.
I turned to walk away.
"Bella, I want to talk to you." Edward called out.
"Now, you want to talk to me?" I said sarcastically.
"Yes."
I sat back down on our outdoor chairs, folding my arms across my chest as I waited.
"I want to apologize. I realize that I may have said some things that were rude and uncalled for. I also want to apologize for not having a more involved conversation with you when we first spoke about this project a couple of months ago."
"Fine. Whatever." I dismissed.
"No. Stop it. I'm trying to have a discussion with you. I don't want to fight with you."
"What would you like me to say?"
"Whatever you would like to say." He replied.
"I'm still mad at you. Honestly, I think Jacob may have made things worse for you. When I arrived home I was just pissed over the Chicago thing but then he took me to the garage and showed me the wonderful therapeutic world of boxing and it made me start to think that there are a ton of reasons why I am pissed at you. But you always make me feel like its wrong for me to be upset at you. You get to be upset at me all the time. You tell me that I am immature or wrong but I don't think I am wrong this time."
Edward look taken aback by my words.
"Okay, well first of all I think you should start by telling me all the reasons you're upset with me. At least give me some sort of reference so I can try to see where you are coming from." He suggested.
"You didn't tell me about Chicago. You didn't tell me about lunch with your ex. You made a decision about our sex life without letting me be a part of that decision. You always go on and on about how much I suck at communicating; well I think you suck too." I was rather impassioned at the moment.
God, how I hated how Edward could always sound so eloquent and I sounded like some sixth grade debate team.
"You're right." He looked at me and it took a moment for his words to sink in.
"I know I'm right." I may have said that a little too self-righteously.
Edward sighed and sat down placing his head in his hands.
"I don't know what to do. Half the time in our relationship I feel lost. Other times I feel scared. I was brought up with a certain way of thinking and you are just all over the place. Every moment I'm scared that something's going to happen to you. Some way I will lose you. I didn't think when it came to the Chicago project. I guess I just thought that you would come with me. Problem solved. I didn't think about the Cynthia thing because I…knew it would drive you crazy. The other producers were so dead set on meeting with her. I tried to keep that from you because I know how you get when it comes to my ex's. The producers liked her and were set to cast her but I told them that if they casted her I would drop the project. I knew after that day when you and I fought about it that it would lead to more fights and it wasn't worth it to me. But I should have told you. And then I made the decision to not make love to you until we were married. I wasn't doing it because I wanted you to feel pressured into marrying me. God, I don't want you to ever feel like you have to marry me. I want you to but if you're happier not being with me then I will let you go."
"Wait a damn minute." I barked. "I never said I didn't want to marry you. I needed time. Why is that so hard for people to fucking understand. I…lost my dad, less than a month ago. That has nothing to do with my feelings for you. I want to marry you. I want to have children with you. Everyone puts me on this timeline and never thinks about what I need."
"Wait Bella. I know. I'm sorry." Edward tried to back track.
"No. You don't know. You don't know what it's like to have everybody whispering all around you wondering what the holdup is. You don't know what it feels like to walk by every news stand and see the lies that the tabloids are spreading about my reasons. Mental breakdown. Cheating scandals. Ultimatums. You know what, fuck it. I'll show them. You want to marry me. Then let's get married. Call up your private jet and whoever can fit in it can come to Vegas with us."
I jumped up from my place and walked toward the house.
"Bella." Edward called after me.
I opened the door and Jacob was in the kitchen talking to Embry.
"Get your shit together. We're picking up the girls and going to Vegas. Edward and I are getting married."
They both looked at me like I had lost my mind.
Edward came rushing in behind me. "No. We are not."
"Yes, we are. If it will get everyone off my back then let's just get this over with."
"I don't want to get it over with. Stop being ridiculous, Bella. You think I want to marry you when you're pissed off at me? That's a great way to start a marriage."
"This is your chance. I suggest you take it."
He looked at the boys and then back at me. "No. I don't want to marry you if it's like this. Call me old-fashioned but I'll wait until you are doing this for the right reasons." Edward sighed and then walked out of the room.
"Bells, my guest aisle walker wouldn't be able to make it on such short notice." Jacob said quietly.
"Well, you just heard the man. The wedding's off." I said quietly.
"B. Come on. You don't want to get married in Vegas. This isn't the right time. You both will find your right time; now is just not it." Embry said.
"I just wish people would leave me alone."
Jacob jumped off his stool and came over to wrap his arms around me.
"Fuck people." He whispered in my ear. "Do this for you and Edward. No one else matters."
I nodded my head and he gave me one last squeeze.
I climbed the stairs knowing that I needed to finish this with Edward. He wasn't in his office so I was hoping he was in our room.
He was. Standing on our balcony staring out over our yard.
I walked out and stood beside him. "Maybe Chicago is a good thing. Maybe you could use some time away from me." I said softly.
Edward snapped his eyes to mine and I could almost see fury in them.
"You think that is how I want to fix this? What would make you believe that a great way to solve our problems is for one us to go away?"
"I…I…don't know. I don't know what you want but I know that I drive you crazy, obviously. You have said as much."
"Bella, you drive me crazy. You could drive me insane but I'm not going to leave because of it. I want to marry you because I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with your crazy ass beside me. I don't care if you are crazy or hormonal or depressed or whatever the fuck you are; I'll take it. I love every single part of you and I don't plan on just taking a break when things get hard and I certainly won't allow you to do the same so you can go ahead and get that out of your head now. I fucked up. Every reason you gave me downstairs about why you are mad at me are valid. You fuck up all the time and I fuck up just as much. That's what being in a relationship is all about."
"Yeah but when I fuck up, I get punished." I grumbled.
Edward stopped and looked at me and I diverted my eyes.
"Okay. Go ahead. Punish me." Edward stood with his hands on his hips and I backed away and cringed.
"What?"
"You're right. It's only fair. Punish me."
"I…I..can't…I…this is just weird."
"Bella, I have wronged you. If it will help you to forgive me then please give me your sentence."
What the hell could I do to Edward? I couldn't punish him. Could I? Did this work like having a slave for the day or a magic genie? I looked over to Edward and appraised him. Somehow I didn't think that I could get three wishes out of him.
I racked my brain for something. Bella, what do you want? What do you need? Well I could do for a nice massage; my back is a little tense. It could be nice just have Edward wait on me hand and foot…in some tighty whities.
My face began to flame as I thought about it and I couldn't help suppress the smile that rose up on my face. Edward looked at me like he was very curious what was going through my mind.
"Okay, I want you to give me the world's best massage. I want you to spend the next…week serving me and doing my bidding."
"Bella, that's not a punishment. Did I ever ask you to become my personal slave?"
"Technically yes. You just refered to it as personal assistant. I put my time in, thank you very much." I noted.
Edward gave me an incredulous look.
"Ugh, fine. I don't know how to punish you. I don't really fancy tanning your hide and I am most definitely not going to handcuff you to me. All I know is that I was wronged, three times."
I went and sat on our bed.
"Well, I usually try to let the punishment fit the crime. Find a way for me to learn a lesson." Edward sat down beside me. I didn't know what to do so I just decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. I stood up and walked to stand in front of him.
"Edward. Do you know why you are here?"
He furrowed his brow and didn't even realize that I was turning his own words against him.
"I am upset by your actions today; you deliberately disregarded my feelings. You made a decision about our sex life and didn't consult me. You didn't feel I had the right to an opinion. That was insensible. Second you went and had lunch with a former girlfriend and tried to keep it from me. That was disrespectful and finally you didn't think to include me in on your summer filming plans. It seems that you have a problem with communication so for the next three weeks you will be on restriction. You will not go anywhere before speaking to me about it. Everything you would like to do; you will need to ask permission first. Whether it be taking a business lunch at some swanky restaurant or going to one of your little Tria Fata meetings; you must clear it with me first. Also seeing how I want you to work on communicating with me; every night before we go to bed for the next week I want to have a discussion. We can talk about the day's events or any coming issues… while you massage my back."
Edward gave me that look with that last part.
"Preferably in some tighty whities."
He rolled his eyes.
"What? I'm not allowed to get anything out of this?" I asked.
"Is this your punishment? You will forgive me?" he asked.
"Yes. I am rather benevolent." I smiled and raised my head into the air, arrogantly.
Edward stood up and leaned down and picked me up. "Well, then I guess I owe you one major massage." He lightly tossed me in the air and I screamed.
"Edward. Put me down." I laughed.
He walked over to my side of the bed and placed me down on the bed.
"I said massage during our nightly conversations." I pointed out.
"Oh, I know." I wasn't planning on massaging your back right now.
I pushed myself up as Edward leaned over me and started to pull my pants off.
"Wait, what? I thought…"
Edward climbed between my legs.
"I thought about it and I don't want to have sex with you until we are married but it is my job to make sure you are satisfied in every way." Edward pulled down my panties and quickly attached himself to my pussy.
"AHHHhhhhh." I slapped my hand on the bed so hard you'd think I was surrendering at a wrestling match. It had just been so long and I wasn't even able to wrap my mind around asking him to stop. I should have asked him to stop. If he wasn't going to accept pleasure then I shouldn't either. But I didn't and damn if it wasn't the best oral sex of my life.
It only took seconds to make me cum. Pathetic really. I was no better than a twelve-year-old boy discovering Playboy for the first time. Some thought did run through my mind but I tried to quickly reject it. But as I write this now a part of me still wonders…
You see after that moment of ecstasy; it didn't relieve my tension and horneyness. In fact it did the opposite. I hate to think on it but I will just put this out there; did Edward know that was going to happen? Did he inadvertently or advertently plan that to happen? Because after that moment all I could think was we needed to get married and fast.
AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing. A big thanks to those of you who have given my new story Mistakes From My Past a try. It really means a lot to me that you would support a completely different story of mine. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.