A/N Heyy! I know you haven't heard from me in a couple of months but I've been extremely busy with exam season. Anyway ill go into more detail below, but just one thing :D it's my seventeenth birthday! So this is my present to all of you...
Enjoy!
Massive shout outs to alerters, favoriters, reviewers and all you readers I love you all, you have no idea how much it means that you're all reading and enjoying my story!
Disclaimer: *sigh* the others are still being lazy so I'm on my own again. I know the DVDs and the books, but according to Edward this does not mean I own twilight...
UPDATE: Now Beta'd (I got 2 reviews regarding my punctuation I just wanted to say that I've took it into account :) and I am going to be tight with my own editing before i send it to my beta, however if the reviews are based on this chapter alone bare in mind that it wasn't beta'd until now, but i do want critisim from people it helps me to become a better writer and i know that punctuation has never been my strongest point. :) but thanks to both of you for reviewing and being honest i appreciate it :D I also use english (UK) spelling if that clears anything up colour instead of color and all that and misa? if you read this (and any other non english speaking readers) if there where any phrases that where/ are confusing just let me know and ill edit it or clear it up :D)
BPOV
I lay in my bed and stared up at the ceiling, following the patterns along with my eyes. They didn't want to switch off; I kept going over everything that had happened tonight in my head. I was hopelessly confused, would we have kissed? And if we had, what would it had meant? We weren't rehearsing or anything so did this mean he liked me? Probably not. Did this mean I liked him? I blinked and frowned, did I? No. It's just physical, either way I can't like him, I groaned softly raking my fingers through my hair, God, this is so frustrating, I'm beginning to irritate myself.
I let my eyes close and willed myself to sleep, squeezing my eyes tight until they started to ache. I opened my eyes sighing; they drooped as I lay there and just listened. The house was silent except for the soft whirr of the heating and the ticking of the clock on my bedside table. I smiled and snuggled deeper into my duvet, content just listening to the quiet sounds in the house, my eyes started to roll. Just as I felt myself be pulled towards sleep the tinkling of keys in the front door woke me up. Charlie.
He was getting home later and later nowadays, the older me, Rose and Jasper get, the more Charlie changes and distances himself from us. He'd be gone from early in the morning to late at night. We rarely got to see him anyway, apart from the occasional morning when he would leave a little bit later, even when we did, it just wasn't the same. When we were younger before and even after our mom died, he was there. I never realized how broken he actually was until I look back now. Bless him, he looked after us all and did the best he could, he even went through both mine and Rose's first periods with us, buying us pads and whatever we had needed.
Thinking back, there has always been one night that always stuck in my mind, it was just under a year after mom had died. I had dropped a vase or something and glass was everywhere. I can just remember not wanting to pick it up or anyone stepping on it in case I, or anyone else, got hurt. I can't really remember the reasoning going through my head, but I went upstairs to Charlie's bedroom. I can still remember I heard his crying threw the door. I felt sad that he was hurting; I pushed his door open, he was sitting on his side of the bed, mom's side perfectly made up, looking completely untouched.
He was hunched over, his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking, sobs cutting through the silence, it was so strange for me at the time, especially at that age, and even now you see your parents as invincible, that nothing can harm them, there always your protectors. So seeing my own Dad like that shocked me, you know? I stood in the door way for a while just watching him, unsure of what to do. I frowned as I watched him go to open his drawer and pulled out a little brown tub of pills. He tipped the little tub up and poured a few pills into his mouth, even at that age I could tell he had taken a high dosage.
I remember calling out to him, the brown tub clattered to the floor as his whole body whipped around to face me. A look of shock crossed his face which morphed into to disgust, not for me, but I could see by the look on his face that he was disgusted with himself. He turned away for a fraction of a second and scooped up the pills and the tub in his hand, his fingers flexed around the little tub, knuckles turning white, I could see the resolve crumble in his eyes, his wrist flicked out throwing the pills into the trash can at the bottom of the bed.
He called me over and pulled me into a tight hug, murmuring over and over how I was his little girl and how he loved us all and how he was sorry, how he couldn't believe what he was doing. My hair and shoulder grew damp, being the age I was although I wasn't completely naive I still hadn't got much of an idea what was going on so I just stay there and let him cry. We sat there for a while, just taking in the others company. Until after, however long he placed a kissed on the top on my head, I told him about the glass on the floor, he told me to give him a minute and he'd be right down. I nodded and gave him a smile, I'd tried to get my head around what had just happened but I couldn't figure it out, I couldn't understand. But then, at that age, who would understand their parent getting addicted to antidepressants.
I turned onto my side and listened out hear the familiar clink of glass and the faint soft sound of liquid hitting the glass. I never told Rose and Jasper what I saw; I didn't understand it, so I brushed it away. Then as I got older and began to understand and Charlie became more and more distant, I didn't know whether to say anything. I knew they had some idea of the things going on with Charlie, I think it was too painful to speak out loud, If we said it out loud, it might become more real.
I squeezed my eyes shut as a tear escaped from the corner of my eye ran across my cheek and hit the pillow. I pulled the pillow over my head to try and block out the silence.
Night dad.
/
The next few days past quickly after that night, Alice had grilled me the morning after demanding answers, miffed that I'd been avoiding her the day before. I repeated everything I had to Rosalie the night before. I told her about riding on the back of his bike, going back to his "house", if you could even call it that, about her mom designing the house and how stunning it was. I left out Edward's cagey behaviour, not thinking it was something to mention just yet. I mentioned what he'd said about Lauren, she found that hilarious, she apparently knew it was something like that. It was my turn to laugh then, Alice likes to believe she's psychic.
Then I told her about the "Almost kiss" if you could even classify it as that. She said it definitely was, I wasn't so sure; maybe we might have if his mom hadn't interrupted us, but that's beside the point. She just grinned widely and muttered something I didn't catch.
"Someone's staring at you." Alice hissed, elbowing me in the ribs, I looked up at her and rolled my eyes.
"Right." I snorted.
"I'm not kidding!" she hissed. "And for once it's not Eric Yorkie." She sniggered, I shot her glare and jabbed her in the ribs.
"Thank you so much Alice." I drawled sarcastically.
"No problem, but in all seriousness I think that boy has some kind of Bella radar, when ever your with a three foot radius he pounces." She picked at her food contemplatively, grinning amusedly at me.
"Ha ha, funny." I narrowed by eyes at her. "Although he does have a way of popping up when I least expect it." I conceded.
"I can just imagine him now, walking the halls with his tracking device waiting for you to come close." She laughed; I just rolled my eyes cracking a smile.
"I'm sure he does Alice." I sniggered taking a bite of my sandwich, picturing it in my head.
"Have you accepted any gifts off him?" She asked me with mock seriousness.
"Yes, Alice, of course I have, I accept gifts from all my stalkers." I nodded sarcasm lacing my words, Alice just laughed unaffected.
"Good, you never know what he might have bugged." She giggled, then paused. "You have more than one?" She grinned I went to whack her across the head; she dodged out of the way. "I should have known, I mean you are a boy magnet after all."
I snort, very lady like, then raised a brow. "What the hell does that mean?"
"Well." She shrugged. "There's Eric, Edward seems to like you and now Jacob." She grinned at me with am cheeky spark in her eyes.
"Eric is just weird, Edward, well that's just the play." I brushed her off waving my hand, then frowned. "What do you mean and now Jacob?"
"Eric is weird." She nodded. "Still there is something going on with Edward, and please, you must have noticed the way he has been looking at you recently." She asked incredulously, turning completely towards me.
"Looking at me like what, your making him sound like some creeper Alice." I snorted.
"Honestly nothing like that he just, looks at you like some kind of happy puppy, then whenever he sees you with Cullen he looks like someone has kicked him." She giggled. "Edwards the same apart from the fact his looks are a little more territorial." she smirked at me, fanning herself with her hand. "You lucky you know, being fawned over by too very good looking guys."
"Fawned over? I am not being fawned over. And territorial? I think your reading way too much into things." I rolled my eyes and took a stab at my sandwich with my fingers.
"Bella, Bella, Bella when will you admit that you are so damn attractive, and honey if I swung that way, hell, you wouldn't be single." She giggled looking me up and down; I laughed and rolled my eyes.
"Don't you have a boyfriend?" I teased. "Tall blond, is related to me, I mean I know I'm irresistible and all." I rolled my eyes as she grinned and shrugged.
"Hey, he's not here yet, and which means I can do whatever I want." She grinned waggling her eyebrows and taking a bite of food.
"Alice, honey, I don't think it quite works that way." I laughed patting her on the shoulder rolling my eyes, she grinned elbowing my in the side.
"Well, what Jasper doesn't know won't hurt him." she chirped, peering back over my shoulder again, smirking, she looked back at me sniggering. "He's still looking at you, you know."
"Who?" I asked curiosity getting the best of me.
"Edward." I raised an eyebrow and shook my head and went to take a bite of my sandwich, pausing, I turned. Lo and behold there he was, when I caught his eye he grinned and raised his hand, I tilted my head to the side and gave him a small smile raising mine back. He smirked and leaned onto his hand and winked at me. I laughed and rolled my eyes looking away blushing. Alice grinned at me as I turned back round opening her mouth to say something, looking way to happy with herself.
"Don't say a word." I sent her a playful glare, smiling to myself, then I frowned and pressed a hand to my mouth. What was I thinking? I didn't? No. Stupid. I shook it away, and turned back to Alice who was eyeing my smiling softly. "What?" I raised a brow.
Shook her head. "Nothing." I looked at her, she raised both her eyebrows. "Nothing!" I shook my head.
"Don't believe you, but, okay." I took a bite of my sandwich and looked over at the empty seats. "Oh hey where's your brother, Jasper, and Rose?" I asked.
"I think they went to my house for lunch." She shrugged.
"All of them, together?" She looked at me and wrinkled her nose
"I hope not, unless Jasper enjoys watching Emmett and Rose make out which would seriously worry me." She scrunched up her face at the thought, I laughed at the image finding it creepy and amusing all at the same time. "No, I think he stayed behind in history class to do an essay, I think, he said it would look good on his college applications, he such a dork." She laughed, smiling fondly.
"But you love him." I mocked, miming exaggerated gagging motions.
"Yes I do, he's a dork but he's my dork." She giggled swooning.
"Your both dorks" I teased.
She scowled at me then shrugged and snorted, so lady like. "You're probably right, but I don't care, plus if I'm a dork then your certainly one too." I just shrugged.
"Guilty." I shrugged.
"Well it's agreed then, we're all dorks." She grinned as the bells sounded loudly and irritatingly above us, I groaned. "Well, we both know what that means."
"No." I groaned, hitting my head against the table burying it in my arm.
"Yes, math, good old math, where we learn pointless equations we're never going to use again." She sighed, and elbowed me before packing up her things, I grabbed my tray and stuffed my things in my bag following along beside her and dumping my trash in the bin. Alice hooked her arm through mine pulling me down the hall to math class, she tugged me through the door and to our seats at the side of the room. I looked around and caught Jacob's eye. He grinned at me and lifted his hand in a silent greeting; I smiled back and turned back around quickly as the teacher walked in carrying a box of tape measures under her arm.
"Alright, class, settle down." She called out from the front of the class the soft hum of voices coming to a stop. "We are going to start a new topic of statistics today." She smiled and enthusiastically began passing tape measures around. "Correlations!" I stopped myself from rolling my eyes at her excitement."We are going to calculate the correlation of your arm span to your height; first I need you to pair up so you can measure each other." The class scrambled to find partners; I turned to Alice who was already standing up to pair off with Angela.
"Sorry Bella." Angela smiled at me apologetically.
"S'okay." I shrugged; Alice poked me in the shoulder nodded behind me.
"Plus I think someone else wants to be your partner." She giggled gave me a wave, she went off chatting animatedly to Angela. I turned and cocked my head, Jacob was walking towards me with a grin, I smiled back. As I did Eric came into my line of site making a beeline for me, grinning widely obviously thinking I had smiled at him. Oh god. I slipped down in my chair and turned to look in the opposite direction covering my face with one hand. I peeked through my fingers and cursed. Fuck, shit, crap, for the love of...
"Hello Bella!" Eric grinned leaning on the table, over emphasizing my name, I cringed then bit my lip as his hand slipped and he caught himself before his head hit the table, I slapped my hand over my mouth stopping the laughs before they could fall out of my mouth.
I spluttered "H-hi?" The shaky greeting coming out more like a question.
"I was thinking..." He started regaining his composure."That we could be partners." He smirked
"I...Ah...Well..." I backed up as he leant towards me trying to come up with a reason, any reason, not to be his partner. "Sorry I um I can't be you partner" I stuttered, he frowned tilting his head; he looked like a child who was told he couldn't play with his favorite toy.
"Why?" He asked his voice taking on a whiny edge that grated on my nerves, I kinda felt bad for him but the fact he still hasn't got the idea that I'm not interested and just won't let it go just overrides the feeling bad. It's not that he's bad looking or anything; if he wasn't so pushy I might have given him a chance or at the very least been A bit more sympathetic. His black hair falls just below his chin, eyes slanted, and olive skin, and a slight bump in the centre of his nose giving his face character. I always just saw him as an acquaintance, nothing more, which kind of made me feel conflicted I felt bad but I've only got so much patients.
"She can't because she's my partner." I blinked a deeper voice distracting me from my inner musings. Jacob grinned at me and sent me a wink as he grabbed my hand a pulled me up out of my seat.
"Sorry." I shrugged giving him an apologetic smile, his face fell, but I breathed a sigh of relief as he nodded and turned walking back over to his friends. Jacob and I made our way over to his table grabbing a measuring tape on the way. "Thank you, you're my hero!" I gushed grinning widely.
He shrugged looking down at me. "You looked like you needed saving."
"I did thank you." I bit my lip. "I do kinda feel bad for him though."
"Would it make you feel any better to know he was openly staring at your ass as you walked over here?" He chuckled patting me on the shoulder glancing back over my shoulder.
"Yes it does." I nodded shaking my head, what did I honestly expect?
"Good." Jacob grinned.
"Good." I nodded, "So, shall we?" I picked up the tape measure and passed it to him.
He nodded. "Yeah, uh." He looked around at the other people in the room who were leaning against the wall to measure themselves. "Why don't you go and lean up against the wall." He nodded to a space on the far wall.
"Okay." I walked over and back against the wall.
"Lift your arms." He place his hands under my arms and lifted them with me until they were straight, he place one end of the tape measure in my one hand then pulled it across my body with his other hand, taking note of the number on the tape measure. He then, taking the tape measure away from my hand,placed the end under my foot, he brought the tape measure up skimming my body. I could feel the heat of his body on mine as he leant closer to look at the on the tape measure above my head. My heart thumped in my chest, I swallowed, my face in line with his chest, awkwardly I turned away then back. He muttered the number on the tape to himself then looked down at me and grinned.
"You're so small." He teased.
I glared at him "Yeah, compared to you, and hey Alice is smaller than me!"
He chuckled. "Compared to me and a lot of other people, and Alice is smaller than everybody."
"True." I conceded. "I wouldn't let Alice hear you say that though." I laughed; he smirked and took a step back shaking his head. He grinned at me and chucked me the tape measure.
"Your turn."
/
After math I made my way to my next lesson, smiling as I thought back to math class, which trust me, is something I rarely do. As I approached the door of the auditorium, amongst others making their way through the door Edward stood leant up against the wall. I tilted my head watching him as he scanned the crowd, his eyes landed on me and he grinned, pushing himself up of the wall. I walked over curious, looking down every so often away from his gaze self conscious.
"C'mon." He smiled at me taking my hand, his long fingers completely enveloping my smaller ones; I looked down at our intertwined hands. He has sexy hands, I wonder if it's true what they say about big hands... I blinked and looked back up to him as he pulled me through the doors, he stopped halfway down the aisle, I made to carry on walking further down, but got pulled back his hand squeezing mine.
"Where are you going?" He grinned cheekily raising a brow.
I frowned perplexed. "To sit?"
He shook his head. "Sit with me today." He paused. "Please?" He pouted his bottom lip just jutting out further than his top.
I laughed surprised, but I nodded, I'm mean that pout really is a killer, you could tell he was one of those kids, you know, who just had to pout and adults would fall at their knees cooing, oh isn't he cute?. "Sure, but what about your friends?"
He smiled, "They can survive without me for today." He tugged me down an empty aisle, taking a seat halfway down; I took the seat next to him. I blushed, realizing our hands where still clasped together, leant on the armrest in between our seats. I looked over at Edward who was staring intently at our intertwined hands frowning.
"You okay?" I asked blushing as I turned towards him softly pulling my hand from his.
"Hmm? Oh, yes. Yeah, I'm fine." He smiled distractedly.
I nodded, not entirely convinced. I sat awkwardly for five minutes as Edward sat in thought; finally I spoke up to break the silence. "Oh I'm attended a function at your house in November, it's supposed to be for publishing business and people like that." I frowned as a thought occurred to me. "Hey aren't your parent's doctors? Why would they be attending let alone hosting an event like that?" I asked confused.
He turned towards me a shook his head sympathetically. "I'm sorry." I frowned what the hell was he apologizing for? "and yeah they are but it's also for investors in the companies and my parents invest a huge amount of money into some of the business, don't ask why though I haven't the faintest idea, I tend to tune out when the business talk starts, but naturally they like to see how the company's doing and to scope out competitor companies so they attend and occasionally host these things." He shrugged.
"Oh." I nodded, that makes sense I suppose. "What was the apology for?" He grinned at me.
"These events are painful, trust me, they are so boring and it forces you to socialize with people you'd rather saw off your arm than talk too, I'm obligated to go to nearly everyone of the damn things," He sighed running a hand through his hair. "Well at least you still have a month before that happens and you have me to tutor in the ways of these things, you'll do fine." He winked at me, I rolled my eyes and laughed, he grinned then sighed. "This last month feels like it's gone so quick, there's only two more months till Christmas, weird." He mused, shaking his head, a strange undertone I couldn't quite place.
"Yeah, it has." It was strange to think it had nearly been two months since we had been cast for the roles of Romeo and Juliet, which was back in September. This month has been one on the most eventful months I had experienced, and something told me my life wasn't going to slow down any time soon. Strangely I didn't want it to.
"You all right?" Edward asked, looking at me. I blinked and turned, taking a while to realize he had spoken.
"Mmm? Oh, right yeah. I'm fine, I was just thinking." I smiled waving him off, he cocked his head to the side and watched my face, he smiled and nodded, turning to the front as the teacher walked up on the stage.
"Right class! Let's get this lesson started shall we." She grinned clapping her hands together, she put us into groups. We grouped off and rehearsed for the rest of the lesson, my mind constantly drifting off finding it impossible to pin my mind on the work. It didn't matter much though because towards the end everyone broke off into separate conversations anyway. So, all in all not a particularly productive lesson, but entertaining none the less. I walked with Edward out of the auditorium at the end of the lesson, chatting about nothing of particular influence when Lauren made a beeline for us.
"Hey." She drawled, smirking as she eyed Edward, then her gaze drifting to me eyeing me with disdain.
"Hi." Edward nodded stiffly, gritting his teeth, she sashayed forward a smirk on her face, resting a hand on his arm, he stiffened at her touch.
"Could I talk to you for a moment? In private." She smirked at me putting extra emphasis on the word private, more than was needed. I just looked at her and shrugged, I really just couldn't be bothered with her, although as much as I hated to admit it she put me on edge. I'm guessing from her expression that wasn't quite the reaction she was hoping for; I patted his arm and gave him a smile.
"I'll see you tomorrow." I smiled then yawned. "Want to get home anyway, past my bedtime." I teased, pushing a few strand strands of hair off my face that were tickling my nose. He chuckled and smiled down at me, he took my hand and gave it a squeeze, I blinked, shocked as he let go and turned towards Lauren.
"Let's get this over with." He grunted, and grabbed her wrist tugging her towards the back entrance of the school. I stood and watch them go until they turned the corner, I bit my lip and look both ways down the hall rocking on my heels, I really shouldn't... I let out a breath and puffed out my cheeks, shaking my head smirking, I knew that if I eaves dropped I'd most likely hear something I wasn't going to like, but then, nosiness was in my nature. What could Lauren possibly have to discuss with Edward, her ex boyfriend? I suppose she may be asking if he wants to be friends possibly, maybe she wants to get back together with him, apologize or something. Well, whatever it is it isn't my business, I didn't want it to be. I was still curious though.
I looked around only then noticing that the corridor was empty, the others must be waiting for me outside. I chewed on my lip and pulled my phone from my bag.
To: Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett
MSG: Sorry, gonna be a bit late, wait for me for 5 mins
I pressed send and let out of breath shoving my phone back in my bag and shrugged, I was missing my math's text book anyway. So, it's not as if I'm going just because I want to eavesdrop. No, it's not, not really.
A/N Hmm bit of a cliffy there, but as you can see I'm kinda gonna throw a spanner in the works next chapter, it's not huge but yeah you'll see : D .
So news wise, I only have one more exam left till I'm finished which means I can start updating regularly! So as you can imagine that combined with other problems has prevented me from updating. I recently found out that my Nan has cancer which came as a shock, but everything is okay for the minute so we need to try and worry as little as possible, it's still hard though. But anyway, today is a happy day not a sad one because guess what?
It's my birthday! Yep my 17th also happy birthday to any readers who have the same birthday as mine! We rock! XD My parents got me a car! It's not a new car or a sporty one but it's all mine and I love it! It's my baby! So I'm all excited about that and I'm also going away for a couple days tomorrow which is why I wanted to get this out today and it's not beta'd so I'm sorry if I have caused you any pain having to read my typos !
So some quick review reply's to people who have their PMs disabled and anons!
Twigirlxx – You have no idea how much that means to me that you think that I hope you carry on think that way! Xx
SomthingGeneralAboutTwilight – *sniffs* Thank you so much! Xx
Paggle14 – your review made me laugh I love you for the long review! Xx
Twilight-vamp-sis – Thanks for reviewing :D Xx
Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Major Lovage!
Monstergirl
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