Just One Perspective
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"Being alone gave me solitude." Set in a universe where Kirigiri met Naegi who was a transfer student. Written in Kirigiri's POV.
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To do things on my own was something I did frequently.
Being alone came to me naturally. It was not something that I was ashamed of. In fact, it was more like something that I myself sought after. The lack of company simply translates to the absence of unnecessary things such as noises, annoyances, and problems. And while many would argue that my ignorance would ultimately lead to me missing out, they've got that wrong. I am very much aware that I look incompetent in regards to my social relationships so ignorance was not the right term.
I've simply learned to be independent.
I do not require another person to have this braid done with a black ribbon to tie it. Likewise, I do not require another person for help on anything else.
There were things that could only be experienced when with company but the opposite held truth as well. If I were to choose, and I already have, I would go for the latter. In the end, one could only rely on oneself just as I have. A problem arises when there is a conflict between or amongst parties. My current path is one of no conflicts since there are no different parties to begin with.
It has always been just me.
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There are certain memories that you only recall when everything is quiet.
Sometimes, there were too many memories all at once. Each holding some form of sentimentality with its own unique significance of why it should be replayed. And then there are those that need to be replayed. Depending on the time of the day, the mood, the circumstances, and basically everything else, they were most often the loudest. Maybe loud was not the right term. They just held more weight.
Even the lightest memories can be made heavy with time.
One memory of mine happened when we were both on cleaning duty. Needless to say, that didn't stop Naegi from his daily routine of conversing with me. It was just the setting that changed. At least one of us was happy with the arrangement.
"You said before that you never get lonely, was that true?" Naegi suddenly brought up while he finished rearranging the chairs.
"I think that you would know that I would gain nothing from fabricating such things." I simply answered.
"Yeah but I also think that there's no reason for you to tell the truth either." He nonchalantly added.
I gave him a calculating gaze.
"Ah! Sorry!" He raised his hands in defense. It seemed my glare was working effectively. "I was imposing on you. I just wanted to be sure." His tone was still apologetic.
By then, I had left the board still littered with today's lecture. It could wait. Right now, I had to turn the interrogation around my supposed partner.
"And may I ask your purpose?"
"I guess in Kirigiri's language I'd say that…" He trailed while he stared elsewhere hoping to find the right words. The pause was longer than I would've wanted but at least that proved that he was really thinking things through. Once composed, he gave me the most serious face I have seen on him. "I find this fact relevant to me. And my decisions will then depend on the credibility of your claim…" Until it gave way for that unabashed smile. "Or something like that."
"I suppose I should be glad that your observation skills are sharp enough to at least mimic my manner of speech." I would've smiled too but scolding him was a more appealing idea. "However, it is demeaning to actually do it in my face just like you did."
"Cut me some slack! I was just joking!" And just like that, we slipped again into the all too familiar humor.
"I'll let that go for now." I said with my usual tone. "Going back, yes, I can attest to the fact that I have never been lonely."
"Never? Even when I'm not here?" His face looked like that of a puppy who was begging for attention.
I approached him. My steps sounded louder in the nearly empty room and perhaps, I may have even held a bigger presence.
There are some things you deliver in person.
"Never. Besides, when you're not with me, I wouldn't describe that feeling as loneliness. Perhaps peace?" I joked in a serious tone, the kind where I knew that he'd be confused on whether I was joking or not.
"Am I really that much of a bother?" He asked with losing confidence.
We laughed it off and picked up on the topic we left during lunch break. It was peaceful like that while we cleaned and chatted idly. It took us a while because with Naegi's usual stroke of luck, we had to mop up all the contents of the bucket that was tipped over twice, but we were finally done. The way home was always accentuated with his talkativeness over trifle matters that we both know I do not take any special interest in.
It would've been better if we actually talked about those instead.
He spoke with an unusually calm voice. "But I'm glad. At least I could rest easy with this."
"Is there something wrong, Naegi?" I asked with growing concern.
"I'm transferring schools." He said with finality.
Looking back, I'd rather wished he had.
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Adaptability was a practical necessity.
There is a certain spot around the park where I would often place myself. It had the right amount of shade, the most soothing breezes, and most importantly, only the faintest of noises. It was perhaps the only place where I could read with guaranteed joy. However, due to the ongoing renovation which was highly impractical if I must say, I have been stripped of such benefits. I now read at a different spot although begrudgingly. See, I adapted.
In time, I too have adapted to his presence.
For some inexplicable reason, the transfer student has taken a particular liking to me. Whenever a chance presented itself, he would thoughtlessly grab it just to stay close. In some cases, he would even try to initiate a conversation of some sort.
Even though I have made it very clear that I do not appreciate the sentiment at all.
He was like the perfectly attached stray dog you never wanted. It was grating on my nerves for I had to adjust upon this change that he imposed. In time, I started answering back in those small talks and later on, I participated as well in banter. I had taken note of his usual behavior, his choice in food and beverages, and other preferences. It became easier to maneuver the conversation when I knew what each gesture meant and what each word implied. It became easier to avoid unnecessary topics if I initiated the conversation. It became easier to acquire free food on his account when he too shared the same interest. I did all that to adapt.
Perhaps, I adapted too well.
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There was nothing noteworthy to describe him with.
"My name is Makoto Naegi. I know it's the middle of the semester but I hope if it's okay with everyone, I'd like to be friends with you all too. Oh, and please take care of me!" He bowed lower than what was necessary.
That was how he was first introduced to our class. Judging by the not so discreet whispers I've been hearing, the majority has decided that he was average. Perhaps average was too kind because the more hushed whisper here was boring. From his hair to his height and even the way he talked, he was just not living up to the ridiculous imaginary standard that all transfer students must uphold.
But the fact was that he was still a transfer student.
So despite all the negative feedback at first, they all still swarmed him at the first minute of lunch break. But it only lasted just as long. Upon realizing that he really was all that they saw in him, one by one, the crowd left. By the end of lunch, the crowd was halved. By the end of the week, there was hardly a crowd. On the second week, no one had bothered at all. And by the end of the month, it was clear that he couldn't make a place for himself in this new environment. Even I contributed to this fact. I've never found it in my best interests to form friendships before so a new face wouldn't change that.
Not everything new is always warmly welcomed.
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Being alone gave me solitude.
On my way home, I once saw him sitting on bench in the park. His shoulders were hunched and his spirit was broken. His gaze was not just distant, it was himself being distant. It annoyed me to no end. My schedule for the afternoon was to finish this mystery novel that I recently started so I thought that I may as well try reading it with a different scenery albeit it's not the sort of ambiance I'd be looking for. The renovation of the site has already started on the other side and I've heard of its share of more than acceptable hazards and accidents but it will do for now.
Walking casually, I went to him, sat on the other end of the bench, and did what I came to do. I started reading. In the corner of my eyes, I saw him jump a little at my actions. He was more nervous than cautious though. After a while, he started fidgeting. Unsure of what to do, it seemed that he was trying to start a conversation. His mouth would open every now and then but at the last moment, he'd close it again and try to muster the courage he just spent. To be honest, it was tiring to watch.
Without taking my eyes off the pages, I spoke first. "Aren't you lonely?"
That took him by surprise. "I-I guess so." He stammered. And with hesitation, he asked. "Is it the same with you?"
"No. Not at all." I answered swiftly.
Because what I had was solitude.
That was the first proper conversation I had started with another person.
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Conflict has its perks too.
"You don't like it?" He asked. We were now casual acquaintances by this time but I believe Naegi thought we were more familiar than that.
"I don't think I'm entitled to answer that." I replied.
"Come on! Unless you tell me so, I won't be sleeping well tonight knowing that there's this small chance that Kirigiri might have hated the braid." He whined and it was hard to take him seriously with him holding a comb so naturally.
"Small?" I raised an eyebrow at him.
"Fine."He sighed. "An estimated chance that you'd kill me while I'm asleep."
I chuckled a bit. "Fair enough. I find your skills belittling of what I already possess."
Surprisingly, Naegi was deft at holding a comb. He was definitely better than I am. The braid was neat with no loose strands which she assumed was a real challenge given how long and thick her hair was. He was also careful not to make unwanted mistakes that would hurt me but was still fast at work. There were things that did bother me though. Did he always have a hair tie with him just for opportunities like this? But why the ribbon though? A signature of a stylist? I suppose I should ask those for another day because he started talking.
"If it makes you feel any better, it's not something I can practically brag about." He flushed and I assumed he believed it was an embarrassing confession. "I have a younger sister. Way before she had friends, she already had me. Her favorite game was a competition between us to see who could better braid mom's hair."
"And what was the score?" Curious, I asked.
"I was older so I had better hand-eye coordination." He then had this look like that of a child who was just caught eating candy he's not supposed to. "I always asked mom to let me lose."
I think I know where this was going. "Oh? Did you think that would make your sister happy?"
"I was the older sibling. I thought I was grown-up enough." He sighed and just shook his head. "But it's just as you said. When she found out, Komaru hated that I was losing on purpose. So she worked hard to not give me a reason to do just that."
"A reasonable reaction."
"She got so good at braiding, I had to keep up."
"You should've known better than to belittle someone just because they were younger."
"I learned my lesson." He raised his hand on oath. "Anyways, you have beautiful hair, Kirigiri. It's soft and silky. It's practically a crime to not have it braided."
With so much praise all at once, it was only appropriate that I responded properly. "Have you developed a crush… on my hair?"
"You don't have to say it like that." He flushed harder. He gets embarrassed too easily. "It really is beautiful. Braided looks nice too."
"I'll have to pass. I prefer it this way which is most convenient." I argued. I'm not a fan of the hassle.
"You know, it wouldn't hurt to admit that you can't braid." He suggested.
"That's where you're wrong. Just because I can braid doesn't mean I have to braid myself."
"Well, if you don't want to then I will."
"I beg your pardon?"
He pumped his fist. "The sibling war is still on and I need all the practice that I can get."
"I refuse." I flat out rejected him.
"Please, to be a better brother, I have to be… uh, a better braider." Even he was unsure of what he was saying.
I never did like it when conversations like these dragged on. That's because arguments were tiring affairs. As if conversing wasn't exhausting enough. So the quicker the solution, the better.
That's why I conceded. "Very well. But only after class and when no one's around. I don't want any unnecessary rumors."
His eyes literally shone with joy. "Thank you! I can't wait to braid your hair every day!"
"I have yet to agree on when and how often you'll be doing just that."
"You'll say yes anyways." He said teasingly and proudly added another claim. "And maybe someday, you'll finally ask me to teach you how to braid yourself."
Even I couldn't help but smile at that. Such a roundabout way of asking.
More than that, there was this feeling of fulfillment upon resolution.
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I should've accepted the fact that he was transferring.
Usually, we would walk side by side. He would try to match my pace whenever possible. Now was different. He wasn't making that much of an effort to even try. I supposed it was obvious that I wanted to distance myself. I needed the space.
"When will you go?" I was walking ahead now but still on our usual route. It's perfect for our conversation because I wanted to shout right now and the noise from the renovation was a great excuse for that.
"By the end of this school year. It's sudden but if we all move out with dad's transfer, the main expenses will be covered by his company." He spoke louder but it held a weaker tone as compared to mine.
"Is that so?"
"Are you mad?"
I let the question hang for a while. As a flurry of noises raged on. In particular, there was the creaking noise of a nearby crane that would later haunt my nightmares.
"No, I don't have a good reason to be mad at something you obviously have no control over." I composed myself. "However, I'd appreciate it if you'll keep me company for a little while longer."
"I'm sorry. Kirigiri has always been so kind to me and I really do want to stay here. But…" Judging by the tone of his voice, he sounded like he was genuinely torn. If I had chosen to confirm that with my sight then maybe I would've noticed the shadow looming above him. "I can't abandon my family. Sorry."
And I believed him. "If I told you that I do get lonely, could you at least tell me what to do then?"
When I turned around, it was just in time to see a load of steel bars fall right where Naegi stood.
It was too late however, for him.
I screamed.
Quickly overcoming the shock, I rushed to him. There was blood on me, on the steel bars, on the pavement, there was so much blood that I feared there wasn't enough left in him. There were some concerned bystanders but I never paid heed to them. With shaky and bloodied hands, I dialed for the emergency hotline. Once somebody picked up the line, I tried to talk but the words escaped me… when I saw what looked to be the insides of Naegi's head.
I screamed again only louder.
And hope suddenly became nonexistent to me.
Tears streamed down my face. All of this was too sudden. Sobs wracked my body. The pool of blood was getting larger by the second and I was on my knees, soaked in it.
I was becoming just like him: unrecognizable.
"Hey… I was still talking to you…" I was perfectly fine before you came along. Take responsibility. He was going to transfer, wasn't he? He was supposed to transfer. But he'll never will. He never even got to my question.
"If I get lonely, what do I do then? Answer me! Naegi!"
Company meant that there were times when issues would be left unresolved.
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I learned to be independent but I wished I had learned more.
I did not require another person to have this braid done with a black ribbon to tie it. The ribbon perfectly matched the attire I chose for today. It was as black as a moonless night. It was also the same color as I felt if I could get any more poetic. That's because in physics, black is the absence of light.
I've been so used to his presence that I hadn't prepared for his absence.
I never saw myself as missing out on things but I didn't take into account that I would be one day missing another person. There were things that could only be experienced when with company and some only when that same company is gone. It's an entirely different experience from never having anyone in the beginning. Unfortunately, it is something that I have been recently acquainted with. It's something that comes with being alone.
Before I met him, being alone used to be easy. It gave me solitude. Loneliness and solitude were two things not to get confused with.
Being alone now was just lonely.
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Shinra-ex-SOLDIER
Omake: HAIR STYLIST
Kirigiri: It seems you're quite capable when it comes to hair.
Naegi: I can do more than just braid!
Kirigiri: If it has anything to do with an ahoge then I too must showcase my skills.
Naegi: …!
Kirigiri: …
Naegi: I can… only do braids…
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NOTES:
Remember when I said I'd make a comeback? Well, I didn't think I'd make it dramatic enough that it would take months- almost half a year. (Please don't kill me, I've just resurrected.)
Anyways, I always want to write fics concerning the change a friend could have over another especially when that person never had friends before. I find the experience to be beautiful and yet it has its own downsides such as when you miss each other. I wanted to write more but hopefully the other chapters can highlight the rest.
REPLIES TO REVIEWERS:
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Thank you to the new favs and follows (while I was dead) from Naty-Kitty, darknesskitsune1235, rebellionstory, Grey Muji, valdezy, stealthclaw, Griselbrand, Count chaos, Ethereal780, Araragi-san, kopycat101, naegiri, YandereTeirin, passwordrawr, ShadowK47, L.L x C.C, Tarkana262, The Deceiving Maiden, Io's Chest, electricangel12, rebellionstory, Grey Muji, NightLuck, ghostgirlheartfillia, dragon33x5, Ethereal780, and AuricEspeon.
Wow, that's a tall order. Thank you so much for the continued support and for not giving up on me. I never expected it to be loved so much.
So in case any of my readers are alive please tell me in a review so I would know if I should still pick this up. Love it? Hate it? Anything! Just let me know and this time, I'll definitely get back to you. Upupupu!